We do not regret the past nor...

[Wolfman]

"WE do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it."

Nor are we supposed to be subject to it being thrown in our faces maliciously every time our significant others see fit to trump us in an arguement.

"We ceased fighting every thing and every one."

Surely this is the ideal, and it takes two and blah blah blah...........

I guess the bright side is I do not want to drink over it. Their Rage is sometimes unbearable and won't seem to let up on you until your response to its stimulus validates it. Disregard its advances too long and the claws and the fangs come out. I abhor conflict and confrontation. At least these days I take off around the block to get away from it instead of around the country.

In the past I would absolutely be sucking down the suds and railing at the inappropriate and the unacceptable. Instead I am licking my wounds, cooling off and preparing to attempt to restore peace as gracefully and humbly as possible.

I love my family. Through good times and bad times.

Peace to you all and thanks for listening.

-Wolfman

[AnotherOne]

Originally Posted by Wolfman

"WE do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it."

Nor are we supposed to be subject to it being thrown in our faces maliciously every time our significant others see fit to trump us in an arguement.

"We ceased fighting every thing and every one."

Surely this is the ideal, and it takes two and blah blah blah...........

The program is about what we do, not about what others do to us. We change and don't use their behaviour as an excuse - no matter how bad it is.

[markofevil]

The Big Book talks about things like this. If you go to see a sick person in the hospital, do you get angry at them?

People who don't find a way to let go of anger and resentment are sick in their own way. Treat them the way you'd treat a fellow alcoholic around a table at an AA meeting or someone laid up with an illness, with compassion.

I know, easy to say but hard this to do. Worth working towards though I think.

[CarolD]

Check page 552 in the BB....
it might give you peace of mind.

Blessings...

[jimhere]

That is one of the so-called promises that we dangle in front of newcomers like a carrot. Those are not promises so much as results of taking a course of action that gets me free of my past. During my chronic relapser days, I had no idea that those "promises" camout of the book, in the ninth step. I thought they were a piece of paper that was read in meetings.

The very things I wanted to forget now become my greatest asset, my most valuable tool in working with others.

If you want to know what the book means and what I'm talking about, find a recovered alcoholic and ask them to take you through the 12 steps.

[collinsmi]

Those are not promises so much as results of taking a course of action that gets me free of my past.

Every time I see a promise in the BB, I look for a condition (we did x and we got y).

[Kasia9752]

Very true however you don't get that "y" unless you maintain the contact with HP(whatever it is to you) and stay in contact with others who suffer from this disease! I know I've tried and by the grace of God I didn't actuvely practice but spent over two years in a blue funk and the way I was acting I might have well been drinking.

Kasia

[Music]

There's only one reason to throw the past up at someone I love and that's to win, through hurting the other person because that's the only weapon I have left. I hurt my wife enough during my drinking years. I make it a practice to not bring up anything that hasn't happened in the past 24 hours. Hell, most the time I can't even remember what happened more than 24 hours ago. I'm glad all I have to work on is one day at a time. Part-timers ya know! I'm still too young for Altzheimers.

It's my choice whether to fight or not. Doesn't matter what the situation is. My experience is that when I choose not to fight, I feel better. Very few things are worth getting all upset about anyway. Besides, when I fight with someone, I usually feel like an amend is eventually going to have to be made and I don't like making amends. So.....I don't fight. I've found too that I'm responsible for teaching people how I want to be treated. Do onto others.....

[Peter]

It usually creates a very unfair arena when our pasts are flung back at us. I usually do not have the energy to rehash old issues long buried and have little defense for that kind of sneak attack.

The best defense I have is to simply walk away and let her know that when she is ready to talk in a calm manner to let me know.

It often induces further anger but walking away helps me to save my serenity and I know that when she calms down she will respect me more for not feeding into her rage.

[Little Missy]

I have been blessed with a husband that started Alanon before I started AA. I am so grateful that he realized he had a problem and sought help!! LOL That's our big joke!!

Anyway, thanks to AA and Alanon we hardly ever raise our voices at each other. I think your family are so use to the way that you use to act they are still looking for the same response. You are changing, they are not. As they find that their way is no longer working, they may begin to change.

Keep working on you!! You are doing great!!

[Grasshopper]

And that IS the bright side,that you did not drink over this,way to go!!!!
keep on keeping on with --youre---recovery!!!!

[Wolfman]

Thanks for all the feedback. Upon returning home yesterday things were calm. It's a work in progress, and with any luck the masterpiece will never be completed.

Peace to you all and God Bless!