New Method....

[preta]

In my experience, AA meetings are a place for people to come and talk about the solution, as laid out in the Big Book, and found in the twelve steps. Its a simple program for complicated people, which is why we have meetings, and sponsors. I know if I tried to work the steps by myself, my big ego would get in the way and I would get it all twisted. Thats a fact! Debs, and any other newcomers who are willing and who are reading this: Check out the sobriety dates of people when they post. If someone hasnt been sober three months and are trashing AA, maybe their advice isnt the best to be taking. Stick with the winners for sure. The winners are also a diverse bunch. Theres the crusty oldtimer whos gonna use the tough love approach, theres the cultish people (yuck), there just normal everyday people of all ages, creeds and lifestyles. The thing they have in common is, they've worked the program with a sponsor, and as a 12th step, they need to carry the message to the next suffering alcoholic. I dont do it "so i can stay sober", tho thats a pretty neat side effect. Its just what any human being whos been down there, and then experienced spiritual fitness, would do.

[JohnnyZ]

Glad you're still here Debs! :-)

[keithj]

Glad you're checking in, debs. You seem to know the truth about your drinking. What's holding you back?

Originally Posted by debs

Who knows what the answer is...

I'll quote Dr. Bob here, "But if you really and truly want to quit drinking liquor for good and all, and sincerely feel that you must have some help, we know that we have an answer for you. It never fails if you go about it with one half the zeal you have been in the habit of showing when getting another drink."

Emphasis is mine. We know we have an answer because we've seen it work over and over and over.

Originally Posted by debs

.... but I spose...This too shall pass.

Not in my experience. Not without doing what's required.

[EvilBunny]

Originally Posted by preta

Check out the sobriety dates of people when they post. If someone hasnt been sober three months and are trashing AA, maybe their advice isnt the best to be taking. Stick with the winners for sure.

This is just offensive. I might still be what you would call a "loser", but that doesn't make my contributions invalid. I don't consider it to be "trashing AA" to simply report my experiences with it. I wish more steppers would be compassionate enough to consider that, while maybe what they did worked for them, it doesn't work for everybody. There is no one-size-fits-all solution.

If it's okay to say "AA worked for me" then it should also be okay to say "AA didn't work for me". You can talk about the successes, but I think it's dishonest to leave out the (far greater) numbers of those who failed using the same method. I know, I know - if AA doesn't work for you then you must not be a "winner" or you obviously didn't try. That's just zealotry, and it doesn't help anyone.

As this relates to the thread: There's plenty of evidence to suggest that rigidity to the program (including sponsorship) is no guarantee of success and there's plenty of evidence to suggest that a lack of rigidity is no guarantee of failure.

[smacked]

Anyone remembering the original point of the post?

Or this part?

And I DID try AA... it was very, very helpful...

It was something I cherished on the days that I made it to those meetings...

I truly, without any doubt, ejoyed those times... even benefitted from them-honestly....

I don't use AA in my recovery, and I don't find meetings helpful to ME, but Debs, I know it has been helpful to you. You were feeling so good, and doing so well with yourself when you were attending meetings, based on what you said. That, I believe, is why people might suggest you go back to see if you feel as helped and supported as you did when you were attending. Forget the (original question in the post) worry about sponsorship, and just do what you feel is going to be most helpful to you. You did it for longer than you even believed you could.. remember that?

[shaun00]

Fear has attempted to cripple me a few times since ive been sober.

"at some of these we balked"........i balked a few times.

i remember walking to meet with my priest......with a pocket full of some of the deepest secrets in my life....sweating....praying to put one foot in front of the other...crippled with the same fear i guess.

i was lucky ...my sponsor approached me ..probably because he was sick of hearing my drivvle night in night out.

please dont be one of the good people i see doing meetings and waiting for "it" to happen ...in my experience it dont..

[baldjim]

sorry debs no good advice to offer i just stopped on my own oh and with the fantastic help of you SR people of course

i just wanted to say well done to you for stopping the drinking and i'm sure i speak for everyone on sr when i say great job we are proud of you

[EvilBunny]

Originally Posted by smacked

Anyone remembering the original point of the post?

I don't think everyone is so off-topic as you imply. We are discussing the necessity of sticking to the letter of the law, so to speak, in AA. Does one truly need to get a sponsor (or strictly follow all of the other so-called "suggestions") to stay sober? is the theme of this thread and it is being adhered to. Any discussion on the efficacy of sponsorship will naturally lead to a wider discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of rigid adherence to the other items on the standard AA list of "suggestions" (e.g. 90 meetings in 90 days, no relationships in the first year, etc.) vs. a "take what you need and leave the rest" approach. What's the problem?

These are discussion threads. Standard decorum does not dictate that posters solely address the member who started the thread, but simply that they try to stick to the topic. If the topic is sufficiently broad, the discussion has a wide berth to meander. The thread is not just for the benefit of the thread-starter, but for all who participate.

[debs]

I'm sorry yall.... On so many levels... Not tryin' to be another statistic or make anybody feel sorry for me; I did this and I accept responsibility...

I just didn't wanna let any of yall down...

I'm so ****** sick of this ****.

Maybe not enough, tho.

[Dee74]

Again I'm not let down, Deb
you're me-as-was. I get it.

Just be smarter than me - we're here when you want to use us before you pick up too, ok?
D

[preta]

I'm just saying, when someone comes looking for help with their alcoholism (yaknow, that fatal disease many of us struggle with?) Maybe they should listen to those who have managed to stay sober for multiple years, and not multiple days. I tried to help everyone when I was sober a week too, and I ended up doing far more harm than good, in retrospect.
Debs, hang in there. I'm sorry if I in any way contributed to this thread being chaotic for you. Above all, dont drink, go to meetings..the rest you can bite off little by little as you feel comfortable..

[Dee74]

Over the years I've found I've gotten something from everyone here...some had years, some had days

I get what you're saying tho Preta - I especially appreciate the people with years sobriety who share their time here - I never worry about the advice given out here - wrong notes might be hit from time to time but there's always wiser heads to offer opposing views

I hope you weren't upset by this threads twists and turns Debs - we seem to be going through a debate fad recently....these are discussion threads sure, but it seems basic respect to always try and remember the OP to me...

D

[debs]

I'm not bothered... Happy to see any and all input from folks... especially if it ends up being helpful to themselves or another member... That's what it's all about, right?

Still, the posts in my defense are taken well... and very much appreciated.

We're all just a bunch of people trying to get better or trying to help others get better anyway.... I don't think we can argue about that.

[Ago]

Originally Posted by debs

I'm sorry yall.... On so many levels... Not tryin' to be another statistic or make anybody feel sorry for me; I did this and I accept responsibility...

I just didn't wanna let any of yall down...

I'm so ****** sick of this ****.

Maybe not enough, tho.

No worries kid

You go to any meetings?

get any phone numbers?

call anyone?

Calling other alcoholics (women) will help many ways, one, you will begin to feel comfortable using the phone so maybe will be able to do so in event you want to take a drink, frequently another alcoholic can "talk us down" and you can start getting a feeling for what woman are stable, have a good head on their shoulders, appear happy, joyous and free, in other words a woman you can ask to take you through the steps.

preta for example, someone who makes good sense, this is not a time when you need "emotional support" (you get that from a support group also by attending meetings and using the phone) but someone with the nuts and bolts experience on how to get and stay sober.

You wouldn't ask the students that kept getting held back year after year in math class how to ace a Calculus test, you'd go to the calc professor, however those other students are who you would go through study groups with in order to learn together, they are all needed, but just be sure not to confuse anyone's roles.

If you want to learn to fly a plane you ask someone who has demonstrated the ability to do so, not the person who keeps crashing his.

Doesn't make him a loser but doesn't make him much of a pilot.

Personally, I crash cars, 23 at last count, so have some experience with running into sh1t

Keep coming back, we are all rooting for ya kiddo.

[JohnnyZ]

Hey Debs, let's go another day. Ok?! :-)

[CarolD]

Debs.....
I did return to drinking quite often after I decided to quit.
I was in AA 5 years before I earned a 1 year chip...

Please don't give up on yourself.
Yes you too can win over alcohol
Prayers continue for you

[AuntieAuntie]

Debs,

I feel your pain. Asking someone to be my sponsor or as I was calling it "my new BFF" was very difficult for me.

I also had ( or have: I am working on it) a perfectionism problem. So I was stuck. If I didn't have a Sponsor, I was not doing AA correctly. If I wasn't doing AA correctly then why bother to go at all?

Well, I liked the way I felt after a meeting and then I would beat myself up for doing doing it "right" and feel like crud. Horrible cycle!

By going to meetings this is what I learned because at the time I wasn't really talking but I was listening:

1. Just keep coming.

2. It is progress not perfection.

3. Join a group and get active with the group and they will show you the way.

So I joined a group and became quietly active. Got there early and helped set up. Stayed a little later and put away the banners. The people in my group started talking to me because I was THERE. Then as we spoke, I got to know them, as I got to know them they guided me to where I needed to be. I found a sponsor through my group, I found the steps through my group, I found a new type of social life through my group....I could go on and on.

It took the anxiety out of the whole sponsor thing.

Recovery is a journey and journeys take time. Sometimes we even get a little lost but if we stop and ask directions someone will point us back in the right direction!

Peace!

AuntieAuntie

[EvilBunny]

Originally Posted by preta

I'm just saying, when someone comes looking for help with their alcoholism (yaknow, that fatal disease many of us struggle with?) Maybe they should listen to those who have managed to stay sober for multiple years, and not multiple days. I tried to help everyone when I was sober a week too, and I ended up doing far more harm than good, in retrospect.

I can see your point, but if you can talk about what works, then people who have tried rehab, counseling, AA, etc. and still struggle can certainly speak to what doesn't work? I would think that could be helpful as well.

[debs]

Lost another job.

This shitt is killing me... inside and out...

And now I may lose my home.

Those of you that are beating this thing, please, please keep going...

The alternative truly isn't worth it.

[bugsworth]

Sadly it does kill us if we let it Debs. I'm am so sorry for recent job loss.

[preta]

I know when I started out Debs my life was completely unmanageable. I couldnt keep a job or a place to live, not even a rented room. I had to seek help from social services, an outpatient rehab (in addition to inpatient because of physical withdrawal), and the structure of a halfway house. These are not available in all areas to all people. If they are and you think you might need any of that stuff, please dont let pride get in the way. Remember you have a medical condition, that is recognized by the medical community.
Dont drink today, we are praying for you. Dont be worried about "letting anyone down". One day, one hour, one breath at a time if necessary. And call someone.

[Jeb18]

If you truely want to quit drinking you have to want to quit. The hard thing I've found out is that I don't think I'll ever not want to drink. But I am only 18 maybe someday I will just mature and grow up.

[LosingmyMisery]

I am going to have to go with it is the fear of unknown that is getting the best of you. I knew little about getting sober and felt very uncomfortable with many things during the process. I think in time, you will find a woman you will feel comfortable with. It really isn't as bad as it sounds. As far as you being shy, I think this will help you to overcome that. The experience is an experience in growth. Don't worry about it. Go to a meetings and let the process fall into place. If you aren't finding that person, keep looking. It may take a few meetings to find the one where you feel the most comfortable. You can do this Deb. Remember, it starts by making the right choice.