negative thoughts

[087never]

hi, i am now on day 80 sober and frankly, can hardly believe i have lasted this long. i am hanging in there in the vague hope that eventually i can get my life close to the way i want it, not just "better". today i was really tempted to drink, i have thought about little else over the last 30 days. i suppose the main thing that stops me is not wanting to lose the time i already have behind me and also because its impractical for me to drink, as i like to drink and smoke at the same time, and i cant smoke indoors in my house share. smoking is banned here in pubs in ireland, and i can be ****** sitting there in a bar with no fag wanting one, then having to freeze outside. i smoke around 40 a day, and im going to have a shot at quitting today. i have joined an amazing gym and plan to go big on the exercise, weights training, swimming etc. im going to try and hit two full months no ciggarrettes or alcohol and hopefully be able to re evaluate my decision to stay sober in a more positive light

im also going to switch to a healthy diet, and try and keep stress to a minimum

i want to change a lot about myself, improve confidence levels, as i have very little confidence left. i am 27 and find it difficult to find a girlfriend. during my last period of sobriety (9 weeks) i went with a few women and was always dissapointed. i would not consider myself nearly as attractive as i was 3 years ago, which is when all the problems started after my split with the girl i was with, becoming re addicted to ciggarettes after nearly two years happily off them. this represented a total loss of control for me, and so the beginning of the dark years followed. i already had some issues with hair loss back then but now i have lost more and am really unhappy with my physical appearance. i had some money set aside for hair transplant but that is long gone now.

even more important is confidence though i definately need to chill out more on dates.

also trying to think what i want to do with my life now careerwise as im unemployed and the drinking has caused me to lose focus. only the other day a girl at work asked me what i wanted to do as in really what i want to do and i answered honestly "i dont know" which was like, so not cool. i was fired on my first day as well, thats me finished with sales anyhow.

anyway i have rambeled on here and lost focus, what im asking is what do you guys do when times are tough/feel tough??

i also have dramatic mood swings, today i was in a rage, with negative thoughts building up into a chain of negative thoughts

any ideas would be appreciated

[sailorjohn]

Originally Posted by 087never

what im asking is what do you guys do when times are tough/feel tough??

any ideas would be appreciated

I try to hit an extra meeting.

[barb dwyer]

same here.
(as SailorJohn, I mean)

I work in a liquor store.
When I start 'leaning' that old way again in my head
I'll hit more meetings for a couple of weeks
or longer if that's what it takes.

And you said it -
There's times when losing the time I have sober
is the ONLY thing that stops me from finding
a drink someplace.

Maybe we can't call that 'normal',
but it's apparently common.

I also go back to reading from the BB
each night before bed
or something from the Grapevine books
something well rooted in recovery.

Basically-
grab all four corners of the recovery blanket
and pull it closer around me.

[Dorie]

Hello 087never - Wow, those first few months are/can be insane. My thoughts were all over the place. I practice just concentrating on what I needed to do to stay sober that day, hour, minute and most of the time that got me through those crazy, up and down days.

The slogan "First Things First" for me, always means sobriety first.

I know you're going to hate this, but "This Too Shall Pass" if you don't take a drink.

[Wolfchild]

i hope that you will give yourself
every possible chance to stay
clean & sober one day at a time.