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Old 08-29-2012, 07:00 PM
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Back again...

Hey you all.
It has been a while since I posted much, and I always appreciate input from any of you.

I finally broke it off with the man who I spent three years with. As some of you know it was an abusive relationship, but that's not the point. None of what I just wrote was the point.

The point is, is that I have gotten into drinking way too heavily again. I never really stopped I suppose, and that, I am learning, is why my relationship ended. I don't want to take full blame for it going downhill, but I do realize that I could've done something about it if I really wanted to savor it.
I live alone now, and have been lonesome for the person that I now realize that I loved, and I drink way, way, far, beyond far too much over it. I realize also that I am trying to drown out my sorrows from the breakup. What was I doing while I still had a relationship? I drank the whole darn time. God I feel awful. About everything.

Anyways, just some words of wisdom or advice of any sort is something that I'm looking for here from this thread. You all have been great to me in the past, and I'm happy to be back looking for answers from you all. My questions have never been solved... but you all have helped in my searching

Thank you.
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Old 08-29-2012, 07:31 PM
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IF you're an alcoholic......and if you have alcoholism like I do......then I'd advise getting to work on that - quickly. I'm not downplaying the relationship, drowning out feelings, and so forth but IF you're an alcoholic, THAT'S the reason you drink/drank - not "because of" him.....or to drown out sadness.....or to escape.

I used to think I had a hundred reasons for my drinking. All along there was really only one - and I couldn't see it until I got sober. That one reason was this - I drank because I'm alcoholic. period.

I drank when my marriage was crappy....but I also drank when it was good. Drank after bad days.......and after good days. Drank over "issues" and drank when there weren't any pressing issues. Now mind you, I didn't drink 24/7......but I did drink a lot and I drank when I planned to NOT drink. Bottom line......my problem was "living life sober." Whenever I'd try to do that, without the proper tools and power, I'd end up drunk.

Like I told Username HERE, it's going to get better or it's going to get worse - your call. You're going to change one way or another.......I hiiiiiighly recommend the changing-for-the-better route. You won't believe how much better life can get and how much better it can feel.
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Old 08-29-2012, 07:37 PM
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DAB
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First, you should be happy you're out of an abusive relationship.
Second, you should stop drinking if nothing more than to clear your thinking.
Third, visit some AA groups in your area.
Fourth, imagine you have a daughter, now imagine that she has grown up and that she is your age. You would want the best for her, for her to be happy, honest, accountable, to have integrity.
Fifth, now live your life like that imaginary daughter, you deserve it!
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Old 08-29-2012, 07:54 PM
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Welcome back Linz

I don't think there's any secret really - if you break it down to basics....if you have the desire to stop, stop - then find the support network that helps you stay that way.

If you want change, changes need to be made

D
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Old 08-29-2012, 08:13 PM
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Hey, Linz. It's really good to see you back.

You've always struck me as a smart, caring person. Which is why you really owe it to yourself to untangle these two completely different issues. You were in an abusive relationship. It sounds to me like you're still very much affected by the power and manipulation and dependency issues that often come with that. You're taking the blame for ending it, when you should be taking the credit. If anything, you stayed in that relationship so long because you were drinking. Some addicts act like predators. Others act like prey. Pretty obvious where you fall.

You're an addict. Full stop. Relationship status, job, the color of your hair, the weather—none of that matters. You drank when you were together. You're drinking now that you're alone (and safe from him, I should add). That's all the proof you need that loneliness is simply the handiest rationalization your addiction has available. It's tricking you once again, convincing you there are complex reasons for your drinking. You're an addict. That's the only reason you're drinking, Linz.

I am really, really glad you are back here. Believe it or not, you've never been better positioned to succeed. You can totally do this.
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Old 08-29-2012, 08:42 PM
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Liz... I didnt need a trigger to drink, or my whole life was a trigger to drink. Does it really matter? If you want to quit without excuses you will. We are all here to help,
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Old 08-29-2012, 09:40 PM
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Hi my name is seth I am new to sober recovery. I just became a member today. But for the past 2 days I have been reading a lot of everyone's post. I just want to say by reading the post I feel like there is hope, I can stop drinking. I am proud to say that I am now 3 days sober. Just last Friday I didn't want to get out of my bed, I didn't want to face the real world feeling very stressed, depressed and hungover on the top of everything. I continued to drink over the weekend and woke up the same way on monday. That's when I decided it was enough so I called it quits with the drinking. First day was very hard but now I am going on my fourth day and I feel great and very focused on my goals I am not putting it off for a drink. This feels cool
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Old 08-29-2012, 09:52 PM
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I'm glad you ditched him....some loves are not in our best interest
There is no reason to stay in an abusive relationship...

however...
You were drinking before..during and after the abusive man was around.
Sooo to me...that is where you need to get serious help.

There are many ways to get and stay sober....please find something that
gives you a new life with a joyous sober future...

Welcome back...
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Old 08-29-2012, 09:57 PM
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sethfrc.....Welcome to our recovery community..

Good for you....glad to know you are here and sober
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Old 08-29-2012, 10:01 PM
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welcome from me too seth

Feel free to start your own thread if you like

D
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Old 08-30-2012, 04:35 AM
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Hello Linz:

Good to see you again. You know what I'm going to tell you so I'll just say "Welcome back !!"

All the best.

Bob R
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Old 08-30-2012, 06:32 AM
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So glad to see you back here, Linz. You've got lots of great advice here. Heck, you've got great advice buried in old posts that basically say the same thing. I have no advice to add. Just this:

You can do this!
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Old 08-30-2012, 07:59 AM
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Glad you're back Linz, and very glad to hear you're out of the abusive relationship!
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Old 08-30-2012, 12:53 PM
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Hi Linz, I am so sorry to hear you are in a bad place. But I am also so happy to hear you are out of such a toxic relationship. You and I will get there someday, I do believe it.
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