How do you know for sure

[bugsquawsher]

How do you know for sure you are an alcoholic.
I personally don't think I am. But since My wife quit she's like an ex smoker.
You know the worse kind of none smoker.
She keeps throwing that word out at me and to others.
I took that test and Feel I answered it Honestly. I got a three. The saw the next page it says if you score 4 or more you have a problem.
From what I read if you deny it, You are one.
If you say you are, You are.
Kind of a catch 22 isn't it?
I have had the same job for 24 years. I don't miss work because of alcohol.
I have been hung over before, who here hasn't.
I have drank too much. I don't really like being drunk. But I do enjoy the buzz I get after 3 or 4 and feel I have had enough at 6. Skipping days is not a problem. My job requires me to go to sea on a ship where we can't have alcohol and I can be on there for a couple of weeks. Never has been a problem. After a long hot day working, we joke that it would be nice to have a cold one. But it's not a big deal. I dont' drink at home anymore because the wife don't like it. I do have friends in town and at work I like to hang out with and have a few. I don't go to bars though.
So what is the definitive way to tell?

[OneForTheRoad]

Hi bug - others will no doubt give their opinion, and please by warned that my opinions aren't always popular currency

I personally think there will always be a semantic argument about what is and isn't, and I'm not sure that many people can be 100% sure.

If your wife has a problem with your drinking then you have a problem. That problem may not be alcoholism or even alcohol-related, but it is something you need to solve.

My questions would be:
a) do you have any problem associated with alcohol, whatever label you or anyone else wants to put on them
b) do you regularly drink in an unhealthy manner (there are plenty of guidelines for this - for example in the UK it would be more than 210 ml of pure alcohol per week, or more than 40ml in a single sitting). If you do, and you are aware that you are but consistently drink at more than this level, then you have a problem you need to address

The next step would be to carefully document your drinking and make an effort to bring it to within moderate levels (i.e. lower than the above limits). If you can't manage to achieve this in a short period of time and maintain the new level for an extended length of time then you have some sort of dependence, and will need further help.

just my 2c

[Lo0p]

This isn't my opinion but I think the clinical question goes something like this: "Have you experienced negative consequences from drinking too much yet continued to drink anyway?"

[tommyk]

Ask your wife to stop calling you an alcoholic.

And then ask her to simply address the problem - your drinking.

And then start looking for a solution to the problem.

You see... the problem is NOT that your wife thinks you are an alcoholic, the problem is that your wife has a problem with your drinking.

[keithj]

Originally Posted by OneForTheRoad

The next step would be to carefully document your drinking and make an effort to bring it to within moderate levels (i.e. lower than the above limits).

Now you're stepping on dangerous ground, OFTR. You're advocating moderation to a potential alcoholic without having any significant experience with that being successful for yourself.

Examine the source of information. Someone still drinking unhealthy amounts is advocating that another guy still drink. Go figure.

I haven't engaged much in your hypothetical posts, nor will I engage much here. I just raise the concern of whether or not you are a credible source of information when it concerns recovery. A lot of folks sitting next to me at the bar encouraged me to take it easy or slow down a bit as well.

[Lo0p]

Originally Posted by keithj

Now you're stepping on dangerous ground, OFTR. You're advocating moderation to a potential alcoholic without having any significant experience with that being successful for yourself.

Examine the source of information. Someone still drinking unhealthy amounts is advocating that another guy still drink. Go figure.

I haven't engaged much in your hypothetical posts, nor will I engage much here. I just raise the concern of whether or not you are a credible source of information when it concerns recovery. A lot of folks sitting next to me at the bar encouraged me to take it easy or slow down a bit as well.

Trying to help him prove to himself that he's an alcoholic because he doesn't get it yet...yeah man, dangerous ground...?

[Mark75]

Originally Posted by bugsquawsher

How do you know for sure you are an alcoholic.

Do you drink when you didn't want to?
Do you drink more than you wanted to?
Can you stop when you want to?

Be honest with yourself.

Your wife, is she a recovered alcoholic? or Did she just quit drinking?

Mark

[shaun00]

what happens when you dont drink my friend?

[CarolD]

Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum

Good to see you here with us

[bugsquawsher]

Thanks for the Responses. Please don't anyone get bent out of shape over someones opinion. We all have them, and a right to them. I know I have a few of my own. Like its my opinion at this moment that my only problem is that the wife doesn't like it. Why? She says I am mean to her. What she calls mean is when you gets on me about drinking or anything after I had a few. I stand up for myself. I'm mean if I disagree with her. I'm mean when I roll my eyes at something she said that I think is out of line.
Yet she's the one that insults me. I try very Hard Not to resort to name calling because that leads to nothing but trouble. Doesn't solve a thing.
I wish she would pop in here and add her side of story. Maybe yall could make sense of it. I sure can't.
I don't drink around her because she quit after years of drinking a 12 pack plus a night. I started asking her if she thought she drank too much when I started seeing how she would Hide her empties and how she started putting the beer in a cup. To this day she will deny I had any influence on her decision. What ever makes her feel better. I doesn't really matter. But man she got mad at me for saying anything when she was drinking. I wasn't at the time trying to get her to quit. Just slow down.
I admit That when she decided to quit I said I would quit with her. I didn't follow through. I appologized for that. But I didn't see why I had to be punished for something she had a problem with. I keep it away from her. So what's the problem. It's not like I come home trashed or even Overly buzzed.
I'm down to stopping at my buddies house once a week and drinking maybe 6 over a couple of hours time.
This is usually on wednesday. Now yesterday I returned some equipment I borrowed from another friend and had Three talking to him.
I just dont' see the problem.

[bugsquawsher]

Originally Posted by trucker

what happens when you dont drink my friend?

Nothing?

Originally Posted by Cubile75

Do you drink when you didn't want to?
Why would I do that? If I don't want to then I don't

Do you drink more than you wanted to?

I have been drunk a few times, yes. Sometimes were intentional. And some I just got carried away with what ever was going on.

Can you stop when you want to?

I have stopped to see a friend and told myself I would stop at X# and do. But yes there have been times I was enjoying the visit and stayed longer than intended.

Be honest with yourself.

Your wife, is she a recovered alcoholic? or Did she just quit drinking?

You could say that.

Mark

[Mark75]

Is she recovering, ie... Working a program or is she "white knuckling" it? Do you know what I mean?

There is nothing wrong at all with having a few beers with a friend. But something is wrong somewhere. You wouldn't be here, obviously, if there were not... Maybe it is your wife, maybe it's your relationship... Or maybe it is your drinking...

Bear with us.

Mark

[CarolD]

Well.....
When I quit drinking...I did not find the ordor of alcohol
pleasant....especially on my still drinking lover.
Even tho he showered and brushed his teeth when he came
over to my place.... he reeked.

I did break off with him...we had little in common except booze.

I'll leave the marriage dynamics to others.
Best of luck with your marriage difficulties

[Sikkisirus]

"But I didn't see why I had to be punished for something she had a problem with."

Sounds to me she has the problem, not you.

[chrisinaustin]

Bug, based on what you've stated, you may or may not be an alcoholic. It's been my experience that if you are an alcoholic, deep down you know. Just like the opinions of others can't bring you true happiness, they can't make you an alcoholic, nor can they ever really know. The various self-tests are a good starting point, but it's ultimately a self-diagnosis.

Your wife's issues are by rule unrelated to yours and vice versa, no matter how much they may be interdependent. I have a feeling that someone else is going to ask the same thing, but how is your wife's program?

[bugsquawsher]

Originally Posted by chrisinaustin

Bug, based on what you've stated, you may or may not be an alcoholic. It's been my experience that if you are an alcoholic, deep down you know. Just like the opinions of others can't bring you true happiness, they can't make you an alcoholic, nor can they ever really know. The various self-tests are a good starting point, but it's ultimately a self-diagnosis.

Your wife's issues are by rule unrelated to yours and vice versa, no matter how much they may be interdependent. I have a feeling that someone else is going to ask the same thing, but how is your wife's program?

She just quit. As far as I know , there was no program. She does go to "bible study" but as far as I know, she's in AA. I have no Clue. She don't tell and I don't ask. Asking in her eyes is accusing her of Lying.
I may be gettin older, But I can still learn. And she has learned me not to question her about anything.

[bugsquawsher]

Originally Posted by Sikkisirus

"But I didn't see why I had to be punished for something she had a problem with."

Sounds to me she has the problem, not you.

I read your post several Times before it hit me.
Its really funny. Everyone I Vent too says the same thing.
Everyone I hang out with, Drink With or travel with all says she has the problem. But I have to give her this.
All these people only hear my side of the story the way I see things.
If she were to post up her side, there may or may not be a shift in opinions.
This that I post is just how I view things in my life as it stands. I am in no way saying I'm right. Just saying this is how I see things to be true.

And this lunch needs soy sauce.

[OneForTheRoad]

It appears I overstepped a mark in a previous post which has now been removed. Let me recap in a more 'orderly' manner.

Keith - I think you have misjudged my post.
The original poster has said he doesn't believe himself to be an alcoholic and has indicated that he doesn't want to quit drinking entirely. I suggested that if he is drinking in an unsafe (according to medical guidelines) manner that he document how much he is drinking and try to cut down - AND that if he can't do that in a short period of time AND maintain that healthy level, THEN he needs to seek further help.

In short, probably pretty much the advice I expect 99% of doctors would give if informed of the issue

Furthermore I qualified my post at start and end by saying that it was just my opinion (just my 2c), and that they are controversial in some quarters round here!

It seems I can't win with some posters - if I post on a theoretical/hypothetical issue I'm somehow against the forum which is about sharing experiences and offering support. If I post support then I'm 'on dangerous ground'.

Maybe you could be more positive and suggest what the original poster should do, rather than what I shouldn't.

respectfully........

[smacked]

I just want to say that I feel very blessed that my husband quit drinking when I did, for the first 6 months.. and now drinks a glass of wine out with dinner about once a month, and not around me. His support was critical to my success.. and because he isn't an alcoholic, he didn't think twice about it.. he could care less if he drinks or not.

Try quitting for a few months.. if anything else, to support your wife in her recovery. If you're not an alcoholic, that should be a non-issue.

Course...you brought it here as an issue.. but..

Good luck!

[Coolmummy]

You don't sound like an 'alcoholic' to me. I don't call myself an alcoholic even though I had to stop drinking as i couldn't stop and it was harming every single facet of my life. I don't make a big thing of it at all - everybody I know can drink 'socially'. Sometimes they will have 'too many' and act in adrunk manner. That is fine with me (if a bit boring ) I jokingly sniff at my dh when he has a couple of beers and I am rightly PROUD of myself. maybe your wife is wanting to be proud and feels a huge sense of acomplishment but can't verbalise it yet? Just my thoughts

[CarolD]

SR is a moderated site. Posts are removed that violate our
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[Mark75]

Bugsquawsher...

Gee....So many ways to look at this...

Smacked has one approach... can't hurt... but it really brought into focus what I was trying to say...

My wife has one each evening... a tall white wine spritzer (utter those words in these parts and they think of me...). Oh, how I resented that early in my sobriety, it didn't really threaten my sobriety but it did cause some difficult evenings and there was a danger of that coming between us....

Yea, if she wanted to pass on the wine like smacked's husband did, I would have appreciated that... But she's not an alcoholic, she doesn't drink at dinner, not at parties and never before 10:30 at night... and just one, well a tall one, she never gets drunk... I don't want her to quit, why should she? It's her home too... I have reached a point in my sobriety where I am not resentful, heck, if she wanted me to make her one, I would...

Maybe she resents you because you can drink and you are not an alcoholic... just a thought...

Mark

[joedris]

There is no definitive way to tell if you're an alcoholic. You and only you can make that decision. From what you've said, however, it looks like a subject worth exploring. I suppose the litmus test would be to do nothing and check back in in about 5 years. I got a hunch that then you're be better equiped to answer the question. But in the meantime, if you value harmony in the home, quit for a while and see what happens.

[keithj]

Saw your previous post OFTR. Nice.

Originally Posted by OneForTheRoad

Maybe you could be more positive and suggest what the original poster should do, rather than what I shouldn't.

I don't make a habit of telling other people what they should do, but I gave the best suggestion I had to the OP. Be wary of taking advice about possible drinking problems from someone that isn't sober.

I share my experience all over this forum. Because I've been trapped in chronic alcoholism and have found a way out.

[sailorjohn]

Originally Posted by bugsquawsher

How do you know for sure you are an alcoholic.

I guess the only way to know for sure is to drink yourself to death but I'm not advocating that.

Originally Posted by bugsquawsher

I have been hung over before, who here hasn't.

Uh, the folks here are recovering alcoholics.

Welcome!!!