Walking into an AA Meeting

[OnceNice]

I'm having a hard time walking into an AA meeting. I've been there before and had some issues. Not with the progam but with some people. I'd like to go back cause I believe in the concept of the program but worried about the people.

Here is my question to those who have been sober for a while. When someone new comes in. Do you prefer that a new person come up and introduce themselves to you or do you prefer that you contact them.

Like I said I had some bad experiences at AA. I sat in the corner, head down. And let the people choose me. I never chose my sponsors I was told they would be mine so I said okay.

In the past I heard some really great people speak at them and I wanted to ask them to help me, but I think its not my place.

My counselor says that there are bad eggs at every job and at every program and if I don't want to work with that person, to choose another. Is that appropriate. I never wanted to hurt feelings so I always left.

I know I have the disease. Not good at the desire part.

[Cindi R]

When I came into the program...I didn't trust anyone. I was told that you should look for a sponsor who had what you wanted. It took me a long time to actually pick a person and ask them. For now just go to the meetings and get to know people and find people who you can talk to. A sponsor should be someone that you feel comfortable talking to, and someone who's working a pretty good program of their own who's got at least a year of sobriety.
Go early, stay late. Ask to go out for coffee. Trade phone numbers with the folks and pick up the phone and call them.

[splendra]

(((OnceNice)))

I play it by ear I am happy for someone to approach me and I am also happy to extend a welcome to a newcomer that seems shy. If after the meeting you wish to approach someone that you liked what they shared that is always a good opening...stay open follow your gut...

[OnceNice]

Thanks Cindi. Should I approach them first ask them if I can call. I know I should take time for a sponsor, but just anyone.

What about that new packet they send around.
Also, can I say I'm a newcomer if I've been there before and failed. At least that way, I'd know I'd get a new packet with numbers on it.

[Cindi R]

Sure, if they've got a packet with phone numbers get a new packet.
The people who list their numbers there want you to call them...although I know that the phone weighs like 1000 pounds when you're thinking about making a call...
do it anyway...
it helps the people that you call just as much as it helps you...believe it or not!

[Cathy31]

Hi Oncenice
Definitely say you're a newcomer, esp if the meeting itself is new - that qualifies!
What I found helpful was to phone the hotline get a contact number and ask them to meet me outsid the meeting as I was shy...it REALLY helped an awful lot - also helped me not to chicken out.
I think you are doing the right thing I am delighted for you - there's so much support and help to be had!
gOOD LUCK AND LET US KNOW,...I can relate to the desire part...but just fake it til you make it...it does work!

Cathy31
x

[OnceNice]

I just feel like a freshman going into their first day of highschool. I've been to school before, but I'm still worried about people.

Like AA. I've been there before but still worried.

Pretty stupid huh.

I know I need to quit. My brother quit drinking but did not use AA. I think I need it.
I'm trying not to compare to him, but I do that stupid thinking also. My mind is always going and most of the time its full of crap.

[Cindi R]

I remember how scared I was going into my first meeting alone...I made myself do it the day before I graduated from treatment.
What I found there was a room full of people just like me with different faces and different names.....
all with pretty much the same story, with some minor variations of course...
Try to compare in, as opposed to comparing out...
Look for the similarities, not the differences.
Take what you need and leave the rest.
Remember, the people at the meetings are people just like you, and that some are sicker than others.
Not to scare you off...
but I've met some people with plenty of years of sobriety...that are still sick.
I guess I wish that someone had told me that before I went to my first meeting...
Don't put anyone on a pedastol...because even those with years of sobriety can fall down.
We are all in this same sobriety boat together, and we're all trying to live life and learn how to do it sober & clean one day at a time.

[OnceNice]

Cindi, did you ever fail?

[Cindi R]

I failed at out patient treatment....
I got busted at work and I came home and got high.
Meth was my drug of choice...but I've been an alcoholic since I was 14 and had blackouts even then...so I don't allow myself to drink today either.

[Dan]

The only failure is to not try...
We are not perfect. We stress progress, spiritual or otherwise, not perfection.
I was terrified when I entered the room in May 2003. I was also so alcohol sick that the fear really didn't matter.
Have I been alcohol free since? Nope. I relapsed that year, and ended up in rehab in early 2004.
Have I been alcohol free since? Nope. I've relapsed twice since rehab, the last time in July of 2005, where I had to be admitted to a psychiatric ward for a supervised medical detox.
But I never stopped coming back to AA.
I might not have made it out of the pit alive, otherwise.

Everytime I've started living sober, I've done so doing something different than the time before. These relapses/slips/laspse, whatever, serve a positive purpose inasmuch as I own responsibility for choosing to drink again, and re-enforce the knowledge that I simply cannot drink alcohol in a normal, safe manner.

I'm a stubborn fool, and it almost killed me last time.
I'm ever grateful I was sick enough not to give a **** on that night, back in 2003.

[OnceNice]

Thank you all. I've been to AA and failed. Sometimes I don't even worry about me but what everyone will think of me. I know in my mind that they have been there before. I think that's my hardest problem of all. Worrying about others and not caring enough for myself. I can't help but think you all felt that way at some point. Worthless.

My plan was to drink myself to death quietly in my home. Now that I know its truly happening, I'm afraid.

I compare everything to school. I hated school. You were either smart, sporty, goodlooking or a partier. I was a goody-two-shoes and then became a drunk Now, I'm just a loner. Spending all my time numbing myself. I just want to fit in. I hear so many good things about AA, and like I said. I like the idea of the program. Its the people who scare me. What if I don't fit in. I didnt' the last time. Or was it my sick head telling me that

[Dan]

Originally Posted by OnceNice

I can't help but think you all felt that way at some point. Worthless.

Absolutely.
And guess what? I'm not immune to that way of thinking even today.
But somehow, I have just a little bit of faith that I'm still alive for a reason. And believe me, there are no worthless alcoholics.
You can get well. You are no different in your self-loathing attitude than I was, or countless others.
You gotta believe you're worth way more than an early, miserable death.
Read this.
And wrap yourself in the circle with the rest of us.

[Chance]

Originally Posted by OnceNice

I can't help but think you all felt that way at some point. Worthless.

Yep I have thought that and still do sometimes. I have quite a few 24 hours clean and sober and still some days I don't feel as if I belong. That has been my life, I never thought that I fit in anywhere. But I also know that it isn't as bad as it used to be. I still have my days and when I have them I go to a meeting and I talk about them days also.

I had one of them yesterday, but I did what I had to do, I went to a meeting and then I hung with someone after the meeting until they went to work at 10:30. It helps to have someone around, it does me anyway. I hope that you keep posting and never think that you have to put up a front. I remember how they said fake it till you make it, and yet on the medallion it says to thy own self be true. Well how the hell am I going to fake it if I am not that isn't really being honest to myself or anyone else. Keep coming back I am glad that your here.

Love Vic

[Cindi R]

There's a saying about alcoholic's and addict's feeling terminally unique...
which in effect says to me that if I think that I'm different and don't fit in then it can kill me!
Yes, I was the kid at school who was the scrawny, last picked for the team, not very popular, not good at sports, not rich not part of the elite social class...
so who else was I gonna fit in with except for the stoners, potheads, partiers....
For 25 years drugs and alcohol became my persona...my character, when I wasn't being the "nice nurse" at work...or the concerned mom at the appropriate functions...
So after all this time...
I'm left with the question, "Who is Cindi today" ???
Truth is I don't really know...
But today, I do know that I do like and respect the person that I'm becomming...
and that I'm comfortable in my own skin.
This doesn't happen overnight...but I do promise that it does happen one day at a time.

[OnceNice]

I'm not sure what to say, Dan. The poem was makes me speechless.
Thank you.

[Dan]

I still shake sometimes, when I read it.
Don't give up on yourself.
Just don't.

[OnceNice]

Thanks everyone for responding. Its so easy to talk to you cause I can'tsee you.
I have got to get the nerve to walk in. I've done it before. I don't know why I act like its impossible for me to do.

I take meds and see a shrink. I'm afraid I'm really hurting myself by doing both.
I saw on one of the threads that you hit your bottom when you stop digging.

I know I'm out of control with my drinking and its a problem. Its the desire to quit that gets me. Because if I come out of the numbness where will I go. I'm afraid life and its daily issues is what led me down the road to being numb in the first place.

Does that make any sense at all. If I quit, I'll get the same feelings that drove me to drink in the first place. Am I making any kinda sense

[Cathy31]

Hey Oncenice
I think it's easy to talk not cause you can't see us...but because we are all alike when it comes to this sometimes overwhelming disease.

You'll find the same in the meetnig too - except the extra bonus is that it's face to face.
Good luck!
Cathy31
x

[Chance]

Originally Posted by Dan

And believe me, there are no worthless alcoholics..

Ok Dan I needed to hear that today thanks

Love Vic

[Cindi R]

I, too take meds for depression.
However meds don't work if you're drinking so the doc's say.

My best friend from treatment was bipolar, decided she wasn't really an alcoholic...committed suicide a week before her daughter's wedding.

My brother, 20 years old...drunk in a blackout...shot his friend. Involved in a high speed chase with cops...got out of the car with a gun. Attempted suicide by cop...they fired 21 rounds at him, hit him 3 times...
He's still alive. Awaiting attempted murder charges for the cops and his friend.

I've lost friends in the program some sober, some went back out there...
My old dealer died.
My husband of 25 years did not choose recovery. I divorced him, to keep my kids from being removed from their home & to protect my sanity & sobriety.
My kids were 12 and 15 when I got clean...today, they're 16 & 19 and they respect me and I can talk to them about anything.
I was totally sick & tired of living the life when I got here....and I was facing losing everything.
My life has changed...
but it doesn't happen overnight.

[OnceNice]

Thanks for telling me that Cindi. You know. I dont have any of those issues. My father did die as as an alcoholic, I was young, My brother killed himself, but that for depression, and my older brother hasnt' had a drink in 20 years, but he won't talk to me. I bring him down I guess. He talks to all my other family members who drink though. Anyway. I just sit home by myself feeling sorry for existing and then I drink. Look at how strong you are to have come through all that. What do I have to bitch about. What do I need help for. I've no problems accept my crazy mind and my exercise program of 12 ounce curls (sorry had to put some humor into it). I'm sorry you had such a hard time and I think you are a super person to pull through. I don't want to hit a bottom. Living is hard enough for me the way it is. I just want to! OH I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT. I JUST WANT PEACE OF MIND.

[Chance]

Originally Posted by OnceNice

I've no problems accept my crazy mind .

Thanks for letting me know that. Our minds are like a bent piece of metal no matter how much we try to straighten it out, it will never be perfect. But it is a lot better today then it was over 10 months ago. You talked about hitting bottom

NA Basic Text Page 15

"When nothing relieved our paranoia and fear, we hit bottom and became ready to ask for help."

Again thanks for being YOU

Love Vic

[Cindi R]

{{{Once Nice}}}
I've come through all that clean & sober...
but I couldn't have done it without the support of the program.
For 25 years I numbed those feelings....I drank & used to feel "normal".
I, too was a child of an alcoholic...do some research on that...that's part of our problem as well, never knowing what normal really is.
You will find people at that meeting just like the people here...it's just easier to communicate here.

[lulu70]

Originally Posted by OnceNice

If I quit, I'll get the same feelings that drove me to drink in the first place.

Yes, you will. But I can assure you from experience that those feelings won't kill you, although sometimes you might think they will. Your mind will only let you feel what you can deal with at that time. It really will be okay. And the best thing is that eventually you won't be so frightened of the feelings anymore. Give yourself a chance, 'cause you are worth it.....