Can I ask a question?

[soverysad06]

AH is in an inpatient treatment facility at the moment. This is voluntary after a severed drunken episode that had him admitted unvoluntarily due to suicide threats. He was in for about 2 1/2 days, came out, and said that he was not going to stop drinking. I told him I wouldn't come home with our daughter. He said fine, stay at your mom's and I'll see you on Monday. Well, I guess on Monday when I didn't come home, he started to realize I meant business. He agreed to go on Wed, then backed out and said he would go on Thursday, which he did finally do, but only after 1 last ditch effort. Well, now he's there and he seems real good. He was a "functioning" alcoholic for a while. We both look back, see things that we swept under the carpet, etc. He has agreed to a 28 day program, but that may not be possible. We're working on that.

So, he has admitted it. He knows he can't control his drinking, wishes he could, but knows he can't. He has said, I don't know if I can apologize enough. He misses his child, probably more than he misses me. He had lost his job, which is when things went downhill, and is looking forward to finding a job, not in the same field. I KNOW he loves me and our daughter. I know that he never meant for it to go this far.

My question is this. Can he succeed the first time? I know him, the man I met nearly 8 years ago, I know him and he has actually made me the strong person I am today. He is the reason I stood my ground and said, inpatient, or no more us. Are there some good success stories that can give me hope? I am still guarded, but I need some hope.

Thanks in advance

[CarolD]

I am so glad he is getting help.

Yes some alcoholic do stay sober on the first
tryand some do not. There is no way to tell...

Have you considered Al anon meetings for you?

Blessings to the 3 of you.

[bor_rabnud]

Hi.
I was a weekend warrior at the age of 19 or maybe earlier. I usually drank a 6 pack of beer at a time until I got married at the age of 22. I gradually started off 12 beers on the weekend because of lack of money. When I could afford more, I started drinking almost everyday. Still married with 3 kids I had made it to 12 beers a day after working 12 hours 7 days a week. In early 2004 I seperated from my ex wife and moved out continued to drink even more.(15+)
6 months ago I went to doctor and I knew something was wrong. My right side had a dull ache in it all the time and I found out my liver was inflamed. I still drank a couple more months. I met this wonderful women online and she saw me drunk a few times and asked me a simple question..."What's it going to be, me or the beer???
Well I chose her and I knew that is what GOD has been trying to tell me this whole time. I was abusing my body so bad that I was reaping what I had sown all those years. I still have many problems with my 3 daughters because of what I put them through, but I know time will heal all the pain and I can say right now that I am happy to have a wonderful women in my life that cares about me and supports me all the way. I thank the LORD above for another chance at life.

Rob

[jmhs002]

Yes - he can succeed during his 1st attempt at sobriety. In my opinion, the question for him is "are you ready to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober?" If the answer is yes, I like his chances. If the answer is well, yes but I won't go to meetings, or can't do this or that makes me feel uncomfortable, then it may be a tough go of it. Good luck!
JMHS

[Magichappens]

Hi soverysad,
I am the wife of an alcoholic. Like others have said, he can recover. I have found it very helpful for us family to get, read, and follow the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. It can help us understand and encourage our alcoholic relatives, and promote an atmosphere of change and wellnes in our home. This can mean a better chance for those we love to recover.

Whether he is successful with his attempt this time, or falters, you can be sure that he is on his way. It doesn't always happen at the speed we would like, but like any other type of recovery from illness, it takes time. If nothing else, reaching out to the AA community and/or considering Alanon for yourself, will give you support and understanding. Good luck and God bless, Magic

[Music]

Actions speak louder than words...... Alcoholics lie. There's an old joke that goes, "the way to tell an alcoholic is lieing is if his lips are moving." Watch what he does. Al-anon can help. You can get some pointers on what to look for. I chose AA. I went to meetings, got a sponsor, and completely immersed myself in learning to live in a way that was condusive to not drinking. And, while I'm on the bandwagon, let me say this. Your husband did not make you who you are today!! We all go through life things that we adjust to and learn to live with. You are who you are because of decisions you've made in order to live your life. You hubby may have had some influence on who you are through his actions(be they positive or negative)but you're the one who's made it this far and you can adjust to this situation as well. Please don't fall into the trap that tells you that you can't live without him or that you're willing to believe everthing he says for the sake of your daughter. Stand your ground and demand to see proof that he's changing. Al-anon is a good source of support. Use it.

[Cap3]

and welcome!!!
Ditto to all the above.
All the best to you and yours in recovery,.

[mikel60]

Hi soverysad,
Your husband can recover the first try. I went to my first meeting January 19, 1996. I was drunk, so my sobriety date is Jan 20, 1996. God had simply decided that I was done. At the time i had nothing in my life and chased meetings like there was no tomorrow. I don't know how or why I did this. prior to this time., I could barely go down the street to eat. Suddenly I was on fire to get to a meeting every night.
Your husband has a lot to get sober for, but he's got to want it for himself. And oh yeah, life gets infinitely better. The guy (me) who had nothing? I now have a wife, a daughter, another child on the way... a bachelor's degree, a master degree's, am a doctoral candidate... I've got great job, I'm respected, serve on a Board of Director's., am a union rep... I've got a life. I say these things all the time because it allows me to see the progress God and AA have made possible in my life.
I was a hopeless, toothless, directionless daily drunk who couldn't get out of his own way. It's not that way anymore. Love your husband and support him as you most certainly are... Things can and will get better... You gotta believe! Mike in Boston

[2dayzmuse]

My question is this. Can he succeed the first time?

I think the answer to that is yes, followed by many variables. How bad does he want it? Will he work a strong recovery program? Not all of us are successful the first time around. It took me a few tries to finally get it right. With each fall, I got up stronger then the last. I took something with me each time.

My last fall, will be my last fall, I pray. I hit hard and it drove home how badly I wanted and needed sobriety. If your husband really wants it, he will succeed in sobriety if he continues to work at it. That is key.

He must continue to work at it because it just doesn't happen by self-will. It takes many lifestyle changes. Good luck to you and your family. I would also recommend going to Al-anon meetings. It will help you get a better idea and understanding of the changes your husband is going through in his recovery. You have a long journey ahead. I pray it will be successful. If so, it will be well worth the journey.

[Chy]

Yes! I have so far and today is looking pretty good to. If he wants this bad enough he'll do it to!

[soverysad06]

Originally Posted by Music

[ Please don't fall into the trap that tells you that you can't live without him or that you're willing to believe everthing he says for the sake of your daughter.

I know I can live without him, if I have to. That is why I put my foot down. My husband didn't MAKE me what I am, but he certainly did help me find my self-worth. I told him, repeatedly, before he went in, that HE wouldn't want me to live like this, with a drunk that I can't trust, or a father of my baby that's no good. I do appreciate everything you've said. Just don't get me wrong, I've thought about all the ways I would get by, if I HAD to.

He looked good tonight and he's planning to stay. The have this place called the Lodge where they can stay while they complete a more intensive outpatient program. So that's what we're shooting for.

[Music]

Originally Posted by soverysad06

He looked good tonight and he's planning to stay. The have this place called the Lodge where they can stay while they complete a more intensive outpatient program. So that's what we're shooting for.

Well then, the best to the two of you and on with the show.

[fraankie]

".................Can he succeed the first time?
I know him, the man I met nearly 8 years ago, I know him and he has actually made me the strong person I am today. He is the reason I stood my ground and said, inpatient, or no more us.
Are there some good success stories that can give me hope?
I am still guarded, but I need some hope........................................."

i met a ton of people who made it without rehab
their first time to an AA meeting
so
he can do it the first time

success stories????????????????/
well, go to a few open AA meetings
listen to the ending

many have gotten jobs, married, houses, etc
and
lots of hope from the program

so
you're in for a trip
but
give your husband support
today


best
fraankie

[fraankie]

and now.............................................

[inlandza]

Good Day to you hope you read all posts and take not!!!
One thing to remember HE must want it on his own its no use him doing it for hte family. Cuase if the family let him down the booze will be back and the saying that goes with it is "I stop for you. and you let me down"
You should join Al-anon as this will give you the tools to coope with his out bursts and suport him in his stopping. REMEMBER you can not make him stop!!!!
If you try he will drink again
Yes many AA have done it on there frist time in and are still in ...