Rules for AA

[kali ma]

I have now gone to three meetings, and I feel awkward because I don't know the rules. I learned that questions are saved for the end, and that the prayer comes at the very end. There seems to be a lot of jargon that I don't understand, and I would like to know the "rules" before I slip out of line without knowing it and being embarrased about it. Any suggestions?

[CarolD]

Each group follows these...

The Twelve Traditions


One—Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity.

Two—For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

Three—The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.

Four—Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.

Five—Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

Six—An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance or lend the A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

Seven—Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

Eight—Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

Nine—A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

Ten—Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

Eleven—Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

Twelve—Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

[paulmh]

Just relax, Kali Ma. There's not very much you could really do "wrong". Don't pick up that first drink, one day at a time. Learn to listen, and listen to learn.

[CarolD]

As you see...each group has it's own format and guidelines.

In my home group..we do not save the questions until last.
We also say the Serenity Prayer in the beginning
Close with the Lords Prayer.
We also smoke...have requirements for chairing..and use
chips.

Relax...you are doing great!!

[jlo34]

Why don't you ask another lady who has been sober awhile there? Different groups from all over have different formats. The bottom line is that we are there to help ourselves and others get/stay sober.

The only rule is not to take yourself so darned seriously. Anything other than that is routine and/or suggestion.

Jen

[michski]

I think the biggest rule I can think of is protecting eachother's anonymity inside and outside of the rooms of AA.

[upanddownjj]

And really there are not "rules" - they are only guidlines and suggestions.
Each group has thier own guidlines to help the meeting run smoothly..
The best suggestion is to chum up with another female and talk with them before and after a meeting and just listen during the meetings and talk with
some of the women afterwards..Most meetings have coffee and people stick around and chat..Somee meetings there is even a group of folks that go out for a bite to eat and/or coffee..(the meeting after the meeting)
Another good way to meet people and ask questions.

In most meetings they ask at some point if there are any Newcomers..If you stand up and introduce yourself at that time..people will come to meet you after the meeting - that makes it easier to meet people...

You'll do just fine - just keep going to meetings....

Janni

[upanddownjj]

Wow - Smoking - We can't smoke in meetings anymore..have to sneak out 1/2 way thru if there is no break..lucky you !

[collinsmi]

2 that seem to be popular these days are don't crosstalk (talk to someone else during the meeting as opposed to the whole group) and keep that cellphone quiet!

[Don S]

Originally Posted by upanddownjj

Wow - Smoking - We can't smoke in meetings anymore..have to sneak out 1/2 way thru if there is no break..lucky you !

Smoking is the leading preventable cause of death in the US, outranking drinking by about 3:1.

[Five]

And thank God I am on day 3 without the horrible things. One of the hardest things I have ever had to quit, far, far harder than alcohol.

[doorknob]

I was looking around for a dictionary of 12-Step terms, but couldn't find a free one. I did find an interesting entry for 'twelve-step' at Answers.com. It has everything about 12-Step programs you can think of; definition, characteristics, history, acceptance of a Higher Power, relation to religion, literature, and more.

Carol, are all of the meetings where you live smoking? That would be tough on me, as I'm allergic to nicotine. I'd have to wear a gas mask. LOL.

[Five]

He he knob. how weird would that be? sat there with a big glass face.

[Music]

Originally Posted by kali ma

I have now gone to three meetings, and I feel awkward because I don't know the rules. I learned that questions are saved for the end, and that the prayer comes at the very end. There seems to be a lot of jargon that I don't understand, and I would like to know the "rules" before I slip out of line without knowing it and being embarrased about it. Any suggestions?

The only "rule" I know of is rule 62. "Don't take yourself so seriously." Just keep going to meetings and asking questions. Let people know you're new and are trying to learn the ropes. Like jlo suggest, find a woman you feel comfortable talking to and talk to her.

[fraankie]

forget the rules
just go
you will get to see the format

get a temp sponsor
he'll explain
other than that
just listen
and
if you hear something you identify with
share about it

it's an hour where you can be safe
with other people who have the same issue


best
fraankie

[CarolD]

Four—Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.

That incldes smoking or not in my group.
There are other non smoking groups easily available.

[Kellye C]

Our group also has all smoking meetings. Towards the end if we don't open the door it looks like a bar after the lights have been turned on LOL!!

I am beginning to cut down on smoking in preparation to quit and I'm afraid that being in the meetings will be temptation but I love my home group and the people there so I'll get through it.

Back on topic. Each group is different so I wholeheartedly agree with those that say to pal up with someone as well as watch and listen.

In our group the chair person reads the preamble, we say the Serenity Prayer, we ask if there are any newcomers or visitors, someone reads How It Works from Chapter 5 of the BB, then we ask if anyone has a topic or a problem that they might drink over. If not then we'll read something out of the BB, the Daily Meditations or the 24 Hours a Day meditation book and go from there. We then pass out chips, give announcements and end with the Lord's Prayer. Questions are encouraged throughout. We do ask that cell phones are put on vibrate and that there is no crosstalk and that if you share that you're not drunk, otherwise we ask that you listen only or talk to someone one on one so as not to disrupt the meeting.

Hope this helps!
Kellye

[kali ma]

Thanks to all for your post. I guess I just have to relax and chill out.

[jimhere]

There are no rules. The only requirement for membership is that you be alcoholic (and only you can determine that) and that you have a desire to stop drinking. The are some requirements to be met in order to recover, but these are along the lines of conforming one's will & life to spiritual principles, not man made rules. And you are free to conform to these principles or not.

Many find that they cannot maintain a contented sobriety, or even maintain sobriety at all unless they conform to the principles embodied in the Twelve Steps. Once again, you are free to take the steps or not. My advice would be to talk an AA member who seems to know what they are talking about when it comes to the steps. Best wishes and hope you find your truth.
Jim

[Little Missy]

((kali ma)) Just kick back, relax, and listen. I think as long as you are not disruptive, you will be fine!!

I do remember one of my meeting early on. I walked in a little late because I thought I'd go drink instead of going to the meeting. Well, I didn't drink, but when I walked in, the chairperson looked right at me and said, "Does anyone have the desire to drink?"

I said, with tears in my eyes and my head on a friends shoulder, "Yes, does anyone want to go with me?" LOL You should have seen the looks on peoples faces. I don't recommend asking that, not a rule, just a suggestion!! LOL

[mishelly]

Hi Kali. I know someone in the program that rarely said anything other than, "I'm so and so and I'm an alcoholic" for the first two years he attended meetings. When they gave him his two year coin, they wanted him to speak, but he was so nervous and shaky they told him to go sit down before he fell down!

[IrishEyes9302]

Wow, thanks for bringing me back to when I felt EXACTLY like that. I would sit in the back of meetings absolutely terrified that someone might talk to me and scared that I would say or do the wrong thing and be kicked out of the meeting. It never happened though. As someone else suggested, I'd find another women in your meetings that's been sober awhile and talk to her about what's ok and what's not. I also remember hearing all that jargon for the first time and not knowing what the heck was going on. Just keep coming, that's all I can tell you. I know what it's like to feel that insecurity and it isn't any fun, but just relax and hang in there. It'll get easier.

[mishelly]

Follow up...that man now has over 14 years of sobriety and is one of the wisest, most outspoken members I know. It's amazing what a difference this program can make in your life...

[hadanymexican]

Originally Posted by upanddownjj

Wow - Smoking - We can't smoke in meetings anymore..have to sneak out 1/2 way thru if there is no break..lucky you !

WAH!
u guys sit still for one hour and listen up.....when u stop drinking it is a good opportunity to stop smoking as well, although "easy does it" and like my o'l fren likes to tell ppl when they ask about quiting smoking "U never tried to F....K your mates wife or G/F when you smoked, did you?"....LOL

I'll tell you what our meetings in Singapore are like if you dun mind....
Those who like to chat and ask questions and smoke come early, not many do, more come late...6:30pm meeting. After the meeting which lasts one hour those who want to chat,smoke or ask questions gather out front and the ones that really put their sobriety 1st go to the Hawker center and eat and or drink coffee.
I say that becos if you typically hit a m