A thought about coming back (prob. just denial)

[requiredfield]

But I'm highly curious..

You hear at meetings ALOT, "Not once have I ever heard anyone come back and say that it got better. Never".

So I started to think, well... For me, if it got better I don't think I would come back to AA meetings just to let everyone know. So maybe there are people who go out and things are good in their life and they drink in moderation? Maybe we just don't hear about it cuz the only ppl who come back and the ones that hit another harder, lower bottom.

Is this a crazy idea?

[Five]

I understand your point - but this should NOT, in my opinion, be a reason to jump off the wagon. Sure some of them may have eased off into moderation: but is it really worth the risk? You know the answer to that, not me.

If your serious about sobriety then AA is a way forward. If your looking for excuses to drink then I would seriously suggest you remember what alcohol has done to you, and your relationship with it. Powerless is a word I dont use lightly, but I use it here.

[BikerBill8]

Hi, Maybe they don't come back is because they are dead.

[FriendofBill]

if it was better out there, why would they even come back?
For the coffee?

[requiredfield]

All good replies... but FOB that's exactly my point... if things are better for some ppl, why would they come back to tell AA members that they made it out there? I just don't think they would. I realize some go out and most get worse and come back to tell us, and I'm sure some don't make it back cuz they're dead... but when I hear that phrase I think that if there are some ppl that make it, and their life is good... I'm sure they don't come back to tell about it from the podium.

I don't know. Just a thought.. like I said... prob. a huge part of my denial. I admit it.

[CarolD]

If a person can drink in moderation....

why would they ever come to AA?

[jlo34]

Never met a person that went to AA - went back out and they stated that it was better for them. Whether at meetings or seeing at the store, whatever.

I see some in the obits. I see some in the court news. I see some come back through the doors a lot more convinced of their problem with alcohol; but no, never heard one yet that said it was better out there.

My personal experience - got worse. Got worse real fast.

Jen

[michski]

Originally Posted by BikerBill8

Hi, Maybe they don't come back is because they are dead.

Dead would've happened to me if I didn't KCB!

[j'ade d'arcy]

They kept a book in my rehab, it was obit clippings of all the former clients who went back out.

Very sad, and very real.

[lulu70]

I see your point, Anna, but I think Five made a good point--why would anyone want to take the risk and find out? I know what my life was with alcohol, and now I know what it is like without it. For me, I cannot imagine giving alcohol another try just because it might not be as bad. That seems like the epitome of the disease. Does that make sense?

[chip]

Sounds like the kind of thought I've had...when I've entertained the idea of drinking again.

Why would anybody come back to AA to tell people they've solved their problem? It's not like people think "hummm... things are going really well for me, and life is great. I think I'll attend an AA meeting!" You are right that "positive" reporting is going to be almost non-existant because people who are "cured" won't go back for treatment.

For myself, when I've thought about this, I realize: I can't imagine being a moderate or social drinker. It's all or nothing for me when I think about drinking. I can't imagine being a drinker who can go for more that a day without a drink. I can't imagine having one beer in a 24 hour period....without more. I certainly won't be the guy who goes out, cures himself, and doesn't report back. Even if I could be that guy, it's not worth the risk to find out.
chip

[4health]

My dad went to rehab. They told him he wasn't an alcoholic because he paid his bills and worked. Over 10 yrs later, he's still drinking a 6-12 pk a night. He thinks he's not an alcoholic. Because he pays the bills and works.

Just because they go out and are able to work and drink doesn't make them less of an alcoholic than someone who is living on the streets with bottle in a bag.

[fraankie]

well, tom k., just celebrated 49 years
shared thathe had a slip
with the intention of finding a way to drink
and
that he intended to go back to the meeting
Prospect Group
and tell everyone his solution

well, it didn't work as he had planned
that was 49 years ago
so
of course, there may be others who came to AA
and
then went out to find a safe way to drink
how many??????????????/
we'll never know


best
fraankie

[Five]

Originally Posted by requiredfield

All good replies... but FOB that's exactly my point... if things are better for some ppl, why would they come back to tell AA members that they made it out there? I just don't think they would. I realize some go out and most get worse and come back to tell us, and I'm sure some don't make it back cuz they're dead... but when I hear that phrase I think that if there are some ppl that make it, and their life is good... I'm sure they don't come back to tell about it from the podium.

I don't know. Just a thought.. like I said... prob. a huge part of my denial. I admit it.

I know in the pit of my stomach, from the grey matter in my brain, that life will never be good with alcohol. Its just the way it is for me.

I would never take the risk.

[findingout]

Hey requiredfield,

This is an interesting thought to consider. Thanks for bringing it up

If I were to stand up in my home group and say "Hi my name is Tony and I've started drinking again and it's better and I have no problems with it," I can think of three responses I would likely receive:

1. Yet.
2. So why are you here?
3. Good for you, but that is a message I don't need to hear.

At best, successful controlled drinking can only be measured like successful sobriety - one day at a time. I want more than that. I want a guarantee that if I return to drinking I will never, ever, even one time, get behind the wheel of a car drunk. I want a gaurantee that alcohol would never again cause me to hurt someone I love. I want a guarantee that alcohol would never again cause me to miss an oppourtunity to grow as a human being.

Nobody can honestly give me that guarantee. But if I leave the alcohol in the bottle, on the shelf, at the store, I can guarantee that alcohol will not be the cause of any problems in my life that I can control. If I go farther than that and work the steps to the best of my ability, I am promised that I will "know a new freedom and a new happiness" and that I will "comprehend the word serenity and I will know peace." So far, in my life, these promises have actually come true for me and I have this feeling that I would have to give that up to some degree if I were to return to "successful" drinking. Of course, I don't actually know that to be a fact but today I am unwilling to try it unless someone can give me a guarantee that it would be better for me.

One Love, One Heart,
Tony

[Little Missy]

Interesting topic, but not one I want to find out about myself. If someone is able to go back out and drink successfully then they probably weren't an alcoholic.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It keeps going even when we don't drink. That is why it never gets better for us. Soon we would be hitting it just as hard if not harder to get that effect we want. The effect that I am no longer able to get!!

I'm an alcoholic. I don't want just one beer, I want them ALL!! Now thanks to AA, I no longer have the desire to drink. I am very grateful for that. If someone wants to go back out and see how it is that's fine. If they are truely an alcoholic, I hope they live to tell about it.

I've heard "my story" told around the tables through other people. I believe in the "yets" and don't need to find this out for myself. Others have gone there and shared about it so I wouldn't have to. They let me know how it was for them.

But for the Grace of God...
Missy

[chrisbee65]

At my homegroup's AA Clubhous we have a 16x20 frame on the wall -- inserted in it where a picture should go is a note that says "This Place Reserved for The Alcoholic Who Returns to The Drink Successfully" - Our Clubhouse has been an AA Clubhouse for almost 51 years, (we celebrated our 50th in May) and so far it has never held a picture....

Now, I know that doesnt exactly "answer" the question posed here, but really - does it matter? AA is not a cult - you are free to come, go or stay as you please. The only thing that matters is that for the people who need it & want it and show up to give and get all theyt can out of recovery - it's working - really really well. For those that don't need or want it - are really not of AA's concern.

If you want to drink - that's your business -
If you want to quit - that's our business.

As far as I know AA has not started a recruiting campaign in bars, ally's or 5th Avenue Offices --- those that wind up needing the services of AA come to us - and if they change there mind they can leave without us having to know if they became a "Successful Alcoholic" - maybe that would matter if we were about "teaching you how to drink successfully" - but that is not our primary purpose - so what you do after you leave that meeting is still up to you and what you want to do about you.

AA can survive without you --- but how long will you survive without AA? The only person who can answer that question is each person for themselves.

I don't stay sober toady because I am afraid of how miserable my life will become if I drink again, I stay sober today because I am grateful for how wonderful my life has become. Big Difference!

Love you all!
Chris B.