 |
|---|
 |
 |
 |
| | |
|
|
| |||||||
 |
| | LinkBack | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
10-27-2009, 10:29 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| aka Glenna :)  Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 270
| Failed
Ever feel like the purpose of your life is basically to serve as a warning to others? Addiction, codependency, abuse, loneliness...all of it will get you in the end. And sometimes you will even welcome it when it does. Not much else to say. Not the time to feel sorry for myself, play the victim, or ask why. I know why. Because of my own bad choices and decision making and just being a really sick person. I have been given the opportunity to start over more times than I can count, and every time I have let my various addictions get in my way and let down family, friends and myself. I appreciate everyone who has supported me, and I'm sorry for those who feel burned. I've burned so many people. It's what I've become. I'm selfish. Sure, I talk a good game, but never follow through. I've given birth to 3 beautiful children who are still young and need to grow, not one of whom is with me now, and there's a good reason for that. Maybe drinking vodka at 10 in the morning has something to do with it. Maybe exposing them to an abusive environment with an AH who is just as sick as I am. Maybe all of the above and more. I guess it's good that I have the sense to know they shouldn't be with me, but it's not what I had planned on when bringing them into this world. I know a lot of people struggle. Many are strong, smart, reach out for what is offered and survive and even give back. I've seen it lots of times, and it is beautiful to see. I hope that is the case for each and every one of you. There are some wonderful people here who have made it and who are closer to making it every day. I have always loved being here. It just gets harder to justify my own behavior and complain about the same things over and over, waste people's time and then not even listen to the powerful words shared with me. This place has helped a lot of people, and I know that will continue for a long time. I have a lot of love for you guys.
__________________ Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. |
|      |
| The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to Cath1029 For This Useful Post: | aqua4017 (10-27-2009), Asta1 (10-27-2009), Bamboozle (10-27-2009), BrianT72278 (10-29-2009), Butterfly (10-27-2009), caleb76 (10-30-2009), fragrantrose (11-01-2009), KenL (10-27-2009), least (10-28-2009), Lindsay (10-27-2009), littlebluedog (10-27-2009), me11109 (10-27-2009), OzSandy (10-27-2009), Pelican (10-27-2009), rhnorment (10-28-2009), tallcactus (10-27-2009), Trippstar (10-27-2009), ViciousCycle (10-27-2009) |
|
10-27-2009, 10:59 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Houston
Posts: 255
|
Keep trying. Some take longer than others.
|
|
| |
| The Following User Says Thank You to littlebluedog For This Useful Post: | tallcactus (10-27-2009) |
|
10-27-2009, 01:30 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Virginia
Posts: 672
|
Cath, This site isn't for us, it's for you. We're here to help, and can't do that unless you let us know what's going on. You're not wasting our time, you're the reason we're here. Yeah, you've made some great mistakes in you life, but nothing that can't be corrected if you want to correct them. You see, you have to want it badly enough. If you do then good things will begin to happen. So stick around, please. And don't ever think that this has been easy for any of us. It hasn't. It's hard. But it's possible.
__________________ God, Please set aside all I think I know about myself, my disease, the Big Book, the 12 Steps, the Program, the people in the fellowship, spiritual terms, and especially about you God so I may have an open mind and a new experience with these things. Amen |
|
| |
| The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to joedris For This Useful Post: | Bamboozle (10-27-2009), DoneIn (10-28-2009), endzoner (10-27-2009), tallcactus (10-27-2009), Trippstar (10-27-2009) |
|
10-27-2009, 02:46 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Mobile, AL
Posts: 2,015
|
Don't give up! we all go through ups and downs, hang in there and keep posting rather than drinking.
__________________ If the only tool in your toolbox is a hammer, then all your problems look like nails....  |
|
| |
| The Following User Says Thank You to dgillz For This Useful Post: | tallcactus (10-27-2009) |
|
10-27-2009, 02:54 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Heathen  Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: La La Land
Posts: 1,256
|
You can spend a lot of energy martyring yourself, and keeping yourself stuck, or you can reach out, grab on to whatever might help and make it the last time. I hope one day you choose to save yourself.
__________________  |
|
| |
| The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to smacked For This Useful Post: | tallcactus (10-27-2009), tyler (10-30-2009) |
|
10-27-2009, 03:05 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: england
Posts: 1,323
|
if it were easy there be no need for sr......aa.......treatment......on and on. its not easy......and i feel for you.........i havent forgot how difficult the physical action of stopping drinking was........let alone staying stopped. there is a world of support out there.......my experience is aa/12 step. but there are plenty of other methods that members use here..... god be with you and keep you safe.... |
| |
| The Following User Says Thank You to trucker For This Useful Post: | tallcactus (10-27-2009) |
|
10-27-2009, 03:13 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas
Posts: 14,672
|
hey Cath our journeys are our journeys...there's no medals given out for 'quickest time to recovery' or anything like that...we have to learn certain things, and unlearn certain others, and some of us (me included) take a lot longer to do that  The important thing is to stay on the road - I know you want something better for yourself....so keep in the game.... don't let your despair lead you into giving up...because that makes it that much harder again to get back on the road... stick around D
__________________ May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. |
|
| |
| The Following User Says Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post: | tallcactus (10-27-2009) |
|
10-27-2009, 03:20 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 715
|
keep listening cath,keep reading.we are all here for you.its not easy and some folk get it quicker than others.you do want it or else you wouldnt be posting,but you just need to want it that bit more.it is not easy,but it is do-able.i and many others are proof of this.keep coming here cath.you are in my prayers.
|
|
| |
| The Following User Says Thank You to Charmie For This Useful Post: | tallcactus (10-27-2009) |
|
10-27-2009, 04:34 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Basingstoke UK
Posts: 141
|
Ive made massive mistakes in my life lost my home, dignity friends lost respect from my family but Im trying too make amends slowly. I know exactly where you are coming from Cath.
__________________ Hello, my name is Kev add alcohol and I'm not Kev. |
|
| |
| The Following User Says Thank You to Trippstar For This Useful Post: | tallcactus (10-27-2009) |
|
10-27-2009, 05:41 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| peaceful seabird  Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: floating
Posts: 1,551
|
I'll still extend my hand of support to you! Please don't give up on YOU!
__________________ "How does one become a butterfly?" she asked pensively. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." Trina Paulus Hope for the Flowers |
|
| |
| The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Pelican For This Useful Post: | Dee74 (10-27-2009), tallcactus (10-27-2009) |
|
10-27-2009, 05:51 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Watch out...it'll fool ya!  |
When you are struggling most is when you need to be here the most. Don't give up.
__________________ A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. |
|
| |
| The Following User Says Thank You to Bamboozle For This Useful Post: | tallcactus (10-27-2009) |
|
10-27-2009, 06:00 PM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Van Nuys, CA
Posts: 12
|
Thank-you for sharing Cath. You mention people here "making it". Well, just "make it" for today. Let every thing else fall away and make it for today. I know you can do that. Take your "want" out of the picture for just today. I wanted to go to the pub on Sunday 'cause I hadn't had a drink in six days, and that's an accomplishment, right? -Well, that's my will getting in the way as it has a way of doing, so I handed it over to God for yet another little day. Sure, it's a drop in the bucket but it helps break my cycle of reaching. I don't want to be a robot just reaching automatically. I've helped Heineken's stock price enough for one lifetime. I want to reprogram myself. You are, as we all are, a unique expression of Divinity. We are all walking miracles with a specific purpose. I'll shut up now. All the best to you. Peace & Love, Butterfly |
|
| |
| The Following User Says Thank You to Butterfly For This Useful Post: | tallcactus (10-27-2009) |
|
10-27-2009, 07:30 PM
| #13 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Singapore
Posts: 319
|
Butterfly is right. It is a slow process of breaking this cycle. Many don't. But all can. The fact that you are here still posting means you really want to recover deep down. Keep posting. Keep away from drinking for today. Keep everything as simple as you can. I can't imagine what you have gone through with your kids etc. But try to focus on you recovery first and foremost. Peace Clayton
__________________ May 25th 2009 The day when I finally got to step 0--This Crap has got to stop "There are many paths to God my son, I hope yours will not be too difficult." - Ben Her |
|
| |
| The Following User Says Thank You to TheSunAlsoRises For This Useful Post: | tricky164 (10-28-2009) |
|
10-27-2009, 07:48 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| Rawr!!!!!!  Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Marin County
Posts: 2,029
|
See the bicycle? well wadda waiting for kid? get back on it and start peddling self pity and unhappiness is just one of the ways my alcoholism keeps me sick, keeps me stuck in that place, that make believe world where drinking is necessary, drinking is necessary because of self loathing, self loathing because of drinking, which leads to self pity and so on, it's a waste of time hon please note the sig above this post, the one that says step 0 now look in the mirror, turn around....OK, see that thing behind you, it's called your @ss, get it to a meeting, stop thinking and get into action, your mind is not your friend, stop listening to it.
__________________ If you go back to drinking and you haven’t written a Fourth Step inventory, don’t say that you tried A.A. and it failed, because you never tried A.A. |
|
| |
|
10-28-2009, 07:54 AM
| #19 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: london, england
Posts: 194
|
cath. We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldnt control our emotional natures, we were prey to misery and depression, we couldnt make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldnt seem to be of real help to other people. (bb, p52). i was all of these things, then i took action, went to AA, got a sponsor, worked the 12 steps, started to help others, took on a program of action and since i did these things my life has changed. i am now, happy, useful to others, dont suffer from depression, work well for my living, i am not full of fear, and my emotional nature is under control. i got all this from action, (not thinking). try it for 90 days and if it dont work, you can have your misery refunded in full !!. peace and fellowship to you god bless.
__________________ "ENLIGHTENMENT IS JUST A RECOGNITION NOT A CHANGE AT ALL" |
|
| |
|
10-28-2009, 09:58 AM
| #20 (permalink) | |
| Absolute Evil Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Charlotte NC
Posts: 113
| Quote:
It is here for you to fail, try again, fail, try again, until you succeed. An analogy to think of can be a pop singer. Most pop singers go through a horrible time when starting out. They are booed off stage, denied recording contracts, and play dirty bars. Then, one day it all changes and they are a household name. If you keep trying you will eventually succeed. If you quit, you never will. Think of those kids. Aren't they worth fighting for? | |
|
| |
|
10-28-2009, 10:16 AM
| #21 (permalink) |
| recovering  |
Don't give up on yourself. Lots of us have to try and try again before we "get it". Take it one day at a time. And trust that things will get better, it will just take some time. 
__________________ I'd rather live in my van with my dogs than live in a mansion without them. Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole. Plus que je connais les hommes, plus j'aime mon chien. (The more I know mankind, the more I love my dog)  |
|
| |
|
10-30-2009, 07:17 AM
| #22 (permalink) |
| aka Glenna :) Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 270
|
I am responsible 100% for the choices I have made. It just feels like getting messed up right now makes them not hurt so much. Yesterday was my daughter's 3rd birthday. She is with AH's family. They are Jehovah's witnesses and don't celebrate birthdays. I'm sure there wasn't a cake or party or presents for her. I'm not able to wish her a happy birthday because of their fear of my voice upsetting her. I asked to come and see her for her birthday, but sis-in-law told me it was "too soon." My sons begged me to bring them to see her so they could celebrate her birthday with her, and I couldn't let them. How am I supposed to live with myself? My first husband told me I am disgusting and don't deserve the title of mother. He said I should take my kids off my FB page. He called me a selfish bitch. Can't argue with him. He told me to just stay with AH and leave the kids alone. I was supposed to take them trick-or-treating, but he took that away and is sending them to his sister's instead. Of course, he said I could drive them over there so it would help him out. So much hate for myself. Can't live with it.
__________________ Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. |
|
| |
|
10-30-2009, 07:39 AM
| #23 (permalink) |
| September 14, 2008  Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: East of Eden
Posts: 2,304
|
Well, you know getting messed up right now isn't going to help a thing. But I also know that what you FEEL is stronger than what you KNOW. How are you going to deal with how you are feeling? (((Cath))) Mark
__________________ My drinkin' days are over. No more nights in the carousel. My buddies say they're gonna miss me, but they can go to hell. I never knew what time it was until closing time came 'round My drinkin' days are over but I'm still trouble bound. Slaid Cleaves |
|
| |
|
10-30-2009, 07:54 AM
| #24 (permalink) |
| recovering |
There is nothing so bad that drinking can't make it worse, a lot worse. Please don't give in to the alcoholic voice telling you to just 'drink it all away'. You might be able to forget about it for a little while, then it would all come back and you would feel worse than ever. Don't drink, just for today. Take small steps to get where you want to be. It takes time and effort, but you CAN do it.
__________________ I'd rather live in my van with my dogs than live in a mansion without them. Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole. Plus que je connais les hommes, plus j'aime mon chien. (The more I know mankind, the more I love my dog) |
|
| |
|
10-30-2009, 08:19 AM
| #25 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dallas, Ga. USA
Posts: 21,891
|
All of us make bad choices when we were active in our addiction lives. By staying clean and sober....we begin to make better ones. First correct choice is staying sober and clean.Only then can we move forward.
__________________  Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery! :  Last edited by CarolD; 10-30-2009 at 11:39 AM. Reason: typos |
|
| |
| The Following User Says Thank You to CarolD For This Useful Post: | Trippstar (10-30-2009) |
|
| Bookmarks |
| Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
| |
| |
© 2007 SoberRecovery, LLC. |
The SoberRecovery Forums are operated under a grant from The Mulligan Group
Menopause ~ puberty with experience. 
Air Attack 2 Champion!
Linear Mode
