Bamboozle

Anyone have any suggestions? I have a birthday coming up soon and everyone is going to want to take me out for a drink (and a part of me definitely wants to have one [or 10]) after we all do a little gambling. No one going knows what's going on with me. I don't really feel comfortable explaining why I'm not having a drink, especially since everyone knows I like to drink. They'll think I'm completely bizarre, and as much as I'd like to say, "I don't care what they think", that's simply not possible. If I tell them I'm trying to loose weight (which is true), then they'll say that it's one day out of the year, so celebrate!

Sugah

Maybe it's time to consider what's more important to you - staying sober or caring what people think of you. If these folks know you're alcoholic, those true friends among them would not make you feel obligated to accept their birthday gesture. They'll find another one that won't kill you.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Bamboozle

Thank you for the reply.

The thing is, they don't know I'm an alcoholic. I am more than positive they don't even suspect that it is a possibility. Telling this group of people that I'm an alcoholic is not something I can blurt out from the rooftops. In my opinion, most people frown upon alcoholism, and the more people who know, the more difficult it is to be seen as trustworthy or dependable.

Some of these people I'm talking about in this group are family, not just friends. Sorry I didn't make that clear. So their opinions matter greatly to me and I don't think that they would digest the truth well. That doesn't make them bad people, only human. I'm not sure my birthday is the best time to let my true colors show. I guess I'm looking for little lies to tell because I'm drawing a blank right now. This is new territory for me. Thank you.

Sugah

Well, if your alcoholism isn't known to others - but you acknowledge it - then a simple statement that you don't like the way you're feeling (emotionally or physically - they don't have to know) when you drink should be good enough for them. You're right about one thing. It's really nobody's business but you're own. You wouldn't announce from the rooftops that you have herpes, but you would confide it to your sexual partner, I hope, especially if she wanted to have unprotected sex. Do you have an ally among this group that can help you handle the peer pressure discreetly?

As far as lying - that's up to you, but lies have a way of becoming more complicated over time.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

RobbyRobot

hi
friendships are a powerful force to be reckoned with. you got some tough choices. if you have to ask what to do then as likely you already made up your mind that the easiest way for everybody is just drink the problem away.

that is what defines a problem drinker from just a normal. us users face our problems with DOC in hand and sweat the details later. we don't really think about answers without having drugs [alcohol here] as that would mean we're prolly quitting for good cuzz these problems come up all the time so we'd have to quit. and if that were true, and we did stop, then the problem wouldn't even exist. go figure.

lol

so there it is in all its glory. if you going to be around drinking friends on your birthday, and you want to drink yourself because you have no better plan, then guess what? ya it ain't going to be pretty.



binge drinking sucks. been there. not there now. hope you do the smart thing. keep us posted.

gravity

I would make my sobriety the #1 priority. If I felt that people would pressure me to drink and there is even the slightest chance that I would give in to that pressure, I would stay home or celebrate with sober friends. It's just a birthday, they happen every year. I'm sure that nobody would be terribly devastated if I chose not to drink with them.

If you find it to be absolutely necessary to hang around with drinkers on your birthday, they should be adult enough to accept "no thanks." If they ask "why not?" tell them you are quitting or that it's more trouble than it's worth. I used to worry about this quite a bit but all of my friends & family members left it at "no thanks". I think that the only people that would not leave it at that are active alcoholics & problem drinkers.

As far as the opinion of others goes, would it really make any difference at all if you simply told them that you don't drink anymore? It seems like kind of a neutral statement and you won't have to worry about this again in the future.

Hope things work out for you!

Kristina

How about proactively planning your own birthday party somewhere alcohol won't be an option so that when they ask you out for a birthday drink, you can say "Oh thanks for inviting me out, but I've already planned an event, come to my party at Coldstone" (or a bowling alley, a pizza place, movie theater, whatever sounds good to you).

That way you don't have to say "I'm an alcoholic" to people you're not comfortable telling, but you've set yourself for success and a sober birthday celebration.

Also, happy almost birthday!

Signal30

I think it's time to be honest with yourself. You either do or you do not have a drinking problem. The answer to the question is real simple. I am pretty certain you know the answer. Sometimes we can make simple things hard when we don't want to do something, like say, quit drinking. We can try to bury the reality with B.S. to justify why we either "can't" or won't quit drinking. When that kind of thinking arises, some things are missing. Honesty and willingness.

If I wasn't concerned about my drinking, I would'nt ask the question in the first place. We usually don't worry about problems we don't or think we don't have.

I also wouldn't be on a recovery site asking for advice for a problem.

When I have doubts that I am a alcoholic, I know it's the disease of alcoholism. The more I learn about myself, the more I know about my disease.

There have been many alcoholics that have died of alcoholism with the mindset that if I refuse to admit I have this problem, it doesent exist.

The insanity of the disease of alcoholism is mindblowing sometimes but is treatable.


Tom

TigerLili

Kristina - I think your strategy is really smart.

navysteve

You can end all danger of having to accept a drink on your birthday with two words "no thank you!" Ok that is three words, what do you expect from a guy with a flaming bag on his head?

Tazman53

You know real friends are people that care about you and respect you.

Simply tell them you have made the decision to stop drinking..... PERIOD! There is no reason unless you are ready to tell them that they need to know you are an alcohlic.

If you tell them you stopped drinking and they ask why simply say "I don't enjoy drinking any more." That is all you need to say.

Real freinds respect thier friends, they do not pressure them.

Now put your self in thier shoes.

If you ask some one "Why aren't you drinking?" and they reply "I don't enjoy drinking any more." Would you as a REAL friend ask any other questions? Would you pressure them to drink?

Beleive it or not, all of the fear and shame of being an alcoholic dissappears with time. Why? Because alcoholism is a disease, it is a disease that you can totally control by not drinking, just like a diabetic controls their disease through diet and exercise.

Should a diabetic be ashamed of their diesease? No!!!! Why should an alcoholic be ashamed of thier disease if they are controlling it.

Beleive it or not, people look up to an alcoholic who has their disease under control and is in recovery.

It takes a much bigger person to admit they have a problem and to do something about it, then to deny thier disease and do nothing about it.

CarolD

Hmm.
I've never been ashamed of my sobriety
sure can't say the same about my drinking career...

I refuse invitations that are dangerous to me.

Be proud of yourself....you are choosing a healthier future.
Be a good example to your family and friends.
I'm sure they want whats best for you

Happy Birthday to come!