Planning my next drunk

[Clutch B]

I've been sober a few years. I haven't worked all the steps. I don't have a sponsor. I moved to a new city about a year ago and didn't bother to make any friends or get to know anyone here. (I never wanted to move here anyway)

A few weeks ago, we spent time with my in-laws. They drink ALOT. I was surrounded with unattended glasses of wine and beer bottles. They poured the wine right in front of my face and discussed among each other how good it was. (I LOVED wine ... it's the only drink I enjoyed.)

The temptation was there to steal a sip.

But I never did.

The smell never left my mind.

I've been obsessing over it.

My husband is going out of town this weekend. And in the back of my mind, I've been planning to get drunk. ("He'll never know!")

Part of me wants to get drunk. I've been weighing the pros and cons of drinking.

Then another part of me is scared to death, that I'm willing to consider "pros and cons" to ruining my life and hurting the one person who means the most to me. That tells me I'm a sick and selfish person.

I'm getting stir crazy

I thought maybe if I share this "secret", maybe it won't be such a secret anymore?

[LosingmyMisery]

Please don't drink. You will regret it. It isn't worth it.

[av001]

dont do it. it will feel good at the moment but you are going to regret it the next day. i have been sober for a week. the thought of alcohol is constantly running through my head.

be strong choose life instead of the bottle

[Zebra1275]

Clutch You're probably right, you can drink this weekend and he will never know. Then the next time one of you leaves town for the night you can probably do it again. I found it was easy to fool my wife, and she's a smart lady. But it will catch up with you! And you never will be able to fool your body, and eventually it will betray you, either through health problems or withdrawal symptoms. Eventually, your husband will know, it's just a matter of time. Don't give in.

[NewBeginning010]

Doesn't sound like a good plan to me Clutch B

I went through your first few pages of posts hoping to find a post of you sharing all of the bad experiences that you have been through because of alcohol but couldn't find one. Maybe I missed it.

Can you share a little about your story and the challanges/consequences that you had because of alcohol & what brought you here in the first place?


Its good to remember & share some of the bad things that we went through. Hope you make it through this

Take Care,

NB

[aasharon90]

I would sit in meeting after meeting
listening to those share about their
urges to drink or not to drink.

A comment from the floor all but
told them that if they were planning
drink then they proabably would.

Maybe they still had a drunk left in
them....however I knew i didnt.

I had tried countless times to quit
soon learned that I was completely
powerless over that first drink.


The urges would come and go but i
was always sitting in a meeting listen-
ing intentivey of how others would
go out and do some more control
drinking if they could, but returned
to tell us that they failed again and
that wine, beer, hard liquor, drugs is
still alive and well and kicking azz.

That was enough to hear and to say
BUT FOR THE GRACE OF MY HP THERE
GOES I.

That could have definitely been me
drinking, raising he** , getting
drunk and being completely abnoxious.

However today with a many one days
at a time sober collected together
and incorporating the steps in my
everyday affairs I am forever grateful
I dont have to drink TODAY.

[janbear]

Like was said, it may feel good in the moment, but are you really ready for what could happen next. There are no garantees about tomorrow. I hate to see you throw everything away just to feel good for a moment. Glad you are here and please keep coming back.

:praying

[Wolfchild]

[mariechi]

I add my voice to the please don't drink.

Is there something you can change in your life right now? You didn't want to move to this city, but there has to be something good about it. You don't make friends, but there are bound to be good people around. Maybe talk to your husband. See if together you can't be happier there.

Please don't start the drinking again. You know already that it will hurt not help.

[24hrsAday]

Originally Posted by Clutch B

I've been sober a few years. I haven't worked all the steps. I don't have a sponsor. I moved to a new city about a year ago and didn't bother to make any friends or get to know anyone here. (I never wanted to move here anyway)

A few weeks ago, we spent time with my in-laws. They drink ALOT. I was surrounded with unattended glasses of wine and beer bottles. They poured the wine right in front of my face and discussed among each other how good it was. (I LOVED wine ... it's the only drink I enjoyed.)

The temptation was there to steal a sip.

But I never did.

The smell never left my mind.

I've been obsessing over it.

My husband is going out of town this weekend. And in the back of my mind, I've been planning to get drunk. ("He'll never know!")

Part of me wants to get drunk. I've been weighing the pros and cons of drinking.

Then another part of me is scared to death, that I'm willing to consider "pros and cons" to ruining my life and hurting the one person who means the most to me. That tells me I'm a sick and selfish person.

I'm getting stir crazy

I thought maybe if I share this "secret", maybe it won't be such a secret anymore?

every time i drank after a period of sobriety my life got a bit worse.. drinking (if you are alcoholic) is like getting on an elevator that only goes down..

[joedris]

Let me suggest that you go back to square one and go to a meeting, get a sponsor, and start the steps again. You're setting yourself up here for a serious relapse and the price you're going to pay isn't worth it, believe me. Do you really think that if you drink this weekend that'll be the end of it? That one blowout will get it out of your system somehow?

If you drink this weekend, then you're right back where you started a few years ago and it won't stop there. It will get worse. Remember, this is a progressive disease we have. So do yourself a favor and find a meeting. There's an AA hotline in the phone book that'll tell you where the meetings are. You're one step from a disasterous move. Please don't make that move.

[David 1]

Those are triggers and I think we all have them in one form or another. The smell of a cabernet, laughter and loudness of people drinking, even seeing people get drunk are all powerful ones for me.

I just got back from a beautiful trip to Sydney, Australia and I was surrounded by a group of friends that could for sure outdrink me before I sobered up six years ago and it was uncomfortable for me.

My take on your story (and mine) is that I am glad it made us uncomfortable. It means we can never let our guard down. But we know we can't drink or our lives may very well be ruined.

I like what the others have said; get support and make your way through this. I also detect other issues in your life and it might be a good idea to make some new friends, take up a new hobby or join a gym and get in the best physical shape you have ever been in.

Just a couple of thoughts from somebody that has been there!

Dave

[debs]

The most dangerous thing for me to do is start rationalizing drinking to myself... and telling myself that it's 'bound to happen anyway'...

That's like standing on a banana peel..

Don't rationalize it.

Don't think about it.

Do something else... think about something else... the more you ponder it the more you'll obsess over it if you're anything like me.

Obsession leads us to the very place we at some point decided we NEVER wanted to be again- and that's drunk.

Hold on to your sobriety and all the beauty it has undoubtedly given you.

You'll only end up feeling like complete and utter **** if you do it.. Don't do that to yourself. You know what you really want.

(By the way- I'm preaching to myself here, too... I got a weekend alone this weekend and no work... But I'm gonna follow my own advice here and decide NOW that I'll just think about and do something... ANYTHING else... than ponder the temptation of inevitable destruction.)

[David 1]

Yeah, I kind of remember those weekends alone. I liked the freedom but at the same time was a little uneasy.

I like the "Don't Obsess advice!

Work out, go shopping, make some popcorn and watch a couple of good movies instead!!

[Dee74]

Hi ClutchB

I figure I've drunk enough to speak with some authority - no drink ever ends up good for an alcoholic.

Sounds to me like maybe you're not really happy?
Drinking will not help that.

It's an extremely short term and unpredictable solution for any complex problem.

Think about it - then just don't do it

D

[Gypsy Feet]

I had the house to myself last friday night, which is very rare. I just moved to this town 5 weeks ago. I decided if I was going to do something "in secret", it might as well be my first AA meeting. I liked going in secret, felt like an adventure. I met some interesting characters there, I may do another one.

[Boomslang]

I don't think you're a "sick and selfish person," I think you're just in a vulnerable spot. The part of you that wants a drink and is thinking of reasons and excuses to do it is also the part that will let you ruin everything you worked for in your years of sobriety just for some short-term gratification. I've heard it referred to as "the little voice," and it can get quite loud at times. Ultimately, you have the power to shut it up with your actions. Like they say, sometimes you just gotta take it minute by minute. Call a friend, read a book, go for a walk, come here and post, anything. I know it's tough, I've been there, but believe me, the alternative is worse. Stay cool, ClutchB.

[marty888]

I was outta town on business last night. By myself in the hotel and thought, I could drink and no one would know. Got on the internet found a AA meeting and got my ass there instead.
Slept like a baby last night and woke up feeling great this morning

[FightingIrish]

I think you'll find a possible solution to your problem in the first paragraph of your post.

[shaun00]

id say.."dont do it".......but if your anything like me thats about as useful as a chocolate t-pot.

lots of didnts and donts..that strikes me as still suffering...

heres a plan.....

do the deal......go back....do the "didnts" and the "donts" and get that obssesion to drink removed..

sounds like willpower alone is getting a bit "tight"....ive been where you are.

[Mark75]

I remember those early sobriety weekends alone. I kinda like what Gypsy said. I don't normally go to Saturday night meetings.... those nights I spend with my wife. But when she was out of town, I went to this Sat. night meeting that is considered to be the mother of all meetings in my area... usually like a hundred AAs, speaker meeting... So I went and it was neat.

They had good cake too.

Mark

[Charmie]

im not going to say dont do it either,im also not going to say try and remember how bad it was,,because if,you are alcoholic like me then your brain will have already convinced you it wasnt that bad.there is no way on this planet i could stop and stay stopped on my own,,i am powerless.my suggestion as others would be pick up that phone NOW! call the AA hotline and get to a meeting pronto.please do this,,,you may never get back,and this would mean insanity or death,of that we are certain.

[least]

Please don't give in to the addict voice. No good can come of drinking, and it just makes everything worse. Please don't drink.:ghug2

[justsomeguy]

My mind is trying to kill me. And it wants to make it look like an accident.

[jamdls]

Clutch you sound very unhappy:

"I've been sober a few years. I haven't worked all the steps. I don't have a sponsor. I moved to a new city about a year ago and didn't bother to make any friends or get to know anyone here. (I never wanted to move here anyway)"

Alcohol will only deepen your depression and make matters worse, and you probably know that. I know how difficult it is to make friends, I moved every 1-2 yrs growing up (army brat) and gave up making friends because it always hurt so much when they left or we did. But it sounds like you need to get involved with SOMETHING, a job?, pets? church? volunteering even an hour a week can do wonders for a person.
Don't give in to the stupid booze it will only make you look stupid.