Did I blow it?

[August18th2006]

I'm new to the forum, so Hello to everyone out there. I have a burning question that I wanted to bring to a discussion.

I am a 24-year-old alcoholic. I quit drinking a little more than two years ago when I realized my problem. I dropped everything at once - the bottle, the cigarettes and the drugs. I went to a few meetings here and there, but I have remained sober largely with my own philosophy and the support of family and friends. My problems with AA are complicated and are for another post, but I strongly recommend it to anyone looking to quit drinking.

During the last couple months, I have been tossing around an idea that I would begin to sample marijuana again on very special occasions. I never had any issues with marijuana and have enjoyed it as light recreational use.

So, in a rare late-night moment with some old friends, it happened. I took a small sample and ended it there. Later on, a house guest offered me some Crown Royal and I politely told him no, so I remain confident in my anti-alcohol stance.

But:

Did I cross a line? Am I back to day one? Am I mistaken in my philosophy of staying away from that which harms me (booze), but still enjoying that which I can handle in the comfort of a private residence and old friends?

I want to hear some opinions, so if you think I screwed it up, go ahead and let me have it.

[Rainbowgirl128]

Hey August,
I think a lot of people are going to tell you that smoking weed could be a trigger to start drinking again. Or that you may end up stoned and make a bad decision to pick up a drink. IMHO, taking a puff or two of marijuana every so often doesnt put you back to day one with your alcohol sobriety. Just be careful. Good luck.
- Rainbow

[Dee74]

this has been a common question lately for some reason.
It's a question for you really - did you blow it?

For me - I gave up alcohol to be free from the bondage of addiction. I'd given up pot some years earlier. Both were hard to leave behind.

I've worked hard to be free - I can't see the point in even flirting with the enslavement again.

D

[August18th2006]

"It's a question for you really - did you blow it?"

You're absolutely right Dee. I know this for sure: I'm going to back away from it for a long time and hold steady with my sobriety and ask myself that question every day.

What is important is that I never drink again, so maybe taking any small step that could jeopardize my two years' work just isn't worth it.

[least]

I can't take your inventory or assign blame for you or to you. What's most important is: what do you think you should do?

[CarolD]

Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum...

I see you are doing your own program of philosophy
I have no experience on that.

As I am an active member of AA and I do live
the program.....if I did smoke pot ...I would
find it necessary to change my date of sobriety
and go back to Step 1 again.

I wish you well ...

[nandm]

Welcome to SR and our alcoholism forum.


I can only tell you what I would do. You have to determine what the right thing for you to do is. I do suggest you try and be as honest with yourself as possible when you do decide. I would feel it necessary for me to change my sobriety date.

[Cathy31]

Hey August

First off I'd like to say congratulations with your wise choices!!! So young! You won't regret it and there are very few that get sober first off, and to do so at your age is awesome! Well done!

Re your sobriety date - like Carold I am in AA so I would feel compelled to go back to day 1...I've heard ppl in aa talk about 2 clean dates, etc but for me and the program I am working it would be back to day 1 for me.

However as gettinsober (albeit unnecessarily aggressively, think s/he missed the point where you asked for opinions ) said you aren't in AA and honestly if I was in your shoes I would keep my 'sobriety' date absolutely...however it would not be a sobriety date from all mood altering substances but from alcohol. I would be proud of that and build on that.

Just my 2 cents!

Well done again. It's brilliant!


Cathy31
x
PS Obvisouly 'BE CAREFUL' - it's a cunning, baffling, powerful disease whatever way you look at it!!!

[tiburon88]

I would not change your sobriety date at all. Of course it's up to you but common sense says not to reset your sobriety date.

tiburon

[Tommyh]

august
my experience
i ended up drinking in the end

[Trisomy21]

What I find funny is...Alcohol is legal, you can buy it anytime, anywhere (depending where you live) and drink yourself into oblivion and even die from it, even from the withdrawals.

Then you've got pot. You're not going to overdose, you're not going to die when you quit. It's a drug, yes but harmless in comparison to many prescription drugs. I used to smoke a lot of it, but for me that was the easiest thing to quit.

I wouldn't say you're back at step 1. You had considered smoking some, that's your decision. And when asked if you wanted a drink, you passed it up. Kudos!

Its all a matter of being responsible. As people we make mistakes, just learn from them. Plus life would be pretty boring if everyone was perfect.

Keep it up!

[Harley3801]

For me, getting sober meant the end of using alcohol and any substance that was used illegally to alter my state of mind.

I never had issues with pot either . . . I could always take it or leave it. Alcohol was always my first choice and I hadn't smoked pot in years when I finally quit drinking.

Smoking pot distorted not only my thinking, but also the way I felt. Given those two reasons and if am honest with myself, I would change my sobriety date.

I don't think it matters whether I think you screwed up . . . but what I do think is that you need to take a look at why you quit using in the first place and why you made the decision to get high.

[Jfanagle]

This is why I love this forum. The question is a very valid and interesting one and after giving it some thought I think it comes down to only ONE QUESTION in order to come up with an ANSWER.

HOW DO YOU CHOOSE TO DEFINE THE WORD SOBER?

Based on that personal decision, your sobriety date would be in keeping with that.

I guess as I have read all the comments and opinions on this thread it still comes back to what sobriety is and has always been about; It is a personal decision and really isn't anyone else's concern.

Just my take on the question.

Jon

[August18th2006]

Originally Posted by Jfanagle

HOW DO YOU CHOOSE TO DEFINE THE WORD SOBER?

Jon

This questions hits at the heart of why I wanted to bring this to a discussion like this. I think I needed to hear from other people and get arguments from all sides before I could move forward.

To be honest, I still don't know the answer. I don't know exactly how I'm going to define my sobriety. My problem for the last two years has been that I am fiercely independent, some would say a loner. AA isn't for me because my personality doesn't work well with it. I'm a searching person, both physically (always moving around the country) and spiritually. I'm constantly developing my philosophy of sobriety and this whole pot episode rose out of that.

But, to go back to my thinking when I did it, why should I have to completely steer away from any mood-altering substances? What exactly is a mood-altering substance. I could put together a book of mood-altering substances.(Cheesecake always alters my mood pretty well). Does that mean coffee is out?

I'm well aware of my problem with alcohol. I'll never touch it again if I get my way. But, to suddendly call myself an addict of various narcotics including pot would be completely false.


Thanks to everyone who added their two cents. I really love this forum so far.

[ccommer]

Having had a similar situation very recently, this is not an easy answer.....but I do think the most important thing not to do is drink over it. I took my sitation and obsessed and resented over it until I drank, not recommended. therefore ending the debate for myself.
I think the most important thing to do now is pray about it, if you do not like the idea of prayer, journal...something to let it go.
Worry about your actual sobriety date after you place some time between you and the event. I wish I would have done that.
I do believe though that our sobriety is too important to mess around with alternative chemicals, I would not recommend that, stick to the cheesecake and coffee.
Good luck, Chris

[Cathy31]

I heard someone say that while coffee, etc is a mood altering (what isn't!) it's not chemically altering...sugar however is...I am trying to give up sugar as I have developed a terrible addiction to it and it' smaking my life, for me unmanageabl (mood swing lack of motivation to go to the gym etc)

I don't know if what I overheard was true or not, but it makes sense for me.

BTW, i am NEVER giving up coffee!! I started drinking it for the first time in rehab and it's one thing that will go with me til the end of my day! 3 cups no more per day and I savour each one! The only addiction i still enjoy - and am able to 'moderate' LOL! long may it last!
Cathy31
x

[jnj]

August
There was a discussion about this recently ....I think you're doing great!!! I haven't drank in a year and I am a seriously sick chronic alcoholic.....killing myself physically/emotionally etc....I smoke when I want to and it helped me PERSONALLY from relapse....I never had a sip becuase I knew I could smoke once in awhile if I wanted.....most would say change your sobriety date...but I'm not....because it's a miracle truly from GOD that I made it a month much less a year without a drink.. being off alcohol had been awesome!!! Keep going,..the depression is gone....insecurity .....I'm just so grateful that I don't drink......I smoke sometimes and don't have a problem with it.

good luck

[beingjenagain]

whatever you choose you need to feel right about it. if you leave your sobriety date and feel that everytime you talk of it or think of it you know you are lying...well thats the answer.
Its up to you!

[Tazman53]

"It's a question for you really - did you blow it?"

You're absolutely right Dee. I know this for sure: I'm going to back away from it for a long time and hold steady with my sobriety and ask myself that question every day.

What is important is that I never drink again, so maybe taking any small step that could jeopardize my two years' work just isn't worth it.

The above indicates you have pretty much answered your original question with the assistance of Dee.

I do like what Jon said:

HOW DO YOU CHOOSE TO DEFINE THE WORD SOBER?

Everyone has a different definition, for me it is any mind altering drug, including alcohol.

Mind altering to me is drugs illegal or taken to alter ones state of mind.

There are folks that feel cigarettes, coffee or the like fit into the mind altering catagory.

Some folks say sobriety means strictly alcohol free.

I have my definition of sobriety which I am comfortable with and others have thier definition they are comfortable with.

My definition is mine, I do not expect anyone else to abide by it, nor will I judge thier definition, if one is happy with thier definiton all is good.

BTW congrats on your time sober.

[RobbyRobot]

Originally Posted by August18th2006

But, to go back to my thinking when I did it, why should I have to completely steer away from any mood-altering substances? What exactly is a mood-altering substance. I could put together a book of mood-altering substances.(Cheesecake always alters my mood pretty well). Does that mean coffee is out?

I'm well aware of my problem with alcohol. I'll never touch it again if I get my way. But, to suddendly call myself an addict of various narcotics including pot would be completely false.


Thanks to everyone who added their two cents. I really love this forum so far.

Hi August,

hey how are you doing? Not so well, if you want my two cents, and i don't have a whole lot of good things to say for you here August. Since you already have 2 years of life experience away from the booze you've a good idea of what sobriety is doing for you i am thinking. We know alcohol alters our moods [!] and so we quit totally because we can't manage the changes [!] and using mary jane we know alters our moods [!] as well, so what makes you think it's okay to alter your mood with sumthing else besides alcholol [?]

Well the only reason it would ever be okay to alter my mood is that i can control the change. Alcohol is a drug. Grass is a drug. Addiction is addiction. I am an addict. I can't control a substance that is in my bloodstream and in my brain. Drugs xxxx me up. bad drugs bad go away bye bye hahaha. Is it that simple? yeah, it is and for good reason too. Keeping it simple and easy as possible makes the recovery path liviable, enjoyable, and succesful.

August, my DOC was alcohol. i quit other "drugs" because the "getting stone" part was no different at the end of the day in the results returned. I could not manage my life ongoing while i abused drugs. Its not that it just "altered" my mood, its that i could not mange those changes into my life and still have a life left over.

Don't just look at part of the equation August, take it all in please: able to manage the mood-altering effects to not negatively change your life; and more importantly, that you manage the using of the smoke to positively enhance your life, otherwise wtf are you doing? just waiting around for things to mess up? looking for sum easy excitement?

I guess another thing i want to say is why are you even thinking that you want to alter your moods with drugs even if you think its okay? Grass is an hallucinogen and as your desire for it grows so will the unmanagebale changes manifest. And if your gonna tell me that you can control the wants and needs of your new addiction to grass because its just recreational please don't [!]

And if you don't use grass enough to really enjoy those great highs then why even bother. When i smoked grass just sharing a joint with sum friends [or not so friendly lol] was hardly enough. No way. To really enjoy good smoke i wanted the whole friggin' day smokin' up and gettin' ready for the night life with my gang. And they could not have cared less whether i drank or not as long as i was not a drag to be with. And on that note, if you and i was at a party together and you started to tell me that you used to drink but you quit two years ago because you "just had to quit" i would prolly pour myself a really big vodka with some oj and as i passed the joint back to you i would be laughing in you face as you toked on it and i dranked down my drink. But thats me... and of course none of your toking friends are me.

I can't tell you how many times i have partied with others who were on the "wagon" and how many times they fell off with just some good laughs and depending on the scene throw in some easy sex and its all over for most of the hard azzes out there who think they can get tough on booze and dance around the fire with pot. Slipping is so easy when nothing stops you except laughter.... [!] Please don't think you're the first addict to try to get around the alcohol. It's a cunning thing addiction is and it really loves surprises and parties and good times and...

So that's my two cents and take what you need and leave the rest or leave it all its always your choice and always will be even when your stoned and cant think straight even when your life depends on it [!] And i agree with Carol in that you need to update your sobriety and clean date to the last day you abused drugs of any quality or quantity. It's not the calendar date that holds importance, its the virtue and honor that the date marks. Somebody with just one day of true sobriety holds as much honor as somebody else who may hold thousands of days of true sobriety. That's how it works, my friend!

Sorry for your troubles and i do have plenty of empathy for you, and it was very loving of yourself to post here in the forums and ask for advice straight up like you did.

take care August,
Robby

[serenityqueen]

First of all August I'd like to say Welcome! and Congratulations on the life saving decision you made to stop drinking. . . .and at such a young age!

My opinion: I remember an oldtimer telling me back in 1980 how he defined being Clean & Sober. Being clean is fairly easy. . . simple abstinence from all mood altering chemicals (unless prescribed by a Dr. and take as directed.) Being sober is a whole different story. Sobriety is not only abstaining but changing everything negative and associated with using. Not just old people, places and things, but thoughts, behaviors and actions. Many refer to this as being on a dry drunk. In the past, I had periods of clean time throughout my struggle for Sobriety, but I wasn't sober. I still had the negative thoughts, actions and behaviors. I was miserable. I still blamed everyone else for my problems, I thought that God had not only forgotten me, but was punishing me for things in my past. I couldn't forgive anyone for what I thought were wrongs in my life, much less forgive myself. I hung on to all of the negativity. Quite simply, the only thing I changed was I stopping putting chemicals in my body. I have adopted these definitions of being Clean & Sober.

I feel that you are the only person who can decide if you need to change your Sobriety Date. If it were me though, I would have to change it. It seems like if you are questioning yourself, you already have your answer. Usually we know in our hearts what the answers are. Beingjenagain summed it up beautifully. I think you need to Pray and let go and give it to God. All of this worrying and questioning yourself is only putting yourself at risk for possibly saying, "Ah, to hell with it, I screwed up by smoking some pot so I might as well go ahead and have a few drinks because I'm starting over anyway." This disease of addiction is a sneaky thing, it can come at us from out of nowhere and before we know it,WHAM!

I've also seen so many people switch their drug of choice so fast and easily. It's so easy to be sitting around smoking a few joints with friends and have the strength to pass up a drink but someone could offer you some legal, prescribed Xanax for example and if your high, you know it's a lot easier to be convince yourself that it's ok . . . after all, the Dr. prescribed it, right? My DOC was prescription narcotics . . . all of them were legal and prescribed. But most weren't prescribed to me.

Let go and let God. And keep posting . . . and welcome to the SR Family.

Judy