Going crazy over eating a dessert....

[requiredfield]

I'm kind of losing it and I need help/advice. Well I'm just completely obsessing about something and posting about it, could make it worse or better.

Anyhow, I'm a little more than 10 months into my recovery. For the past few days, I've been out of my mind completely focusing on the past. And out of no where I started to obsess about something that happened on Xmas eve. Someone made a Tiramisu. I was psyched since I love it. A few weeks earlier I was out to eat with people at work and I saw the Tiramisu was made with espresso. So on Xmas eve I didn't think twice about it and started to eat it. A few bites in I said to another woman, "I think I taste booze". She said "Really? " And I replied "Well it could be espresso" So I finished the piece. My 11 year old cousin even had a piece so I didn't think it was a big deal. That night when I got home I could taste something on my tounge still and I started to freak out that I had injested booze (tiramisu does not have cooked alcohol, it is soaked, if made with alchohol) and that I would have to get another 24 chip. I finally feel asleep with my head racing..

On Xmas morning I called my sponsor and she said that I absolutely did not have a relapse or a slip. She explained to me that my intention was to a have a piece of dessert and not to drink. I understood what she meant. And I layed it to rest. After all, my aunt didnt have a problem with her 11 yr old having a piece. And it wasn't like I was in the corner with the entire cake...

So out of no where, yesterday I started thinking about the Tiramisu again, wondering if I had been lying to myself, wondering if i even knew what my intent was... (even though I know how it went down). It definately seems so crazy and irrational to even be second guessing something as simple as a dessert. But I guess since I'm nearing my year anniversary I'm starting to wonder if I'm a fake. Overall, I know I'm completely not living in the moment and I'm asking my HP to help me w/ that, and help me let the tiramisu go.. I was just wondering what others thought and if they had any experience with something like this....

Thanks
Anna

[splendra]

(((anna)))

Congrats on your clean time!!! It seems like I got a desert once years ago that had some alcohol in it. I think I was even hung over the next day as a result of eating it. Sugar or fruit will also make me feel hung over if I eat it too close to bed time. I am also extreemly alergic to artifical sweetners and get very fightening chest pains if I even touch the stuff accidently. If I do come in contact with it I do not think I am intentionaly sub-consciously trying to harm myself.

I think it takes awhile for our obsessive thoughts to fade. I still obsess sometimes too but what helps is for me to realize I am obsessing and I then try to shift my focus. It works pretty good most of the time the more I do it the easier it gets that's for sure...

Anyway I am with your sponcer in that I do not think you relaped......

[Cindi R]

My kid & his gf saw a real coconut at the store one day when we were shopping and wanted to try it.
We opened it and it was awful...the coconut milk...tasted more like wine.
It was so bad, we only each had a teeny little bite...
I told them "I'd relapsed"...
Relapse...no, not really
Possibly if you'd taken the whole thing to the corner...

[NoMoBeer]

Intent. Did you intend to scarf down some booze? No. I would not obsess over it. I happen to love Tiramisu. Now, if I taste alcohol in a dessert, I try to 'put the fork down.' That being said, I have no intention on seeking out a particular food or dessert b/c I think the alcohol content will get me high....

Stop beating yourself up. I know how you feel, though... I'm so good at beating myself up -- I may add it to my racing schedule -- I can race quadrathlons then -- swim, bike, run, then beat myself up -- maybe I can get a top 3 finish then!

I am doing alot of reading lately, though -- about refined sugar consumption and how dangerous AND ADDICTING it is -- it's scary, but the major food companies keep us coming back to the drug....

I just received a package from one of my favorite NATURAL food bar companies, if anyone is interested, check out Larabars... they are totall natural and the Pecan Pie tastes awesome!!!! You'll find them at Wild Oats, Sprouts, Trader Joe's, etc. Good alternative to sugary desserts....Larabars Home Page

Ken

[CarolD]

I have yet to meet an AA member
who came into the program
over eating alcohol,

Congrats on your sober time...

[BlueMoon]

I don't have a CLUE what a *Tiramisu* is - but if it's cooked in any way, the actual alcohol burns off, leaving the taste behind.

Personally, I don't think what you did was a slip/relapse.
Now, if you'd known beforehand that it possibly contained alcohol and took the entire thing to the closet to scarf it down - that'd be another thing!

Listen to your sponsor. You HAVE EARNED every second of your 10+ months sobriety!

[chip]

Anna,
I'm with your sponsor and everybody here. I say that isn't a relapse. Please don't beat yourself up over a dessert.

Congrads on your sober time. You desreve every minute you've got! Perhaps it's a bit hard to believe you are almost 1 year sober. Your alcoholic mind might just be trying to bring you down...by accusing you of being fake. You are for real, and your sobriety isn't comprimised by a piece of cake. Tell your alcoholic mind that you are sober, and you will stay that way. This is just my take on the issue. I think you've accomplished alot, and the cake eating isn't even worth thinking about.
chip

[REZ]

I had an experience with that a while ago when eating cake that my mom had soaked with rum. It was so strong I had to stop eating after a couple of bites. I didn't consider it a slip, but I also didn't feel very good about it. Now I am very careful about eating desserts and other foods made with alcohol. It is not that I think of it as a slip; it just gets my head in the wrong place. I don't want the taste of alcohol in my mouth/breath. I don't want to start thinking about drinking again.

[fraankie]

It definately seems so crazy and irrational to even be second guessing something as simple as a dessert

man, you give recovery a bad name
i'm a little sensitive
cause i got a quirky brother who paints me like you
so
like, let go
continue on with your program

if it bothers you that much
go to a doctor for a blood test
unless you had about 3 dozen of these things
even a gross, as in 144
it's neglible

what's impairing your judgement is you
not the possible alcohol in it
stay away from "freaking out'
"driving me crazy'
"i'm losing it"
"i'm going bonkers"

it's childish, oldtime behavior


best
fraankie

[Five]

You use the word "irrational".

Think long and clear about a rational statement you can say to yourself. One that fits reality. Accept that statement as your new "view" on the matter and act in accordance to it.

I had a panic once when I gulped down a moutful of cough syrup when I only had a mild cough. Didnt know if I was "subciously" wanting to get high off it.

I had to use my rational mind to put it to rest, my conclusion was: so what if I wanted to get high and had a sip? It was a sip. I did not get high and I did not conciousley want to get high. I wrote this down. I forgot about it. If someone in AA says you've slipped and your not for real, then quietly tell them that mental health proffesionals are quite good these days...

[Little Missy]

I agree, not a slip. If it bothers you this much just don't eat it again.

My father-in-law cooks brauts on the grill. He buys cheddar ones for me and the kids and beer brauts for everyone else!! LOL He always makes sure to tell me which one is which. I think that's sweet of him for thinking about me, but I finally told him. "I'd have to eat a hell of a lot of brauts to get the effect I would want!!" LOL Just ain't gonna happen with food!!

Maybe your disease is just telling you that you slipped so you will give up and have a drink. Let it go!! You didn't slip, keep going on with your sobriety!!

Hugs,
Missy

[fraankie]

that's a thought
not a slip
but
a beginning of a slip
no better way to have a dring
than to say
"well, i slipped already"
hold on
you got a lot of good things going on
focus on them
Chrismas was, like, last year
carry the ball in 2006


best
fraankie

[requiredfield]

Thanks to everyone for their advice and experience.

I know my mind is trying to take me out. I know that there is a greater lesson to be learned in all this negative thinking..... I will not drink or drug for today. The road of recovery moves on... as do I.

Fraankie... when you said, "stay away from "freaking out'
"driving me crazy'
"i'm losing it"
"i'm going bonkers"

it's childish, oldtime behavior"...

I got pissed. And intuitively knew you were right on...

I'm so grateful I have people (and my HP) who can call me on my bullshit and bring me back to sanity...

Anna

[Flying Dutchman]

Did you eat it on purpose knowing that there was alcohol in it? That's what you should be asking yourself. If not, don't worry about it, somebody could feed you anything containing alcohol without you knowing about it. Doesn't mean it's your fault and should be considered a relapse.

[Steve.clarke1-]

Hi I'm Steve an alkie from England, Today's my 4373rd day without alcohol thanks to AA. Sobriety, Loses, It's, Priority, which doesn't seem to be the case, in your circumstances.I have a friend in the fellowship who loves Tiramisu. When we go out for a meal he often has it (I tasted it once but it was made without the booze by an AL-Anon Friend).I prefer not to take anything into my system that contains alcohol, as I do not know what would happen to this alcoholic. As for the comment if food is cooked using alcohol, it is burnt off, I always answer does that mean if I fried a pint of Gin I could drink it?
I dont believe that you had a SLIP, and maybe you can learn from that food stuff to be a little more cautious (or not) in the future.
Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep Coming back
Steve4373

[chip]

I can relate a little story from a christmas party. A lovely older lady gave me one of the tarts she made, and I popped it into my mouth without even thinking there might be booze in it. Sure enough, it was made with peach liquour. Thankfuly, I wouldn't have known if she didn't tell me later.... It was such a small amount, and even if the alcohol wasn't lost in the baking of the desert...what's left was definatly evaporated by the time I ate it.
chip

[Peter]

If you intentionally ate the dessert knowing there was alcohol in it perhaps you need to talk to your sponsor about it and do a review of Step 1.