Hello, new here

[trapeze]

Summerwind, I can't count how many times I quit before I quit, but I quit for good 6 years ago. I was 45 years old and had been drinking for almost 30 years. Life is so much better without alcohol.

I can't wait to read your stories as you claim your happiness. Don't give up. Never, ever. You can do it.

[naive]

summerwind-

please reconsider going to an AA meeting. no one there is going to judge you. you don't even have to say anything. you can just listen and say nothing. everyone understands there, having walked a mile in your shoes.

one idea is for you to call your local AA and ask to be "12-stepped". this means that someone will meet you and talk to you, outside of a meeting.

remember, if you ask for help you help that helper alcoholic stay sober, by helping you. so it all comes around in a beautiful way.

why go through this alone? there is strength in the group. that's part of how it works.

thinking of you.
naive

[summerwind]

Thank-you all for your support and kind words. I'm still struggling with this, daily, alcohol is still a constant thought. I go a few days then the urge gets too strong. I never feel well anymore, my energy is non-existant most days. I used to walk 5 miles a day, that motivation is gone (my dogs are holding grudges). It becomes a cycle, the fatique and feeling under the weather depresses me, leading me to want relief.....from the bottle. I still try, I haven't given up. Lately, even not drinking, I feel hung-over in the morning. ;O( I guess the answer would be to force myself to get active again, every day, easier said than done, but I always felt my best and slept better when I walked/worked out, and ate better. Strangely enough I religiously take a handful of vitamens every day. I'm in a rut I suppose with not being active. I am on this forum daily though, I appreciate all of you, I'll get there. I went back to my Dr the other day to see what she could do about the Effexor being ridiculously expensive ($130 a month, and no insurance), she gave me 3 months worth in samples, the Effexor seems to work for my depression when I'm NOT drinking. I left there feeling God (and others, of course) were trying to help me, now it's my turn to accept the help.....Thanks again, I'm here everday and I pray for others here too, I feel your frustration, nobody is alone. I hope you all have a sober, peaceful day, thanks again.

[CarolD]

I certainly hope you will consider
walking to your local AA group....

Glad you checked in with us
Yes! you really can quit that vicious cycle.

[summerwind]

Thank-you Carol for being so supportive. I have, and still am considering AA, it's just such a major step for me (I'm "well known" here, because of running a business, it's almost a given that I'll run into people that know me and had no idea I'm such a "mess" ) Yes, I guess it's shame, I can't get past that, my pride won't shut-up. Something else I wanted to mention/ask, and I realize this sounds so vain, in light of things, as we all know, alcoholism can cause so many health problems, and ultimately death....but I'm going to say this anyway because I feel I won't be judged here. A major cause of my depression,(almost giving up sometimes) is the premature aging/weight gain caused by less than 4 years of drinking. It's horrible. I started drinking at 40 yrs old, the first few months I was buying alcohol, I was carded! Nobody would sell me alcohol if I didn't show my ID! I was in the best shape of my life, had always taken care of myself, probally looked 15 years younger than I was. Sadly enough, I'm mid 40's now, and I look at LEAST that. ;O( How do you get past the damage already done and find that peace within yourself to just accept it and move foreward? Drinking never got ugly for me, so, I really can't say I have horrible regrets with "others" caused by drinking, thank God, and I feel for others that have to deal with that. I just get so down about the damage already caused to myself that sometimes I say the heck with it damage it done. ;O( It's awful. I know this seems petty, but for a woman, it really isn't.....! (otherwise anti-aging wouldn't be a multi-million dollar business right? LOL. And I also realize the internal damage could be much worse then the external, I have not gotten my bloodwork done yet. Thank-you, all of you, I'm sticking around for the long run.

[sailorjohn]

Originally Posted by summerwind

I guess my main reason for not going to AA or any other face-to-face group is that I'm painfully shy and I have extreme social anxiety. Being around too many people is actually a trigger for me, that actually got me drinking in the first place. Thank-you for responding.

Welcome!!!

Using outside help or not, I firmly believe one of the keys to success is accepting personal responsibility.

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.

[ClosetExtrovert]

You might run into someone that knows you at an AA meeting, and you'd embarassed because they'd know you have drinking problems? Sweetie, why do you think they're at the meeting?

[coffeedrinker]

Hey there, Summerwind,
I have a slightly different spin on the whole A.A. discussion - while I believe in it whole-heartedly - I think there are a couple of key pieces that help to keep people sober.
These elements do not have to be done within the context of the meeting or even group. But its the Steps we take, that heal and offer a path to redemption. The only other thing that I am thinking of that's "A.A. but not" is to think about getting a sponsor. This is one person to whom you can go to, start to form a relationship with, that truly understands and listens with unconditional support. If there's any way you would consider getting a sponsor, that could be a big ticket item in your recovery.
Just pieces, the Whole can be intimidating. Baby steps.
Peace....

[JoeRaisin]

Summerwind,

I'm new to this forum and had planned on lurking a lot longer before posting, but found your story compelling.

I can understand your reluctance to attend a meeting, many feel that way. In your position you may try looking up AA in the phone book and asking them to direct you to a small closed meeting. Meetings are an important aspect of the program of AA but they are by no means the entirety of it - that can be found in the big book.

You said that you were going to pick up a big book, did you get one?

The big book was written when AA was very new Bill W had four or five years of sobriety at the time, if I recall correctly. It's purpose was to take the program to suffering alcoholics where there was no AA.

I know of at least one person ('cause he told me) who got sober by reading the book and doing what it suggested. He only started going to meetings later to work with others.

Get a book (if you haven't yet), read it and if you have any questions I'm certain (judging by what I've read so far) the folks here will be happy to help you out.

Take Care

Joe

[CarolD]

coffeedrinker....

JoeRaisin.....

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