Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Alcoholism Information > Alcoholism
Forgot Password? Join Us!
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read Chat Room [7]


Welcome to the Sober Recovery Community

Already registered? Login above ---^
OR
To take advantage of all Posting, Chatting, Gaming, and all the features available at SoberRecovery, join the over 100,000 current members, and become a member of our supportive community today! Ads will no longer appear on the forums, once you register.



Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-27-2008, 02:32 PM   #1 (permalink)
One Day At A Time
 

Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: U.K.
Posts: 195
Drank again and guess what...

It was just the bloody same old crap! Unmanagability came straight back- anxiety and the absaloute despair where beyond belief- i forgot juts how low alcohol makes me feel the next day. I know alcoholics have a physical allegy in that it sets up a craving beyond our control and thats what happened to me. Iwas talking to me parents too though- both in AA and sober decades (thanks to A.A.) - both also talked about that feeling the next day - Hell, in a word. Alcohol doesnt just have an averse reaction when i drink- its the next day too- even if nothing 'bad' happned the night before I still experience those hellish feelings of total despair and terror the vast majority of the time. It was good to hear that from them because i could totally identify with them - i dunno i guess it just re-inforced the fact i cannot drink no matter what.

I regret drinking, i did a lot of work on myself with the steps of AA in those four months but its certainly made me re-asses things in my life at least. I can see the total insanity of the mental obsession in me now- it took me back out for a drink, so i have no qualms of the mental illness part of this disease.It was my thinking that made me pick up that lethal first drink.

I've been going to meetings and sharing and mixing with people and doing things i didnt do before yesterday and today- im now two days sober. I know if i dont put my all in this time i will drink. It means going against myself a lot- but i have to give AA my all because i dont want to feel how drinking makes me feel again- not for today thanks.

If there is anyone out there who is considering drinking, whose head is going for a wonder as mine did i hope reading this helps. If your an alcoholic it wont work - and my experience shows it doesnt. Let my mistake be an example. I wanted to be a 'normal student' and drink and 'have a laugh' - despite knowing what drink does to me. I went against suggestions and i took that first drink and it was a disaster and im just so grateful i am back to AA- i made it back! For that i am so graetful - because i was in a blackout for a lot of both the fri and sat night i drank. Anything could of happened to me. I have a real healthy fear now of what drink can lead to - i dunno i am still a bit gutted but all i can do is put 100% into recovery this time- to make that relapse a lesson rather than a regret. It's great to be back guys!
unigirl is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2008, 03:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
Life the gift of recovery!
 
nandm's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,024
Thank you for sharing, glad you made it back:ghug
__________________
NOTE: All BB quotes are from the 1st Edition of the Big Book
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
nandm is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2008, 03:17 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
stone's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,300
Uni, you don't have to give AA your all, or anything your all.

Give your life your all.

You dont need to apologise or justify.

You dont need to conform, it is your own recovery.
__________________
.
As from a fire aflame thousands of sparks come forth,
even so from the Creator an infinity of beings have life and to him return again.
-- Maitri Upanishads
stone is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2008, 03:19 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
caraway's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 558
You're right about the feeling the next day 'Hell' is the word. Thanks for sharing that and reminding me. Glad you're back with your support group of AA:ghug
__________________
"I've learned from my mistakes and I'm sure I can repeat them exactly." Peter Cook
caraway is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2008, 04:19 PM   #5 (permalink)
Forward we go...side by side
 
CarolD's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 37,599

A new day...a fresh start
__________________
Each Day Sober Is A Victory!!
Joy In AA Recovery!

CarolD is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2008, 04:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 426
Hey Unigirl, glad you made it back.

I'm back on day 5 myself, so let's do this together!
__________________
I will never have the sobriety that the 'nice' half of me craves. The other half always wins, and sadly it always will. It's better that I make the best of my life now.
sobergirl77 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2008, 08:41 PM   #7 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: eastern USA
Posts: 41,052
Blog Entries: 31
Unigirl, you've helped me to stay sober tonite. It's been sort of a rough evening and I had a craving to just "forget" it all. I read your post and was reminded that I do not want to start back up again.

So you just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, love yourself for who you are capable of being, and don't beat yourself up over it. I've relapsed too many times to count. And I knew better. But I did it anyway. You can start again. You're still trying. Just keep on trying. Take it one day at a time. You can do this!:ghug3
__________________
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley
least is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2008, 04:00 AM   #8 (permalink)
One Day At A Time
 

Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: U.K.
Posts: 195
Thanks everyone for your positive replies- it means a lot
I love the understanding ppl in recovery have for one another. I am so glad i helped u least. At least something positve comes out of this
I also like what you said about knowing better but doing it anyway- yeah if im honest i guess i did pretty much the same thing - although my head was in turmoil with the 'should i drink?', 'am i really an alchy?'....etc deep down i knew if i drank again i would go back to AA at some point (which is very complacent as i now realise how lucky we all are to make it back) - so therefor i knew what i was doing was a mistake. But hey ho- you live and you learn- and im juts very grateful to be back in recovery
Forgot how good it 'feels' - although it can be hard work etc- i always that feeling that im doing the right thing- and its the nicest feeling ever!
unigirl is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2008, 04:18 AM   #9 (permalink)
Follow Directions!
 
Tazman53's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,731
unigirl thanks for sharing your relapse, I am thankful for you that it was a short one and that you made it back.

There is a difference in you I see, you truly are taking this as a learning experience instead of beating your self up, that is awesome!!!! You have also grown far closer to your parents and you are very fortunant to have parents that know what alcoholism is first hand and have found a path of recovery that worked for them and that you are on that same path as well.

My wife and a lot of my family just do not get it. My wife still does not understand why I could not just quit! Sounds so simple to a non-alcoholic to just quit, heck a non-alcoholic could really care less if they ever had a drink. My father who passed when I was 19 was a recovered alcoholic, he knew, my son who is new to recovery gets it, folks in the rooms get it.
__________________
All BB quotes are from the First Edition of the BB

Follow directions!

Sobriety date 18 Sept. 2006

Sober today thanks to AA
Tazman53 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2008, 04:54 AM   #10 (permalink)
One Day At A Time
 

Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: U.K.
Posts: 195
Thanks Tazman - i know i am indeed very fortunate to have parents who can understand and give me the necessary advice. You're right i am closer to my parents thanks to recovery.
I'm sorry a lot of your family do no understand the concept of recovering from alcoholism - i have many friends (and some family members too) who just don't get it. I don't know if they ever will either, but another thing i learnt from the relapse is i shouldn't let their opinions influence me. I just have to accept they won't get it- but as long as know i'm an alcoholic and need to recover in AA (this is just my experience) i'll be ok.
unigirl is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2008, 05:29 AM   #11 (permalink)
Follow Directions!
 
Tazman53's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,731
Quote:
I just have to accept they won't get it
unigirl I understand why they do not understand, they say pedophelia is a disease also and I sure do not understand that!!!! The only ones who could possibly understand that is another pedophile. (I know!!! I know, that was an extreme example)
__________________
All BB quotes are from the First Edition of the BB

Follow directions!

Sobriety date 18 Sept. 2006

Sober today thanks to AA
Tazman53 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2008, 05:40 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
four812's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,553
thanks for sharing your relapse and your re-inspired return to recovery. you just helped me a little with your words. I am now conscious of my own desire to change. now I can go further and turn this desire back into determination. I had a strong determination on my 3rd and 4th days clean. last couple of days I've been on automatic.
__________________
Stay in Today
four812 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:42 PM.


 
National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers
 
Drug Rehab | Best Treatment Center | Detox Center | Residential Treatment Center
Cocaine/Crack Treatment | Alcohol Rehab | Heroin/Oxycontin Treatment Center | Crystal Meth Treatment | Marijuana Treatment | Methadone Treatment | Suboxone Treatment
 
Local Treatment Resources and Events
 
Alabama | Alaska | Arizona | Arkansas | California | Colorado | Connecticut | DC | Delaware
Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine
Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire
New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island
South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennesee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming

© 2013 Internet Brands. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Health Disclaimer
A proud member of the SoberRecovery® Network of Addiction and Recovery Websites