Need some advice

[tok2long]

Good Day everyone, I am an alcoholic that has recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body thanks to the tables of AA. Friends of Bill W. and the 12 steps and a Higher Power have given me everything wonderful that I enjoy today, just seem to be having a slight problem with a saying that I am hearing around diffferent tables lately.

I am told that all I have is my story, my experience, and my hope, and these I have shared at any meeting I attend. I have been in the program for almost 6 yrs now and am well aware that I cannot get another person sober, that is between them and their HP. Lately though I am hearing things like "his/her story is gonna kill the drunk" or "their message is gonna kill the drunk." Has anyone else out there heard this at any of their meetings. I fear this untruth, if told enough, will stop the newcomer from sharing, for fear of saying the wrong thing.

I am aware today that my soberity depends on the footwork I do to maintain it, by practicing these principles in ALL my affairs. No human can get me back out there unless it is where I want to be, I believe in the slogan "Take what you need and leave the rest," but lately I have been hearing the above saying soooo much that I am worried that is what a newcomer will take.

My ESH will not be for everyone, I know this, but if it effects just one person then all the years of pain I caused myself and others will be well worth it.

Would love feedback on this, I am confused and truthfully tired of hearing this statement but afraid to speak up as this is coming from mostly OLDTIMERS.

[Peter]

Hey 2long, glad to hear from you and I am happy to know you are working a good programme.

In response to your query:

I believe not everybody at a meeting will be a good "carrier of the message" I believe some "carry more disease than message" however we all know that censoring is not possible at an AA meeting so in lieu of making backhanded comments like "their message is gonna kill the drunk" simply take reponsibility for being a good carrier of the message and share what you believe is the truth.

Instead of trying to "shame" the less articulate members of the group into shutting up (or worse, leaving) try leading by example instead.

Besides, a few tactful words outside after the meetings can go a far way in strengthening the group and letting every single member know that they are all an important part of the fellowship and have a part to play.

[laurie6781]

Hey 2long good to see you.

I have not heard the exact phrase you mention, but I do know the thinking behind it exists.

However, (yep there's that 'but' again, lol) since we all grow at different rates in sobriety, we will all tell our E S & H in our own way, and yes some of us can be at a point where it 'seems to others we are carrying more disease than message.'

It was one of those types of shares that I heard at my 2nd AA meeting that really turned on the light bulb for this alkie. Here was someone who's 'war story' was similiar to mine, yet they were standing up there talking about it, lie they were talking about the weather (they weren't ashamed), their skin looked healthy, their eyes were shning and when they smiled, the smile went all the way to their eyes.

Well hell, if they could do it, then surely I could too.

I don't take others' inventories today, and how they share their recovey story is their problem. The only one I can concern myself with is my own E S & H as that is all I have to share.

JMHO

Love and (((((to all))))),

[Grasshopper]

Yup,i hear this all the time.To carry the AA message,and not my own message,is how ive always understood this to mean.To share my experience,strenght,and hope as it pretains to AA and how working the steps into my life.Ive had a sponsor that puts her own spin on the message,etc,,etc.And i followed her advice,and yes it was hurting me more than helping.But i must take responsibility myself here,for i let her do this.Had i read the BB,i would have automatically seen where she has changed things and done things her way not AA.Yes she is sober.However ,she assumed that because she was my sponsor,that she then had every right to make decisions,important,ones for me.And of course this is her own illness,playing into this belief she has.I let her go....

[Music]

Originally Posted by tok2long

"his/her story is gonna kill the drunk" or "their message is gonna kill the drunk." Has anyone else out there heard this at any of their meetings.

Never heard this saying and hope I never do. Where the hell did this come from anyway? Just who is "his/her" or "their?" My first sponsor told me "my program might get you drunk." He explained that this meant I needed to find my own way of getting sober and staying sober based on the AA program and not to try to use everything he used. "Kill the drunk?" What drunk?? I'm afraid if I heard this at an AA meeting I'd have to question the person who said it right on the spot.

[Edmundo30]

There are people in Alcoholics Anonymous who NEED to do what Alcoholics Anonymous asks them to do. I am one of them. I not only do it because I need to. But I also love to have to and want to as well.

It is incredible at some things you get to hear at meetings sometimes. I just cry with so much laughter. You have to laugh at some of this stuff. I know so long as you stick to what AA talks about and share from your own experience what THAT was like, then there is nothing wrong you can say in AA. I dont know.

I do know that TOO much humility can sometimes hurt the new person. My problem was not that I am powerless over people places and things. My problem was that I was powerless over alcohol. If I were to say that I am still a helpless poor and still recovering alcoholic, then I would not have wanted anything like that when I came to AA. I had a desperate desire to syop but found that I could not no matter what I wanted or said and did. When I share my experience with the new person in the meeting I dont usually talk about my war stories because they can seperate me from the new person. If I ate out of a dumpster 4 years ago and if the lady who never has had that kind of drunk hears that, she will not be able to identify with me and care not to hear what I have to say because that would make her feel different.

BUT..If I tell her, I drank AGAINST MY WILL, that would definitely get her attention if she is a real alcoholic. Even IF she may be older younger slimmer fatter married or divorced. Its not the problem that unifies us, it is the solution. The problem is what brings us to the solution.

Some of us drove up in limos, dug our way in, some of us parachuted, slithered, crawled, or were rolled into AA..It's not about the events that happened during my drinking hat make me alcoholic..Its the mind that takes me to the drink that makes me alcoholic.

If you could identify with that, you may be just like me.

What the message we carry? Well..whats the message that was carried to me? The message that was carried to me was from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I was told not to have anyone read that for me. If I wanted to have a spiritual experience I had to do the work to have one.

The subtsance of MY story is in my experience in seeking God. Thats what I share with the new person. If they are not interested in that kind of an experience, then they my need to drink some more.

[tok2long]

I want to thank each and everyone of you who took your time to help me with this small problem of mine. It is sites like this that keep me coming back.

I went to a f2f meeting tonight and once again that saying was used but this time (with a whole lot of help from my HP I am sure) the results for me were different.

I became too focused on the problem I think, when the solution for me is too allow others to be who they are, to remember that some are sicker than others, and that this fellowship is there for all who want and need it.

I know for me I did not want this program, but I sure as the heck needed it, and it has worked for me for a few 24's now.

again thanks, this is just more proof to me what sharing can do for people like me, once I typed the first post my attitude towards my problem began to dissolve.

[fraankie]

"expectations"
people don't live up to our expectatations of them
and
you can't expect someone to share what you want to hear
or to give you an answer you want to hear
etc
so
take what you need and
leave that stuff behind

generally, that's the group conscience
if someone keeps sharing about bull
sooner or later
some will share they don't need to hear that
or
give a suggestion on their share
etc



best
fraankie

[collinsmi]

Those are sure some crazy sayings Normajean. Maybe these people forgot what it was like.

[gene6140]

the only thing that will kill the drunk is the drunk

[collinsmi]

Now THAT sounds more accurate.

[Autumn]

Originally Posted by Edmundo30

The subtsance of MY story is in my experience in seeking God. Thats what I share with the new person. If they are not interested in that kind of an experience, then they my need to drink some more.

Lovely.

:sweat

[doorknob]

Originally Posted by Edmundo30

The subtsance of MY story is in my experience in seeking God. Thats what I share with the new person. If they are not interested in that kind of an experience, then they my need to drink some more.

Not enough booze...

[Autumn]

Originally Posted by doorknob

Not enough booze...

I understood what he meant. Someone else might not though. Remember how vulnerable you were when you first walked into AA? What might someone else interpret from that kind of message? "Have a few more drinks and call me when you're ready for some Jesus?"

Poison.

Maybe that's what AAers mean when they say "His/her story is gonna kill the drunk".

Edmundo, my post isn't meant to embarrass you, but only to point out that AA is filled with sometimes mixed and dangerous messages. I hope that this isn't the impression you leave with newcomers who aren't ready to accept God as a means to becoming abstinent.

[Autumn]

Originally Posted by doorknob

Not enough booze...

And that's another thing..... when is "enough" enough? When it's too late?

Some people don't survive low bottoms.