Question???

[mygirls_mylife]

I am 9 days sober, yeah!!!!!!!!!! I dont have a sponsor yet. I am just starting a new job and trying to figure out when I can get to meetings, which ones, etc. I have been to 4 meetings in 6 days, I havent been able to go in days, though. However, I am a very gotta do, gotta do, gotta understand, read, post anything I can get my hands on about all of this. I rededicated myself to God a few months ago and the way things were going in my life I felt that with me being the alcoholic I am (admitted years ago to myself) that I could no longer drink.

Now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can NEVER drink again, I am not foolish enough to think that my addiction is not what it is. I cant EVER have 2; I never have been able to.
OK OK BLAH BLAH, My thing is, I have no sponsor, and will be attending whatever meetings I can get to. My ?? is I have already started the steps, as I have perceived them, but with no guidance I'm kinda shooting along blindly.
On my 3rd night I was w/d'ing and got up and wrote a long list of things that I am powerless over.
I know I cannot do it myself and I know God has to help me. I have already given myself over to him. I pray every day more than once for Him to help me through the day w/out alcohol, to lift my obsession and/or cravings and to give me patience.

Now i have felt that to myself I would be on step 4. I saw a post about someone w/3months being told they needed more time, and the person posting that comment said, its really whatever you feel as long as you FIRMLY GRASP the others and I think I do. So,the other night, sleepless, (not being able to sleep is common these days) I had another huge epiphany and got a pen and my daughters construction paper LOL and wrote and wrote and wrote about me and how i feel and what I have done to friends' to family members', to myself and how i have felt in the past about friends' family mermbers etc. (moral inventory??), I wrote a huge long list, went to bed and still they were flying through my head. I still have more and more and more, (boy am i really going to have a LOOOOONG time making amends).

Im sorry this is sooo long I am just trying to understand this stuff w/out a sponsor. Could I be ready for step 4 at only 9 days (well, almost 10, 20 min.)
Regardless I darn sure have a start on it. I grasp this stuff, I comprehend, I want, need and damn sure am going to have SOBRIETY. God will do this, I cannot, or else I would have already, obviously. He is DOING this I feel wonderful ( aliitle spacey at times, but no biggy).
I just want to know if I am heading down this path alright. I have God, I have you all and I have the ppl that I have already met at AA, I just dont have anyone to guide me through my steps (aka sponsor, but God will send her to me). BUT I WANT TO DO THEM. (sry didnt mean to yell, i just get very passionate). Anyways, I cant go on anymore, ya'll will stop reading, I could probably go on forever. HELP!!!
Star

[mygirls_mylife]

ya know, I may have just posted that big long post in vain. I just went to read the BB (I'm on the 5th chapter). uhhhhh its...How It Works. I'm so silly, sorry. I guess I will shut up and read.
Star

[best]

From a Christian perspective, you already have a sponsor... The Holy Spirit.
From an AA perspective, the steps are not a test that we need finish as fast as we can... They are a way of life that we would use daily.
Through bible studies and reading the bible, I found the steps and worked them as I learned them. If you are praying daily and reading God's word daily, I see no great rush towards working the steps. You already have the first three and use them daily.

I have a problem
I can't fix it
God please help me

Love and kindness towards others.
Forgiveness towards others and towards self.
Amends towards others and towards self.
Quality of behavior


By reading the Big Book and the Bible, you will gain understanding of what is good and right. As you settle into the new job and find meetings on a regular basis, you will also find someone you are guided to as a sponsor.

[mygirls_mylife]

Thank you so much, best. You are very right. I do have the first three and feel confident in them as far as staying sober. That makes alot of sense what you said. I guess I am a person that when I see something in front of me I DO try to get it done as quick as possible. i do firmly believe God will provide me with an earth sponsor. For today I guess I will just keep plugging on. Again, thank you.
Star

[CarolD]

Congratulations on your sober time!..

[collinsmi]

There is a list of 10 statements on pages 45-46 (We know how he feels...... And who could comprehend a supreme being anyhow) regarding old ideas about God. For my 2nd step I changed each statement to a question regarding my own beliefs (How did I share his honest doubt and prejudice, etc) and wrote a notebook page on each question. It was quite enlightening! As my sponsor said "You have to be willing to give up your old ideas. Some of them might be good but you won't know which ones they are.".

By the way, you might want to save what you have written, it's likely to come in handy down the road.

[fraankie]

suggestion:
try getting a temporary sponsor


best
fraankie