question for aa meeting goers

[GratefulGirl]

hi all - my addict boyfriend has finally decided to go to meetings which i am so happy about. my questions to you are: we do not have any na meetings in our town so first - is it ok for him, an addict, to go to an aa meeting instead of a na meeting or will he offend the people there? second - he really wants me to go with him to the meeting so is that ok or would that be frowned upon? he wants to go tonight, so if someone could please write back quickly, it would be much appreciated!

thanks a lot everyone!

[lulu70]

Hey there--I hope I am getting back to you quickly enough. First of all, it is fine for your boyfriend to go to AA meetings, especially open meetings. Open meetings are open to anyone, whether they have a desire to stop drinking or not. Closed meetings are only for people who have a desire to stop drinking. You can find out if the meeting is open or closed by looking at the schedule. If it is closed, it should say so. Is your boyfriend planning on continuing to drink? If so, it might not be a good idea to try to attend AA.

Also, just so you and he know, there are some AA groups who frown upon people discussing their problems with drugs in meetings. However, if your bf can discuss his problems and not mention the drugs, per se, he can get around that. Alot of places don't have many NA meetings and AA is everywhere, so this problem is encountered a lot. And who knows? The meetings where you are may be very tolerant and say it's okay to talk about drugs too! AA doesn't ask people to not talk about drugs because they want them to be left out. We have what is calle a 'singleness of purpose.' We always want an alcoholic to understand what we are saying and to feel they are in the right place. Does that make sense?

Please feel free to post here again or to send me a PM if you have any more questions!

[lulu70]

http://www.memphis-aa.org/directory.cfm
You may already have that, but it is a link to find meetings in your area. You can search for open meetings specifically. Looks like a great website!!

[GratefulGirl]

hi lulu - thank you so much for writing back so quickly.we found a meeting tonight at 8pm - its open and its an AA meeting at a local church. im really excited about it and although ab is nervous, he is looking forward to it, too.

i dont believe he is continuing to drink. i really hope not...its not his doc but its definitely a gateway to him wanting his doc and i believe its very dangerous for him to continue. in the past he has said that he doesnt need to quick drinking since "hes not an alcoholic" but after this last relapse (which happened yesterday) i think he has finally realized otherwise.

anyway, thanks again!!

~katie

[lulu70]

I hope you'll post again and let us know how it went! I hope you all get a lot out of it. I know I sure do....

[Peter]

Yeah, what lulu said.

[GratefulGirl]

hi lulu and peter - we just got back from the meeting and it was even better than i could have imagined. there was a great speaker there - it seemed like he was soeaking right to my ab - and many al-anon people there supporting there loved ones. also, one of the first things said to the group was that it was a meeting where addicts and alcoholics are both welcome. my ab wants to go back, which is good...he gets turned off pretty easily by anything recovery oriented, and also wants to try another meeting that he could do everyday near his work. im so proud of him!

thanks again, guys! good luck to you all in your recovery! i think ill check in a lot just to see how you guys are doing!

love~katie

[fraankie]

well. keep coming

AA, NA, as long as i don't go to the DA
used to be my pitch
so
ok for druggies at Aa meetings
some meetings may have3 a few old timers
with the alcohol only thing
but
it is 2006
and
very few only drank

you can go
just be there for support
if anyone asks a question
just be truthful
and
listen


best
fraankie

[Stobert]

One of my regular meetings has NA across the hall, and there are a few who move back and forth depending on mood/what they need (and maybe to bring in a newcomer to the meeting they feel is most appropriate). I've only seen a couple of times when an old timer objected to a strictly NA person attending a closed AA meeting, but it didn't become such an issue that they were asked to leave. In fact, after the meeting someone went through the NA meeting list with them.

[Sugah]

Hi, Katie..

I'm glad your bf and you had a good experience at his first AA meeting. I'm most definitely an alcoholic, but I only drank a handful of times in the last six years of my active addiction. I was never sober...just substituted and switched drugs of choice. I use mainly AA as my program of recovery, though I fully belong in either fellowship. My sponsor is the same; she's a heroin addict who found recovery through AA. In some meetings, there is a statement read which asks that sharing be confined to alcohol and problems relating to alcohol. Even in those meetings, I have had no problem finding recovery. If I feel the need to share about a time in my life that some other drug than alcohol was an issue, I speak of "while I was in active addiction." Any alcoholic can understand that, and I don't have to exclude them by saying "while I was smoking crack or popping pills." As a matter of fact, I don't refer to specific drugs when I'm in an NA meeting, either, so why would I feel I need to do that in an AA meeting?

Just something to chew on if your boyfriend attends a different meeting that reads a singleness of purpose statement. It does not mean, nor can I think of a single AA member who would insist that it mean, he cannot seek recovery there.

I send blessings of recovery to both your boyfriend and you. Have you considered a program for yourself? Naranon, Alanon, or our own Friends and Family board, are good places to start.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[nutz]

AA, NA, as long as i don't go to the DA

I like thaT

MAY i SUGGEST reading Chapter 16 of the AA book
and the Chapter Letters to the Wifes.

[Flying Dutchman]

Since AA's 12 steps helps people deal with the spiritual void left when they've sobered up just like NA does I don't see any problem with it....

The only thing that might be a little different is the stories being shared, since they're directly related to alcoholic experiences. But still, all addictions pretty much work in the same way so there should be no problem there either....

I'd definitely keep attending.

[fraankie]

yoyu know, i was at a meeting last night
and
the person who qualified mentioned
how AA has helped him put his life on track
and
other moral, ethical, spiritual issues
so
your boyfriend can go to AA
and
when he sharesjust sort of skirt the isasue

he doesn't have to share
for instance,
i'm sleeping on a park bench
he can just say
"i have housing issues / problems"
or
"i smoked a ton of marijauana"
but
"alcohol led me to drugs"

so
as long as he's honest with himself
he can share in an AA way


best
fraankie

[emmanuel2012]

i was a hardcore meth addict and i didnt very like alcohol too much, but i've foudn the AA meetings and steps and book to be a lot more helpful than the atmosphere of NA i see in my city. cheers to AA!