TenNinetySix

Thought I would give an update...

I went to Austin after a few days of scrambling together statements from my home group, therapist, counselor, co-workers, etc. Had an attorney recommended to me who represents cases like mine & he got the facts of the situation & took my case which poured immediate relief over me because I had been asking my Higher Power to let that happen if I was meant to go forward & pursue the appeal. I went on to Austin even though he told me he was going to ask for & expected to be granted a postponement to give him time to meet with me, get all the files he needed, & put together a proper appeal case. He DID get the postponement so what would have taken place yesterday is now going to take place Mon Oct 11 at 11:00. My brain loves numbers & immediately realized it was going to be on 10-11-10 at 11. Which cracked me up & made me happy.

Met the attorney, gave him the very, very low fee he requested for my case,
gave him what statements I had on me in hard copies, shot the rest to him in emai & have been corresponding with him ever since. He of course is not guaranteeing me my job back but he was very positive, very encouraging & kept telling me not to panic, he felt fairly certain we could 'change the Colonel's mind on this'.

The thing was... I was NOT panicking. I had been in a state of constant contact with my HP & sooooo many things just rolled into pace to makeit possible for me to go to Austin, so many people voiced support, just everything about the entire time from the time I was told I was terminated until the moment in his office to NOW... from the songs on the radio being just what I needed to hear right then, to accidentally getting the 'spa' room at the motel which had a jacuzi in the room & getting it at my usual Department rate~~ $60 off~~ it all just clicked & fell into place & I coud feel mysef surrounded by love & protection & I knew that I was operating & moving forward right in tune with my HP~~ No explaining it, but just a total sense of " I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now" & peace... blessed, incredible,m amazing PEACE & JOY. I'm fired for all practical purposes, I ought to be coming unglued, but I am full of hope & peace & calm. So NOT me. When my supervisor wrote & told me he could not support my basis for appeal & would not be writing a statement for me, it stung, & for half a second I felt myself falter & then I realized I had lost hold of where I was, what I was operating under, that there was no reason to be afraid, no reason to allow that to hurt... & I wrote him back & told him I understood but that if I were reinstated I hoped he would not have a problem with that. (He wrote me back he would not & for the second time wished me good luck with the process.)

And here is the best part... I drove home yesterday & went a bit out of my way to stop at the Rehab facility I spent 5 weeks in,in April, first part of May. I needed to get the statement from my counselor there & sign a consent to release form for their records. Everyone was stunned when they saw me~~ I have lost 50 lbs, the rosacea is cleared up except for the broken capillaries of course, my eyes are clear & bright & happy & all that peace & stuff just exudes out~~ the techs & staff that knew me were all grinning & happy & hugging me & then I saw a friend, someone I had been in there with before, coming down the hall because she had relapsed. It was a very moving bittersweet moment because I was so glad to see her but at the same time I wished it were under different circumstances. This woman's story is gut-wrenching. Born on the streets, lived on the streets, knew nothing but how to panhandle & shop lift & pick pocket for money, married another alcoholic, lost all 4 of her children to child protective, all of them adopted years ago, diabetic, a multitude of health problems & trying so hard to be positive & climb out. Went to the Rehab before from jail. Got out before I did, was in a halfway house, her husband went to prison, she lost it, drank, got kicked out of her halfway house & was living for 3 months on the streets in San Antonio before she was arrested for loitering. Back to Rehab. At least she didn't have to kick it in jail this time.

I asked if I could stay & have dinner there with her & was given a pass (not a usual circumstance at that facility) & then I told the Tech that it was my SIX MONTHS SOBRIETY DATE... & told him how much it would mean to me if I could stay for the AA Meeting that night & get my 6 month chip there.

He smiled & said, "I think that would be wonderful." So I was cleared to stay until CURFEW (11 p.m.) if I liked.

I met a lot of new people, new women in, talked to them about being outside & recovery & PAWs & they listened intently, hungrily, both about my stay in Starlite & about Life Outside, After. It was awesome.

And then we went to supper & while we were in line my friend C poked me & said, "T. is trying to get your attention. He wants to talk to you." And I found another friend, another even-more bittersweet reunion because I was so certain this kid had it, he was going to go to school to be a counselor & come back there to work & help, he was so sincere, so genuine, so earnest & he had so much more going for him than C who I knew was at risk because of her past, her history, her lack of any type of support from family or friends, having to rely on the State for a place to sleep, very few job skills, her lack of social skills~~ she has no idea how to speak to people, relate to them, interact with them except at a street-level, a homeless person. But T? I thought he would be good. Fight it. Win.

We hugged... he just kept holding me at arms length, staring at me, smiling, then pulling me back & hugging me again. I teared up & so did he. We all ate & talked & I told T I was staying for Meeting & he asked if he could give my chip to me & I told him that that would cinch it, that would make it absolutely PERFECT.

So he did. He stood up when the actual Chip Guy (rotates every week) asked if anyone had a month sober & everyone was shocked because they knew T's been in less than two weeks this time & then he told them what he was doing & said something like this, "When I was here before... the first time... six months ago~~ this lady came in on about my day 10. This lady right here." & he pointed at me. "She was a MESS. I can't remember what she blew that first day, but she was a MESS. She hardly spoke, she never smiled, she kept her head down & her shouders ducked & it was like she was hiding, not there. You all know I've had a hard time at it out there, I didn't... I couldn't hold onto it. I didn't make it. I fet like it was all.... but when I saw her today~~ she just glows. I see so much peace in her, so much strength & she just looks so amazing, there's stuff there I've never seen before & it just takes my breath~~ it gives me hope. It makes me think: Maybe. And I'm so proud I get to give her this six month sobriety chip."

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! I cried & got up & hugged him & took it & then spoke very briefly since no one but the tech, one of the speakers, T & C & the few people I had managed to meet & speak to knew what he was talking about. Everyone had been staring at me, eyeballing me, the way they do any newcomer, thinking I was a new inmate but not sure because I wasn't acting like an Inmate plus I had a sticker on announcing I was a guest on a pass~~ it was very quiet while I spoke, I saw one girl crying, & then everyone applauded & they moved on with the rest of the chip giving... & the girl who had been crying went up & got a Desire chip & came & hugged me, but she couldn't speak, she was crying too hard.

And THEN I hung out at the tech station so I could talk to people more & I wrote in C's new BB & wrote T a note I left on the board for him & THEN R, the head Tech, asked me to come back & be a Guest Speaker for a meeting on a Sat (Alumni) night. I signed up for Oct 16th. I am THRILLED beyond any possible means to express it adequately. It means so much to me to be able to do that, to be asked to do that~~ the entire time I was there I did not speak one time, never raised my hand & spoke in a meeting, spoke only when I had to anytime~~ well, except like to friends & in Small Group. And even that took a while because like T said... I was a MESS. And now to be given the chance to go back there & hopefuly impact people for the positive??? THANK YOU HIGHER POWER.

And this whole new level of service & trust & faith happened how? GETTING FIRED. I used to HATE it in Starite when people would tell me that problems, troubles, tribulations were GIFTS from our Higher Power, invitations to grow & change & I thought it was all utter ********... & here I am realizing the HP really does have a plan going on, the HP really does have nothing but love for me & I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

AWESOME.

Thank you everyone & again, the appeal is next Monday. Just keep sending good thoughts & prayers of support~~ not for any specific outcome... just that HP keeps guiding me & I continue to allow it all to unfold as it is supposed to with peace & acceptance. I know whatever happens is what is MEANT to happen. And I am not afraid. ( :

lildawg

How about this: I'll send wishes that your HP's will be done in your life.

What an amazing story. I actually teared up. When things come full circle, it's so . . . I don't know. It feels almost serendipitous because you never expected it to go so well.

I really do think things will turn out like they're supposed to for you. Thanks for posting this. You gave me a real boost today.

AlcoholicOrNot

You've got such a "powerful", positive attitude and it all comes through in your post.

So, you've discovered that everything happens for the best. That's the way life works! Stay strong, keep up the good work and "things" will work out.

Best of Luck!

CarolD

What a terrific experience to denote your 6 months....:
Thanks for sharing so generously with us

Prayers continue for your peace and well being

DayTrader

Great post Ten......and thanks!

Thanks for reminding me and everyone here to try.......try to trust 'ol HP. It comes sooooo naturally to want to step in, start controlling, start complaining, start focusing on the "half empty" part of the glass.... so slip back into self, self-pity, and self centeredness. Thanks for reminding me that there really IS a reason, that there can be hope, and that happiness comes in a million ways that we never anticipate - so quit looking in all the "old" places and instead open up and get willing to do what you need to do in spite of not wanting to.

thanks a TON.

Cottonwoodchris

Wow, what an amazing story, Ten. Yes, like lildawg said, I had tears in my eyes. You know, with your insight, maybe a career move to a place like that rehab facility would work out. Dunno. Just thinking. Good luck on the court thing.

Harry01854

Thanks for sharing that TenNintySix, hope is something that we all need to hear and know about. I know hope went a long way for me and continues to be a constant in my life today.

Trust, depend and rely in a Higher Power. He gives me what I need, not what I want.

Harry