Getting through holidays is the WORST! - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Katie09 · 07-04-2009, 11:20 AM

First, let me preface this by saying holidays are the WORST for me. I spend every single one sitting in this house with big plans to go through stuff and donate it, sell it on Ebay, toss it, etc. I just never get around to it, but maybe today I will. I also sit and ruminate/steam over all of the big plans my former "whatever he was" has going on while I have none. I think how I've wasted THREE YEARS of my life like this and it makes me even more angry.

I feel like I've really become destabilized in this past week. By this I mean I drank again and have messed up on my meds. Throw in today and all of the anger I am feeling and I just want to get through today in one piece without going off the deep end.

To this end, I am going to really try to keep it together and not do anything stupid. I will check in here and read. I am going to try to do some good baby steps to advance my cause. I WILL take my meds even though I have, once again, screwed up on them. I am keeping my eye on Wed night aftercare wherein I FINALLY speak my truth. I am tired of being the crazy, alcoholic victim who changes this guy's name in conversation to protect him, as the rehab people know who he is and he knows them. And that's a whole other story and I will just leave it at that.

If anyone would like to share how they have gotten through holidays alone, that would be great and thanks for letting me have a place to write this.

suki44883 · 07-04-2009, 12:10 PM

Katie, do you like to read? Maybe there's a bookstore close by where you can go and spend some time. I love bookstores and finding books that I can get so engrossed in that I totally forget whatever is depressing me. You don't have to sit at home feeling lost and lonely. I don't know what the weather is like where you are, but if it's not raining or snowing or there's not an earthquake shaking the ground, why don't you get out of the house for a while and just enjoy the sunshine and stuff. There's got to be something you can do or somewhere you can go to get yourself out of that depressing house. Think about it, Katie.

**CarolD** · 07-04-2009, 12:19 PM

My AA home group is having a picnic with friends and family
invited as well. It's an annual event to celebrate
both the 4th and our freedom from alcohol.

Instead of joining them...
I went and opened our meeting hall for anyone interested.
I had planned to chair.....but stepped aside for someone who
had never chaired before. there were 10 of us...the
topic was on anger and resentments from "As Bill Sees It"

I enjoyed the meeting tremendously and also lunch with
2 other members. They just left my apartment ....

we are all filled with fellowship and foood.

AA is still an awesome adventure for me...

24hrsAday · 07-04-2009, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by suki44883

Katie, do you like to read? Maybe there's a bookstore close by where you can go and spend some time. I love bookstores and finding books that I can get so engrossed in that I totally forget whatever is depressing me. You don't have to sit at home feeling lost and lonely. I don't know what the weather is like where you are, but if it's not raining or snowing or there's not an earthquake shaking the ground, why don't you get out of the house for a while and just enjoy the sunshine and stuff. There's got to be something you can do or somewhere you can go to get yourself out of that depressing house. Think about it, Katie.

yes! i must 2end this as a good idea.. it works good for me too!

FightingIrish · 07-04-2009, 05:11 PM

Last night I took a meeting into one of the local detoxes, then we went out to dinner afterward.

Tonight is BBQ with A.A. and other friends and then watching fireworks afterward.

That is how I am getting through the holidays.

MycoolFitz · 07-04-2009, 05:56 PM

The first thing I think is acceptance. You are alone for the holiday, that's just the way it is this time. Being angry, resentful, drunk,etc. is not going to change it or make it better. You feel you've wasted 3 years of your life, ok, they're gone. Being angry, resentful, drunk,etc. is not going to change it or make it better.

You havestop the process. How do you stop it? You stop it when you move out of your bitter thoughts about the past and future and just begin to be here with what is,
doing the best you can, noticing what you do. Once this process becomes clear, there is only one thing that you really need to do:to break that chain, to ease your suffering.

It means you have to be here now, in this very moment, and you have to know what is happening internally and externally. It means being alert to your motives and learning to change unwholesome thoughts and emotions into wholesome ones. Mindfulness is a mental activity that in due course eliminates your suffering,one day at a time just as it was accumulated

"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future."
- Fulton Oursler
.

jmart · 07-04-2009, 06:13 PM

Hi,Katie09.. it got the same thing going..some times it is a great time for introspective . Hope u are well.. Thank you MycoolFitz, well said.. I really like your signature..

"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future."
- Fulton Oursler

Thanks, Jay

tommyk · 07-04-2009, 06:35 PM

"I think how I've wasted THREE YEARS of my life like this and it makes me even more angry."

So, um.. what are you doing next year on 4th of July...?

If nothing changes... nothing changes.

Katie09 · 07-04-2009, 08:25 PM

All good thoughts. Thank God for Lifetime TV. Keeps me out of trouble. Anyway, I hope all of you have fun watching fireworks tonight (or had fun watching fireworks tonight).

suki44883 · 07-04-2009, 08:29 PM

Well, there's a Twilight Zone marathon on Sci Fi.

Katie09 · 07-04-2009, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by suki44883

Well, there's a Twilight Zone marathon on Sci Fi.

Hey, thanks a lot! I think it was the same thing last year and I taped (Yes, a dinosaur here - VHS) three tapes full of episodes. I think I'll check it out this year too.

gerryP · 07-04-2009, 09:20 PM

Katie, what's different from this weekend than any other weekend, other than it being a holiday? You report that you never get out of your house, so I'm not understanding why today, tomorrow and the next day is a problem.

What was stopping you from getting out on your own to watch fireworks?

Katie09 · 07-04-2009, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gerryP

Katie, what's different from this weekend than any other weekend, other than it being a holiday? You report that you never get out of your house, so I'm not understanding why today, tomorrow and the next day is a problem.

What was stopping you from getting out on your own to watch fireworks?

Well, for one thing it was 106 degrees here today. The rest of the week will be 108 (and don't believe it's a "dry heat"). I don't like ovens. Don't even know what the temp is here now, but I can say with some certainty it's HOT. I live with fans on all the time so I don't even want to leave my house. Holidays are just tough, as it seems like everyone else has something going on and I feel like a failure.

gerryP · 07-04-2009, 09:57 PM

You don't have to GO somewhere to celebrate 4th of July Katie. Can you invite a friend over and BBQ, or go to a movie where there is air conditioning on your own? Rent some movies you haven't seen. Think of something you have *wanted* to do for awhile and do that. I'm not crazy about the heat myself, but if I didn't get used to it I'd be in all summer.

**Dee74** · 07-04-2009, 10:02 PM

Quote:

Holidays are just tough, as it seems like everyone else has something going on and I feel like a failure.

Gerry's got a point tho, Katie. This weekend *is* like any other cos you're spending it inside like you usually do...like I am. Its just your feelings that ''everyone else has something going on' that make it different.

You know I don't get out much - that used to depress me.

I came to realise tho I can do what I can to change that situation (and I did - I get out more now thanks to carers and people)....but the greatest change I can effect is in my attitude.

I make myself have things going on. I try to keep usefully busy - I have plans to write songs and books, and tidy up the millions of CDs I have lying about...but lately I seem to spend a good deal of my time on SR, because it makes me feel like I'm doing *something* good and worthwhile.

I know you reasonably well - there must be something that makes you feel that way - regardless of whether it's outside your door or right there at home - do it

You are not a failure - don't let yrself think that way

D

Katie09 · 07-04-2009, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gerryP

You don't have to GO somewhere to celebrate 4th of July Katie. Can you invite a friend over and BBQ, or go to a movie where there is air conditioning on your own? Rent some movies you haven't seen. Think of something you have *wanted* to do for awhile and do that. I'm not crazy about the heat myself, but if I didn't get used to it I'd be in all summer.

Thank you, but I do live in the hottest region of the country. It's only July 4 and I am already spent. I'd swim in my pool, except my dog drowned in it, and I haven't gotten past it. I don't leave my house unless I have to. I don't think people can appreciate a desert until they live here. Plus, I am going through menopause. I have a fan on me 24/7. That's my excuse and it's my reality.

And as far as friends go, none of them live here. I liked Suki's suggestion to watch Sci Fi and my Lifetime movie comes on shortly. Got through the day ok and that's as good as I can do. Now fireworks are starting so of course my precious little Shih Tzu (born last year on 7/10) is having a fit

. How cute - her first 4th of July in this world.

Katie09 · 07-04-2009, 10:27 PM

THANKS SUKI!!! I just watched the BEST episode of Twilight ZONE and the fireworks are OVER! I can't thank you enough and I'll continue to watch....

LosingmyMisery · 07-04-2009, 11:57 PM

Honestly, I dread holidays. I would rather spend them home alone. Then I would have peace and quiet. Holidays are spent listening to my very unhappy mother complaining and picking arguments with everyone. Today, after the parade, the family went to her house for a BBQ. She picked a fight with her brother over miracle grow and got so drunk it was unbearable to watch and listen too.

Holidays aren't a great time for everyone. I couldn't get out of there, to my home, my quiet, my sanity, quick enough Neither one of my children could make the effort to stop by and make an appearance. They were to wrapped up in themselves and having fun to make time for their family. It was very disappointing to say the least. Maybe the impact of holiday past has something to do with it.

I don't partake in the fireworks, haven't for years. I don't mind one bit. It really isn't bad to be alone on the holidays. I can always find something to entertain myself with. It beats watching someone get wasted and make a fool of themselves. Especially a grumpy drunk. Not trying to trivialize your day. It is easy to think everyone is having a great day enjoying themselves. That isn't always the case. Watching the twilight zone, home alone, beats being stuck, living it, at my mothers house.

Sorry for the vent, but the same ole, same ole, holiday misery gets really tiring. This is every holiday for as long as I can remember. Just thought I would add a different perspective to being alone. I'd take alone any day.

I hope next year you can spend the holiday in a cooler climate and spend it with someone pleasant and enjoyable.

Gypsy Feet · 07-05-2009, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LosingmyMisery

Neither one of my children could make the effort to stop by and make an appearance. They were to wrapped up in themselves and having fun to make time for their family. It was very disappointing to say the least. Maybe the impact of holiday past has something to do with it.

If your children have figured out how to avoid your miserable mother on holidays, so she doesn't ruin theirs, maybe they are on to something!

I am just learning that it is ok to say no. If the person is going to be unhappy whether my children and I show or not, we may as well enjoy ourselves elsewhere.

Lenina · 07-05-2009, 12:36 AM

Katie,

I am glad to know you watch the "Twilight Zone" marathons! I love them! That show was so full of social critique that applies to this day. I know you have an interest in politics so you're sure to get a kick out of them. A lot of old "commies" wrote episodes under psuedonyms. Ring Lardner for one, I'm pretty sure.

Love,

Lenina

collinsmi · 07-05-2009, 10:07 AM

Ate steaks and shot off fireworks with a few of my AA friends. Then, farm town, mouse hunt and mafia wars, etc.... My alky brain will still wallow in self generated guilt, fear, and just plain old crap. The 10th step, whatever other step I'm on, and getting on this site will drag it back out. Just worked now!

LosingmyMisery · 07-05-2009, 03:10 PM

Gypsy Feet, Oh I agree, I say run for the hills!!! Holidays should be an ejoyable time, not torture. I just miss them when they aren't there. I totally understand why they aren't.

Katie09 · 07-05-2009, 10:20 PM

Hey, thanks again to all who posted in this thread and got me through yesterday. I realize I am not the only person who is lonely on holidays. Dee, I will try not to feel like a failure.

Hey, tomorrow is a new day! I plan to make some positive changes and very soon - last week was kind of a mess, but I am grateful to be sitting here typing.

07-04-2009, 11:20 AM	#1 (permalink)
Katie09 Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,145	Getting through holidays is the WORST! First, let me preface this by saying holidays are the WORST for me. I spend every single one sitting in this house with big plans to go through stuff and donate it, sell it on Ebay, toss it, etc. I just never get around to it, but maybe today I will. I also sit and ruminate/steam over all of the big plans my former "whatever he was" has going on while I have none. I think how I've wasted THREE YEARS of my life like this and it makes me even more angry. I feel like I've really become destabilized in this past week. By this I mean I drank again and have messed up on my meds. Throw in today and all of the anger I am feeling and I just want to get through today in one piece without going off the deep end. To this end, I am going to really try to keep it together and not do anything stupid. I will check in here and read. I am going to try to do some good baby steps to advance my cause. I WILL take my meds even though I have, once again, screwed up on them. I am keeping my eye on Wed night aftercare wherein I FINALLY speak my truth. I am tired of being the crazy, alcoholic victim who changes this guy's name in conversation to protect him, as the rehab people know who he is and he knows them. And that's a whole other story and I will just leave it at that. If anyone would like to share how they have gotten through holidays alone, that would be great and thanks for letting me have a place to write this. __________________ Imagine what you could do... if you did what you imagined.

07-04-2009, 12:10 PM	#2 (permalink)
suki44883 Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Somewhere Out There Posts: 2,624	Katie, do you like to read? Maybe there's a bookstore close by where you can go and spend some time. I love bookstores and finding books that I can get so engrossed in that I totally forget whatever is depressing me. You don't have to sit at home feeling lost and lonely. I don't know what the weather is like where you are, but if it's not raining or snowing or there's not an earthquake shaking the ground, why don't you get out of the house for a while and just enjoy the sunshine and stuff. There's got to be something you can do or somewhere you can go to get yourself out of that depressing house. Think about it, Katie. __________________ When the power of love rises above the love of power, then the world will know peace. -Jimi Hendrix

07-04-2009, 12:19 PM	#3 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dallas, Ga. USA Posts: 21,634	My AA home group is having a picnic with friends and family invited as well. It's an annual event to celebrate both the 4th and our freedom from alcohol. Instead of joining them... I went and opened our meeting hall for anyone interested. I had planned to chair.....but stepped aside for someone who had never chaired before. there were 10 of us...the topic was on anger and resentments from "As Bill Sees It" I enjoyed the meeting tremendously and also lunch with 2 other members. They just left my apartment .... we are all filled with fellowship and foood. AA is still an awesome adventure for me... __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery! :

07-04-2009, 05:11 PM	#5 (permalink)
FightingIrish problem with authority Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: ny Posts: 867	Last night I took a meeting into one of the local detoxes, then we went out to dinner afterward. Tonight is BBQ with A.A. and other friends and then watching fireworks afterward. That is how I am getting through the holidays. __________________ "Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."

07-04-2009, 06:13 PM	#7 (permalink)
jmart TC MI Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Traverse city MI Posts: 73	Hi,Katie09.. it got the same thing going..some times it is a great time for introspective . Hope u are well.. Thank you MycoolFitz, well said.. I really like your signature.. "Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future." - Fulton Oursler Thanks, Jay __________________ Dignity is one thing that cannot be preserved in alcohol.

07-04-2009, 05:56 PM	#6 (permalink)
MycoolFitz Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Here, Now Posts: 450	The first thing I think is acceptance. You are alone for the holiday, that's just the way it is this time. Being angry, resentful, drunk,etc. is not going to change it or make it better. You feel you've wasted 3 years of your life, ok, they're gone. Being angry, resentful, drunk,etc. is not going to change it or make it better. You havestop the process. How do you stop it? You stop it when you move out of your bitter thoughts about the past and future and just begin to be here with what is, doing the best you can, noticing what you do. Once this process becomes clear, there is only one thing that you really need to do:to break that chain, to ease your suffering. It means you have to be here now, in this very moment, and you have to know what is happening internally and externally. It means being alert to your motives and learning to change unwholesome thoughts and emotions into wholesome ones. Mindfulness is a mental activity that in due course eliminates your suffering,one day at a time just as it was accumulated "Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future." - Fulton Oursler .

07-04-2009, 06:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
tommyk www.youtube.com/teekmusic Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 2,955	"I think how I've wasted THREE YEARS of my life like this and it makes me even more angry." So, um.. what are you doing next year on 4th of July...? If nothing changes... nothing changes.

07-04-2009, 08:25 PM	#9 (permalink)
Katie09 Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,145	All good thoughts. Thank God for Lifetime TV. Keeps me out of trouble. Anyway, I hope all of you have fun watching fireworks tonight (or had fun watching fireworks tonight). __________________ Imagine what you could do... if you did what you imagined.

07-04-2009, 08:29 PM	#10 (permalink)
suki44883 Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Somewhere Out There Posts: 2,624	Well, there's a Twilight Zone marathon on Sci Fi. __________________ When the power of love rises above the love of power, then the world will know peace. -Jimi Hendrix

07-04-2009, 09:20 PM	#12 (permalink)
gerryP Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 425	Katie, what's different from this weekend than any other weekend, other than it being a holiday? You report that you never get out of your house, so I'm not understanding why today, tomorrow and the next day is a problem. What was stopping you from getting out on your own to watch fireworks?

07-04-2009, 09:57 PM	#14 (permalink)
gerryP Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 425	You don't have to GO somewhere to celebrate 4th of July Katie. Can you invite a friend over and BBQ, or go to a movie where there is air conditioning on your own? Rent some movies you haven't seen. Think of something you have wanted to do for awhile and do that. I'm not crazy about the heat myself, but if I didn't get used to it I'd be in all summer.

07-04-2009, 10:27 PM	#17 (permalink)
Katie09 Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,145	THANKS SUKI!!! I just watched the BEST episode of Twilight ZONE and the fireworks are OVER! I can't thank you enough and I'll continue to watch.... __________________ Imagine what you could do... if you did what you imagined.

07-04-2009, 11:57 PM	#18 (permalink)
LosingmyMisery Hope Springs Eternal Join Date: May 2007 Location: The Forest through the trees Posts: 668	Honestly, I dread holidays. I would rather spend them home alone. Then I would have peace and quiet. Holidays are spent listening to my very unhappy mother complaining and picking arguments with everyone. Today, after the parade, the family went to her house for a BBQ. She picked a fight with her brother over miracle grow and got so drunk it was unbearable to watch and listen too. Holidays aren't a great time for everyone. I couldn't get out of there, to my home, my quiet, my sanity, quick enough Neither one of my children could make the effort to stop by and make an appearance. They were to wrapped up in themselves and having fun to make time for their family. It was very disappointing to say the least. Maybe the impact of holiday past has something to do with it. I don't partake in the fireworks, haven't for years. I don't mind one bit. It really isn't bad to be alone on the holidays. I can always find something to entertain myself with. It beats watching someone get wasted and make a fool of themselves. Especially a grumpy drunk. Not trying to trivialize your day. It is easy to think everyone is having a great day enjoying themselves. That isn't always the case. Watching the twilight zone, home alone, beats being stuck, living it, at my mothers house. Sorry for the vent, but the same ole, same ole, holiday misery gets really tiring. This is every holiday for as long as I can remember. Just thought I would add a different perspective to being alone. I'd take alone any day. I hope next year you can spend the holiday in a cooler climate and spend it with someone pleasant and enjoyable. __________________ There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

07-05-2009, 12:36 AM	#20 (permalink)
Lenina Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Los Angeles, California Posts: 1,318	Katie, I am glad to know you watch the "Twilight Zone" marathons! I love them! That show was so full of social critique that applies to this day. I know you have an interest in politics so you're sure to get a kick out of them. A lot of old "commies" wrote episodes under psuedonyms. Ring Lardner for one, I'm pretty sure. Love, Lenina

07-05-2009, 10:07 AM	#21 (permalink)
collinsmi Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Colorado Springs CO Posts: 881	Ate steaks and shot off fireworks with a few of my AA friends. Then, farm town, mouse hunt and mafia wars, etc.... My alky brain will still wallow in self generated guilt, fear, and just plain old crap. The 10th step, whatever other step I'm on, and getting on this site will drag it back out. Just worked now! __________________ "I was violating my standards faster than I could lower them!"

07-05-2009, 03:10 PM	#22 (permalink)
LosingmyMisery Hope Springs Eternal Join Date: May 2007 Location: The Forest through the trees Posts: 668	Gypsy Feet, Oh I agree, I say run for the hills!!! Holidays should be an ejoyable time, not torture. I just miss them when they aren't there. I totally understand why they aren't. __________________ There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

07-05-2009, 10:20 PM	#23 (permalink)
Katie09 Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,145	Hey, thanks again to all who posted in this thread and got me through yesterday. I realize I am not the only person who is lonely on holidays. Dee, I will try not to feel like a failure. Hey, tomorrow is a new day! I plan to make some positive changes and very soon - last week was kind of a mess, but I am grateful to be sitting here typing. __________________ Imagine what you could do... if you did what you imagined.

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