PLEASE STOP "LOVING" YOUR OWN TILL THEIR DEAD! - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

waves · 12-31-2005, 08:32 AM

I know most folks mean well and it just feels good to be warm, fuzzy and "supportive" on a message board, but freaking remember, YOU ARE DEALING WITH DRUNKS AND JUNKIES on this board!

REMEMBER what the BEHAVIORS ARE that WE as DRUNKS AND JUNKIES "USE" TO CONTINUE DRINKING AND USING.

DRINKING AND USING IS NOT, I REPEAT, NOT OK under ANY circumstance.

IF YOU are IN RECOVERY and YOU DRINK OR USE, YOU FAILED! Let's NOT SUGAR COAT IT. IT IS NOT A GOOD THING. IT CAN KILL YOU!

If someone "use to" play with RATTLESNAKES for fun and repeatedly got bite and their Doctor told them, ONE MORE BITE AND YOU DIE, would you LOVE AND CODDLE THEM IF THEY DID IT AGAIN?

WAKE THE HELL UP PEOPLE!

Any here ever hear of TOUGH LOVE? You know, the kind that ACTUALLY CAN SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE?

roadie58 · 12-31-2005, 08:36 AM

Yes, I too think there is altogether too much 'warm snuggly' feelings and it's like a chatty forum at times. I try to consider it like a meeting and try to keep on topic and offer EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH, and HOPE. It doens't say anything about coddling.

Carry the message, not the alcoholic.

splendra · 12-31-2005, 08:39 AM

Hey (((wave)))

I wish it was as simple as you make it sound...

NoMoBeer · 12-31-2005, 08:42 AM

no coddling from me....

You drink, you risk dying. Your choice, I cannot affect it, nor can my sobriety afford 'begging' others to stop.....

I'll do whatever I can to help another alcoholic, but I WILL NOT condone drinking or using.

Oh yeah -- stop YELLING in your thread titles, please?

Thanks,

Ken

waves · 12-31-2005, 08:44 AM

'K I S S" = KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID ( I NEEDED that alot and
still do)

"A SIMPLE program for a complex people" Sound familiar?

When we try to complicate the program, 99.99% of the time, we are trying to JUSTIFY what WE ARE NOT DOING THAT WE SHOULD OR ARE DOING THAT WHICH WE KNOW WE SHOULDN'T.

NO EXCUSES! Life is NOT a dress rehearsal.

bikewench · 12-31-2005, 08:47 AM

Quote:

IF YOU are IN RECOVERY and YOU DRINK OR USE, YOU FAILED! Let's NOT SUGAR COAT IT. IT IS NOT A GOOD THING. IT CAN KILL YOU!

...black and white thinking kills as well.

And in many cases... it's a derth of love that makes us use...

so.. loving an addict that wants to stop using...
that's my reality.

And letting go of the outcome.

waves · 12-31-2005, 08:55 AM

bike

I am NOT suggesting that we EVER stop loving the DRUNK or JUNKIE, just that we NOT enable or condone their behavior, either passively or actively. DRINKING AND USING IS NOT OK, PERIOD.

Gideon · 12-31-2005, 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by splendra

Hey (((wave)))

I wish it was as simple as you make it sound...

x2

It is a complex problem, furthermore, many on this board have known for some time a poster and or know the context of a poster's situation when replying. To take a snapshot of a some replies and define them as coddling and then characterize the board in general is kind of disengenuous. (sp?)

My $0.02

Dan · 12-31-2005, 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by waves

Any here ever hear of TOUGH LOVE? You know, the kind that ACTUALLY CAN SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE?

Do I know you by some other username, maybe?

velvet · 12-31-2005, 09:21 AM

Waves, You sound way too angry. I'm not an addict, never have been, hopefully never will be. I'm here for support for myself. I'm dealing with an addict daughter. This site helps me understand the addict within her, since she doesn't want to get clean, as of now. I don't buy the tough love. If I used the tough love on my daughter she would be dead in a matter of months. To me tough love is turning your back on a love one. I'm not all soft and lovey with my daughter, she knows exactly where I stand. But I am here for her to love and support her. That is a parents' job. That is my job. I don't think I have read any posts condoning the using or drinking. This site is a wonderful means of support to the nonaddict as well as the addict. We may post on lighter subjects, but that's daily life. This would be a depressing place for support if it were like you suggest. So what if someone gets "off subject". Lighten up, maybe you could be a help to someone, or maybe someone could help you deal with the horrible days of an addict. I'm sorry, but I totally disagree with you.

KelKel · 12-31-2005, 09:38 AM

Part of the reason that SR is helping folks is that we do try to take a loving and supportive approach in helping each other deal with recovery.
If you don't like all the warm fuzzies around here, I suggest you find another site where your tough love is welcome.
Sure a little bit of reality never hurt anyone... but when it is overkill I fail to see it's benefit...

PS...thank you for your input Velvet.... tough love would have killed this stubborn girl.

gutlevel · 12-31-2005, 09:49 AM

A Moderator, Biker, BANNED ME, but FAILED TO STATE SO ON THIS THREAD. He/She simply chose to allow it to look as I "left." That was DISHONEST, IMO.

It seems my direct approach is not appreciated, at least you, KEL KEL had the courage and decency to tell me to my face and in public.

I DO NOT agree with your approach here, I HONESTLY BELIEVE it will KILL PEOPLE IN THE END.

I will be happy to leave now.

To the lady whose daughter is STILL USING and she is still "supporting" her because if she didn't she would be dead in a few months, IF SHE CONTINUES TO USE, IN YOUR OPINION, HOW LONG WILL SHE LIVE? Just a thought.

Have a WONDERFUL, WARM AND FUZZY DAY, ALL!

BYE

BEST, I will take my 10 years SOBRIETY over yours ANYDAY, THANK YOU!

velvet · 12-31-2005, 09:52 AM

KelKel, My pleasure. I don't like offending people, but sometimes you have to defend people.

NoMoBeer · 12-31-2005, 09:56 AM

WOW! Happy New Year! :bbl:

KelKel · 12-31-2005, 09:57 AM

Hope you find what you are looking for....
Bye.....

velvet · 12-31-2005, 09:57 AM

Excuse me gutlevel, but I think the saying goes, you cannot make someone stop using. They will stop when they are ready. So should I stop loving her until she stops using? Just because I use tough love :thefinger does that mean she will stop using?? I don't think so. My loving her will not kill her. My supplying drug to her will kill her.

velvet · 12-31-2005, 09:59 AM

Hey get, I just looked at your amount of posts....hum...one...wow, no wonder you don't get it.

NoMoBeer · 12-31-2005, 10:01 AM

Kel Kel -- you know -- that's interesting, tough love probably would have killed me as well.

The AA program teaches us to LOVE. Now, I would never condone drinking -- but that certainly is the choice of the user. I will be here should they decide to come back, and help in any way I can, but I won't "shoot the wounded."

I think God puts the people in our lives who we need... my sponsor is ALWAYS there when I need him (and paradoxically when HE needs ME as well), but never PUSHES me. That works for me.

I don't think I would go as far as the person who started this thread -- I don't believe anger should be a part of recovery, but I would ask "what are you going to do different this time?" AND I am a big advocate of getting to work on a program. Sobriety doesn't just happen....

Interesting ....

velvet · 12-31-2005, 10:04 AM

Please excuse the finger smiley....gut has gotten under my skin. I wonder who helped gut with his/her 10 years.

KelKel · 12-31-2005, 10:08 AM

Lets focus our energies on the more important things in life, like warm and fuzzy recovery.
I am going to close this thread so we can end the year on a positive note and bring in the new year with a love song.
:bbe:

bikewench · 12-31-2005, 09:06 PM

Quote:

A Moderator, Biker, BANNED ME, but FAILED TO STATE SO ON THIS THREAD. He/She simply chose to allow it to look as I "left." That was DISHONEST, IMO.

ummm...
nope.. t'wernt me..

And you were told in advance...

12-31-2005, 08:32 AM	#1 (permalink)
waves Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Fort Worth Texas Posts: 5	PLEASE STOP "LOVING" YOUR OWN TILL THEIR DEAD! I know most folks mean well and it just feels good to be warm, fuzzy and "supportive" on a message board, but freaking remember, YOU ARE DEALING WITH DRUNKS AND JUNKIES on this board! REMEMBER what the BEHAVIORS ARE that WE as DRUNKS AND JUNKIES "USE" TO CONTINUE DRINKING AND USING. DRINKING AND USING IS NOT, I REPEAT, NOT OK under ANY circumstance. IF YOU are IN RECOVERY and YOU DRINK OR USE, YOU FAILED! Let's NOT SUGAR COAT IT. IT IS NOT A GOOD THING. IT CAN KILL YOU! If someone "use to" play with RATTLESNAKES for fun and repeatedly got bite and their Doctor told them, ONE MORE BITE AND YOU DIE, would you LOVE AND CODDLE THEM IF THEY DID IT AGAIN? WAKE THE HELL UP PEOPLE! Any here ever hear of TOUGH LOVE? You know, the kind that ACTUALLY CAN SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE?

12-31-2005, 08:39 AM	#3 (permalink)
splendra the girl can't help it Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: splendraville Posts: 5,495 Blog Entries: 3	Hey (((wave))) I wish it was as simple as you make it sound... __________________ nice has a hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

12-31-2005, 08:42 AM	#4 (permalink)
NoMoBeer Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Arizona Posts: 872	no coddling from me.... You drink, you risk dying. Your choice, I cannot affect it, nor can my sobriety afford 'begging' others to stop..... I'll do whatever I can to help another alcoholic, but I WILL NOT condone drinking or using. Oh yeah -- stop YELLING in your thread titles, please? Thanks, Ken __________________ "Run with endurance the race God has set out before you..." -- Hebrews 12

12-31-2005, 09:21 AM	#10 (permalink)
velvet Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 367	Waves, You sound way too angry. I'm not an addict, never have been, hopefully never will be. I'm here for support for myself. I'm dealing with an addict daughter. This site helps me understand the addict within her, since she doesn't want to get clean, as of now. I don't buy the tough love. If I used the tough love on my daughter she would be dead in a matter of months. To me tough love is turning your back on a love one. I'm not all soft and lovey with my daughter, she knows exactly where I stand. But I am here for her to love and support her. That is a parents' job. That is my job. I don't think I have read any posts condoning the using or drinking. This site is a wonderful means of support to the nonaddict as well as the addict. We may post on lighter subjects, but that's daily life. This would be a depressing place for support if it were like you suggest. So what if someone gets "off subject". Lighten up, maybe you could be a help to someone, or maybe someone could help you deal with the horrible days of an addict. I'm sorry, but I totally disagree with you. __________________ When one door of our journey in life closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

12-31-2005, 09:38 AM	#11 (permalink)
KelKel Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: The Mohave Desert Posts: 2,307	Tough Love? Part of the reason that SR is helping folks is that we do try to take a loving and supportive approach in helping each other deal with recovery. If you don't like all the warm fuzzies around here, I suggest you find another site where your tough love is welcome. Sure a little bit of reality never hurt anyone... but when it is overkill I fail to see it's benefit... PS...thank you for your input Velvet.... tough love would have killed this stubborn girl.

12-31-2005, 08:36 AM	#2 (permalink)
roadie58 "The BAND" workshop ROCKS! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana Posts: 1,503	Yes, I too think there is altogether too much 'warm snuggly' feelings and it's like a chatty forum at times. I try to consider it like a meeting and try to keep on topic and offer EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH, and HOPE. It doens't say anything about coddling. Carry the message, not the alcoholic.

12-31-2005, 08:44 AM	#5 (permalink)
waves Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Fort Worth Texas Posts: 5	'K I S S" = KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID ( I NEEDED that alot and still do) "A SIMPLE program for a complex people" Sound familiar? When we try to complicate the program, 99.99% of the time, we are trying to JUSTIFY what WE ARE NOT DOING THAT WE SHOULD OR ARE DOING THAT WHICH WE KNOW WE SHOULDN'T. NO EXCUSES! Life is NOT a dress rehearsal.

12-31-2005, 08:55 AM	#7 (permalink)
waves Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Fort Worth Texas Posts: 5	bike I am NOT suggesting that we EVER stop loving the DRUNK or JUNKIE, just that we NOT enable or condone their behavior, either passively or actively. DRINKING AND USING IS NOT OK, PERIOD.

12-31-2005, 09:49 AM	#12 (permalink)
gutlevel Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Sunny Somewhere Posts: 1	I Will Be Happy To, But STOP WITH THE HYPOCRISY A Moderator, Biker, BANNED ME, but FAILED TO STATE SO ON THIS THREAD. He/She simply chose to allow it to look as I "left." That was DISHONEST, IMO. It seems my direct approach is not appreciated, at least you, KEL KEL had the courage and decency to tell me to my face and in public. I DO NOT agree with your approach here, I HONESTLY BELIEVE it will KILL PEOPLE IN THE END. I will be happy to leave now. To the lady whose daughter is STILL USING and she is still "supporting" her because if she didn't she would be dead in a few months, IF SHE CONTINUES TO USE, IN YOUR OPINION, HOW LONG WILL SHE LIVE? Just a thought. Have a WONDERFUL, WARM AND FUZZY DAY, ALL! BYE BEST, I will take my 10 years SOBRIETY over yours ANYDAY, THANK YOU!

12-31-2005, 09:52 AM	#13 (permalink)
velvet Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 367	KelKel, My pleasure. I don't like offending people, but sometimes you have to defend people. __________________ When one door of our journey in life closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

12-31-2005, 09:56 AM	#14 (permalink)
NoMoBeer Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Arizona Posts: 872	WOW! Happy New Year! :bbl: __________________ "Run with endurance the race God has set out before you..." -- Hebrews 12

12-31-2005, 09:57 AM	#15 (permalink)
KelKel Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: The Mohave Desert Posts: 2,307	Hope you find what you are looking for.... Bye.....

12-31-2005, 09:57 AM	#16 (permalink)
velvet Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 367	Excuse me gutlevel, but I think the saying goes, you cannot make someone stop using. They will stop when they are ready. So should I stop loving her until she stops using? Just because I use tough love :thefinger does that mean she will stop using?? I don't think so. My loving her will not kill her. My supplying drug to her will kill her. __________________ When one door of our journey in life closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

12-31-2005, 09:59 AM	#17 (permalink)
velvet Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 367	Hey get, I just looked at your amount of posts....hum...one...wow, no wonder you don't get it. __________________ When one door of our journey in life closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

12-31-2005, 10:01 AM	#18 (permalink)
NoMoBeer Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Arizona Posts: 872	Kel Kel -- you know -- that's interesting, tough love probably would have killed me as well. The AA program teaches us to LOVE. Now, I would never condone drinking -- but that certainly is the choice of the user. I will be here should they decide to come back, and help in any way I can, but I won't "shoot the wounded." I think God puts the people in our lives who we need... my sponsor is ALWAYS there when I need him (and paradoxically when HE needs ME as well), but never PUSHES me. That works for me. I don't think I would go as far as the person who started this thread -- I don't believe anger should be a part of recovery, but I would ask "what are you going to do different this time?" AND I am a big advocate of getting to work on a program. Sobriety doesn't just happen.... Interesting .... __________________ "Run with endurance the race God has set out before you..." -- Hebrews 12

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12-31-2005, 10:04 AM	#19 (permalink)
velvet Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 367	Please excuse the finger smiley....gut has gotten under my skin. I wonder who helped gut with his/her 10 years. __________________ When one door of our journey in life closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

12-31-2005, 10:08 AM	#20 (permalink)
KelKel Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: The Mohave Desert Posts: 2,307	Lets focus our energies on the more important things in life, like warm and fuzzy recovery. I am going to close this thread so we can end the year on a positive note and bring in the new year with a love song. :bbe:

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