What is going on here please?

[Recovered1]

I posted this over in friends and family, then decided I might leave it up to those of us who do this addiction thing ourselves. I figure some of you might be in a better position to help me with this than people over in friends and family who are always left wondering...is this a lie, is this the truth? After all, we know the lies we tell. Well, as a person with the addiction myself, this is the FIRST time I've ever had to wonder just what I am dealing with and I would appreciate feedback. I am stuggling with my own addiction and am considering detaching from my friend for my own sake. She needs people in her life who are strong and can help her. I am not strong now and barely keeping my own head above water. If you would please bear with me....(I hope I have not violated any rules by posting this there and here!)

As I posted...

Firstly, I have my own drinking problem, as I call it. I've done the detox deal and rehab and weaned myself off of alcohol so I am no stranger to the whole process.

My friend, who also has her own problem (7 DUIs, has coded in the past, been homeless etc) just broke her leg last weekend drinking. She tells me the medication they were giving her in the hospital wasn't detoxing her so they gave her a choice of beer or Ativan. Ok, that's a new one on me. They discharged her with instructions to go home and drink weaning down until she can get into a program. That's another first. I thought most of the time they send someone to detox to be professionally detoxed? I mean, sitting at home drinking even if someone else is monitoring use around the clock? Not checking any vitals? Would a Dr. actually tell someone to do this? Too, when I spoke with her she said she'd call on programs to see what was available. Wouldn't she have to have some sort of more firm plan than this for a Dr. to tell her to go home and wean herself down?!

She made the comment the other day she'd have no way to drink once discharged. I think she has found a way. She has a friend with her giving her alcohol every couple of hours or so. She is taking a low level dose of Ativan along with alcohol at home. I told her she could have been sent home with some valium and she said that valium would decrease her oxygen levels so this is why she has to drink instead of take valium. She has an appt with a pulmonoligist on the 9th. I reminded her they sent her home with inhalers. This whole thing makes no sense to me and I, TOO, an an addict. I am torn between just completely detaching for my own sake and yet supporting her. Too, there are all these crazy triangulated relationships going on. Her roommate called her mom last night to tell her mom she is still drinking and her mom became hysterical. Now my friend says she'll have her friend call her mom and explain everything. I just said have your Dr. call your mom (believing the whole time I am being bamboozled).

Can anyone help me understand this? I know we tell lies. But not THESE kind of lies. Not the kind of lies that cause people to become nursemaids to perpetuate our drinking. I am sorry, it would be detox city for me if I were her. Either that, or I'd simply take the valiums and/or Ativan to get off the crap.

I want to be there to support her, but I don't want to her in my life if she is just lying to me and putting herself at greater risk. I'm having my own battle right now stopping drinking myself. How could a Dr. possibly recommend she drink? Am I crazy for thinking about this? I mean, this whole thing has shown me my codependency, yes, but I want to make sure I stay or leave based on something resembling the truth. Just looking for someone to shed some light on "SANITY" for me in this whole matter. We do the deal so we should know best? Aren't I supposed to know all of this stuff? I mean, I now find myself on the other side of the fence and it's perplexing to me. Sorry for the length of this post. Thanks.

[tyler]

Sounds pretty fishy to me, but I agree that if you are battling your own drinking issues, being with her could be pretty toxic. Sometimes you just have to be "selfish" and take care of yourself first. Take care.

[FanofJoeMcQ]

I HAD to work me and concentrate on my recovery early on. I HAD to for my life was hanging by a thread. The lesson to be learned is everyone has their own journey. When I let go and took care of me, other people's problems worked out without me in the middle. It was my first 'awakening' to a Higher Power working right before my eyes. I couldn't fix or help anyone else, I was on too shaky ground at the time. Hang in there.

[Recovered1]

Originally Posted by tyler

Sounds pretty fishy to me, but I agree that if you are battling your own drinking issues, being with her could be pretty toxic. Sometimes you just have to be "selfish" and take care of yourself first. Take care.

I didn't accuse her of lying today. I did repeatedly say I've never heard of a prescription like drinking. Due to my own knowlege about my own addiction, I was very uncomfortable. Yeah, I've told lies, sure. My lies are "I've only had X amount to drink." "Sorry, I cannot come into work today. I have a migraine." These are the lies I tell. I am out of my league here. She has two sober people taking care of her. The nursemaid has 2.5 years of sobriety. The other person over three years. I am just struggling day by day. I know I need to take care of me first. If I could just say, yes, it's a lie it would be clear cut. I'd bail. That is why I am posting this in a forum of "experts" on this whole thing. To see if in anyone's travels they have ever told these kinds of lies or know what is up. Thanks for your post.

[Recovered1]

Originally Posted by FanofJoeMcQ

I HAD to work me and concentrate on my recovery early on. I HAD to for my life was hanging by a thread. The lesson to be learned is everyone has their own journey. When I let go and took care of me, other people's problems worked out without me in the middle. It was my first 'awakening' to a Higher Power working right before my eyes. I couldn't fix or help anyone else, I was on too shaky ground at the time. Hang in there.

Thanks, I don't want to be a "bad friend." We people have to stick together. So I am weighing what to do. I don't know whether to confront her (which I pretty much already did) or to just walk away. Where would I be without struggling alcoholics to help me? What if everyone just walked away when I was down on my luck?

Still, there are lies and then there are LIES.

[barb dwyer]

While there's good friends and bad friends...

there's also this thing (I discovered in recovery) called 'boundaries'.

In early recovery,
I had to 'break up' with my closest using buddy.
We sent word via sober friends to and about each other,

I still love her to death
but she dwells in a world I can't visit any longer.

I agree with the poster who wrote about the word 'toxic'.

In early recovery
we have to learn how to safeguard our own sobrietey first.

We have to deeply ingrain that into our mind and heart
if we're to remain that way.

[Fubarcdn]

Have you had a chance to talk to the two other people that are helping her to compare notes?? Maybe you will find out something that will help you decide what you think your role should be.
When I was drinking I would tell any lie that I needed to make sure I could keep drinking.
Good luck.

[Recovered1]

Originally Posted by Fubarcdn

Have you had a chance to talk to the two other people that are helping her to compare notes?? Maybe you will find out something that will help you decide what you think your role should be.
When I was drinking I would tell any lie that I needed to make sure I could keep drinking.
Good luck.

Yes, I did last night. Another crazy story. I told her roommate last night I was going have to back away from the situation. Neither he nor I have ever heard of a Dr. telling someone to go and wean themselves down after a broken leg due to drinking. He called her mother. She complained about it today and I said I would have done the same thing. Her mom has said she will disown her daughter but the truth is I think her mom has had it.

Are you sure, any LIE? Even if it meant creating a situation in which everyone has to baby you and feed you alcohol around the clock. Would you do this with your friends?

[barb dwyer]

ESPECIALLY to create a situation
where your drinking is safely accommodated by everyone.
And so that getting to drink
is top on EVERYONE'S list.
It becomes EVERYONE'S priority
to be asure you've got that drink.

man.
That's an alcoholic's dream come true, there.

[wicked]

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

ESPECIALLY to create a situation
where your drinking is safely accommodated by everyone.
And so that getting to drink
is top on EVERYONE'S list.
It becomes EVERYONE'S priority
to be asure you've got that drink.

man.
That's an alcoholic's dream come true, there.

abso frickin lutely!
and ativan for the shakes?
good god! she must be in heaven!

[Dee74]

Good advice here recovered - as I said over in Newbies, pls do some thinking about how much you want to invest here. Look after yrself.

D

[CarolD]

What is going on with this active alcoholic?
She's drinking and useing an addictive drug.

To me...that would point to not trusting anything said by her.

Please tell us about how your sobriety is working
How are you doing?

[barb dwyer]

good one, Carol -

hey recovered - how ARE you doing?

[Recovered1]

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

good one, Carol -

hey recovered - how ARE you doing?

I could be doing better. I was having an ok day until I spoke with this person. I am not working which is a real bummer. So I spend day after day at home with nothing to do. Too much time on my hands, I am afraid.

[Mark75]

Who knows for sure what the doctors recommended. All we would be doing is speculating on one side (yours) of the story.

That whole thing sounds like a big fat mess. What purpose are you realizing by being involved? She is not alone. She has her friends and her mom. You could offer to take her to a detox or rehab, but after that, what really do you have to offer her?

Mark

[Recovered1]

Originally Posted by Cubile75

Who knows for sure what the doctors recommended. All we would be doing is speculating on one side (yours) of the story.

That whole thing sounds like a big fat mess. What purpose are you realizing by being involved? She is not alone. She has her friends and her mom. You could offer to take her to a detox or rehab, but after that, what really do you have to offer her?

Mark

Excellent idea. I could offer to take her to detox or rehab. I can do that. After that, I am not sure what I can do. But it's a step at a time for right now. I could even bring her to and from her rehab groups, as long as I can drive to the location.

When you say you are speculating on one side (mine) of the story, I certainly hope you are not implying I am not giving you the straight scoop. There are no two sides here. I am telling you what she told me. Whether or not what she told me is true or not is what is in question here.

And as to my purpose for being involved? Good question. She has these two other people in her life helping her who have both been sober for a good amount of time. I know they can handle things. Still, I am not the kind of person who wants to bail when things get tough - unless I am being lied to and the person in question is only seeking to continue to drink. This threatens ME and both my sobriety and mental health. This is why I seek counsel here. I have asked another friend of mine and he thinks she is lying. I want more input before I take action, hence my posting here.

[CarolD]

RO.....
Your sobriety focus is getting out of balance over this.

Do I think she is lying about what the doctors said?
Heck yes! But that is her deal..and not yours

Sorry you are upset....please do step back
and consentrate on your own issues......

[Recovered1]

Originally Posted by CarolD

RO.....
Your sobriety focus is getting out of balance over this.

Do I think she is lying about what the doctors said?
Heck yes! But that is her deal..and not yours

Sorry you are upset....please do step back
and consentrate on your own issues......

Thanks, Carol. I will step back now. I did, however, say I'd check in on her later. I don't want to be a flake. Perhaps I'll just send her a mail telling her I'm happy to take her to detox or rehab. I think Mark's suggestion was excellent. Maybe this is the best thing to do. I'll just send her a mail saying I will transport her to anything recovery related.

You are right. I have been upset which is part of why I am so angry. It's a glimpse into what "those on the other side" must go through with addicts on a regular basis. Maybe it's too much looking in the mirror for me. Maybe I am seeing what I put a former BF through with my own addiction. No doubt all of this stuff is why I am angry and perplexed.

[CarolD]

Good plan RO.....

You are doing what is best for both of you