on the eve of 6 weeks sober and.... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

kindablue · 08-20-2003, 01:08 PM

i don't know why i did it,but i had two beers and stopped there.my old drinking buddy was moving to florida and i thought
what the hell why not have a few beers to see him off.well i didn't get drunk,and i haven't really been tempted to drink again.
i sure as hell don't want to return to the misery of the drinking life again,don't want it to get it's clutches back around me.you know it does suck that we alcoholics can't just have a few and quit there like normal people.i know i tempted fate and was strong enough to quit while i was ahead,but who knows about the next time.why do we want to drink after all the misery it has caused us,yes i still want to drink.<sigh>

Don W · 08-20-2003, 02:02 PM

Kindablue, Having a slip I know is hard to deal with. The key is to pick yourself back up and continue. There is no rul that a slip meens the end to recovery. We are alcoholics and we sometimes fall back on what is normal for us. That is drinking. I would only like to suggest that you look at where you went wrong and learn from it.
Just don't beat yourself up. It is my opinion that
you havn't lost that 6 weeks, you only lost that 1 day. I know that there is alot of importance put on length of sobriety but, sometime I think it is to much. Although it is important for me to not drink, I feel that if I were an everyday drinker
and went 90 days then drank 1 day, my recovery isn't over. As I said the important thing is to get back on track. The VA talks to us about this.
They try to empress upon us that if we slip we don't have to hit bottom again to start again. We drink because we are addicted. That is why change along with no alcohol is a big key. Keep posting most of us have been there. Don W

**Peter** · 08-20-2003, 02:05 PM

Perhaps you did it because you're an alcoholic.

You say you do not want to return to the misery of drinking but it sounds to me like you are already agonizing over the two beers you drank.

For alcoholics there is no middle ground.Either we are going to drink or we are not.

Before I could start recovering I had to let go of the persistent reservation I had that maybe one day I could learn to "control" my drinking

kindablue · 08-20-2003, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Peter
Perhaps you did it because you're an alcoholic.

You say you do not want to return to the misery of drinking but it sounds to me like you are already agonizing over the two beers you drank.

For alcoholics there is no middle ground.Either we are going to drink or we are not.

Before I could start recovering I had to let go of the persistent reservation I had that maybe one day I could learn to "control" my drinking

Peter i respect much of what you have to say.You seem wise and and have gained much in your recovery i'm sure.Let me ask about this "persistent reservation" as you put it, that one day you could control your drinking being impossible.
Are there those who have abused alcohol but later on did go on to control it?Is this just a foolish alcoholic's dream,like a dog chasing it's own tail?once one has drank alcoholically is it impossible to be a moderate drinker?i suppose i already know what i'm going to hear.That it's too powerful and cunning of an adversary to ever think we can defeat it.Perhaps it's my alcoholic mind trying to convince myself that i can handle it this time.only to be thrown down on the mat hard and fast by the slick and powerful one who grins at me knowingly,you thought so huh?

**51anna** · 08-20-2003, 03:39 PM

Yes, I believe it is a dream. It's a dream that I exhausted myself trying to prove was achievable. It wasn't. That's it. I tried a hundred times, determined to win and I lost every single time. I heard Betty Ford give a speech once and she stated that, once you drank alcoholically, you crossed a line over which you could NEVER return. Sad but true, I believe. Kindablue, check out some of the forums here and you'll see what other people say about this subject. We are all here to support you.
Love, Anna

PianoGirl · 08-20-2003, 03:46 PM

KindaBlue,

As alcoholics, our bodies crave alcohol. There's not a day goes by that I don't think about or remember what alcohol tastes like, or how it made me feel. I have heard of people with drinking problems that go back to drinking in moderation. But, I think that is VERY VERY rare. And perhaps, deep down they weren't serious alcoholics such as myself. I've never known of anyone with true alcoholism to ever be able to return to moderate drinking. Maybe there are a few people, but I don't know of any personally.

I know it wouldn't work for me to even fathom that I could return to moderate drinking, because I am an alcoholic plain and simple. Even having one tiny little taste would send my mind and body back down that same crazy rollar coaster I was on. Because alcohol does something to me, something bad (like when the Incredible Hulk gets mad and his clothes start ripping apart and he turns green and violent - that was me on alcohol!). And because of that, I can never go back to it. I used to think it was sad because I couldn't, but now I'm glad, because I've got a taste of the "real life". My life with alcohol was not real, and it's not something I could ever fall back into, and live.

If you do feel that you are an alcoholic, then remember the cons of being with alcohol again (how it affected your life, your family, your money, etc). If you can think of those times and still smile upon yourself, then you're in a lot better posistion that I am (was). I wish you the very best. Keep the faith.

PG

BikerBill8 · 08-20-2003, 03:52 PM

Hi Blue sorry to here that you dranked.You asked about once you become an alcoholic drinker that maybe you can learn to drink like normal people do. There is a saying Once a cucumber be comes a pickle it can never become a cucumber again. Be Cool

BikerBill8

Music · 08-21-2003, 03:09 AM

Hi KB,
You wrote:
"i don't know why i did it,but i had two beers and stopped there.my old drinking buddy was moving to florida and i thought
what the hell why not have a few beers to see him off."

I believe the answer as to why you drank is right there in the above paragraph. True, you may not know why you did it, but I think I know why you did it.
Your attitude was "what the hell why not have a few beers." I question whether or not you believe you're alcoholic and if you do believe you're alcoholic whether or not you've accepted that fact. I believe that when I had been in AA for 6 weeks, I was no longer "addicted" to alcohol simply because at 6 weeks, I hadn't been drinking alcohol. But my thinking is still screwed up and the proof is in the above paragraph. You said, "I thought, what the hell." I remember having thoughts about drinking in my early sobriety and I got scared because I knew there was no guarantee what would happen after that first drink. You said you only had a couple beers. If you believe that an alcoholic can't drink even "one" beer, how could you go ahead and have even one beer unless you thought it would be alright?
I believe that when an alcoholic is in the process of drinking, it's perfectly normal for him to drink. But, after not drinking for a period of time, I believe drinking is the most abnormal thing an alcoholic can do knowing what the consequences are.
One of my best friends early on told me that I need to be constantly vigilant and to "stand guard at the portals of thought." Thinking I can still drink is the first step to drinking again, whether I have 6 weeks or 60 years.

**Peter** · 08-21-2003, 12:44 PM

I personally do not think it is possible for an alcoholic to go back to being a "moderate drinker".

After six years in recovery I have met many people who tried.....but so far I have met none who succeeded.

I had my first drink when I was nine years old and my brain will always remember that initial feeling of euphoria.

A switch was thrown in my head that day that could never be reversed.

If you want a scientific hypothesis I believe that when we learn things a complex process takes place in our brains that involves tiny electrical impulses that bridges the gaps between neurons, a process I believe is impossible to reverse.

That is why I believe that even after many years without a drink we can sometimes still remember the smell and taste of our first drink with amazing clarity.

It is because even though we have found a way to deal with our "learned" behaviour our brains has already stored the information permanently.

I believe that the people who do not become alcoholic are the ones who do not experience this kind of chemical reaction in their brains,perhaps because they just did not like alcohol that much.

The first time I tasted cranberry juice I decided it was no big deal and so I was never interested in drinking it after that.

Of course I still believe that alcoholism involves some very deeply rooted spiritual elements, but I also believe that there is a physical explanation to the alcoholism phenomenon for those of us who demand a scientific approach.

cowboy · 08-21-2003, 01:17 PM

I think it is a good thing your "drinking buddy" is moving.
I had lunch with my old drinking buddy yesterday and we had water. Unfortunatly, I drank at home alone later. I am on day one.
Rejoyce in the 6 weeks. Live above the line - learn from this experience/mistake and go on i.e. quit beating yourself up over it, but don't do it again.
hugs

Chy · 08-21-2003, 08:40 PM

Hi Blue,
Don't fret! Your doing great, so you slipped think about why. Have you been making meetings? Doing a little reading in the BB? Have a sponser? You've made awesome strides my friend. Pick yourself up pat yourself on the back and begin forward again! Go back and look at your "happy posts". *hugs my friend*

I am VERY proud of all that you have accomplished!

kindablue · 08-22-2003, 04:05 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Chy
Hi Blue,
Don't fret! Your doing great, so you slipped think about why. Have you been making meetings? Doing a little reading in the BB? Have a sponser? You've made awesome strides my friend. Pick yourself up pat yourself on the back and begin forward again! Go back and look at your "happy posts". *hugs my friend*

I am VERY proud of all that you have accomplished!

thank you chy!It almost feels as though i didn't slip.i say this because usually after"going on the wagon"once i slipped that was it, i usually just resumed"the lifestyle".well i haven't done that this time,something is definitely different.i really don't want to go back in to the drinking life again,so yes i'm still going to meetings and still consider myself in recovery.i simply ain't going back

**51anna** · 08-22-2003, 05:54 AM

Wow, kindablue, you've reached a major turning point. I see success ahead for you!
Love, Anna

NoMoBeer · 08-22-2003, 11:13 AM

Congrats on not continuing to drink after 2. Don't think I could be that strong. I believe I am a true alcoholic.

You said:

Quote:

Are there those who have abused alcohol but later on did go on to control it?

My belief is "yes," but I don't think those folks are true alcoholics. The BB references the "heavy drinker" who drinks like we do, but does not develop the physical "craving" to drink.

If you are a real alcoholic, then NO, you cannot control your drinking. And I would warn you that the above quote is part of the mental obsession -- at least the obsession I get as an alcoholic -- of "hmmmm.... maybe I can drink safely again..."

My belief is that our real problem is in our mind, which tells us it's OK to drink, rather than our body, which ensures (b/c of our alcoholism) that we cannot drink safely.

Just my 2 cents, hope I can help....

Ken

Music · 08-23-2003, 02:54 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by kindablue
thank you chy!It almost feels as though i didn't slip.i say this because usually after"going on the wagon"once i slipped that was it, i usually just resumed"the lifestyle".well i haven't done that this time,something is definitely different.i really don't want to go back in to the drinking life again,so yes i'm still going to meetings and still consider myself in recovery.i simply ain't going back

Hi it's me,
I'm really confused here! Maybe you all can help understand what I'm missing.
I think we can all agree that alcoholism is a deadly disease. Says so in the Big Book anyway. I also think that Russian roulette is a deadly game to play...would you all agree with that statement? Here we have someone who after 6 weeks went out and drank(I don't care how much)and it's being treated as if it's no big deal. If any of us walked into a room and saw someone with a gun pointed at their head would we tell them to go ahead and try it, after all there are five empty chambers? I hope not.
KB you stated that you usually resumed the lifestyle. Maybe not but your thinking hadn't changed any. I believe that once I stand up in a room full of people and declare myself an alcoholic I have no excuse for going back out. From that point on I should be ready to stand on my head and sh*t nickels if that's what it takes to not drink. KB, somewhere in the back of you mind you gave yourself permission to drink again and you need to find out what happened to make it ok. IT'S NOT OK TO DRINK AGAIN! Yup, some people do drink again but "It's not ok!!"
I've always treated alcoholism with the seriousness it deserves because it does, has, and will kill, and in the process, it takes a lot of innocent people with it.
Anyone who drinks after declaring themselves ALCOHOLIC is a VOLUNTEER, not a VICTOM.

wiebe · 08-25-2003, 06:55 AM

Hi Kindablue, 6 weeks is great, and this is coming from someone who has't even managed to hit a full 24 hours yet. Tell you one thing though, if there is any one single thing that made me start fighting alcohol on a fulltime basis, it was your thread "2 weeks sober" and how happy your girlfriend was with you. My girlfriend has never seen me firing on all cylinders in the year I've known her, but the few times without beer for like 20 hours or so made her happy. Good motivation for longer streches. Your post definitely helped me with my motivation, hope this helps you a bit.
Wiebe

**Peter** · 08-25-2003, 09:15 AM

A relapse is not necessarily the physical act of picking up a drink.

A relapse takes place in the mind.

It is not so much that I drank alcohol.The real question is WHY.

WHY do I want to put something in my body that has proven itself time and time again to cause me harm ?

Even if I intentionally drank a teaspoon of alcohol I have to be honest enough with myself to admit that I relapsed because my THINKING had relapsed.

08-20-2003, 01:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
kindablue Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: ct Posts: 55	on the eve of 6 weeks sober and.... i don't know why i did it,but i had two beers and stopped there.my old drinking buddy was moving to florida and i thought what the hell why not have a few beers to see him off.well i didn't get drunk,and i haven't really been tempted to drink again. i sure as hell don't want to return to the misery of the drinking life again,don't want it to get it's clutches back around me.you know it does suck that we alcoholics can't just have a few and quit there like normal people.i know i tempted fate and was strong enough to quit while i was ahead,but who knows about the next time.why do we want to drink after all the misery it has caused us,yes i still want to drink.<sigh>

08-20-2003, 02:02 PM	#2 (permalink)
Don W Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Charleston S.C. Posts: 1,464	Kindablue, Having a slip I know is hard to deal with. The key is to pick yourself back up and continue. There is no rul that a slip meens the end to recovery. We are alcoholics and we sometimes fall back on what is normal for us. That is drinking. I would only like to suggest that you look at where you went wrong and learn from it. Just don't beat yourself up. It is my opinion that you havn't lost that 6 weeks, you only lost that 1 day. I know that there is alot of importance put on length of sobriety but, sometime I think it is to much. Although it is important for me to not drink, I feel that if I were an everyday drinker and went 90 days then drank 1 day, my recovery isn't over. As I said the important thing is to get back on track. The VA talks to us about this. They try to empress upon us that if we slip we don't have to hit bottom again to start again. We drink because we are addicted. That is why change along with no alcohol is a big key. Keep posting most of us have been there. Don W
	__________________ Captain America - On the side of good

08-21-2003, 03:09 AM	#8 (permalink)
Music Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Zion, Illinois Posts: 1,522	Hi KB, You wrote: "i don't know why i did it,but i had two beers and stopped there.my old drinking buddy was moving to florida and i thought what the hell why not have a few beers to see him off." I believe the answer as to why you drank is right there in the above paragraph. True, you may not know why you did it, but I think I know why you did it. Your attitude was "what the hell why not have a few beers." I question whether or not you believe you're alcoholic and if you do believe you're alcoholic whether or not you've accepted that fact. I believe that when I had been in AA for 6 weeks, I was no longer "addicted" to alcohol simply because at 6 weeks, I hadn't been drinking alcohol. But my thinking is still screwed up and the proof is in the above paragraph. You said, "I thought, what the hell." I remember having thoughts about drinking in my early sobriety and I got scared because I knew there was no guarantee what would happen after that first drink. You said you only had a couple beers. If you believe that an alcoholic can't drink even "one" beer, how could you go ahead and have even one beer unless you thought it would be alright? I believe that when an alcoholic is in the process of drinking, it's perfectly normal for him to drink. But, after not drinking for a period of time, I believe drinking is the most abnormal thing an alcoholic can do knowing what the consequences are. One of my best friends early on told me that I need to be constantly vigilant and to "stand guard at the portals of thought." Thinking I can still drink is the first step to drinking again, whether I have 6 weeks or 60 years.
	__________________

08-22-2003, 05:54 AM	#13 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 10,275	Wow, kindablue, you've reached a major turning point. I see success ahead for you! Love, Anna
	__________________ Anna "I don't know what the future is holding in store I don't know where Im going, Im not sure where Ive been Theres a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I don't need to see the end." John Denver

08-20-2003, 02:05 PM	#3 (permalink)
Peter Moderator Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Jah-mek-yah Posts: 2,423	Perhaps you did it because you're an alcoholic. You say you do not want to return to the misery of drinking but it sounds to me like you are already agonizing over the two beers you drank. For alcoholics there is no middle ground.Either we are going to drink or we are not. Before I could start recovering I had to let go of the persistent reservation I had that maybe one day I could learn to "control" my drinking

08-20-2003, 03:39 PM	#5 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 10,275	Yes, I believe it is a dream. It's a dream that I exhausted myself trying to prove was achievable. It wasn't. That's it. I tried a hundred times, determined to win and I lost every single time. I heard Betty Ford give a speech once and she stated that, once you drank alcoholically, you crossed a line over which you could NEVER return. Sad but true, I believe. Kindablue, check out some of the forums here and you'll see what other people say about this subject. We are all here to support you. Love, Anna

08-20-2003, 03:46 PM	#6 (permalink)
PianoGirl Paused Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: A van...down by the river! Posts: 108	KindaBlue, As alcoholics, our bodies crave alcohol. There's not a day goes by that I don't think about or remember what alcohol tastes like, or how it made me feel. I have heard of people with drinking problems that go back to drinking in moderation. But, I think that is VERY VERY rare. And perhaps, deep down they weren't serious alcoholics such as myself. I've never known of anyone with true alcoholism to ever be able to return to moderate drinking. Maybe there are a few people, but I don't know of any personally. I know it wouldn't work for me to even fathom that I could return to moderate drinking, because I am an alcoholic plain and simple. Even having one tiny little taste would send my mind and body back down that same crazy rollar coaster I was on. Because alcohol does something to me, something bad (like when the Incredible Hulk gets mad and his clothes start ripping apart and he turns green and violent - that was me on alcohol!). And because of that, I can never go back to it. I used to think it was sad because I couldn't, but now I'm glad, because I've got a taste of the "real life". My life with alcohol was not real, and it's not something I could ever fall back into, and live. If you do feel that you are an alcoholic, then remember the cons of being with alcohol again (how it affected your life, your family, your money, etc). If you can think of those times and still smile upon yourself, then you're in a lot better posistion that I am (was). I wish you the very best. Keep the faith. PG

08-20-2003, 03:52 PM	#7 (permalink)
BikerBill8 Greatful Sober Biker Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Cottonwood AZ. Posts: 495	Hi Blue sorry to here that you dranked.You asked about once you become an alcoholic drinker that maybe you can learn to drink like normal people do. There is a saying Once a cucumber be comes a pickle it can never become a cucumber again. Be Cool BikerBill8

08-21-2003, 12:44 PM	#9 (permalink)
Peter Moderator Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Jah-mek-yah Posts: 2,423	I personally do not think it is possible for an alcoholic to go back to being a "moderate drinker". After six years in recovery I have met many people who tried.....but so far I have met none who succeeded. I had my first drink when I was nine years old and my brain will always remember that initial feeling of euphoria. A switch was thrown in my head that day that could never be reversed. If you want a scientific hypothesis I believe that when we learn things a complex process takes place in our brains that involves tiny electrical impulses that bridges the gaps between neurons, a process I believe is impossible to reverse. That is why I believe that even after many years without a drink we can sometimes still remember the smell and taste of our first drink with amazing clarity. It is because even though we have found a way to deal with our "learned" behaviour our brains has already stored the information permanently. I believe that the people who do not become alcoholic are the ones who do not experience this kind of chemical reaction in their brains,perhaps because they just did not like alcohol that much. The first time I tasted cranberry juice I decided it was no big deal and so I was never interested in drinking it after that. Of course I still believe that alcoholism involves some very deeply rooted spiritual elements, but I also believe that there is a physical explanation to the alcoholism phenomenon for those of us who demand a scientific approach.

08-21-2003, 01:17 PM	#10 (permalink)
cowboy Paused Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 20	I think it is a good thing your "drinking buddy" is moving. I had lunch with my old drinking buddy yesterday and we had water. Unfortunatly, I drank at home alone later. I am on day one. Rejoyce in the 6 weeks. Live above the line - learn from this experience/mistake and go on i.e. quit beating yourself up over it, but don't do it again. hugs

08-21-2003, 08:40 PM	#11 (permalink)
Chy Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: El Paso, Tx Posts: 5,890	Hi Blue, Don't fret! Your doing great, so you slipped think about why. Have you been making meetings? Doing a little reading in the BB? Have a sponser? You've made awesome strides my friend. Pick yourself up pat yourself on the back and begin forward again! Go back and look at your "happy posts". hugs my friend I am VERY proud of all that you have accomplished!

08-25-2003, 06:55 AM	#16 (permalink)
wiebe Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: the Netherlands Posts: 173	Hi Kindablue, 6 weeks is great, and this is coming from someone who has't even managed to hit a full 24 hours yet. Tell you one thing though, if there is any one single thing that made me start fighting alcohol on a fulltime basis, it was your thread "2 weeks sober" and how happy your girlfriend was with you. My girlfriend has never seen me firing on all cylinders in the year I've known her, but the few times without beer for like 20 hours or so made her happy. Good motivation for longer streches. Your post definitely helped me with my motivation, hope this helps you a bit. Wiebe

08-25-2003, 09:15 AM	#17 (permalink)
Peter Moderator Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Jah-mek-yah Posts: 2,423	A relapse is not necessarily the physical act of picking up a drink. A relapse takes place in the mind. It is not so much that I drank alcohol.The real question is WHY. WHY do I want to put something in my body that has proven itself time and time again to cause me harm ? Even if I intentionally drank a teaspoon of alcohol I have to be honest enough with myself to admit that I relapsed because my THINKING had relapsed.