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Old 07-06-2007, 07:23 PM   #1 (permalink)
4am
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Question Don't know how to have fun without drinking

So many things go well with beer it seems. I keep feeling this sadness and loss... I wish I didn't feel it. I'm still all bruised up from 2 days ago when I drank last, but my short-term memory is really bad!

As soon as I start to feel the slightest bit better, I feel myself wanting to drink. I hate this. I want to be sober but I don't know how to have fun in life or enjoy life without it.

I know this is crazy... 1/2 the time when I drink, it turns out to be a disaster, not fun.

Does anyone else feel this way? Has anyone gotten over the link in your mind that drinking and fun go hand in hand and there's no way to enjoy certain situations without a drink?

I've been drinking since I was a teen. So I really don't know how to do certain things without a beer.
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Old 07-06-2007, 07:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
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i think you have to retrain yourself to enjoy things without alcohol... when i used to drink i would literally do nothing at all so it wasn't fun at all
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Old 07-06-2007, 08:42 PM   #3 (permalink)
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4....Hugs

When I was a drinker...I hung out with drinkers.
When I quit...I found we had little in common.

I joined an AA group of mostly singles
My new friends did all sorts of things

Danced Hiked Played Cards Shot Pool
Dined Out Attended Concerts
Went to Football & baseball Games

We have fun and we stay sober.

This can be true for you as well

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Old 07-06-2007, 09:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Hello 4AM

I know exactly what you mean, I feel it too. I'm slowly but surely finding other things to do but it's tough. Everyone I know drinks and as one of the guys at AA said to me this week, no one understands the loneliness of an alcoholic.

I'm actively looking for things to do in the evening, at the moment I'm just going for runs in the park, walks around town, checking out the Onsen, that kind of thing.

The short term memory loss is something I'm just getting over right now. It was really bad last week, check out the link.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...mory-loss.html (Where is my mind?; Short term memory loss)
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Old 07-06-2007, 09:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
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4am if you are into exercise/weightlifting or anything related feel free to drop me a PM and i can help you clean up your diet and suggest various exercises, good luck.
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Old 07-06-2007, 10:02 PM   #6 (permalink)
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4am,
Congrats on your decision to stop! 2 days is a long time to go without a drink. Keep up the good work.

I know what you mean because I felt it as well when I quit. I had a period of "mourning". I felt sad and angry about the situation. There was a while when it was hard to see how I'd ever enjoy life again.

On the other side, things are much brighter. Hang in there because it gets better. I remember when I started having days when I didn't even THINK about drinking.... It does happen.

I found alot of hope and help in the program of AA. Millions of people get sober and learn to live fun and productive lives through this program.

Keep working at it.
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Old 07-07-2007, 04:58 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by in_a_pickle View Post
as one of the guys at AA said to me this week, no one understands the loneliness of an alcoholic.

A slightly better way to say it is that "only another alcoholic can understand the lonliness".

I used to hang with others that drank. There I found my solace.

When I got sober I found that I needed the support, caring, and understanding of those in AA. They understand me, on a very deep level. I really feel deeply at peace at an aa meeting surround with those that understand. Those who understand ME. Trying to explain the obsession to drink with someone who is not an alcoholic is an excersize in fultility.

I find peace in the halls of AA. It is there that I am not judged.

I also find that I can have fun with those fellows that are sober. I also remember what I did!
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Old 07-07-2007, 07:36 AM   #8 (permalink)
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i remember reading your first few posts - it didn't really sound like you were having that much fun during/after that last binge? i know it's difficult, but just take it one day at a time, ok? cheering you on! k
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Old 07-07-2007, 08:30 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Yes, I remember all too well living to drink and drinking to live. I remember drinking long past when it wasn't fun anymore. For this day I don't drink, I've talked to my sponsor, I've hit one of a couple of meetings, and this afternoon I may hang out with some other alcoholics. Today, I find this FUN....and on a Saturday no less. When I was ready to do this deal, this thing we do, it was all available. And so it is for you. If you are an alcoholic like me, there will come a day when it isn't fun anymore. If you are honest, that day may already be here. We all feel bad when we get here, and most of the time it takes a while to start feeling half way sane. Some days I feel like I just walked through the door. Other days I'm God centered. It doesn't really matter how I feel....feelings aren't facts. So I bring my butt to a meeting and have faith that my mind will follow. The discussion leader this morning just picked up a 9 year chip the other day, and her topic was sharing that some days she feels just like she did when she walked in the door. Now, that gives me hope. The old timers have crappy days just like us, but they bring their butt to a meeting and live the program for 24 hours.
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Old 07-07-2007, 02:13 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Slightly OT, BP44 sounds like you've got some good program going


But yeah, we find other interests. And, as BP44 pointed out, recovery is fun. I know, I know, it sounds boring. It ain't. It's a journey with an unknown destination. It's learning and re-learning, and discovering things you never knew.

OK, so it ain't doing a 3 dayer to Vegas, hanging out after hours with the strippers.

It's better.
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Old 07-09-2007, 09:43 AM   #11 (permalink)
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You know I have found that there is not a single thing I can not do sober that I did while drinking, except one thing............... get DRUNK!!!!

Not only have I found that out, I have found there are an awful lot of things I can do not drinking, that I could not do while drinking................... like remembering everything I did and waking up in the morning feeling good.

There is nothing more fun then kicking some ones butt in bowling or what ever because you are sober and they are not.

I have found that things I used to do while drinking I do much better when sober.

Do I miss drinking now? Nope! Did I miss it when I first quit? You bet I did, I was lost... I had drank for 40 years, I did not know how to do anything..... even drive in the end with out drinking.
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Old 07-09-2007, 09:52 AM   #12 (permalink)
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For many months after I stopped I kept missing alcohol. However I did not let that stop me from going out and doing my darndest to have fun. In time I did learn that life was fun without alcohol. In fact old experiences seemed even better without the intoxicating effects of alcohol.

Today I find it hard to imagine having fun WITH alcohol because all I ever really did was numb myself and make myself sick.
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Old 07-09-2007, 10:19 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Let's see, just this weekend I did these things 100% sober-

Friday night GF and I went out to dinner with 15 sober people after our AA meeting. The conversation and laughter were non-stop.

GF and I went to a BBQ/pool party on Saturday night with 4 other sober couples. We swam, laughed, ate, drank soda and energy drinks, had dessert, it was so great to be in their company.

On Sunday morning GF and I took a 300 mile motorcycle ride. Even went to a town that used to be one of my major party haunts. We had a nice lunch and went shopping there. It was a hot ride and our butts were sore, but the day was a total blast.

Sobriety is what I make it. I can isolate and it sucks, or I can reach out and join in the fun, then it's better than I ever dreamed it could be. Not fun? Naaah. But it takes work, only you can make it fun with a little help from friends in recovery.
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Old 07-09-2007, 10:21 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I can isolate and it sucks
Ahhhh.....but I've also discovered solitude. Being alone and enjoying the quiet, without having to drink & sleep the day away.
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Old 07-09-2007, 11:17 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Thanks guys! So helpful and great to know that others have even more fun sober than drunk.

Day 4 since the 'catastrophe' that brought me here.

Thanks!
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Old 07-09-2007, 12:11 PM   #16 (permalink)
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have a good day 4! blessings, k
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Old 07-09-2007, 01:45 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I remember feeling that way very well! Turns out, it wasn't the case, there was plenty of fun to be had without drinking. Now, I wonder why I wasted so much time with it. Now, I frequently struggle to get the time to do all the fun things I want. It did take a little while to adjust when I first quit drinking, but it wasn't a big deal at all. This from a person who for 20 years who didn't do much else but sit on his @$$ and drink....

Welcome back Taz! How was the catch?
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Old 07-09-2007, 05:20 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I was same way didnt know how to have fun without drinking. The truth was I didnt know how to do anything without drinking. When I went back out I was just lost and still am nothing is fun to me right now. I dont think fun is my first goal today its just stay sober just till I can get here or to a meeting.
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Old 07-09-2007, 05:24 PM   #19 (permalink)
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It passes bagger.........Sooner or later (probably later) a spark will ignite for an old passion or hobby. But yeah, just worry about recovery for now, everything else will come in due time.
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Old 07-09-2007, 08:42 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I have been feeling the same way sometimes, as I dont have a lot of good friends that live close to me, and when they get together it seems they always want to meet at a bar. But I also must say that I have enough friends who totally love the idea of NOT drinking, just because we find that we dont really TALK when we do. I think that is something that my buddies and I realized lately--that is nicer being around each other when we dont drink. And, I am trying to think of more things to ask my firends to do with me that are out-of-the-ordinary because they dont involve alcohol. And alot of them really get excited!! Soon I plan to make dinner with a friend on friday and go to an art museum sometime before the end of the week with another--so much more interesting, and intimate!! I really dont think you can have true intimacy with anyone when drunk. Its nice to discover that. There's a whole nother world out there!!
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