So my wife called me out. - Page 2 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

SelfSeeking · 09-28-2008, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Azreal

Thanks for all the responses everyone. Having been someone that's had to learn the hard way my whole life, I'm not sure I'm willing to do that this time. All your experiences and words mean a lot. I haven't had anything terrible happen to me because of drinking, YET. I don't think I'm going to let it happen.

I haven't had a drink since I the day before I made this post. I feel fine, except the fact I have a really bad cold. I think I'll see how long I can go without a drink!

Good for you! You'll figure this thing out. BTW it's cold season. I wouldn't take having one to mean you're withdrawing from alcohol

Azreal · 09-29-2008, 09:05 AM

ha, neither would I SS. It's just a really nasty head cold. The whole family has it =(

Economist · 10-05-2008, 02:18 PM

Usually attacks you when you are week. It's like a armed person hiding behind your back and wait for you to stumble.
I was moderate drinker myself - 2 beers, two shots, some wine but like once a week. Then major change in my life happened and I just started drinking a lot just to kill the pain and forget the problems. That was the dummest thing I have done by know. I have lost my job, money, respect. I am just pointing that even you drink responsibly disease can attact when something bad happes to you. If you set a rule - no drinking at all and manage to keep it you will be saved.

justme623 · 10-06-2008, 05:51 PM

Hi, I am so grateful for your post. I am so much like you, except I have the husband worried about my daily consupmtion. I have a wonderful husband and a 16 mo old son who is just my entire world. I am 30, great shape, very active and very healthy believe it or not. We live in a great place and I have a great job. I have said before I have everything I could ask for. I don't have any real depression or anything that I feel I cannot "handle" and therefore NEED to drink, I just enjoy it; enjoy the taste and everything that goes with it, ok, not everything. So the point for me is, I do drink too much and it has caused trouble in my past. The answer to the question, why do we drink if are lives are pretty ok. It's the alcoholism, the disease that we have, that causes the obsession (I have that daily, the cravings, etc.) and the fact that we cannot have just one or two. I know my diesease has progressed. Think of it that way, think of your family and the time spent drinking, and not spent with your family. So do you believe you may be an alcoholic? Have you read any of the Big Book?

Azreal · 10-28-2009, 04:15 PM

Interesting to look back at my old threads and see that I'm in pretty much the same spot i was back then! Sorry to dig up an old post, it's just that I haven't been on these boards in a long time. My consumption has stayed about the same and I've had some stints of no drinking, usually only lasting days at a time, except while I was training for a 1/2 marathon, which was a week or so of no drinking before the race.

My kiddo is now almost 2 and the love of my life. My wife has not "called me out" since that one time. I rarely have a 6 pack and usually stop at 4. I WILL however drink a full bottle of wine if I go the wine route. I guess I still have that concern and question lingering in the back of my head. It brought me back here. Again, sorry for digging up old posts. I know that's kind of annoying

LBW · 10-28-2009, 04:49 PM

Azreal,

You sound alot like me. I just turned 31. I used to drink after work only- every other night. I was very successful at work. My husband never said a word about my drinking. Then I got pregnant and quit until after my son was born. Afterwards, I only drank on Saturdays. I became an active runner... running half-marathons and 17 milers on the weekends. I still was an alcoholic though even if I was only drinking 1 day a week.... that giddy feeling you describe when you think about drinking, I got that all the time. I had no control once I did start drinking.

I am in no position to offer advice. I'm only sober now because I am pregnant again. I intend to stay sober after the birth, though. I just wanted to tell you I can relate. I'm sure deep down you have some guilt about this... you're in conflict about it... alternating between telling yourself your not an alcoholic yet-- maybe on the track to be, but not yet-- and getting mad at yourself for not being able stop. When you do drink, you are happy and tell yourself it's not that bad... your just over-analyzing it.

I hope you figure out how to quit before you start escalating. I think you'll be glad you did. Good luck!

joedris · 10-28-2009, 04:51 PM

OK, Somebody's gotta be the bad guy and I guess it's my turn tonight. Fess up Azreal, how much do you really drink each night? Believe me, no one here really cares, but you've got to start being really honest with yourself if you want to stop this foolishness.

Pinkcuda · 10-28-2009, 04:51 PM

Thanks for digging it up. It reminds me of the time my wife called me out. She gave me the ultimatum. Drinking or Her and the Kids. The choice was all mine to make.
I'll leave you in suspense and not tell you how it went.

Azreal · 10-28-2009, 05:07 PM

Joedris, of course I have my nights (usually playing poker with buddies, etc) that I'll have more than the usual (6+ beers). I can honestly say that I have a LOT more "normal" nights than excessive nights and I'm not just saying that. What does it mean? Probably nothing really. I still think it's more than I should have.

No worries about being the "bad guy". You're not the one putting the glass/bottle to my lips

Zebra1275 · 10-28-2009, 05:43 PM

As I see it you joined Sober Recovery 2 years ago at the age of 29 because you had questions about your drinking. Fast forward 2 years and you still are questioning your drinking. You are drinking more now than I was when I was your age. At 31 I knew I had a problem but I was doing so well in all aspects of my life that I denied it. I'm a HFA. I've never had any work or legal problems, I drank socially, but was a closet drinker when I was alone.

Now I've passed 50. Someday if you are lucky, you will too. Do you really expect to continue what you are doing for the next 20 years and never have any consequences?

Your body remembers every thing you do to it, and it is cummulative. The stuff you do in your youth comes back to bite you when you are older. Physically, an alcoholic falls apart quicker than the normal person, kind of like a high mileage car. In 20 years your 2 year old will be 22 and you might even be a grand parent. Chronologicaly, you might be 51, physically you might be 65. You love your child, I love my kids too. Would you like to see your grandchildren grow up?

walkertall · 10-28-2009, 06:45 PM

show a woman a little love and understanding and she'll give it back to you 100 times over. If you're having a problem with alcohol, quit drinking it.

TexasMan · 10-30-2009, 03:50 PM

I'll go against the prevailing winds here and offer forth the idea that maybe you're NOT an alcoholic but simply enjoy drinking perhaps a little too much.

If you can limit your intake to 2 drinks per day and not routinely drink every day, there are actual health benefits.

If you can't then perhaps you do have a problem but I'm not going to say what may or may not happen to you as I really have no way of knowing.

Best wishes and congrats on the little one turning two.

txsar · 10-30-2009, 04:40 PM

Hi azreal,
I too joined SR about 2 years ago to try to figure out if I had a drinking problem or not, triggered by nearly losing my father to acoholism. I have tried to stop several times over the last couple of years. I am only on Day 4 now but hoping this is the last time. For me my dad was there physically but not emotionally. We did the usual family things together but he was not capable of showing true emotion and expressing his feelings even to say "I love you" or "i'm proud of you" or whatever. I have 2 children (8 & 4). I've been feeling like an inactive particpant in their lives. While they are playing ball in the backyard I'm sitting on the patio drinking my wine and watching. When they ask me to play I say "I'll be there in a minute". Usually that minute doesn't come. I already have regrets about not being there for them. All this to say that your child is still young enough to probably not notice but the time will come when he/she will. As for my husband, he doesn't think I have a problem. But i'm sure he doesn't appreciate me "falling asleep" on the couch all the time. Alcoholism progresses. For me I'm trying not to progress to the point my dad was at when he nearly died so that I can be there for me and for my family. - txsar

Beard82 · 11-01-2009, 02:13 AM

Thankyou Azreal.
I'm in exactly the same position as you were when this thread started. Sitting here now with 7 empty beers and an empty bottle of wine beside me. Great life, great job, getting married in 3 months but drinking more than I should be for the past 2 years. It's started to cause problems with my partner and I know that I need to stop. Reading the stories from everyone on here makes me sit back and have a good hard look. If I can learn from some of the lessons that others have had to go through it will be great.
So frustrating that it's so hard to stop. Usually manage 2 or 3 days before the urge gets me and I fall again. I'm sure if I can just make those first few weeks it will be so much easier, but I never get there. Trying again tomorrow and going to keep reading these forums, very inspirational and a lot of good success stories on here.

**CarolD** · 11-01-2009, 03:25 AM

Beard82.....

Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum

I think ordereding "Under The Influence" is a good first step
to quitting.....it certainly was an eye opener for me...

Good to see a new member
Please do let us know how we can assist you

10-05-2008, 02:18 PM	#28 (permalink)
Economist Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: san diego, ca Posts: 4	Attacks you when you are week Usually attacks you when you are week. It's like a armed person hiding behind your back and wait for you to stumble. I was moderate drinker myself - 2 beers, two shots, some wine but like once a week. Then major change in my life happened and I just started drinking a lot just to kill the pain and forget the problems. That was the dummest thing I have done by know. I have lost my job, money, respect. I am just pointing that even you drink responsibly disease can attact when something bad happes to you. If you set a rule - no drinking at all and manage to keep it you will be saved.

10-28-2009, 04:51 PM	#32 (permalink)
joedris Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Virginia Posts: 672	OK, Somebody's gotta be the bad guy and I guess it's my turn tonight. Fess up Azreal, how much do you really drink each night? Believe me, no one here really cares, but you've got to start being really honest with yourself if you want to stop this foolishness. __________________ God, Please set aside all I think I know about myself, my disease, the Big Book, the 12 Steps, the Program, the people in the fellowship, spiritual terms, and especially about you God so I may have an open mind and a new experience with these things. Amen

11-01-2009, 03:25 AM	#40 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dallas, Ga. USA Posts: 21,904	Beard82..... Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum I think ordereding "Under The Influence" is a good first step to quitting.....it certainly was an eye opener for me... Good to see a new member Please do let us know how we can assist you __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery! :

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09-29-2008, 09:05 AM	#27 (permalink)
Azreal Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 22	ha, neither would I SS. It's just a really nasty head cold. The whole family has it =(

10-06-2008, 05:51 PM	#29 (permalink)
justme623 Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 14	Hi, I am so grateful for your post. I am so much like you, except I have the husband worried about my daily consupmtion. I have a wonderful husband and a 16 mo old son who is just my entire world. I am 30, great shape, very active and very healthy believe it or not. We live in a great place and I have a great job. I have said before I have everything I could ask for. I don't have any real depression or anything that I feel I cannot "handle" and therefore NEED to drink, I just enjoy it; enjoy the taste and everything that goes with it, ok, not everything. So the point for me is, I do drink too much and it has caused trouble in my past. The answer to the question, why do we drink if are lives are pretty ok. It's the alcoholism, the disease that we have, that causes the obsession (I have that daily, the cravings, etc.) and the fact that we cannot have just one or two. I know my diesease has progressed. Think of it that way, think of your family and the time spent drinking, and not spent with your family. So do you believe you may be an alcoholic? Have you read any of the Big Book?

10-28-2009, 04:15 PM	#30 (permalink)
Azreal Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 22	Interesting to look back at my old threads and see that I'm in pretty much the same spot i was back then! Sorry to dig up an old post, it's just that I haven't been on these boards in a long time. My consumption has stayed about the same and I've had some stints of no drinking, usually only lasting days at a time, except while I was training for a 1/2 marathon, which was a week or so of no drinking before the race. My kiddo is now almost 2 and the love of my life. My wife has not "called me out" since that one time. I rarely have a 6 pack and usually stop at 4. I WILL however drink a full bottle of wine if I go the wine route. I guess I still have that concern and question lingering in the back of my head. It brought me back here. Again, sorry for digging up old posts. I know that's kind of annoying

10-28-2009, 04:49 PM	#31 (permalink)
LBW Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 69	Azreal, You sound alot like me. I just turned 31. I used to drink after work only- every other night. I was very successful at work. My husband never said a word about my drinking. Then I got pregnant and quit until after my son was born. Afterwards, I only drank on Saturdays. I became an active runner... running half-marathons and 17 milers on the weekends. I still was an alcoholic though even if I was only drinking 1 day a week.... that giddy feeling you describe when you think about drinking, I got that all the time. I had no control once I did start drinking. I am in no position to offer advice. I'm only sober now because I am pregnant again. I intend to stay sober after the birth, though. I just wanted to tell you I can relate. I'm sure deep down you have some guilt about this... you're in conflict about it... alternating between telling yourself your not an alcoholic yet-- maybe on the track to be, but not yet-- and getting mad at yourself for not being able stop. When you do drink, you are happy and tell yourself it's not that bad... your just over-analyzing it. I hope you figure out how to quit before you start escalating. I think you'll be glad you did. Good luck!

10-28-2009, 04:51 PM	#33 (permalink)
Pinkcuda Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Colorado Prairie Posts: 1,189	Thanks for digging it up. It reminds me of the time my wife called me out. She gave me the ultimatum. Drinking or Her and the Kids. The choice was all mine to make. I'll leave you in suspense and not tell you how it went.

10-28-2009, 05:07 PM	#34 (permalink)
Azreal Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 22	Joedris, of course I have my nights (usually playing poker with buddies, etc) that I'll have more than the usual (6+ beers). I can honestly say that I have a LOT more "normal" nights than excessive nights and I'm not just saying that. What does it mean? Probably nothing really. I still think it's more than I should have. No worries about being the "bad guy". You're not the one putting the glass/bottle to my lips

10-28-2009, 05:43 PM	#35 (permalink)
Zebra1275 Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 92	As I see it you joined Sober Recovery 2 years ago at the age of 29 because you had questions about your drinking. Fast forward 2 years and you still are questioning your drinking. You are drinking more now than I was when I was your age. At 31 I knew I had a problem but I was doing so well in all aspects of my life that I denied it. I'm a HFA. I've never had any work or legal problems, I drank socially, but was a closet drinker when I was alone. Now I've passed 50. Someday if you are lucky, you will too. Do you really expect to continue what you are doing for the next 20 years and never have any consequences? Your body remembers every thing you do to it, and it is cummulative. The stuff you do in your youth comes back to bite you when you are older. Physically, an alcoholic falls apart quicker than the normal person, kind of like a high mileage car. In 20 years your 2 year old will be 22 and you might even be a grand parent. Chronologicaly, you might be 51, physically you might be 65. You love your child, I love my kids too. Would you like to see your grandchildren grow up?

10-28-2009, 06:45 PM	#36 (permalink)
walkertall Professional Alcoholic Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Tennessee Posts: 35	show a woman a little love and understanding and she'll give it back to you 100 times over. If you're having a problem with alcohol, quit drinking it.

10-30-2009, 03:50 PM	#37 (permalink)
TexasMan Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 45	I'll go against the prevailing winds here and offer forth the idea that maybe you're NOT an alcoholic but simply enjoy drinking perhaps a little too much. If you can limit your intake to 2 drinks per day and not routinely drink every day, there are actual health benefits. If you can't then perhaps you do have a problem but I'm not going to say what may or may not happen to you as I really have no way of knowing. Best wishes and congrats on the little one turning two.

10-30-2009, 04:40 PM	#38 (permalink)
txsar Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 112	Hi azreal, I too joined SR about 2 years ago to try to figure out if I had a drinking problem or not, triggered by nearly losing my father to acoholism. I have tried to stop several times over the last couple of years. I am only on Day 4 now but hoping this is the last time. For me my dad was there physically but not emotionally. We did the usual family things together but he was not capable of showing true emotion and expressing his feelings even to say "I love you" or "i'm proud of you" or whatever. I have 2 children (8 & 4). I've been feeling like an inactive particpant in their lives. While they are playing ball in the backyard I'm sitting on the patio drinking my wine and watching. When they ask me to play I say "I'll be there in a minute". Usually that minute doesn't come. I already have regrets about not being there for them. All this to say that your child is still young enough to probably not notice but the time will come when he/she will. As for my husband, he doesn't think I have a problem. But i'm sure he doesn't appreciate me "falling asleep" on the couch all the time. Alcoholism progresses. For me I'm trying not to progress to the point my dad was at when he nearly died so that I can be there for me and for my family. - txsar

11-01-2009, 02:13 AM	#39 (permalink)
Beard82 Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 13	Thankyou Azreal. I'm in exactly the same position as you were when this thread started. Sitting here now with 7 empty beers and an empty bottle of wine beside me. Great life, great job, getting married in 3 months but drinking more than I should be for the past 2 years. It's started to cause problems with my partner and I know that I need to stop. Reading the stories from everyone on here makes me sit back and have a good hard look. If I can learn from some of the lessons that others have had to go through it will be great. So frustrating that it's so hard to stop. Usually manage 2 or 3 days before the urge gets me and I fall again. I'm sure if I can just make those first few weeks it will be so much easier, but I never get there. Trying again tomorrow and going to keep reading these forums, very inspirational and a lot of good success stories on here.

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