New Sobriety Date

[Stobert]

You'll see by my profile that I have a new sobriety date, last weekend. I drank, stopped, and I'm back. It was not fun, just like when I quit in 2003, alcohol still doesn't work for me, not like it did in the early days. Even more surprising was how bad it made me feel physically, like I had been drinking for weeks rather than a couple of days. It's been almost four days and my days feel fairly normal but not sleeping well yet. I know that will come, and I'll be OK. I went to a meeting a couple of days ago, but didn't tell anyone about my slip, and felt all the guilt and remorse I deserved for the hypocrisy and the lies. I had another slip earlier in the year and kept it a secret, and it made me sicker and more ashamed the longer I kept it hidden. Last night I called three alcoholics I know well and told each about my relapse and hypocrisy. Ego and arrogance were my downfall. I feel much better, picking up and starting again, looking forward to a new start. I need to make amends to my family, I've already started on that, but need to give that a few days. And so it goes.

[CarolD]

I am glad to see you are back on track!



Blessings..

[miss communicat]

Stobert,

You are really growing in your process of sobriety. We all have our setbacks along the way but to catch yourself and remain honest is tremendous!!

Welcome back!

[laurie6781]

Thank you for sharing this experience you just had.........................it proves that "A head full of AA and a belly full of booze just don't mix."

It's very nice to see you getting Honest With Yourself.

Welcome back.

Keep Coming Back...............................

Love and hugs,

[slacker]

Most if not all of us have done the same thing, I have.

Move forward and learn form your mistakes.

[michski]

Welcome back!

[Stobert]

Thanks for the positive replies, I'm a little down but doing OK. I made amends to my daughter for this weekend, she knew I had been drinking, she could see it plainly (and I think I'm so clever). My wife was out of town, came back a couple of days ago, and she knew also, could tell by my voice on the phone. My betrayal of her trust is the hardest thing for me to swallow, but nothing less than I deserve. Pride and ego have been my greatest faults, along with a general lack of gratitude. This episode will hopefully make me a better, more humble and grateful alcoholic.

[Stobert]

Well, things are getting better, as they always do when we follow our programs. I went to my regular Thursday meeting last week, told them I had gone out and was back and asked for help, and it was a humbling experience, exactly what I needed. The friend sitting next to me has close to the same original sobriety date as I had, and he's picking up his three year chip next week, that hurt. I told him afterward when he told me how sorry he was for me that I'd rather have a week of honest sobriety than pick up my three year chip and be living a lie, trying to keep up appearances because I didn't want to disappoint others. It would have only gotten worse. I drifted away from my sponsor of two years, mistake number 3 or 4, something like that. Number 1 mistake was picking up a drink before calling someone, number 2 not taking my disease and program serious enough once I had a couple of years sober. Anyway, a friend and neighbor from AA has gently stepped in and keeps nudging me in the right direction. He knows me well enough to ask me questions that have only one answer, the right one for sobriety, and making me answer them rather than just telling me what to do. The first thing is more meetings, I had fallen off to two a week, not near enough. the second is daily phone calls, even if just a "how goes it?" check-in. Things are getting better with the wife, I feel really bad because she feels insecure again, mistrustful when I say "I'm better for this experience." She keeps going back to things that happened 3+ years ago, things which I feel I've made amends for, lots of bad memories and pain for her. It's harder to love an alcoholic than to be the alcoholic, because she doesn't know when I'm being honest and when I'm not. When I don't drink, I don't lie, simple as that. Anyway, thanks for reading, I'm off for a run, lunch and a movie with the wife, meeting tonight. Ah, the normal life, getting back to it a day at a time.

[Cathy31]

SOOOO glad that you have found, and are working, a solution that works for you!! what a blessing! truly amazing! and absolutely!!! rather an honest new date, you are dead right! just one day at a time, hey!!

Cathy31
x

[FriendofBill]

Time means nothing, quality means everything.

[Stobert]

Update: I'm back to 5-6 meetings a week, called my sponsor who I hadn't talked to in a couple of months and asked him if we could pick up again (he of course was very kind, welcomed me back), calling other alcoholics every day, doing more reading...all the things I should have been doing all along. Life is good, I just can't forget again what is required. I cannot give myself any slack, I need to be held accountable, for on my own I begin to sliiiiiide down the slippery slope.