Scared
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 37
Scared
EDIT: This was typed in word, hence the message being all over the place, sorry.
Erm...I don't know where to start, please bear with me.
As far back as my memory serves me I've always been a very nervous, shy and anxious character, I get really scared and panicky
over the most silly stupid things and take a drink to cope with these feelings.What started as a coping mechanism quickly turned
into full blown alcoholic drinking for a decade.I've been to various rehabs, tried home detox 14 times, hospital detox, A.A., religion,
moving, internet forums, doctors, psychologists, just about everything.People say things to me like "you've got to really want it"
and "you need to try harder" and that's fair enough, but, I always have really wanted it, perhaps I've not tried hard enough but I've
always wanted to get sober everytime I've tried.The problem is when I stop drinking I just can't cope with anything, for example I take
a panic attack if someone knocks on the door, or if the phone rings I jump out my chair like a cartoon character.I choose not to
leave the house because I find it very hard to socialise and feel more comfortable just hiding in the house, that way I don't need
to deal with anything, but that's no way to live, I'm only 25 years old.I've got valium to detox myself and I'm going for it tomorrow,
I have to, three doctors have told me I won't see 30 if I continue to drink the way I do, and that's a scary thought, I don't want to
die, but I'm too scared to live.I don't understand it to be honest, I mean I can give other people advice about all sorts of problems
but I can't sort myself out, how ironic.It's taken almost everything from me, my friends, my dad, my girlfriend, my college course,
I'm in debt up to my eyballs, my self respect has gone now too, I can't even get washed, but yet I still do it and even when I'm
doing it I know I'm doing the wrong thing and it won't solve anything.It's crazy.I don't even know what I'm trying to say here,
I'm very confused and mixed up, my head is all over the place.I just wanted to get that off my chest in the hope that someone
will say something that will ease my fears.
Peace,
spicedT84
Erm...I don't know where to start, please bear with me.
As far back as my memory serves me I've always been a very nervous, shy and anxious character, I get really scared and panicky
over the most silly stupid things and take a drink to cope with these feelings.What started as a coping mechanism quickly turned
into full blown alcoholic drinking for a decade.I've been to various rehabs, tried home detox 14 times, hospital detox, A.A., religion,
moving, internet forums, doctors, psychologists, just about everything.People say things to me like "you've got to really want it"
and "you need to try harder" and that's fair enough, but, I always have really wanted it, perhaps I've not tried hard enough but I've
always wanted to get sober everytime I've tried.The problem is when I stop drinking I just can't cope with anything, for example I take
a panic attack if someone knocks on the door, or if the phone rings I jump out my chair like a cartoon character.I choose not to
leave the house because I find it very hard to socialise and feel more comfortable just hiding in the house, that way I don't need
to deal with anything, but that's no way to live, I'm only 25 years old.I've got valium to detox myself and I'm going for it tomorrow,
I have to, three doctors have told me I won't see 30 if I continue to drink the way I do, and that's a scary thought, I don't want to
die, but I'm too scared to live.I don't understand it to be honest, I mean I can give other people advice about all sorts of problems
but I can't sort myself out, how ironic.It's taken almost everything from me, my friends, my dad, my girlfriend, my college course,
I'm in debt up to my eyballs, my self respect has gone now too, I can't even get washed, but yet I still do it and even when I'm
doing it I know I'm doing the wrong thing and it won't solve anything.It's crazy.I don't even know what I'm trying to say here,
I'm very confused and mixed up, my head is all over the place.I just wanted to get that off my chest in the hope that someone
will say something that will ease my fears.
Peace,
spicedT84
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Wow....sounds like you already know what you need to do. I really can't add to that.
What I want to do is welcome you to SR and ask you to stick around and read and post and breathe.
Oh....and I used to have HUGE panic attacks when I drank. When I quit, so did they. Best wishes to you.
What I want to do is welcome you to SR and ask you to stick around and read and post and breathe.
Oh....and I used to have HUGE panic attacks when I drank. When I quit, so did they. Best wishes to you.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I really wish you would do another medically supervised de tox
just to keep yourself as safe as possible
I would imagine some of your fears would be better managed
that way.
Sorry to know you have had so many problems....
Prayers coming your way.
Welcome back to SR...
just to keep yourself as safe as possible
I would imagine some of your fears would be better managed
that way.
Sorry to know you have had so many problems....
Prayers coming your way.
Welcome back to SR...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by paulmh 
What's that old saying? Change happens when the fear of doing things differently is less than the pain of staying the same? Something like that.
Welcome to SR! Hope you find what you need.
Welcome to SR! Hope you find what you need.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: peterborough Cambs U.K
Posts: 172
i can totally relate to everything your saying, drinking used to help me cope with my anxieties and lack of self confidence a bit but eventually ended up making things a 1000 times worse,
I didnt want to leave the house, when i had to go and put the washing on the line i would hide if my neighbour was outside too, switched the phone off because i was a wreck if it rang, jumped out of my skin if someone knocked on the door, lost all my friends, ended up with nothing, no job, no family, no money, no life....
eventually had to really force myself to go to AA, and now after a few months am gradually seeing a difference, its not easy, i really didnt want to go in the beginning, but i know i didnt have a choice, i was starting to have suicidal thoughts , thinking i didnt want to go on living like this, and just staying in the house all the time scared to death of everything was driving me insane, alcohol was only a temporary solution for my anxiety and it wants so much in return it just isnt worth it, i still havent got a job but ive got a lot more than i had before, some semblance of normality, friends in AA, and im not scared of going out the front door anymore,
oh and praying helps me too, i did have a bit of a problem with a few overly tactile people in AA, but ive got over that now, i wish you luck in your recovery
I didnt want to leave the house, when i had to go and put the washing on the line i would hide if my neighbour was outside too, switched the phone off because i was a wreck if it rang, jumped out of my skin if someone knocked on the door, lost all my friends, ended up with nothing, no job, no family, no money, no life....
eventually had to really force myself to go to AA, and now after a few months am gradually seeing a difference, its not easy, i really didnt want to go in the beginning, but i know i didnt have a choice, i was starting to have suicidal thoughts , thinking i didnt want to go on living like this, and just staying in the house all the time scared to death of everything was driving me insane, alcohol was only a temporary solution for my anxiety and it wants so much in return it just isnt worth it, i still havent got a job but ive got a lot more than i had before, some semblance of normality, friends in AA, and im not scared of going out the front door anymore,
oh and praying helps me too, i did have a bit of a problem with a few overly tactile people in AA, but ive got over that now, i wish you luck in your recovery
Living in sobriety
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,870
The problem is when I stop drinking I just can't cope with anything, for example I take
a panic attack if someone knocks on the door, or if the phone rings I jump out my chair like a cartoon character.I choose not to
leave the house because I find it very hard to socialise and feel more comfortable just hiding in the house, that way I don't need
to deal with anything, but that's no way to live
a panic attack if someone knocks on the door, or if the phone rings I jump out my chair like a cartoon character.I choose not to
leave the house because I find it very hard to socialise and feel more comfortable just hiding in the house, that way I don't need
to deal with anything, but that's no way to live
This is exactly the way it was for me at the end of my drinking. A knock on the door I was cowering in the bathroom. I was always afraid. Afraid of the unknown. my nerves were very bad. I entered a treatment centre for 28 days then I went to A.A, and continue to go ... Things improved a 100% actually I don't recognize myself from that person I used to be. There is a solution!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by spicedT84
As far back as my memory serves me I've always been a very nervous, shy and anxious character, I get really scared and panicky over the most silly stupid things
I found the solution in the rooms of AA. I had to get a sponsor, start working those steps as if my life depended on it, because it surely did, and attend meetings. I read out of the Big Book every day. I stil listen to my sponsor's suggestions. I'm active in service work now.
Those fears, the anxiety, the shyness did not go away overnight. However, little by little, inch by inch, I felt myself starting to change. I had a lot of discomfort the first couple of years sober, but that discomfort did not kill me, and I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, doing what was suggested I do, in spite of the feelings.
We have to walk through the discomfort to get past it, hon! :ghug :ghug
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
hi spiced and thanks for your post.
I very much identified with the fear..in all its forms..
I was cripple by it when i was a kid....reclusive ....shy...anxious...on edge all the time.
That feeling of impending doom just round the corner....i was a very inward child and would sometimes be aggresive to push people away.
It may be why i found alcohol the perfect solution...as a teenager..id like to drink before i went out so i could intergrate and communicate with people without that feeling of fear and anxiety.
Then i stopped drinking and guess what.........it all came back and there i was feeling like i did when i was a kid again.
That old feeling of not fitting in and impending dome crippled me again.
I found it very difficult to cope with and went out again a few times unable to face life without my crutch.
Id attended aa but it wasnt working.....for a time...in and out.
Then i started step work with a sponsor...id run out of options and like you the doctor told me alcohol would have me in the ground.
Working through the steps wasnt easy.......but i continued with it because things started to change.
I started to feel more at ease.......i stopped looking over my shoulder all the time and that feeling of doom started to lift.
Some of those old feelings took a while to lift ...some went quickly
the point is i felt more at ease...i also found a faith which also gave me a inner peace that id never felt in my life.
The fellowship frightened me....the steps changed me...but today i do both because i dont have that awful fear anymore.
I needed a program to change and i have changed.
I dont have that fear today.......i dont feel like a frightened little boy.
And most importantly i dont feel like or want a drink.
I was a chronic active alcoholic bum..living on the streets...and the booze had stopped taking that fear away.
Today im a hard working guy.....married....kids..........and a house.
Tackle life on a day to day basis.....mostly with complete peace and contentment....i have my bad days but that life right?
I continue to attend AA and continue to change using the 12 steps as laid out in the book.
It was the solution to my dilema.....i pray that it will be yours.
I havent felt the need to drink for 8 and a half years......because i found the solution to my fears.
That was my experience i hope it helps...........god bless you.....trucker
I very much identified with the fear..in all its forms..
I was cripple by it when i was a kid....reclusive ....shy...anxious...on edge all the time.
That feeling of impending doom just round the corner....i was a very inward child and would sometimes be aggresive to push people away.
It may be why i found alcohol the perfect solution...as a teenager..id like to drink before i went out so i could intergrate and communicate with people without that feeling of fear and anxiety.
Then i stopped drinking and guess what.........it all came back and there i was feeling like i did when i was a kid again.
That old feeling of not fitting in and impending dome crippled me again.
I found it very difficult to cope with and went out again a few times unable to face life without my crutch.
Id attended aa but it wasnt working.....for a time...in and out.
Then i started step work with a sponsor...id run out of options and like you the doctor told me alcohol would have me in the ground.
Working through the steps wasnt easy.......but i continued with it because things started to change.
I started to feel more at ease.......i stopped looking over my shoulder all the time and that feeling of doom started to lift.
Some of those old feelings took a while to lift ...some went quickly
the point is i felt more at ease...i also found a faith which also gave me a inner peace that id never felt in my life.
The fellowship frightened me....the steps changed me...but today i do both because i dont have that awful fear anymore.
I needed a program to change and i have changed.
I dont have that fear today.......i dont feel like a frightened little boy.
And most importantly i dont feel like or want a drink.
I was a chronic active alcoholic bum..living on the streets...and the booze had stopped taking that fear away.
Today im a hard working guy.....married....kids..........and a house.
Tackle life on a day to day basis.....mostly with complete peace and contentment....i have my bad days but that life right?
I continue to attend AA and continue to change using the 12 steps as laid out in the book.
It was the solution to my dilema.....i pray that it will be yours.
I havent felt the need to drink for 8 and a half years......because i found the solution to my fears.
That was my experience i hope it helps...........god bless you.....trucker
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Fullerton, CA
Posts: 3
Thanks for your post, Spiced.
It reminds me how I felt early last year, before a coworker introduced me to AA. I have now been in the program for over a year and, despite a relapse, I can finally envision a life without alcohol.
Even when I first started attending AA meetings, I was so frightened and consumed by my obsession with alcohol, that I could not see a solution. I even hated those meetings.
Over time and with the help of a sponsor, a sober life seems attainable now.
At first it was overwhelming, especially when I was coming to grips with being an ALCOHOLIC. It was a revelation that took years to actually digest. I admitted to my mother that I was an alcoholic 3 years before I tried to do anything about it.
Time heals though and I really made an effort to put some faith in the program and it's principles, only then did recovery seem possible.
We will pray for you every day and I hope you can find the solution too.
It reminds me how I felt early last year, before a coworker introduced me to AA. I have now been in the program for over a year and, despite a relapse, I can finally envision a life without alcohol.
Even when I first started attending AA meetings, I was so frightened and consumed by my obsession with alcohol, that I could not see a solution. I even hated those meetings.
Over time and with the help of a sponsor, a sober life seems attainable now.
At first it was overwhelming, especially when I was coming to grips with being an ALCOHOLIC. It was a revelation that took years to actually digest. I admitted to my mother that I was an alcoholic 3 years before I tried to do anything about it.
Time heals though and I really made an effort to put some faith in the program and it's principles, only then did recovery seem possible.
We will pray for you every day and I hope you can find the solution too.
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