FriendofBill

This is one symptom of alcoholism I cant relate much to. Indifference. Apathy. Not showing any sign of caring to another. I guess it stems from being numb and having no feelings?

In my Alanon recovery I have come to feel every single damn feeling known to man. I like the good ones,obviosuly, but hate the bad ones.

Being on the other end of someone's complete and udder cold indifference is the most significant pain Ive ever endured.

They say the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.

Maybe thats why it hurts so much.

laurie6781

***, I do believe, at least it was this way for me, as my alcoholism progressed......My whole being became wrapped up in......how much alcohol do I have left, how much money do I have to get more, and let's go get more. Alcohol became MY WHOLE LIFE. Every waking moment was consumed by drinking it, thinking about the next one, and wondering where the next one was coming from and when.

I call it KING ALCOHOL for a reason, Alcohol became my MASTER. Anybody in my life, to be perfectly honest, was just a means for me to yep, get alcohol.

It was only after I was in recovery, that I was able to find the kind, thoughtful, considerate person I used to be and am now once again. I lost all of that. It went the way of everything else in my life.

I know of many alkies and addicts that this was true for. During the active phase of our affliction our whole lives were consumed by our DOC. And, yes we hurt many in the processing of practicing our affliction. Some never stop, some do.

I do not say the above as an 'excuse' just as an explanation of fact for this alkie, my LIFE WAS ALCOHOL.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

FriendofBill

Thanks Laurie..def dont see you making any excuses, but rather explaining it very well to me. I need to hear peoples feelings and experiences on how alcohol warped them in order to accept and detach better, thanks for sharing.

paulmh

Hi Friend of Bill.

when I look back I am more and more convinced that alcohol is just a symptom of my disease. Certainly, like Laurie says, everything and everybody became a means to an end for me, and that end was usually oblivion. But more profoundly, the "end" I was looking for was always self-justification. I was always looking for a world in which I wasn't challenged, criticised, ignored, confronted. Since most of the time the world wasn't like that, I drank to stop feeling at odds with everything. But ultimately, what I really wanted was for the world not to be at odds with me. When I felt the world wasn't doing what I wanted, indifference would be the mildest of my reactions

Tex B wrote this fabulous piece about "his majesty, the baby". If you Google Tex B and ego you'll find it.

doorknob

There are plenty of indifferent people in the world who don't drink or who are not chemically dependent. Alcohol dependence may cause people to neglect many things, but I believe that is most likely a result of addiction rather than a cause.

miss communicat

Indifference is an attempt on one person's part to shut out incoming stimuli from another person or situation. Similar to ingesting substances that sedate or numb our feeling receptors, it is a maladaptive coping reaction that is not ultimately helpful for anyone.

The wisdom of self preservation my tell a person to withdraw, reteat or find a safe, quiet and neutral space in order for the nervous system to recharge and for other forces within us to regroup.

It is NOT a function relegated solely to alcoholism. It is a function of human nature, when the humn in question is off balance.

Now, you ask this so that you can try detaching better.

Indifference is paradoxically the unhealthy cousin of healthy detachment. Detachment with love and compassion, not with vindication or punishment, is a place within where one is free.

I wish that freedom for you now. Peace.

midgetcop

Indifferent - that was definitely a word to describe me while I was actively drinking. I was functional to an extent though - so I would pretend to have goals, pretend to care about work, pretend to care what was going on with family/loved ones, but ultimately it was for show. The only thing I really looked forward to was drinking, and that was the only time I could tap into my emotions, yet at the same time numb myself to real-world problems.

Since I've stopped I've gotten a bit better, but I'm still not fully there. I still kind of feel like I live in my own head and I haven't yet rejoined the rest of the human species. I'm thinking that it will take time for my brain to be able to cope "normally".

TorontoGuy28

WOW, what an eye-opener for me..... Thanks for the thread....