Therapist, Counselor, or neither

[Waterman]

As I have mentioned before, I dwell on negatives, instead of positives. Can't seem to help it. The first thought of every waking morning is a torturous re-living of what my wife put me through 21 years ago, right after our marriage began. I have held a strong, mostly hidden "anger" for her ever since, and I can't seem to shake it...Being sober for over 2 months may have un-masked my bitterness. Can't decide if I should see a therapist or counselor. Too late for anything else. Do counselors and therapists really work? I've had dealings with a couple of them before, but I got the impression that some try to "break" you more, so you will keep coming back for more "repairs"......

[Katie09]

Originally Posted by Waterman

As I have mentioned before, I dwell on negatives, instead of positives. Can't seem to help it. The first thought of every waking morning is a torturous re-living of what my wife put me through 21 years ago, right after our marriage began. I have held a strong, mostly hidden "anger" for her ever since, and I can't seem to shake it...Being sober for over 2 months may have un-masked my bitterness. Can't decide if I should see a therapist or counselor. Too late for anything else. Do counselors and therapists really work? I've had dealings with a couple of them before, but I got the impression that some try to "break" you more, so you will keep coming back for more "repairs"......

I've had good therapists and bad therapists. What I've done in the past is a mini-interview prior to actually seeing one, in order to see if it's a good fit. I have asked for a few minutes of time to just briefly tell them what I am looking for and to see what their philosophy is around things that are important to me. If they are not willing to give me three to five minutes of their time to do this, I don't see them. I have had some results with this approach. Now, this only applies to therapists and counselors, as any shrink is certainly not going to do this (considering a whole visit to them is about 10 minutes).

I think the right therapist can help greatly, provided one is prepared to do the work.

[CarolD]

Hmm...
I did find my experiences with psychiatrist
and my depression useful at the time.
Once I quit drinking...the depression vanished
no more psychiatrist ...

I don't think anyone can give you a definate answer.
I'm really sorry you find yourself in this painful situation.

Have you considered praying for peace
and the ability to forgive your wife?
Pray for her peace of mind too.
Please try that when the negetive thoughts come.

Blessings to both of you...

And...here is a link for another idea

http://www.smartrecovery.org/

[suki44883]

Perhaps Cognitive Behavioral Therapy would work for you. It teaches you how to change the way you think about things. You might want to find a therapist who uses this technique. It can be quite helpful.

[tommyk]

Therapists and counselors are people that work, just like everyone else.

Some are very passionate about their job, some simply want a paycheck.

In many states there are no requirements to say you are a therapist or a counselor.

Some good advice above says to meet some and see which ones impress you.

[Katie09]

Originally Posted by suki44883

Perhaps Cognitive Behavioral Therapy would work for you. It teaches you how to change the way you think about things. You might want to find a therapist who uses this technique. It can be quite helpful.

This is very true. My therapist uses the dialectical behavior therapy approach (basically looking for a little golden nugget in terms of progress and being very mindful - sort of like a zen approach). Just another thing to think about.

[Waterman]

Originally Posted by CarolD

Hmm...
I did find my experiences with psychiatrist
and my depression useful at the time.
Once I quit drinking...the depression vanished
no more psychiatrist ...

I don't think anyone can give you a definate answer.
I'm really sorry you find yourself in this painful situation.

Have you considered praying for peace
and the ability to forgive your wife?
Pray for her peace of mind too.
Please try that when the negetive thoughts come.

Blessings to both of you...
And...here is a link for another idea

SMART Recovery® Help with Alcohol, Drug, and Other Addictions

Thanks Carol. I pray all the time, but satan keeps bugging me.....

[Waterman]

Originally Posted by suki44883

Perhaps Cognitive Behavioral Therapy would work for you. It teaches you how to change the way you think about things. You might want to find a therapist who uses this technique. It can be quite helpful.

That has been suggested before, so I think it's a good idea.Thanks!!

[joedris]

A therapist is a good idea. I saw one for 2 years and she was a tremendous help. And she had one important qualification - she knew a lot about alcoholism. If I were shopping for one now, that's the first thing I'd look for.

[jamdls]

The right counselor or therapist can do wonders, but the trick is finding the right one. Last year my daughter strayed from her marriage of 2 years, according to her (and I believe her) they did not "go all the way", her husband learned of the discretion from the other man. I am very close to my son-in-law and he confides in me often. The chose to save their marriage and went to counseling both together and separately and it has made their marriage stronger than ever. SIL continues to occassionally (understandably) have anger over the matter but through prayer and counseling he is dealing with it wonderfully. I had anger at my parents for abusing me as a child (father abused mother didn't protect) for over 30 years, a large part of my drinking problem. When I got sober I slowly realized that is was long past time to forgive and I spoke to them on the phone and decided to work towards reconcilliation, my mother died 5 months later before I got to be with her. My father and I are best friends now. The anger and resentment is hurting YOU, don't wait until it's too late.

[Waterman]

Today REALLY sucked for me. I woke up dwelling on my bitterness(flashbacks), and carried it all day long. Incidently, it was our aniversary........I do a good job hiding my anger, but, as Judy said,....it's only hurting me. Made alot of calls for prayer requests today(from strangers), and prayed alot myself. It must be satan that's doing this to me, because I thought I had gotten close to God recently.....Y'all please say a prayer for me.....Thanks!

[jamdls]

Prayers coming your way.

[joedris]

Waterman, At the risk of sounding evil here, I don't think that Satan is doing this to you. It's you doing it to yourself. Prayer and spirituality are essential to recovery. My favorite is The Serenity Prayer, asking for the serenity to accept those things I cannot change and the strength to change the things I can.

[jimhere]

"I pray all the time, but satan keeps bugging me....."

It ain't the devil that's bugging you.

Maybe if you were more concerned with the Power of God it would manifest itself in your life. Prayers are thought and thought is prayer and what you believe manifests as your reality.

That being said, you won't be able to simply pray away an obsession like this, which is really a resentment. The more you dwell on it the more it owns you. It will take some action on your part, because effective prayer is positive action. If you want to know what I mean by all of this, send me a private message.
Jim

[Waterman]

Thanks for the replies...Who was it from the Revolutionary War days that said "Give me Liberty or give me death"??? Anyway that makes alot of sense in more ways than one....Not that I'm gonna do anything like that, but the thought makes sense.......I want Liberty!!!

[tommyk]

When the mornings and days of pain become tiring... try something different.

Do something you do NOT WANT to do... get out of yourself.

Spend some time with people in recovery programs... it's free... and they're everywhere.

Today, tomorrow, every day. Nothing to lose except misery.

Open your mind, open your soul, realize that you are not unique, you are not different.

Until then my friend, choose your own destiny, keep coming back.

[hendershot]

A therapist can be a help, I think. As Joe said, the most important thing is probably to get somebody who has a lot of experience with addiction/alcoholism. There are lots of them out there that just don't. You need a compliment to your recovery, not someone who will hinder it unknowingly.

[JoshNU]

Can't rule out evil. The devils best trick was making the world think he doesn't exsist. Many people over the years said that drugs and drinking weakens your mind and opens u for evil. Kinda makes sense.

If u have a religion go talk to the minister. Rotate differnt churches until u find the help u need. It's only in the last century people went to drs most just went to their minister.

U really need to do two things forgive other and the hardest one forgive yourself

[Pilgrim]

AA Steps 4, 5 6 and 7 are for exactly this. Resentments are lethal for alcoholics. We must be rid of them.

That's what worked for me.

[Waterman]

Originally Posted by hendershot

A therapist can be a help, I think. As Joe said, the most important thing is probably to get somebody who has a lot of experience with addiction/alcoholism. There are lots of them out there that just don't. You need a compliment to your recovery, not someone who will hinder it unknowingly.

Thanks. I'm going to see an 82 year-old Christian counselor this morning. I've only been to see this lady once, and that was just to tell her about my problems. Today, hopefully, we can start taking some action on these issues. She claims to have alot of alcohol experience(but not the kind I have)....

[Waterman]

Originally Posted by Pilgrim

AA Steps 4, 5 6 and 7 are for exactly this. Resentments are lethal for alcoholics. We must be rid of them.

That's what worked for me.

I agree. Why is this so difficult??? Thanks.....