Sobriety under Stress

[Wolfman]

In my past, there has been nothing more powerful than emotional stress and psychic strain to send me out on a drunk to quell away the madness in my mind and the pain in my heart.
My sobriety was greatly challenged this morning. During a fight with my girl over a trifle, my past once again came hurtling at me viciously and selectively. Were it not for our children I question whether either of us would endure this roller coaster relationship with it's blissful highs and its shuddering lows.

I left our home and walked briskly up the street, still smarting from the altercation... and that tall silver can entered the pop-up window in my mind.

I walked on by the drugstore and growled at the thought of walking in and purchasing a can of my prefered poison. Instead I walked on to the local library where I am now typing this.
I am grateful I discovered this website. It gave me an alternative destination so I didn't have to succumb to my desire to drink this morning.

I have proven to myself enough times that if I give in to the urge and pick up that chaos will soon return to my daily life.

Blessings to all for a sober day in your world. Peace to you.

-Wolfman

[Rob B]

Good Choice,
When I first sobered up, I had to find replacement behaviors-actions, to replace my favorite coping mechanism, when we put the drink down, life still happens, through reading the Big Book and working the steps with a sponsor, we learn how to accept people, places, and things the way they are, not how we would like them to be. I can really identify with having to fight that urge to drink, I went almost a year struggling, when I finnally gave my life and will over to a higher power as I understood, the obsession of the mind was lifted quickly, I can tell you when I had my 1st drink and when I had my last, however I can't tell you exactly when my urge to drink was removed, I believe this is because I had very little to do with it other than make a decision, god did the rest, as he can and will do for you. Peace will come.

[Wolfman]

The compulsion to drink has for the most part been lifted, however my overactive imagination often incorporates scenarios, images and thoughts of using in my mind. I do pray on this, but it is a stubborn foe.
I use THINK
THINK
THINK
as a rule and often. Think of taking that drink...Think where that drink will take you...Think of the way you will feel when the drunk is over and all the regret and self loathing inevitably set in. Something profound that a member once shared with me is that "When we drink we give everyone else power over us."
We give them the power to fingerpoint, scapegoat and compartmentalize us into the 'alcoholic box' which dissolves any and all credibility we have and can trump even our best intentions for an undisclosed period of time afterward.

Whew! I didn't go for the beer cooler this morning! I came to this site and kept busy and told on my disease and I feel better.

God bless!

[Sugasnaps]

Wolfman, thank you for coming here to post. I have felt that sudden out-of-the-blue urge to drink too... usually when faced with something that totally and completely stresses me out and I just simply do not want to deal with it. I hate those sudden impulses. They make me mad now more than anything. I just get plain pissed off about feeling that urge to drink. I dunno if we'll ever completely not have those sudden flashes of desire for our DoC. Hope so... but you did the right thing and found an alternate route to vent your frustration. So so so so so proud of you! You helped me today.

Suga

[Cap3]

You say that you didn't go for the beer.
You came to this sie,
Kept busy,
And told on your disease.
Way to go,
keep on keeping on,!!!!

[daddysgirl29]

Good for you, WM! I know all too well how the stress of life can make us want to go back. Been there. Just lost my beloved 13 year old dog last week and thought of drinking. But then I knew that I'd only feel worse afterwards. Thinking "I'm depressed now; why not drown my sorrows" would have turned into a day of not getting out of bed and feeling 10 times worse about myself and the things that got me this way.


I'm glad you found us, too. This site has saved me many times and I hope you find the same friendships that I have. Oh, and happy belated b-day!!

Hugs,
DG

[rose petals]

right on, wolfman!!

[Music]

Originally Posted by Wolfman

During a fight with my girl over a trifle, my past once again came hurtling at me viciously and selectively.
-Wolfman

Stop fighting!!

[Aa_vark]

Originally Posted by Wolfman

The compulsion to drink has for the most part been lifted, however my overactive imagination often incorporates scenarios, images and thoughts of using in my mind. I do pray on this, but it is a stubborn foe.
I use THINK
THINK
THINK
as a rule and often. Think of taking that drink...Think where that drink will take you...Think of the way you will feel when the drunk is over and all the regret and self loathing inevitably set in. Something profound that a member once shared with me is that "When we drink we give everyone else power over us."
We give them the power to fingerpoint, scapegoat and compartmentalize us into the 'alcoholic box' which dissolves any and all credibility we have and can trump even our best intentions for an undisclosed period of time afterward.

Whew! I didn't go for the beer cooler this morning! I came to this site and kept busy and told on my disease and I feel better.

God bless!

Thanks for sharing here, because this is JUST WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR TODAY...

Ive got quite a bit of financial insecurity in my life lately, the stress is huge, and the pressure to catch up or be labled (by myself)a failure is heavy. Drinking today would dfinately "disolve my credibility" with my landloard, who is letting me stay even though i owe 3 months past rent. Alcohol is a solvent, yeah?

Thanks for sharing -

signed - the guy that needed to hear that today...

[Wolfman]

" We ceased fighting anything and everyone,because we had to."

The truth... soeasy to know, so challenging to live.

Progress, not perfection, Music.

It's now 9 pm and my night is not over yet as Ihave to take care of some responsibilities. Got through that dangerous feeling this morning. Thanks for all the feedback! Stay strong, Aa vark!

Gotta run. Peace to you all.

[Aa_vark]

you too, wolfman -

[Music]

Originally Posted by Wolfman

The truth... soeasy to know, so challenging to live.
Progress, not perfection, Music.

Please don't try to use "progress, not perfection" as an excuse to keep fighting. I have the opportunity almost daily to get angry and argue with someone. Question: Do you want to be at peace, or right? Stop argueing and fighting.

[Wolfman]

No excuses here, friend. Just saying that sometimes when an animal is cornered he reacts. When the Saturation of negativity goes on for a prolonged period of time, sometimes DESIDERATA is overridden by emotion.

Ideally, we would hope to be like the grand rock protruding from the rushing current, parting the water and remaining still...

Those closest to us sometimes know the shortest routes to pushing our buttons.

Yesterday is a memory and I made it through it clean and sober.
It's a new day."...By now, sanity has returned."

Resentment is the no.1 killer.

"we draw our fellows faults in the sand, to be washed away by the morning tide."

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past."

Gotta run.
Peace to you.

-Wolfman

[Music]

Well, I'll say one thing for you. You're a silver tongued devil, you are. Now, if you use some of that intelligence to make a major decision like, "I'm just not going to fight," there would be one person out of the equation. Last time I looked, it took two to tango, or tangle if you will. Take one dog out of the fight, and there ain't no fight. Personally, I step out of the corner and go talk to my sponsor, or go to a meeting, or just go for a walk until I can think enough to get the emotion out of the picture. Then, I go back and discuss the problem like a sober adult. The last person I want to hurt with my words and actions is my wife. So, I just don't. Simple.

[Aa_vark]

Originally Posted by Wolfman

Those closest to us sometimes know the shortest routes to pushing our buttons.

Yesterday is a memory and I made it through it clean and sober.
It's a new day."...By now, sanity has returned."

Resentment is the no.1 killer.

"we draw our fellows faults in the sand, to be washed away by the morning tide."


-Wolfman

another good share wolf.

Also, i see where music is coming from.

As far as having buttons pushed, i was one BIG button - waiting for another excuse to get stoned... Push me...I'll show them... LOL...

"Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, its because i find some person place thing or situation -some fact of my life -unacceptable to ME..." bb p417

"I must keep my magnifying mind ON my acceptance, and OFF of my my expectations, for my serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance. When I remember this, I can see that I've never had it so good. Thank God for AA.." bb p420

Understanding this, in the context of the first and second steps, was another level of surrender for me. A soulution to the unmanageability. Acceptance.

[Music]

Originally Posted by Aa_vark

another good share wolf.

Also, i see where music is coming from.

As far as having buttons pushed, i was one BIG button - waiting for another excuse to get stoned... Push me...I'll show them... LOL...

"Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, its because i find some person place thing or situation -some fact of my life -unacceptable to ME..." bb p417

"I must keep my magnifying mind ON my acceptance, and OFF of my my expectations, for my serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance. When I remember this, I can see that I've never had it so good. Thank God for AA.." bb p420

Understanding this, in the context of the first and second steps, was another level of surrender for me. A soulution to the unmanageability. Acceptance.

In addition to the quotes above, the discussion of the tenth step in the 12 and 12 contains the "spiritual axiom." It's interesting!

[collinsmi]

Interesting, simple and absolute, Music. Not something I always like, but true.

[Peter]

Originally Posted by Wolfman

In my past, there has been nothing more powerful than emotional stress and psychic strain to send me out on a drunk to quell away the madness in my mind and the pain in my heart.
My sobriety was greatly challenged this morning. During a fight with my girl over a trifle, my past once again came hurtling at me viciously and selectively. Were it not for our children I question whether either of us would endure this roller coaster relationship with it's blissful highs and its shuddering lows.

-Wolfman

I too self medicated for the primary reason of emotional pain.

I had a very low threshold for pain.

Even today at the slighest hint of headache I grab for the bottle of Ibuprofen.Something I still need to work on.

Pain comes with the territory of life. A similar thing can be said of relationships.

Except for Mr. & Mrs. Huxtable on the Cosby show I know of no one who does not describe some degree of highs and lows in their marriage.

Perhaps you will find greater serenity when you learn to appreciate the highs and accept the lows.

People nowadays are too quick to talk divorce.

You did the right thing by not drinking. Just don't forget that recovery is more than just putting down the glass.

[Aa_vark]

I think so too, music...

It's amazing how quick i can be to rent out space in my brain all of the negative advertising. How quick i'll throw up a billboard of righteous indignation, anger, fear resentment - on my mental highway...

Wolf, i like the sand analogy alot.

[Wolfman]

I loathe conflict. I deal with it alot differently these days than I used to, though.

Now when I take a walk to clear my head it's around the block instead of around the country.

Music, I have been taken by your postings since I came to SR. Not looking for loopholes to excuse behavior that isn't sober...

Thanks for keeping it real and calling me on my s#*t, though.

One of my favorite things to meditate on when the waters get choppy is

" I can see peace instead of this."

also, a little amusing and less lofty:

"When arguing with an a#*hole, make sure that they aren't doing the same."

Gotta run...

-wolfman

[jlo34]

It does take two (or more) to argue. I encourage myself and my children to just walk away. Is it more important to be right..or happy? My answer, BOTH!!! But, best to be happy.

As for the desire to drink sometimes...I just heard a newer guy at the meeting say that one of his tools was to get it in his head that his favorite drink was just a bottle (or can) full of cop **** (no offense to any police officers!!!). If he drinks the cop ****, then the cop will surely come to claim his ****...and him!!! Kind of a graphic image, but I like it!!!!

My ex and I have a hard time being civil sometimes. Sometimes I allow him to push my buttons. I've hung up on him several times when he was getting revved up to start an argument. What's the point? To carry anger and resentment? Why? I don't need to have word lashes today. I know I can have a nasty mouth. Seems kinda wrong when I ask God in the morning to help me be the best person I can be today. I really don't think God wants me arguing and fighting with people (and calling one of His children bleep bleep bleep bleep...). God loves all of His children, not just me!

[Wolfman]

Good evening everyone! It just dawned on me that I haven't so much as thought of taking a drink today. Although the compulsion to drink was largely removed from me after a short time back in the rooms, I am never usually free from flashbulb images or fleeting thoughts of drinking/using.

The difference in my life today is these thoughts do not manifest themselves. I use THINK
THINk
THINK
As a rule whenever I am confronted with thoughts or images of using. Instead of giving into the insane idea of taking that first drink, I almost involuntarily run through the whole scenario involved and what picking up will bring crashing back into my world if I chose to do so.

I say 'almost involuntarily' because through meditation, reflection and prayer this ability to 'play out the whole tape' no doubt has proven to be a powerful deterrant against picking up.

I believe in the big book it was defined as " What used to be a vague thought or intuition has now become a working part of the mind."

I'm off to explore some other threads.

Peace to you all and God bless.

-Wolfman

[DolphinBlue]

Thanks for sharing this Wolfman. Its wonderful to be able to quiet those intrusive thoughts of drinking by using the learned techniques and it always astounds me that something so simple is so effective, because my mind will tell me that nothing is more powerful than whatever I am fixated on at that time.

Its a whole other territory entered into when there is "no mental defense" against self-destructive behaviour and the spiritual work steps in and Higher Power does for me what I could not do for myself.

Thanks ever so much for the reminder.

[Wolfman]

Presently I post at my local library. On my way in today I crossed paths with a person I used to use with... I had to apply the THINKX3 idea immediatly ( or should I say, the THINKX3 process kicked in immediatly in my mind.) Mr. Hyde piped up with his version of what he would like to do... and I quickly steered myself over to the computer while both scoffing at Mr. Hyde's notions and firing off a quick prayer.

Cunning, baffling and powerful... we need always be prepared for the unexpected. Before too long I will be installing broadband service at my house. I'm really looking forward to relaxing on the couch while perusing SR.

Found this one in an old notebook:


"Fear is a darkroom where only negatives develop."

Gotta run. DO have a nice day