What is too much help?

[SoberFlick]

Hello all.
New to the site but not recovery. I'm going on 11 months of sobriety (from the Alcohol, Methadone, Fentanyl, Oxy, Morphine, etc. A true garbagecan at heart.) I'm loving life and recovery, and am working through my ninth step - all is good... With me anyway. My wife crossed the invisible "alcoholism line" after I started my recovery. I had always thought she was a normal drinker because when I was struggling, she could take it or leave it. She's been struggling with relapse because I think up until recently, she wasnt totally convinced that she couldn't out-think this thing (what we true alcoholics have had to realize to start recovery.) She started on a relatively short bender recently, and as opposed to saying something to her about her drinking right away (which I've done every other time even though I should know better,) I let it go, and let it lead her to whatever end it was going to, because I know that I HAD TO FIND MY BOTTOM to feel the necessary pain to fuel my own recovery. Well, it seems to have worked. She's EXTREMELY tremulous, and her blood pressure has been up, and she's been throwing up some. We don't have any medications around (benzos or other) however I do have some Vistaril that has seemed to help her somewhat. In reading about the old timers in our wonderful BB of AA, I remember reading that they said that they even kept alcohol in their homes to help the occasional alcoholic kick the shakes. Well, I've been doing just that. I've been monitoring her BP, and giving her enough alcohol to keep it under control, and allow her to no shake quite so violently. While her withdrawals are bad to her (hopefully enough for her to remember - with the help of AA of course :-) they're not extreme. After my 2.5liters a day of tequila bender that ended with a half-gallon of mint-burst Listerine, I wound up in the hospital and had some pretty extreme withdrawals, seizures, etc, but I owe this woman my life, because I would be dead without her - she's the one who took me to the hospital and kept me honest through the start of my recovery. Well, now she has a whole new perspective and understanding of the process. That all leads into my question (sorry so windy...):

I know that she needs to suffer to help fuel her recovery, which is why I let her go this last time, so I don't want to give her enough to completely numb her to the process. I understand that a little pain now means not a LOT of pain later, so I get that, just wanted to confirm here. I want to help her through this as much as I can, but am unable to find anything anywhere as to how much or little alcohol to give her, and any weaning schedule. While I know it needs to be quick lest problems persist, I also want to ensure that she is able to sleep, keep down food, and all the other stuff that recovery is so dependent on, i.e, rest, energy, vitamins, and the like. Does anyone here know of, or has come across, a seemingly reputable source for this procedure of speed-weaning, or is it just something that one does intuitively? Does anyone know how Dr. Bob and Bill W. calculated it, or did they just wing it?

Any help is appreciated. Oh, and I know that hospital is a good backfall, but she's a nurse and is known at all the area hospitals, so if possible, I'd like to not impact her professional career or good name.

Thanks all, God Bless, and "Keep coming back! It works if you work it!"

SoberFlick

[NewMe11109]

SoberFlick -

I am not a doctor nor are we allowed to give any medical advice on SR.

But, from what you have said, I would strongly recommend that you call a doctor. I know you say she is a nurse, but DT's can kill you. (and there are a heck of a lot of doctors who are alcoholics, so she wouldn't be alone).

Could you go to one of those pay-as-you-go clinics? You need to get advice from someone who is experienced in this. This can get very serious very fast.

God bless.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Soberflick,

By now you should know some women in AA or other men who know some women in AA. I wouldn't do this by yourself.

I TRULY understand what you are going thru.

Just don't let her good name stand in the way of her life OK.

AG

[Dorie]

Please take her to a doctor.

[Sikkisirus]

Welcome - and the docs is the best port of call

[Mark75]

Originally Posted by SoberFlick

she's a nurse and is known at all the area hospitals, so if possible, I'd like to not impact her professional career or good name.

It's such a shame, IMO, that health care providers don't seek treatment because of the stigma and consequences. And so here we have a nurse, with a good reputation, who is at home with her medically clueless husband going through alcohol withdrawal, which is potentially fatal. (sorry, don't mean to be mean, just giving a reality check...)

Before you get p1ssed, I am in health care and understand, perhaps more than you know..... and my commentary is not about your post or you....

You can probably do it... but you won't get instructions here. Sorry, we can't give advice....

The other thing I'd ask you to consider.... Should this be your role here? Monitoring her alcohol intake and withdrawal symptoms? Being this involved. Be her husband and love her. She needs to find her own recovery, and you can help her do that, but not this way.

You sound like a good man and someone who loves his wife very much. Welcome to SR.

Mark

[laurie6781]

(((((SoberFlick)))))

Have done that here in Southern NM. Still keep a bottle of Black Jack up in the cabinet.

HOWEVER, we (I usually have at least one other and sometimes 2 long time AA members here with me) we only do it, until a bed becomes available in detox and are more than willing to call 911 if need be. We are concerned ot with 'shakes' but the person going into seizures and will dole out about 1/2 shot an hour.

You really need to get her to a detox, or an ER as this is the weekend. Detox is nothing to play around with. 16 hours after I put the plug in the jug I went into massive seizures and my BAC was at .38 and my body was craving MORE. They had a heck of a time with me and I did die. I was given a second chance. At 14 hours after putting the plug in the jug I 'knew' something was drastically wrong and somehow managed to find my way to an ER.

Detoxing from alcohol can kill and each person is different it is not based on how much or what they drank.

Please consider taking your wife to the ER, reputation or no reputation, you are playing with her life.

J M H O

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much!

Love and hugs,

[Wolfchild]

[FinsterRufus]

Hi SoberFlick,

My story almost exactly mirrors yours, except I'm the wife. My husband got sober almost two years ago and despite the fact that he's heavily working his program in AA there was really nothing he could do for me until I decided I had "crossed the line" and got myself into a detox for 7 days.

Unfortunately when it's your closest relationship it's hard to be objective and when I used to wake up with the severe shakes and the resolve not to drink (that day) he would actually give me a shot because if I was not ready to stop completely he didn't see the point of me going through the DT's and possibly seizing because it can be FATAL.

Take her to a doctor and see if they can get her a bed in detox straight away because weaning her off at home is dangerous and probably won't work. She needs rest and professional help at this point. It will (no offense) help her to have someone to talk to besides you.

As far as her reputation as a nurse, if you guys don't get some help she'll turn up drunk on the job one day and that'll really ruin it. Besides, people are very supportive once you start the recovery process. Be as discreet as you can but if she thinks nobody knows already she's likely fooling herself. Maybe you can take her to an urgent care or clinic where she won't be recognized.

My husband was very upset that he couldn't do it for me but she needs to find her own path.

Many hugs and good wishes to both of you.

[smacked]

It would be a real shame if pride ended up killing her.

Take her to the ER, or call 911..

What will you next time? or the next time?

She needs more help than you are qualified to give, my friend.

[CarolD]

Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum....

I'm glad you are finding recovery and hope your wife wil too.

De toxing at home is simply risky and not wise.
The Salvation Army has free de tox centers in many areas.
I've never heard of them asking for career information either.

[Sugah]

I know a small group of sober alcoholics who are still willing to sober up a wet drunk. When my husband was transported to rehab by of these men, he wasn't aware the man had a pint under the front seat -- in the event that he seized on the way there (the rehab was six hours away). It was only intended to keep him from dying before he was turned over to the detox unit. Thankfully, it wasn't necessary.

I've suffered mild D.T.s and I've witnessed severe withdrawal. In a day and age when medicine routinely treats alcohol dependence, regardless of any stigma still attached, it's very irresponsible to attempt to detox someone at home, especially when you have no prior experience in doing so. It sounds as though you want very much to help your wife, and that's commendable. At the absolute minimum, call a detox facility and discuss her situation with them -- or better yet, give her the phone to do it.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[Charmie]

the last time i withdrew from alcohol,my doctors wasnt open (holiday weekend) had it of been i would have gone and got detox medication,i was at the drop of the hat ready to go to er if necessary,they were fairly mild compared to what i had suffered before.my father was an alcoholic too,he stopped drinking on his own,in the days when there was still a huge stigma attached to alcoholism in this country.3 weeks later he was dead,his body shut down and he suffered various horrific things.this is not a scare tactic,i am pointing out how inceredibly important it is to seek medical help.your wifes job at this point does not take president,her life does.welcome to sr,please keep us updated.

[barb dwyer]

Welcome to SR. I hope you find the support you need here. I did.

From my own personal experience -

people 'in my field' have far more respect for me knowing I'm in recovery

than they ever did when I was drinking.

I hope you both won't endanger yourselves physically
just to save face.