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Abstinence vs Recovery - Is There A Difference?

Old 10-24-2007, 06:52 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by LadyJane666 View Post
Well - I am drinking at the moment and I don't get it. I had a good week last week. 6 days off, 7th day just a couple, in company, 10th day - blow out. In the UK I have tried to get antabuse from my Dr - no way. I can do about a week therefore am not alc dependent (physically) but can't get more than a week under my belt.
Sounds like me to a tee ... must be us Brits with our binge drinking culture. Having said that spent long weekend in Lille (Fr) and surpassed my own expectations by drinking in relative moderation.

Had my issues with alcohol in the past but remain optimistic that I am not alcoholic. Never drink in the week but have a habit of overstepping the mark Sat/Sun ... just the way I am and will probably always be.

Good Luck LJ666
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Old 10-24-2007, 07:01 PM
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Well said BP,

I was sober over 5 years when I drank again, the last two years or so without AA, just me.

I drank for another 14 years before I surrendered. It is AA and the steps all the way for me now.

If you are doing great and have no issues about alcohol then I commend you. However, if booze is intruding on your thoughts, calling your name from afar, becoming an issue of obsession, then you may wish to consider doing just a bit more for yourself.

Try AA for a month, you've nothing to lose...
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Old 10-24-2007, 11:58 PM
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Originally Posted by GrouchoTheCat View Post

Try AA for a month, you've nothing to lose...
You don't even have to tell anyone, because its alcoholics ANONYMOUS.
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Old 10-25-2007, 01:30 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Life changes and everybody has a bit of a time adjusting, especailly
a break up of a long term relationship , a lost job and getting sick.
Thats enough to make anyone want to cralw into a cave and hide for
a while.

The thing about recovery is...nope i don't feel good all that the time
and I'm sure not going to be jumping for joy if I'm grieving over a lost
of someone and a lost job. It's OK to feel what I feel. It's not a dry
drunk...it's accepting life on life's terms. Our old behavior is to
numb out our feelings. My feelings arn't going to kill me...but drinking might.

It's actually a growing pains or adjusting to changes.
We resist changes becuase we gotten accustom or comfortable
to living a certain way. So yes in a way we will be detoxing from
our old ways of life.

Being a recoverying alcoholic is tough...especailly if you do it alone.
We all need love and support through tough times and a shoulder to
cry on during those times...we're humans first and foremost.
In a way doing it alone is white knuckling it, it's not a requirement.
It could be done..but why ??? why short change yourself.
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Old 10-25-2007, 04:30 AM
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Bella
This is kind of how I feel, too. I mean, I've gone six years sober! Who cares if it's willpower? It's not like I've been thinking about alcohol the entire time -- as someone else said, it ebbs and flows, waxes and wanes. I have periods where I'm triggered and struggling, and periods where it's easier or not even an issue.

I think I'm just confused right now.
I am not being mean at all when I say this, I say this like a good friend would say it. It does sound like you are a bit confused right now, just grab a pen and paper and write down all the reasons you came to a forum for alcoholics. We both know you did not come here out of simple curiosity, there were reasons, questions you wanted answered, concerns about your self and drinking. Something is not right with you and drinking or you would not be here. Keep seeking and you will find happiness.

AA was the answer for me, it was not (To my knowledge anyhow, because he passed when I was 19) for my father, he was a recovered alcoholic who quit at a much younger age then me. He was a good father, a good husband, a good person, and happy.

Recovery is all about change, abstinance is simply not drinking. My father changed according to my mother, I have changed and continue to do so, I needed AA in my life to do that and continue to do so, some find recovery in other programs, some in religion, the vast majority of those recovered alcoholics maintain their recovery with the aid of others, it just makes change far easier when not doing it alone.
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Old 10-25-2007, 10:21 PM
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I know you're not trying to be mean, Tazman... Honestly.

I AM confused. Ashamed. Guilty. And totally uncomfortable with my idea of what A.A. is based on my singular experience years ago (which, I realize, is completely unfair).

I drank because it numbed me and let me take a break from myself. Period. I'm an internal, broody sort and I think too much and do it all the time. Then, two years into my sobriety, I got into a relationship with someone whom I now see was a crutch: he didn't drink, so he was "safe" for me because he kept me away from all the temptation. Now that he's gone, and I'm so stressed for the other reasons, I'm being drawn toward alcohol again. And if it wasn't the alcohol, I'd probably relapse into disordered eating again. And if not that, well, I'm sure something else would pop up.

So you're right. I'm an alcoholic and I need to suck it up. Again. I'll get there, eventually.

PS: Interestingly, during my therapy session this evening, my therapist said, in response to my continued resistance to seeking help such as A.A., "What? Would it be easier for you if you did go out and drink again first? Do you need to fall down a few times to be prompted into going?" I think the answer might be yes. So here's my question: what if the only thing stopping me from doing that is the aforementioned guilt and the fact that I don't think I could do it without people finding out? Because I absolutely think I'd get completely wasted right now if I knew no one who mattered would be the wiser. But they probably would right now -- and it's stopping me. Isn't that enough?

Last edited by Bella_Fox; 10-25-2007 at 10:43 PM.
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Old 10-25-2007, 11:01 PM
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Hi again Bella -

You didn't need to admit that ... for some of us to already know it. Maybe that's why we come off 'pushy' we have BEEN where you apparently think you need to get before we quit.

says right in the BB - if you've any doubts that you might be an alcoholic - we suggest you go to the nearest bar and try some controlled drinking.

I didn't have the luxury of any kind of deciding if I was an alcoholic or not by the time I came around. I was lucky to be alive and I knew it. I still do.
So I don't have any cutsie answers for that one.
But I'm hoping I'll still be granted the breath and health to still be around here when you come up with your answer and your decision.

One little hint though - we don't wind up in therapy, or the rooms of AA or in jail or worse ... because alcohol had any answers or helped us ... what so ever. We don't wind up where we do because alcohol WASN'T the problem.

oh -
and the answer ultimately .. is no.
Wanting to stay sober to save face or keep a secret ... to impress or hang on to someone or some job .... in the long run ... is not going to be enough. It *is* enough to get started on the path of self discovery ... but that's another one of those questions we alcoholics can answer from the inside ... without pointing at any book =- We can answer that one ... because wehave already learned it for ourselves.
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Old 10-25-2007, 11:11 PM
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Hmm..
I dislike feeling guilty so I try to do things that make me positive.
That is why AA is a huge part of my life.

At the very least, it allows me contact with others striving for
the same goals I want.
At best....I live with a new joy and a purpose.

Geez! why on earth would I limit myself?
It's not about anothers approval .
It is about my self esteem and approval.

AA makes me feel great! And I don't care if you
go or not...I'll still enjoy life with AA...

Blessings
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Old 10-25-2007, 11:22 PM
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First of all, I really am amazed at the level of support here. You guys are really so cool. Thank you.

I think I've had an epiphany of sorts. I mean, I guess it was becoming clear, but... there's a pattern. I drank from my teens into my early- to mid-20s... then I developed the eating disorder, which overlapped briefly but eventually took precedence (I switched addictions, I suppose).... then, while dealing with ED, I met my boyfriend and I wanted to badly to be healthy for him, and since he didn't drink, he was "safe" -- so I guess that I made HIM my focus (new addiction?)... now that he's gone, I guess it makes sense that I'm frantic to grab ahold one of my past crutches, huh?

For some reason, I find it easier knowing this. Less ashamed for some reason. Not sure why.
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Old 10-25-2007, 11:43 PM
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Good!

now what?
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Old 10-25-2007, 11:45 PM
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Originally Posted by barb dwyer View Post
Good!

now what?
Now... now I guess I seek help. For some reason, I feel a little less like it's my fault now that I can see a natural progression. Like I'm not just being weak and stupid by drifting back toward alcoholic thinking when I should be past it. That probably doesn't make sense, because I suspect I'm not articulating it as well as I'd like... but it makes sense to me, which is I guess what matters most.
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Old 10-26-2007, 12:02 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Bella, hon -

It makes perfect sense. Good for you! That's great to read.
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Old 10-26-2007, 12:13 AM
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Men? Men and the drinking me-->:ghug

It kept the focus off me
and my distructive lifestyle.

Recovery gave me a new way to relate
I am free....

Forward we go!
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Old 10-26-2007, 02:43 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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But they probably would right now -- and it's stopping me. Isn't that enough?
Bella you tell me, is it enough? Are you happy with your self? Forget about what others may think or see you as now, when there is no one around, are you happy?

Interestingly, during my therapy session this evening, my therapist said, in response to my continued resistance to seeking help such as A.A., "What? Would it be easier for you if you did go out and drink again first? Do you need to fall down a few times to be prompted into going?"
Bella I had to chuckle when I read what your therapist said.... sounds as though he may be in the rooms.

I guess it makes sense that I'm frantic to grab ahold one of my past crutches, huh?
Alcohol as you have already learned (maybe not well enough yet) is a very poor crutch, for me it was a crutch that took control of me both physically, mentally, and spiritually, it took me to a hopeless state.

For some reason, I find it easier knowing this. Less ashamed for some reason. Not sure why.
The lessened shame could be no shame, what shame is there in one seeing they have a problem? None if they do something about it.

Now... now I guess I seek help. For some reason, I feel a little less like it's my fault now that I can see a natural progression. Like I'm not just being weak and stupid by drifting back toward alcoholic thinking when I should be past it. That probably doesn't make sense, because I suspect I'm not articulating it as well as I'd like... but it makes sense to me, which is I guess what matters most.
Bella that makes perfect sense to me, but then again I am an alcoholic and comprehend that type of thinking, this is one of the things I love about AA, rooms full of people who understand my thought process and help me to deal with my thinking without drinking!

thinking without drinking
LOL Sorry but I had to laugh at that line, I guess I am a poet and I just don't know it!
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Old 10-26-2007, 11:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Tazman53 View Post
Bella you tell me, is it enough? Are you happy with your self? Forget about what others may think or see you as now, when there is no one around, are you happy?
I actually like me. A lot. I'm confusing as hell, but an all around cool chick. Smart, artistic, compassionate and passionate... There are lots of things I wish I could change about my current circumstances, but they have nothing to do with my drinking. Do they have something to do with the motives behind my drinking? Yes, I'm sure. But they're not related to the drinking itself.


Bella I had to chuckle when I read what your therapist said.... sounds as though he may be in the rooms.
Do you think so? If so, I wish he'd tell me that!

Alcohol as you have already learned (maybe not well enough yet) is a very poor crutch, for me it was a crutch that took control of me both physically, mentally, and spiritually, it took me to a hopeless state.
And that's not where I want to be. I just miss the ability to so completely lose myself, to stop thinking for awhile, to be free.


Bella that makes perfect sense to me, but then again I am an alcoholic and comprehend that type of thinking, this is one of the things I love about AA, rooms full of people who understand my thought process and help me to deal with my thinking without drinking!
That WOULD be nice (although at least I've found it here, in the meantime!). I looked up some local open meetings (so that I don't have to speak right away) and I might consider dropping by one soon. Maybe.
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Old 10-26-2007, 03:09 PM
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Should I go to AA if I can stay abstinent without it?

First, I can't, so that's that.

BUT, if I could - I had some of my best times in a room full of drunks and dopeheads. Now when I drink I do it alone. So I go to a meeting and it cures my loneliness.
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Old 10-26-2007, 03:59 PM
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I know this thread has been going for awhile and I am quite impressed with the visible change in attitude by Bella, it is great as we let go of some ideas and agree to at least give some consideration to others!

I was reflecting on how I have changed with regard to my thoughts and feelings about AA as an experience, an entity, and a tool. In the beginning it was my last hope and one I detested, I was simply too desperate to do anything else.

At this stage of sobriety it enriches my life with the lessons that I am privileged to learn from all with whom I come in contact. I don't think the meetings really keep me from drinking per se, that phase of recovery has become just a small animal lurking in the rear most recesses of my lizard brain. I have to always be en garde, but I really get much more than I give from almost any of the meetings I attend. There are the ones that are primarily populated by old timers and those seem to impart life lessons and camaraderie. The "raw" newcomer ones that remind me how it was, and what it could be like again, and the "somewhere in between” type of meetings that are like watching a maturing fruit tree bring forth fruit just the way it is supposed to.

AA is a PART of my life, not my life, but without it I wouldn't have everything else. Can we ever have enough positive influences in our life as we find our way through this maze?

I don't think so. I do know I have never walked out of a meeting and said to myself, “I have to quit doing this!” I used to do that all the time when I walked out of bars late at night.

Jon
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Old 10-27-2007, 08:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Jfanagle View Post
I know this thread has been going for awhile and I am quite impressed with the visible change in attitude by Bella, it is great as we let go of some ideas and agree to at least give some consideration to others!
Thanks, Jon.

Originally Posted by Tazman53 View Post
Bella I had to chuckle when I read what your therapist said.... sounds as though he may be in the rooms.
Taz, I had this long, convoluted dream last night, during which my therapist revealed that he was an addict and I replied, "So, you have been in the rooms!"

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