dry drunk behaviour: any experience

[goffredo]

Dear all
my partner is in recovery and I am grateful. she is a recovery alcoholic and addict been sober and clean for about 70 days. i'm in recovery too attending my Alanon meetings. One aspect of my recovery is to understand the disease of alcoholism and sobriety.

My question is: what is a dry drunk behaviour? Any examples please? I think i'm experiencing some with my partner in recovery (early days) and I'd like to know more about it. Does it disappear after a while, the more she follows her programme (AA and NA)?

Thank you for sharing and giving me more education on this subject.

Jo

[Five]

Dry Drunk is a term used in AA circles but is given little credience outside of AA.

What it implies is that the sober person is "not working a programme". And that means a lot of things to a lot of people. I dont work "a programme" but I would like to think I am not a dry drunk - know what I mean?

Your husband sounds as if he is under a lot of pressure - hopefully it will start to pan out soon.

Your husband maybe struggling with coping after quitting his distructive behaviours - i.e drinking. But he is seeking help, and help will come.

[collinsmi]

Blaming others for problems, seeing self as victim, blowing off meetings, not working steps. It usually takes a while for the program to yield results and 70 days isn't too long.

[Little Missy]

((Jo)) That is wonderful that you go to Al-anon and are wanting to learn more about the disease. My husband goes, and it is very helpful!!

To me, a dry drunk is an alcoholic that stops drinking, but doesn't change their behaviors. I learned through AA that alcohol was but a symptom, that I had a living problem.

Even though I was in AA, when I first stopped drinking I was mad, fearful, and full of self pity. That is natural for an alcoholic, drinking was normal to us. Not drinking, is not normal to us. Alot of alcholics have big egos, yet low self esteem. We tend to put other people down, to make ourselves look better.

As I worked the steps in AA, I learned about my self and my character defects, took some action, and changed ME!! Now I have to deal with every emotion I feel instead of drinking them away.

Hope this helped alittle. Just be supportive and patient. She will be doing alot of self discovery and growing!!

It does get better, I am now happy, joyous, and FREE!!
Hugs,
Missy

[findingout]

Jo,

My interpretation of "a dry drunk" is someone who is still at least partially stuck in the life just won't be worth it if alcohol is not part of the picture mode. I think this comes out conciously or unconciously in behaviour that trys to suggest that things were just better for everyone when the drunk was drunk. Short temper, depression, frustration, and unreasonable expectations were feelings I went through in my early sobriety. For me, these feelings did lessen and were, in fact, replaced by patience, happiness and serenity the longer I remained sober. On one level, 70 days seems like a long time but recovery is an ongoing process and it took most of the first year before I realized that my life was quite simply better all around as long a I left the alcohol in the bottle, on the shelf, at the store.

I think it's great that your partner is using A.A. and N.A. as part of her recovery because that is what worked for me. The suggestions in the programs gave me positive actions that I could perform to help in the transition and the people in the programs gave me the hope and the examples that I could actually do it.

One Love, One Heart,
Tony

[jlo34]

Jo,
Dry drunk is like an "emotional hangover". Meaning; a person can go into a "using" mind frame without actually using and still have the same types of behaviors.

Here's my example...Last year I was having a tough time with acceptance...felt that my anger towards what I needed to accept was justified so I refused to accept what I needed to accept. I focused so much on that...then feel into a "poor me" mindset. Well, then it went to "poor me, poor me" ; everything started looking all doomy and gloomy and then we got to the self-loathing/self-hatred, I'm not any good, I don't deserve to be here, what's the point anyway feelings...which basically, I was emotionally exactly were I was when I was drinking...I was sober going through emotionally the same crap I did when I was drunk. Thankfully for my Divine Power, 2 fantastic sponsors, getting off my butt and doing step work, and the help and love of all my fellow AA'ers...I didn't drink. There were many times, many days where I wasn't so positive I was going to see my next anniversary. Thankfully, I did and soberly received my token.

Hopefully that helps,
Jen

[fraankie]

lot of good posts here
but
if you are working your program
"you don't take someone else's inventory"
also,
70 days is a beginning
it may take years to develop the program to all 12 steps
acceptance is the key
the more acceptance you give
will help her to succeed

[goffredo]

Thank you all for sharing and giving me a better unserstanding of the disease and recovery. I will listen and learn.

Love, Jo