The 3rd Step

[Sugasnaps]

Hey gang,

I've been reading over step 3 and I get the reasoning for it... and I even see the part about "whatever God is for you" give yourself over to it.

How do you do this? Is it just a willingness to believe that my "higher power" will guide me? What if I don't know what/who that higher power is? Do I believe there is a higher power than myself? I sure hope so. It would suck if human beings were the end all beat all of existance. Do I believe that he/she/it/they are somehow guiding us through the cosmos? Not really. If that were the case they are doing a pretty crappy job ;p Do I think I have the ability with making choices that guide myself through life, yes. Does that make my choice somehow powered by my higher power? Hell if I know.

Do you just make the statement without really feeling it? If so, what's the point. If not, am I stuck here at step 3 forever? I am feeling impatient and I want to move on but I'm not willing to fake it - I've done "faking it" to death.

Your thoughts are welcomed.

Thanks,

Suga

[skinner]

Hey Suga.........well, I don't have any answers cuz I feel the SAME!!! So, maybe this IS where we have to "fake it till we make it"? As in, yes, maybe we should "just make the statement" even if we don't feel it. What's the point of that? I guess cuz if we keep saying it, one day we MAY feel it.

Here's an example......have you ever said "I'm sorry" to someone just because............when maybe, at that very moment, you weren't REALLY sorry? Maybe you said sorry simply because you knew you SHOULD be sorry, you WANTED to be sorry, but you were just too angry or whatever to really FEEL sorry. BUT, as time went by........ seconds, moments, days, months........you had time to think and reflect and realized that you really ARE sorry. I have no idea if my vague analagy makes ANY sense here, but hopefully you get what I'm saying.

Just as you, I sure do HOPE there is a HP guiding me. Do I completely believe at this point..........nope. Do I WANT to completely believe.........yep. So, I'm gonna just keep talking the talk until I can eventually walk the walk as well.

[Sugasnaps]

Hey Skinner...

I think I get it. I think what step 3 is trying to do is give me hope... hope that I'm not alone and that my "higher power" is going to somehow save me. I guess what I'm trying to get my brain around is what I believe that higher power to be. If it is hope... hope for my future, hope for my living a better life without alcohol, hope for living a balanced and whole life... well I do have that. I am very hopeful for my future. I have a belief within myself that I will make it through this and come out on the other end okay and stronger for it. Do I attribute that to any God or any being that is conciously guiding me through this? Not really... I attribute it to the fact that I don't want to lose the joys that are precious to me... that I got sick and tired of not having any sort of control over myself because of my attraction and abuse of alcohol... and that I wanted and believe I can do better than I have been doing. Does that mean my "higher power" is simply my hope for a healthy self? Is that just my ego saying it's my desires and not my "higher powers" sublime divine plans for me? I think it's more egotistical of me to think that some dude up there in the cosmos is lookin down at me goin' "yo I have divine plans for you so stop muckin em up with booze".

Am I answering my own questions? Damnit someone gimme the cliffnotes for The Big Book please. I need the answers in the back :P

Babbling...

Suga

[Sheryl85]

Dear Suga,

Please remember that anything I say is my own belief and does not speak for AA as a whole. Having said that, the following is part of the method that I took to get to where I am today. (That means King’s X – this MY experience I’m sharing here.) And let me say that I appreciate you new folk’s sooo much! I love going over this information because it helps me in my recovery more than it might be helping you. Thank you!

Now let me tell you that when I started this process my relationship with a God of my understanding was a work in progress. Although it is still in progress today, it is a whole lot better than it was twenty years ago. (I wasn't comfortable with the "religious" God I had been working with in the past and was still in the process of uncovering and discovering what He really was for me.)

If you have a Twelve and Twelve, turn to the chapter regarding Step Three. The first word in the first paragraph was very comforting to me because it says, “Practicing”. I was ecstatic because that meant I did not have to be perfect*. (“Practicing Step Three is like the opening of a door which to all appearances is still closed and locked. All we need is a key, and the decision to swing the door open. There is only one key, and it is called willingness. Once unlocked by willingness, the door opens almost of itself, and looking through it, we shall see a pathway beside which is an inscription. It reads: “This is the way to a faith that works.” In the first two Steps we were engaged in reflection. We saw that we were powerless over alcohol, but we also perceived that faith of some kind, if only in AA itself, is possible to anyone. These conclusions did not require action: they required only acceptance.”)

(*The only step I have to work perfectly every day (24/7) is Step One. See the reference to that on page 68 of the 12 & 12 in the middle paragraph in the middle of that page.)

After you finish reading that paragraph about Step Three, note that the next one says, “Like all the remaining Steps, Step Three calls for affirmative action, for it is only action that we can cut away the self-will which has always blocked the entry of God – or, if you like, a Higher Power – ­into our lives.” (Then read the rest of the paragraph if you have it.) Looking at that particular statement I realized that it would take more than a decision on my part, it required me getting my rear in gear, or "action!" And it seemed to me that maybe this is something that I am going to be working on for a while before I ever notice any “big” effects. (If you read “Spiritual Experience” in the Appendix of the Big Book, it also gives that impression.) So, one thing I did to put Step Three into “action” in my life was practicing the third part of Step Twelve (“and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”) and continued on my quest to become more familiar with my Higher Power (thru studying the Steps, prayer and meditation).

But that’s not all for this Step. Turning my will and life, for me, means turning over my thoughts and my actions to my HP. Chuck C. made a good point when he talks about his journey in the book, “A New Pair Of Glasses,” where he talks about right living leads to right thinking, and not the other way around. He was talking about the fact that some of us can attempt to live the “right way” and that our mind will eventually follow (or that sanity returns) and we experience “right thinking”. When we read about the much talked about promises on page 83 and 84, we sometimes forget that the literature is chocked full of rewards besides just those mentioned there. For every action that I take, I realize that God rewards honest effort (not wishful thinking). In the Big Book on the bottom of page 84 when talking about Step 10 it says, “For by this time sanity will have returned.” This means that if we do what we are suppose to do between Steps 2 and 10 we should have sane thinking restored. Please note, it didn’t say anything about it (sanity) staying. That’s where the “practicing these principles” part comes into play again.

Now, back to Step 3. When I make the effort at practicing this Step, I start to get some type of reward out of it, even if it is only something small like the warm feeling you get when you help someone (when you know you could have just as easily walked on past) not expecting any compensation. You didn’t get any material satisfaction out of what you did, but the mental satisfaction is a reward unto itself.

I hope that I made sense. I just wanted to share some of the things that I did in the beginning to get the process started. This is not everything by any stretch of the imagination. Hope is of help to you as well.

By the way, if you do not have any of those books I spoke of available to you, let me know and I’ll see what I can do for you. Now I'm going to push the submit button and pray this goes through right and I don't have to edit it like I always seem to have to do.

[skinner]

Originally Posted by Sugasnaps

Do I believe there is a higher power than myself? I sure hope so. It would suck if human beings were the end all beat all of existance. Do I believe that he/she/it/they are somehow guiding us through the cosmos? Not really. If that were the case they are doing a pretty crappy job ;p

Suga

Helloooooooo again Suga.........ok, so I forgot to address this part of your first post.......

Simply this.........I figure, who the heck am I to decide that I am NOT being guided? So, I have decided to at least TRY that route. Life has seemed pretty crappy doing it my way, so what have I got to lose trying something else? Worst case scenario, I give this "let go and let God" thing a good HONEST try, and if it doesn't work out, oh well, I'm right where I started........if it DOES work out as I'm told it will, well WOO HOO!!!!

[laurie6781]

Hey Suga:

If you have thoroughly worked Step 2 and have come to accept that a "Power Greater Than Yourself" can restore you to sanity, and you totally accept this, then in Step 3 you make the decision once and for all to turn your "will and your life" over to that "Power Greater Than Yourself".

Sometimes, we have to go back to Step 2 for a while, to again get the concept and the acceptance to the core of our being. At least I did.

I had to remember these steps were the foundation of my sobriety and I wanted them to be built of concrete not of sand.

JMHO

Love and (((((to all))))),

[Sugasnaps]

Thank you for your posts...

Laurie.. maybe I do need to go back to Step 2. I thought I do accept a power greater than myself exists and that it can help me get back to sanity.

Here is my basic conclusion to Step 2. I believe that I am not alone. I believe I don't need to rely solely upon my own perceptions and interpretations of events for guidance, because I do believe that there is a higher presence in my life. What that presence is... I don't know... I don't know how to define it. Do I have to define it? Do I have to label it God? Do I have to believe that this higher power is sentient?

I believe that just because I believe this, however, that I am not relieved from choosing, in each instant, the course of my life... but it does mean that I have conscious access to compassionate and impersonal help in the analysis of possible choices, their probable consequences, and in the exploration of the different parts of myself and my psyche.

Is the fact that I accept this to be truth... enough to proceed?

Suga

[cleaninghouse]

Sugasnaps

I might have something for you to try, maybe.

Get a BIG piece of cardboard, maybe the side of a container box for toilet paper from Wal Mart, etc.

Draw a huge circle from corner to corner.

Now, inside that circle list every characteristic, attribute that YOUR GOD would have. Examples;
Compassionate, Loving, Funny, Sense of Humor, Caring, Directive, etc, etc

When you are done, Put the word GOD on top, just outside the circle. Tack that up on your wall and that is your GOD, turn your will and your life over to the care of YOUR GOD. Rather simple, huh?

Remember, if nothing else, GOD can stand for;

G = Good
O = Orderly
D = Direction

You will make it!!

[Justme57]

Hi Sugasnaps

I came to the conclusion that there had to be a power bigger than me , cos whatever It was It has caused me to stop drinking for a pweiod of time, something I had not been able to do for 37 years. That said, the " handing over " thing , became a 'fake it til you make it" deal for me , for some time, ( sometimes still is). It was my "faith" in the programme, that caused me to just accept it . I verbally handed stuff over, felt like a dill, but just " did the suggested thing". It started to work in small ways, the first BIG thing that happened , was that my cravings and obsession LEFT me !!. I woke up one day, and did not even think about a drink all day AMAZING! and that has coninued to this day .

As I continued to practise what I was told, little things began to happen, and my confidence grew, and continues to grow.

The "handing over " thing is a verb, an action, and I just said it , and hoped, and it is working still, it is a progrssive thing for me, and my confidence conyinues to grow, and I believe always will

You're doing great

HUGX
Lee

[skinner]

Originally Posted by Sugasnaps

Here is my basic conclusion to Step 2. I believe that I am not alone. I believe I don't need to rely solely upon my own perceptions and interpretations of events for guidance, because I do believe that there is a higher presence in my life. What that presence is... I don't know... I don't know how to define it. Do I have to define it? Do I have to label it God? Do I have to believe that this higher power is sentient?

I believe that just because I believe this, however, that I am not relieved from choosing, in each instant, the course of my life... but it does mean that I have conscious access to compassionate and impersonal help in the analysis of possible choices, their probable consequences, and in the exploration of the different parts of myself and my psyche.

Is the fact that I accept this to be truth... enough to proceed?

Suga

I'm trying to think of my HP like this........He is my Father and will guide me through life. He will let me make my own decisions and watch me succeed OR make mistakes because it is from those that I will learn. He will be there to love me and comfort me when I ASK Him. He will "parent" me just as I try to parent my own children.

[laurie6781]

Absolutely Suga. It says I made a decision to turn my "will and my life" over to the care of a "Power Greater Than Myself."

That does not relieve me of continuing to make "choices and decisions" in life and to be responsible for those "choices and decisions."

To me it means that I get quiet and meditate and then "do the next right thing" in my thinking, and if it is the "wrong decision" accept the responsiblity.

It also means that if I have a goal, say to find a new place to live, that I still have to do the footwork of looking at different places and making a decision. I can't just sit back and pray and say "please find me a new place to live." lol

I believe that the vagueness of some of the steps is why "sponsorship" came into being in the 12 step program. So that the newer member could find an older member who seemed to be walking the way they talked and ask the sponsor to "guide" them thru the quagmire of the 12 step program.

It has been said its "a simple program for complicated people." Over the years I have come to believe that is true. Because early in sobriety I was REAL GOOD at complicating the "chit" out of those steps. roflmao

If there is anything more I can help you with, please feel free to PM me.

JMHO

Love and (((((to all))))),

[Sheryl85]

I couldn't agree more with what Laurie said. The best thing about this is you don't have to be perfect... remember when you read "How it Works" about progress rather than perfection?

You can contact me (PM, email, carrier pigeon) as well if I can be of any help... Also, you can help me by letting me know how you progress. I can draw on the information and experiences of others to help my sponsees if they have questions like that.
Take care...

[nocellphone]

Originally Posted by cleaninghouse

Get a BIG piece of cardboard, maybe the side of a container box for toilet paper from Wal Mart, etc.

Draw a huge circle from corner to corner.

Now, inside that circle list every characteristic, attribute that YOUR GOD would have. Examples;
Compassionate, Loving, Funny, Sense of Humor, Caring, Directive, etc, etc

When you are done, Put the word GOD on top, just outside the circle. Tack that up on your wall and that is your GOD, turn your will and your life over to the care of YOUR GOD. Rather simple, huh?

I love this suggestion!!! I've always been a fan of the Create-Your-Own-Higher-Power Kit!

And remember, suga... Step Three says "Made a decision..." For me, it's about finding the willingness to be willing.

[cleaninghouse]

Originally Posted by nocellphone

I love this suggestion!!! I've always been a fan of the Create-Your-Own-Higher-Power Kit!

And remember, suga... Step Three says "Made a decision..." For me, it's about finding the willingness to be willing.

LOL I found it to be an excellent way to overcome intellectual objections tied to preconceived ideas. It allows a large measure of latitude and in essence we all do this anyway, don't we?

I really like your take on "Made a decision..." and finding the willingness to be willing. If we can just get the door opened slightly, that is enough.

[Sugasnaps]

Thank you so much everyone... I feel a bunch better about it now and don't feel quite so lost. I do tend to over complicate things and over think things. Probably one contributing factor to the fact that I drank to stop thinking so much... numb myself out. Oy, what a bonzer blokette

I have certainly made a decision and I am willing!

I have a Noon meeting tomorrow and a really nice lady is going to meet me there and we're going to lunch after maybe... it will be a good time to ask her about mentorships and crap like that.

Thanks again, you guys were a big help!

Suga

[collinsmi]

One thing I was taught about the 3rd step is that it is a commitment to continue on with the rest of the program.

[cooky]

All the steps are a continuing practice for the rest of our lives.So therefore you never perfect any step in your lifetime.Youstrive to get better day by day.I do beleive in a power greater than myself(whom I choose to call God).Otherwise I don't think I could have got as far as I have got.
Bob

[LucyUK]

Thank you for this post. This is something I have been thinking about a lot too. I have always believed in a higher power that created the univererse etc - Mother Nature, if you like. But, I didn't (and still don't, really) get how that power helps me on a daily basis. I talked with my sponsor about the whole 'hand it over' thing and she said to start with, she would write down the problem and put it in a box. But, I love the cardboard circle idea.

At the moment my HP is the magic and power of the AA fellowship and I suppose I am sort of handing things over in the sense that, if I don't know what to do about something, I try to think "what would be the AA way to do this?" not that I ask particular people necessarily but just think about how to do it with compassion and kindness and honesty and that sort of thing. Early days for me as I'm not really re-starting the steps yet but I had worked them before and I realise now this HP stuff was my biggest stumbling block.

Thanks again for this thread

[daydream]

Dear Sugasnaps,
Ditto on what others have said. I too, strongly recommend you get a sponsor to help you understand the steps (and how she applied the spiritual principles contained within). I also have been helped tremendously by the book already mentioned, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions aka "the 12&12". It has an entire chapter on each step and each tradition. I soaked it up like a sponge. Hang in there! Honesty, openmindedness and willingness can lead you to a life better than you dared imagine possible!

[Sugasnaps]

Thank you collin, cooky, Lucy and daydream. I really needed all your posts on this it's helped me a bunch. Someone sent me a PM and gave me a book to read which I am... Gary Zukov's The Seat of the Soul I love it so far and it's ringing true in my head right now. I think it's what I have been looking for... amazing isn't it? Ask and you shall receive.

Suga

[Peter]

Originally Posted by Sugasnaps

Hey gang,

I've been reading over step 3 and I get the reasoning for it... and I even see the part about "whatever God is for you" give yourself over to it.

How do you do this? Is it just a willingness to believe that my "higher power" will guide me?Suga

Whether you realize it or not you have already worked Step 3 to some extent.

Your willingness to try AA is a form of turning your life over to the care of a Higher Power.

It is simply a matter now of building on that willingness.

Stay open minded and stop trying to "force" yourself into believing.

[NoMoBeer]

Suga --
Are you working with a sponsor?

[Sugasnaps]

Peter, Thank you for that... you made me feel like I have been doing okay so far. I really appreciate that.

NoMo, No, not yet. Though that is about to change tomorrow I think. I have my 7th AA meeting at 9am tomorrow and a girl I have been talking to has hinted she would be open to becoming my sponsor if I am ready for one. I believe I am now - so I'm going to approach her about it.

Keepin it real,

Suga

[Little Missy]

((Suga)) You are doing great!! Way to go on working these steps and seeking out a sponsor!!

It was suggested to me that I write on paper when working the steps. And that is what I did. It helped me to work through my feelings and come to the acceptance part!!

Your sponsor may want you to start with step 1 again and do it with her. I have also had to do this, but it was very valuable.

Step 2 Came to believe that a power greater then ourselves could restore us to sanity. If in step one you admitted you were insane, now you "come to believe" in a HP. One guy says he came, came to, then came to believe!! LOL Don't rush the steps, they are the foundation of your sobriety.

Here is my step 2 - I believe that the actions listed above are truley insane. Insane behavior - things I never would have done if I was sober. Thinking with an alcoholic mindset has only brought pain to me and others. I believe that God can and will return me to sanity. Done, that was it.

Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God AS WE UNDERSTAND HIM. That my friend is the beauty of this step. My "God" will be totally different then yours. No body can tell you your "God" is wrong.

You need a higher power, look up at the lights in your house!! LOL It's higher then you and has power!! All joking aside, it's best, IMO, to form a HP in your mind. Something that will not let you down!! People make mistakes, trees sometimes die, the lights do go out occasionally. But the God in my mind is always there. Even when I'm by myself, I am not alone!!

Step 3 is all about willingness as was said before. Just remain open minded. As you hear in AA "It was our best thinking that got us here." This is where we start to not let self will run riot!!

Boy this is getting long, thanks if anyone is still reading it!! LOL

Here is my Step 3 - I start everyday off by saying - Thank you God for another beautiful day to do your will. Please guide me in my thought, words, and actions. My Mom has instilled in me these values. Offer it up to God - When you ask for something say thank you because He will answer your prayer. Maybe not in the way that you want, but His will. It says willingness is all you need for this step. I have that. But I still feel like something isn't right. I have seen miracles happen in my life. Seen Gods will being done. God has always provided for me. I no longer believe that I deserve things. I get what God gives me. By turning my will and my life over to God, I will become the person that He intended me to be. I am a very caring and trusting person. I don't believe God would lead me down the wrong path, but I have to be mindful of those who do not follow Gods path. And I'm not going to let "Not wanting to become a 'holy roller' stand in the way of my destiny."

You can see the questioning of "him" in my step. Hard to let go of doing things my way!! Didn't want to have to become a nun or a bible thumper. Kind of liked the sassy part of me. Some of these things haven't changed, but in doing my HPs will, I am no longer harmful to others. I don't drink to numb my pain. I was worried I was going to loose "me". What I have found is a much better "me". Someone that loves and can be loved!!
As I wrote step 3, I was coming to believe. Everyday, I still thank Him and ask for guidance. When my life starts going to crap, it's usually because I am taking MY will back. Gotta Let go and Let God, drop back 10 and punt!!

I am and will continue to be a work in progress!!

Thanks for letting me share. It is a great reminder for me in where my sobriety comes from!!
Missy