let's try this again - day 1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 48
let's try this again - day 1
after a miserable week where i drank excessively for 5 days in a row, all attributable to drinking holidays, nba playoff basketball, people leaving at work, and, of course, most significantly, my weak will, i have decided to make another "go" of it and not drink until memorial day weekend.
that'll give me 20 days of sobriety.
i feel pretty miserable from the drinking. i have that blah feeling, and border line "i'm getting a cold" feeling in the back of my throat, and a mild pain in my lower abdomin. i've been lethargic all day. i woke up at 11 and didn't get out of bed until 12. i haven't had any panic attacks yet which is unusual, but good.
the alarming thing is that on this binge, i've been showing up a couple hours late to work. that's not uncommon, and i get a pass for it, but usually it's because of terrible insomnia that i have flexible hours. it's rarely because of a hangover or some other event. i think this week was different because my boss is out indefinitely, so i'm basically unaccountable at work. my boss will probably be out through memorial day, so if i have any hope of getting work done at work, i'll have to knock it off.
today is day 1 and i'm doing well. i have no doubt that today i will be successful. actually the next few days are going to be fairly easy because i am relatively broke from my latest binge. but when payday comes around at the end of the week, that's when the challenge will start.
also i want to use this opportunity to try to lose as much weight as possible before the memorial day weekend, and drinking very much goes against this.
over memorial day, i will be on vacation with my family, and i feel as though i have to drink. all of my vacations since i've been an adult have been focused on heavy drinking. it's very sick, actually - i specifically choose to stay in the downtown areas of large cities with developed public transit, so i don't have to worry about a car.
a typical vacation day usually start with me waking up with a massive hangover and going to the bathroom to throw up. then i head down to the hotel bar and get a couple of drinks as an "eye opener" before leaving for breakfast (if the hotel bar isn't open yet, i usually get upset and ask someone for the closest open bar). when i say breakfast i'm usually talking about 1:00 or 2:00 pm at this point. the rest of the day is exploring the city, by bus, train, light rail, or whatever the case may be, stopping periodically when i see a bar, patronizing it for an hour or two, chatting with the people, chatting with the bartender, playing music on their jukebox, etc. and then get back on the transit and move on.
i rarely do "vacation stuff" on my vacations, like go to museums or see a show or something. although when i'm in california i do love to go to the beach as much as possible.
vacations are the only time when i drink literally all day. i'm never "that bad" when i have a work schedule or on the weekends.
anyway on the memorial day vacation i plan on only drinking after a certain time, like after 8:00 pm. i know people are going to ask why i don't drink on the vacation, especially if i have 20 days of momentum, and that's a fair point. but my whole family will be there, and i don't see my dad too often and i know he'll want to go to a bar. honestly i see it if i can keep my drinking "under control" that it will be a success. i think this is a reasonably realistic goal, since i don't drink during the days when i'm not on vacation, i can control myself and not drink during the day on vacation. it's just that i give myself a "pass" on vacation that my day drinking becomes a problem.
when i come home from vacation, i have a recovery plan. it's rather unorthodox, and i'm not keen on sharing it because i do not think it will be accepted and i think people will try to talk me out of it. however i am set on going through with my plan, and for better or worse, i'll post the results here.
sorry for rambling. thanks for reading
that'll give me 20 days of sobriety.
i feel pretty miserable from the drinking. i have that blah feeling, and border line "i'm getting a cold" feeling in the back of my throat, and a mild pain in my lower abdomin. i've been lethargic all day. i woke up at 11 and didn't get out of bed until 12. i haven't had any panic attacks yet which is unusual, but good.
the alarming thing is that on this binge, i've been showing up a couple hours late to work. that's not uncommon, and i get a pass for it, but usually it's because of terrible insomnia that i have flexible hours. it's rarely because of a hangover or some other event. i think this week was different because my boss is out indefinitely, so i'm basically unaccountable at work. my boss will probably be out through memorial day, so if i have any hope of getting work done at work, i'll have to knock it off.
today is day 1 and i'm doing well. i have no doubt that today i will be successful. actually the next few days are going to be fairly easy because i am relatively broke from my latest binge. but when payday comes around at the end of the week, that's when the challenge will start.
also i want to use this opportunity to try to lose as much weight as possible before the memorial day weekend, and drinking very much goes against this.
over memorial day, i will be on vacation with my family, and i feel as though i have to drink. all of my vacations since i've been an adult have been focused on heavy drinking. it's very sick, actually - i specifically choose to stay in the downtown areas of large cities with developed public transit, so i don't have to worry about a car.
a typical vacation day usually start with me waking up with a massive hangover and going to the bathroom to throw up. then i head down to the hotel bar and get a couple of drinks as an "eye opener" before leaving for breakfast (if the hotel bar isn't open yet, i usually get upset and ask someone for the closest open bar). when i say breakfast i'm usually talking about 1:00 or 2:00 pm at this point. the rest of the day is exploring the city, by bus, train, light rail, or whatever the case may be, stopping periodically when i see a bar, patronizing it for an hour or two, chatting with the people, chatting with the bartender, playing music on their jukebox, etc. and then get back on the transit and move on.
i rarely do "vacation stuff" on my vacations, like go to museums or see a show or something. although when i'm in california i do love to go to the beach as much as possible.
vacations are the only time when i drink literally all day. i'm never "that bad" when i have a work schedule or on the weekends.
anyway on the memorial day vacation i plan on only drinking after a certain time, like after 8:00 pm. i know people are going to ask why i don't drink on the vacation, especially if i have 20 days of momentum, and that's a fair point. but my whole family will be there, and i don't see my dad too often and i know he'll want to go to a bar. honestly i see it if i can keep my drinking "under control" that it will be a success. i think this is a reasonably realistic goal, since i don't drink during the days when i'm not on vacation, i can control myself and not drink during the day on vacation. it's just that i give myself a "pass" on vacation that my day drinking becomes a problem.
when i come home from vacation, i have a recovery plan. it's rather unorthodox, and i'm not keen on sharing it because i do not think it will be accepted and i think people will try to talk me out of it. however i am set on going through with my plan, and for better or worse, i'll post the results here.
sorry for rambling. thanks for reading
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I was gonna write you a big long response, but it seems your mind is pretty made up qs4thinking, so I'll give you the shorthand...
If I listened to my friends and family, and if I still put what I thought they expected of me ahead of my own best interests...I'd still be drinking...if I was alive that is.
And that's not melodrama - the stakes are pretty high.
Good luck with your plan tho. I really hope it works for you.
D
If I listened to my friends and family, and if I still put what I thought they expected of me ahead of my own best interests...I'd still be drinking...if I was alive that is.
And that's not melodrama - the stakes are pretty high.
Good luck with your plan tho. I really hope it works for you.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Central Virginia
Posts: 10
This is my day 1 too --- for the second time. Last time was probably a little over a year ago, I went about 28 days and then fell to the drink at a social gathering. I learned that it's all or nothing for me. So I just threw out the rest of the 12 pack I bought yesterday (my wife was pissed I wasted the money) but it was the step I needed to take. I have also created a print out of sayings that I have put in them the most obvious places for me - the beer drawer in the fridge, the bathroom mirror, my computer monitor and on my DVD player in my truck.
Best of luck with your plan brother - but I'll tell ya, it didn't work for me and I'm back here to prove it.
Best of luck with your plan brother - but I'll tell ya, it didn't work for me and I'm back here to prove it.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
a typical vacation day usually start with me waking up with a massive hangover and going to the bathroom to throw up. then i head down to the hotel bar and get a couple of drinks as an "eye opener" before leaving for breakfast.....
I did alot of goal-setting with alcohol as well. Even if I managed (usually with alot of difficulty) to "succeed," it only fueled my desire to keep drinking and I inevitably ended up drinking beyond what I had "planned." I'm glad you posted - it might be interesting for you to come back to and read later.
All the best to you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: NE
Posts: 69
sounds like what a normal day of thinking for me was when I was drinking. Sounds fun, I guess you can pretend to enjoy it now, until you hit bottom. Thats what we do.
Hope you have some sanity left when you hit the concrete.
Hope you have some sanity left when you hit the concrete.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 638
Originally Posted by bananagrrrl 
I just had my first sober vacation in adult life and it was wonderful. I remember everything, I didn't make an ass out of myself, saved a ton of money and didn't have any hangovers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 48
thanks all for the well wishes and comments.
i wasn't really going to post until the end and give a simple "successful" or "failure," but i feel absolutely terrible today. yes, today is day 2, but i've been lethargic and achy all day. could i get paws symptoms from just 5 days of solid drinking?? before i was typically a 2 night, 3 night heavy drinker a week.
i got a goodnight's sleep, but i'm so lethargic. i couldn't think at all today. i was mixing up words like i said "water" when i meant "milk." i couldn't type sentences in email. i would try to type something like "in response ..." and i'd type the "re" part first ... "rein sponse..." so weird. could that be paws? could i get it from occassional extremely heaving drinking followed by 5 nights of consecutive heaving drinking?
or maybe i'm just hung over still? although i don't feel like these are "hangover" symptoms.
hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. the good news is i feel so blah/miserable that there's absolutely no chance i'll drink tonight. there's sports on (basketball) and i don't even want to drink, hehe! i guess i'll remember who won tomorrow morning, and when i talk about the game with the guys i'll remember the plays and not just nod my head, feigning recollection even though i had no idea what they are talking about
i wasn't really going to post until the end and give a simple "successful" or "failure," but i feel absolutely terrible today. yes, today is day 2, but i've been lethargic and achy all day. could i get paws symptoms from just 5 days of solid drinking?? before i was typically a 2 night, 3 night heavy drinker a week.
i got a goodnight's sleep, but i'm so lethargic. i couldn't think at all today. i was mixing up words like i said "water" when i meant "milk." i couldn't type sentences in email. i would try to type something like "in response ..." and i'd type the "re" part first ... "rein sponse..." so weird. could that be paws? could i get it from occassional extremely heaving drinking followed by 5 nights of consecutive heaving drinking?
or maybe i'm just hung over still? although i don't feel like these are "hangover" symptoms.
hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. the good news is i feel so blah/miserable that there's absolutely no chance i'll drink tonight. there's sports on (basketball) and i don't even want to drink, hehe! i guess i'll remember who won tomorrow morning, and when i talk about the game with the guys i'll remember the plays and not just nod my head, feigning recollection even though i had no idea what they are talking about
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
It's too early for PAWS.....you are having initial de tox symtoms.
Please read the top sticky post here for info.
Call your doctor or 911 or go to an ER
if you need medical assistance.
Hope you stay sober...this can be
your last de tox....
Please read the top sticky post here for info.
Call your doctor or 911 or go to an ER
if you need medical assistance.
Hope you stay sober...this can be
your last de tox....
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Hampshire, USA
Posts: 224
When you poison the mind, for some perverse reason - particularly in alcoholics - it gets a kick out of watching itself malfunction: that's intoxication. It takes a while, I assume, for the mind to recover from that sort of "fun." As it does so, the fear and anxiety - the rebound of the fun - go away as well.
Live it
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 255
Originally Posted by rws177
I remeber that scene in 28 days where the girl wants to do heroin one more time before getting sober for good.
Addictive thinking is crazy thinking. That's a fact.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 48
ok turns out i really was poisoning myself... lol, was having an allergic reaction to a dietary supplement i began taking. stopped taking it and feel much better. day 4 now and have a strong urge to drink but i will resist...
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
@ qs4thinking
Sounds like you must kinda like you life the way it is and who am I or are any of us to tell you what to like? Hey, you're happy with the way things are going then keep doing it.
Want to take a shot on making a few changes will rid you of any desire to binge or get wasted again, will improve your cognitive abilities (which is a big plus at the office), will bring some stability to your love and financial life and basically make you happy 90% of the time? well.... that's up to you.
just "not drinking" and trying to scratch out an existence is for the birds. I'd just go back to drinking (and probably be dead in a couple years) if recovery wasn't possible.
Sounds like you must kinda like you life the way it is and who am I or are any of us to tell you what to like? Hey, you're happy with the way things are going then keep doing it.
Want to take a shot on making a few changes will rid you of any desire to binge or get wasted again, will improve your cognitive abilities (which is a big plus at the office), will bring some stability to your love and financial life and basically make you happy 90% of the time? well.... that's up to you.
just "not drinking" and trying to scratch out an existence is for the birds. I'd just go back to drinking (and probably be dead in a couple years) if recovery wasn't possible.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 48
Relapse... sigh
I got through the major hurdle (pay day) but still failed.
Now I'm seriously concerned. I'm not sure abstinence is for me... But what if it is?
Going to a "meeting" scares me. I don't like to talk and I don't even know what a sponsor is.
Rehab seems way overkill. It would be a waste for me anyway since I don't know how to make the most out of it... And I'm confident I'd relapse afterwards anyway.
I'm scared. I am at a bar and right now I'm beyond "the point of no retur ." I'm sure 99% of you know what I'm talking about.
I tried and failed. What's my next move?
I got through the major hurdle (pay day) but still failed.
Now I'm seriously concerned. I'm not sure abstinence is for me... But what if it is?
Going to a "meeting" scares me. I don't like to talk and I don't even know what a sponsor is.
Rehab seems way overkill. It would be a waste for me anyway since I don't know how to make the most out of it... And I'm confident I'd relapse afterwards anyway.
I'm scared. I am at a bar and right now I'm beyond "the point of no retur ." I'm sure 99% of you know what I'm talking about.
I tried and failed. What's my next move?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
hi qs4thinking
I spent many years at the don't want to be drunk/don't want to be sober stage.
It was me trying to bargain with my addiction and control it.
It can't be done - I believe the only way to deal with our alcoholism is not to feed it - at all.
There are many options - AA or some other recovery programme, counselling/therapy, rehab - both in and outpatient...
just because one hasn't worked in your experience or seems like overkill doesn't mean there aren't others more suited to your situation.
I pretty much hoped it would all go away - I just got worse and worse - drinking more and more - it became my whole life... I ended up nearly dying.
I didn't have the benefit of this board - I hope you can be smarter than I was and see sense and take action - any action - before you get to that point.
Anythings got to be a better option than sitting in a bar...
D
I spent many years at the don't want to be drunk/don't want to be sober stage.
It was me trying to bargain with my addiction and control it.
It can't be done - I believe the only way to deal with our alcoholism is not to feed it - at all.
There are many options - AA or some other recovery programme, counselling/therapy, rehab - both in and outpatient...
just because one hasn't worked in your experience or seems like overkill doesn't mean there aren't others more suited to your situation.
I pretty much hoped it would all go away - I just got worse and worse - drinking more and more - it became my whole life... I ended up nearly dying.
I didn't have the benefit of this board - I hope you can be smarter than I was and see sense and take action - any action - before you get to that point.
Anythings got to be a better option than sitting in a bar...
D
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