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Old 12-11-2009, 04:11 PM
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I just..

Cant........... stop.
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Old 12-11-2009, 04:14 PM
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I'm sorry Debs.
Did you talk to your parents?

D
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Old 12-11-2009, 04:16 PM
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Prayers coming your way...
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Old 12-11-2009, 04:59 PM
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Mom is here... I was honest with her...

She said she was gonna look into Alanon.

I encouraged her to do so.. I dont think she can understand it... altho she truly wants to be able to.

Shes cleaning up my disgusting apartment.

Im so pathetic.
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Old 12-11-2009, 05:05 PM
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I don't believe Alcoholism is a character defect Debs
You're not inherently pathetic, but you need to act.

Thought of rehab?
D
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Old 12-11-2009, 06:32 PM
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Sending you some prayers debs. I really don't believe there's anyone that can't recover, but I know I had to want it more than anything. Sobriety had to be the most important thing in my life, everything else followed.
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Old 12-11-2009, 07:09 PM
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I believe in you, Debs. I really, really do. I KNOW you can do this thing. (((Hugs))))
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Old 12-11-2009, 07:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Thought of rehab?
Hell, I even went so far as to CALL a rehab place tonight...

With mom here with me. But I have no insurance.

They told me self-pay would cost $30,000.00

So .....

Once again-

You cant get the care you need unless youre rich.

Go figure.

The lady was real nice tho- gave me TWO different numbers for a more local rehab..

Neither of which worked (the numbers)...

Then I considered going to check into the ER...

Cos detox is downright frightening when youre alone...

Mom was ready to do that...

But because neither of us have any money or means to support something like that...

I decided against.

So here I am again- about to go through yet another detox.

ALONE.

Hopefully Ill survive this one.

The good news is my son is with his dad this weekend.. so hes taken care of.

Please just pray for me.. just pray.
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Old 12-11-2009, 08:01 PM
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Debs.....
Please see if this number works

National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service available at
1-800-662-HELP
This service can provide you with information about treatment programs in your local community and allow you to speak with someone about alcohol problems

I never went to rehab either...

Now abut de toxing....
As far as I know....most hospitals will treat patients
without insurance to de tox....is there a teaching
hospital in Tyler? One that is not privately owned?

Have you checked out the Salvation Army? they run a
free short term de tox in many areas.

What about calling your AA contacts? Try them too.
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Old 12-11-2009, 08:03 PM
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That's ok Deb - most of us, myself included, got sober without $30, 000 rehab

I'm sorry it's so difficult to get help, but at least now you can focus on other avenues like the number Carol just posted

D
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Old 12-11-2009, 08:45 PM
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Don't give up deb. I should take my own advice. You have an illness that needs to be dealt with. I wish I had the answers, I really do. If your withdrawals are that serious a ER hospital will take you. You can then apply for charity type programs that will cover the costs. My worst detox issue is the horrible panic attacks. U seem like a really good person. You are not the disease.


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Old 12-11-2009, 11:14 PM
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Deb - check out that number Carol posted - National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service, they also have a website. Also check out Access to Recovery, it's a Federal program that pays providers for substance abuse treatment. If you're concerned about going it alone, just go to the hospital, at least they can keep an eye on you and worry about paying for it later, most places have a pretty generous self-pay rate. Don't get yourself into a bad spot because you're worried about the money.
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Old 12-12-2009, 12:04 AM
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Originally Posted by debs View Post
Cant........... stop.
those few words.......such a simple statement makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up....

memories come flooding back.......of the shear desperation of being cornered by active alcoholism......again and again.

that desperation ...may sober you........i pray that it does.

when the fog lifts debs.......dive into a program of recovery and do it with all the passion you do your drinking......before alcoholism takes you to a place you wont come back from.

no mother should have to bury their daughter.....yeah thats tough but
ive seen it happen........just terrible.

time for change kid.............and if i can be of any help just pm anytime.
god bless you.
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Old 12-12-2009, 12:11 AM
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I'm rooting for you (((debs))). And I wholeheartedly agree with all the posters above who said that you are not pathetic and not the disease. Recovery is possible for you. The previous posters gave you some good advice on what you can do to get more help. I sending positive energy and good thoughts your way, I hope you find the help you need.
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Old 12-12-2009, 04:50 AM
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Hi Debs -- I'm thinking of you and praying today. XOXOXO
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Old 12-12-2009, 05:53 AM
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Sending you prayers, Debs. And a few hugs....
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Old 12-12-2009, 06:35 AM
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I will keep you in my prayers that you CAN stop, and before something happens that can't be un-done. Please call the number Carol gave you. Please don't give up on yourself. PLease try again. It can be done. I pray you can quit drinking. (((hugs)))
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Old 12-12-2009, 06:41 AM
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Debs. Joe McQ has a women's and men's center in Little Rock Arkansas. They often sponsor cases such as yours. Try calling there:

Serenity Park

Many of us in recovery donate so that struggling alkies/addicts get a chance. I will be praying for you debs.
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Old 12-12-2009, 08:20 AM
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Debs
It seems to me AA is invisible to you. It costs nothing. If I remember right, last time your "excuse" was you didn't have a sponsor.(yes Debs I think you are making excuses). I have been going almost 9 months now and I still don't have one.
If you were to call my AA group and explain how you want to quit, someone would come and get you, or bend over backwards to help you. But you gotta ask.
What is it that keeps you from going? I know it ain't the religion thing. Too far away? I bet someone would come and get you.
I think you joined this forum about the same time I did. I remember you put almost a month together if I remember right. I honestly believe the reason I'm still sober and you are not is I attended AA. I also believe I had a good bit of luck involved but I couldn't have done it without AA. It is a very fine line whether you pick up the first drink or you don't. I have found that something that happened in AA usually keeps me on the right side of that fine line. Whether it's some one new coming in sweating and with the shakes(that always helps me remember). Or to helping me point out why I drank.
I honestly have left meetings wanting to drink more than I did before I wen't, but I must have also left with more power not to drink because it hasn't happened yet.
As has been said. If you go to AA and put HALF of the effort into it that you did when drinking I bet you will sober up and enjoy life.
Best wishes and prayers.
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Old 12-12-2009, 09:25 AM
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AA is free.

Have you reached the end with your drinking? Have you had enough of that buzz once your hangover/withdrawal wears off and you start feeling 'better' again? Only then will you stand half a chance of sobriety.

I agree with Nevertheless 100%. you don't need a sponsor to stay sober per se, I have over 5 months now and don't have a direct one to one sponsor as such. I use SR and the ability to be able to write out shares/feelings/experiences as a kind of sponsor. I find the two, AA and SR, compliment each other great. I ain't adverse to getting a sponsor either but everything will fall into place in it's own time; Life on life terms. That's what I am continually finding and have faith in since I have been sober and in AA.

There is hope but you gotta surrender 100% to stand any chance of winning and then work that program of recovery in-order to give you that 'psychic' change, which i just take to mean basically changing your thining sufficiently so that you see the wood from the trees and have gratitute instead of resentments about your alcoholism/the world in general. All the ways in which you used to think have to altered to remove the desire to drink. I am learning slowly one day at a time at at present are gratefull for my sobriety.

Sounds like you already have the religion so that part of AA shouldn't freak you out. I ain't religious in a conventional sense but that doesn't matter to me as I have an open mind and my concepts of higher powers etc are not supernatural in nature but personal things that I witness here upon this planet in which i live on. Seems to be working one day at a time, though I need the meetings in which to share at to keep me feeling grounded and on a nice even-keel. Also the wisdom and knowledge/hope I pick up from all of the charcters I meet at the meetings is priceless.

All the best and I hope you make the choice which is right for you.l

Peace xxx
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