Home from the ER. Day 1.

[flutter]

Well, I did it. Hit my rock bottom. I don't remember much.

I have been hiding my drinking from husband/family, that damn vodka is too easy to hide.

I don't remember yesterday much, other than the fact that I woke up in the ER with an IV, a pulse o2 monitor, and my husband and parents standing around me the more pain on their faces than I've seen.

What had I done? I remembered nothing. This was at NOON.

My husband found me practically incoherant and of course I said I had nothing to drink, didn't take any sleeping pills.. I lied. He called my parents, who also had the same luck he did in getting me to tell them what happened. I can honestly say, I didn't know.

911, ambulance... ER. There's still a small puddle of blood on the floor of my garage from when they stuck the IV.

The doctor at the hospital said that he had never seen someone alive, with my BAC, which then indicated how much, and for how long I had been drinking. .45... what? that's coma, death, seizure. I was awake the entire time, it's baffling not only to me, but just about every medical staff that cared for me.

Tried to send me to a detox, but after 7 hours, and with my family's reluctance, I went home, to bed, with a Rx of anxiety meds (2 days worth), to stop any possible seizure activity. How in the hell did it get this far? I've drank too much, for a very long time, got "too" buzzed at the bar, stumbled instead of walked. What is it in me that made me this way?

Obviously I will see out patient treatment, and try to figure this out. I cannot drink again, although, as normal as I feel, the thought is JUST in the back of my mind. It fixes everything right? Not when you're dead.

So here I am, scared to death to go clean up the blood on the floor. But at least I'm able to do it.

Thank you

[LosingmyMisery]

I'm glad you are okay. Very scary...

[TryingSoHard]

Originally Posted by flutter

I have been hiding my drinking from husband/family, that damn vodka is too easy to hide.

...

My husband found me practically incoherant and of course I said I had nothing to drink, didn't take any sleeping pills. I lied.

Oh my gosh. The scariest part, to me, of reading your post was that I could have written the parts that I have quoted above.

First of all, let me say that I am very glad you are ok. .45 BAC?! You are very lucky. Someone, somewhere, somehow wants you to learn from this.

How are things with your husband now?

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you recover from your recent experience... physically and emotionally. Please keep posting.

TSH

[Bamboozle]

Glad you're still here...Welcome to SR. Keep posting.:ghug

[nandm]

Welcome to SR

[barb dwyer]

Welcome to SR!

Many of us here have had similar if not worse experiences.
Now you're no longer alone.

I found relief, hope and a return to happiness through the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I hope this is your 'bottom' and I hope we can be of support to you as you make this change.

If you're new to SoberRecovery -
I urge you to scroll to the top of this forum, and read the 'how we did it' stickies and other threads up there. They contain a wealth of knowledge and information of what to expect, who you can contact in your area for other services, and basically give you a starting point to get oriented in the website, as well as the road to recovery.

Welcome aboard - we're all in this together!

[flutter]

To answer the "how are things with your husband now"

That's mixed. He's scared, angry, and selfishly confused about how this will effect his drinking... "Well I'll still go out with the guys.." "we have season football tickets of course I'll have a few beers".. I keep asking WHY? I was JUST in the hospital, I need him 100%.

I grew up in an alcoholic family, I know it too well. He doesn't get it. He thinks that to solve the problem, I just need to quit drinking. Period. And it should not "punish" him.

I tried to explain that there's a serious issue on his end, if even for this week, this month... to just be here for me. He said he wont drink around me, of course I wouldn't imagine that was even a question.

He's angry. My parents (in recovery) got very angry with him when he made it clear he wouldn't change his behavior. Again, this is day one. I can imagine his fear, undeserved guilt, and his anger at the situation. I hope that as soon as I find a good outpatient treatment center where I can ge the help I need, i'll know how to help him help me.

I know he loves me dearly, but he's not seeing it as a disease, rather just me being out of control.

humff

[sunshinebaby]

So scary but so glad you are okay. You have taken a big step writing here and will get lots of love and support, so please keep posting. Peace to you.

[CarolD]

Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum
and to the beginning of your new healthy life
Yes...You came within a whisper of dying..

I think this is the time to be listening to those in recovery.
I strongly suggest you talk with your parents
and get involved in AA or whatever they did to recover.

I have no experience with what happens in an out patient
program....but I absolutely know AA is awesome.

Blessings to you and your loved ones

[IMHomerSimpson]

well,ive been sober for 5 days now,all started after a bar incident that left me with 2 broken ribs and a partially collapsed right lung!

Id say that was my rock bottom! Im missing work because I can barely move but AM substituting work with another AA meeting! (and Ive always been anti AA but learned I cant do it alone)

good luck

[Tazman53]

Flutter glad you are here, hang in there and be prepared once the meds the doc gave you run out to go back if you need to. You say your parents are in recovery, it may be best to lean on them and find out what they are doing for thier recovery.

[tanyapmc]

Welcome to SR. Have you thought of going to AA? I go and it is working for me. It makes me not feel so alone. Please keep posting.

[WLDKATZ]

wow
can't say I have been there I was blessed......my rock bottom came when I watched my family and friends turn against me because instead of saving a life I almost took mine, I watched my best friend die with a needle in his arm ( something I never did but Jimmy did) and I was blacked out on the couch.......same thing Vodka......never touched the stuff after that day.......

as for you and your husband.....LORD I UNDERSTAND THAT!!!!!! I am lucky enough to have the support of a man NOW that wouldn't let me use again to save the world.....but there was a time when I tried to come clean and the guy I was seeing at the time wouldn't clean up and I was always using it as an excuse to start using again.....I personally don't go to AA ( personal reasons/Health) but I have gone many times and I may go again but dont do it alone, really lean on your parents for your support....they will give it to you.......so will we here at SR good Luck and keep posting!


Love and Hugs,
Pamm

[TTOSBT]

Hi flutter,
I am so glad you made it through that, wow.
I know that you are already on Day 8 but that is just detox?
Have you considered going away to inpatient treatment so that you can focus on you and your recovery and what you need to do? Just a thought if the husband drinking was not an issue for 30-60 days.
Best of luck to you!

[beingjenagain]

Hi Flutter, I posted on your update but wanted to post here to. I hadn't read this yet....ah husbands....a whole 'nother story. Not to be a man basher (cuz I'm not) but why is it that everything we do makes their life worse??? A non alcoholic wife is busy trying to make her dear poor hubbys life better while a non alcoholic (or maybe not) husband wants to know what your problem is and how it will impact him??
I'm 5 months sober and my husband has come around. I now have a strength in me I didn't have before and he knows it!!! You should fear a clear and sober woman!!

Check out the womens forum and the friends and family for more insight and support

And Guys I love you all!!

Jen

[Tommyh]

I suggest getting immediate treatment for your drinking.Maybe AA or something.
When you see the BAC in the 40`s,the next binge could kill you.When I was new in AA,I had a friend join,marvin was his name.He was a nice looking 28 year old guy and he looked like he had lived in a gym.He was put together..
He had a problem,he was alcoholic.He would end up in ER`S and hospitals..His BAC was in the 40`s...One day they found him in a motel room dead..
BAC that high should have already killed you..you`re lucky to still be alive....please seek help right away and do whatever is necessary to not take the first drink