NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Yesterday. Spent a few hours working on my fourth step, crying the whole way, had to put it down. Then, go to my home group meeting, my sponsor tells me bout her week:

A girl that just made a year last month, turns out she's in the psych unit. Not sure what happened, sponsor wasn't gossiping. Another one of her sponcee's went back out. A man that she drives to another meeting picked up a five year chip, then told her on the way home it's only been a month since he used crack, but five for alcohol. She told him to call his sponsor. My partner A shared about a big hurt in the meeting and I bawled.

Just depressing to see folks go back out.

Thanks for letting me share

Karen

parentrecovers

i'm sorry, mamma. that's a lot of stuff...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

nandm

But for the grace of God there go I. I am sorry you have had to see so much this week.

baggervance

I was told not to put to much faith into any one person in AA after all they are mostly like me.Dont let it get you down there are many good things happening to people in the rooms also.

baggervance

Merlot
If this is your first fourth step what a relief will soon be instore for you its like a weight is lifted or it was for me.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

I'm just worried bout the girl in the psych unit. She's a sweetie. Felt horrible for my sponsor!

Yup, Bagger, my first fourth. Bringing up a lot of stuff. I know it needs to be done, but it ain't fun going. FYI, you might not want to be doing your fourth step at the same time your partner is!

Fenian_Man

merlotmamma,

My sponsor would say: "Better them than you!" Hang in there.

Fen

Astro

I totally agree. But grateful that we don't have to.

Thanks for sharing, Karen. Prayers going out for that girl, for all those who are still suffering.......

Missymae737

Hi,

It breaks my heart too...Before I attended meetings I was here a couple of months. I noticed a couple of people went back out there and I felt helpless...

I was one of those people..It took me a couple of months to get it right but only when I went to meetings and visited here...

I know it hurts but in a good way...

It is our real feelings...IN sobriety.:ghug

WLDKATZ

Hey momma all I can say is IT WASN"T YOU!!!!!!! I am so glad you had a sober week, you are strong FEELING woman!!!!!!!! Who wouldn't be hurt to see a friend in need.........and crying is ok when you hurt..........Love yas!

snowgoose

Yeah, this is rough bumps. Sorry to hear it. I've heard that we can "carry the Program but not the alcoholic".... it's so hard when you really, really want the best for someone else but can't control their actions or compulsions. Gotta let go and let God. Thanks for the reminder.

Best from the Snowgoose.

barb dwyer

Merlot -

i'[m so PSYCHED for you about your fourth - go go GO !!!

changed my life. it will yours, too!!!! FINISH! It's so worth it!!!!

wooHOO for you!

Sugah

Karen, I don't want to sound like I'm minimizing anything that's going on in and around your life. Two partners doing a fourth step at the same time?!!! Wow, that in itself is enough to make me shiver. The process of taking a fourth step is, though it doesn't have to be, emotional. I was told -- you're just making a list. You don't have to relive it, feel it, deal with it. Just write it down. I heard a lead once where this guy said he just couldn't get through his until someone pointed out that, in the BB, it's done in columns, not rows. Meaning, first you put down the names, then you put down the "what", then you put down those things it affects & the character issues that go along with it. He swore it kept him detached enough to get it done, and after, he had the support of his sponsor as he 5th stepped it. That being said, it's not exactly how I did mine, but I've heard it suggested.

But I'm straying from the topic. If you're identifying with all those things in your 4th step and feeling their power, it might make it difficult to view these things going on around you in their potential for good. For example -- the girl in the psych hospital? I have a friend who, after 5 yrs sobriety, ended up on the inside again. It was bad. Very, very bad. Cops involved, family turned upside down. But the result wasn't bad. She was able to step back & see that for a full five years, she'd been "half-stepping," going through the motions. The breakdown was what she needed to truly take a different way of living into her heart. She's one of the most sincerely happy and serene people I know, and without it all coming to a head like it did, she might still be locked into that limbo place where all she did was stay away from a drink. In other words, she's finally recovered from a hopeless state of mind & body. Before, she only had the body part.

We're always going to see these things go on around us. It's the nature of 12 step work. I think that one of the hardest things we have to do is to keep our own hope alive for those who struggle. That's what they're there for. If they don't see the hope, they don't have anything to grab onto. And, when we're in a place where we need others' hope, it can be a challenge to grab onto that hope rather than take on the struggles of others.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other, Karen. More will be revealed.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

NoMoBeer

That's why I need to get my butt to more meetings. Something I am trying to work on. I need to be reminded of what can happen "out there."

Get that Fourth AND Fifth done! Staying stuck on the Fourth is a dangerous place (been there) and once you do your Fifth, Sixth, etc. you will feel great and truly change!

Sorry you are hitting some rough spots, but hang in there.

Ken

akimmel1302

your right it is depressing to see people go back out but that is what happens...all you need to do is be that much more focused on yourself.....get your fourth step done!!!! it took me FOREVER but i did it and in the end i was like "yesssss i did it!" and i felt less stagnate (sp?)....but hang in there!

-kimmel

CarolD

Keep focusing on your successes.