Back to Basics

[Rowan]

My attendance at meetings has really begun to dwindle, and the old fear has set in; that I don't belong, that people don't like me, etc.

I've been struggling for months. It seems that the only time I TRULY reach out to my sponsor is when I am in crisis, and usually after I have taken pills or some such. I've begun to isolate again, and I'm so scared. Even here, I don't want to say too much, because I'm so frightened of being judged.

Sometimes I feel that my emotional problems are too much for AA to handle. I'm in counselling and have a psychiatrist, but I'm discouraged by this gradual backward slide. I'm interested in CBT but haven't found anyone here who specializes in it. I'm so tired.

When I walk into a meeting, I get so scared! Paranoid, really. How important is it that I force myself to go?

Thanks for listening,
Love Rowan

[brigid]

Sounds pretty important to go. I know I have isolated and felt I could handle it but when I don't have contact with people I can't work stuff out, don't bounce it around. One of my greatest fears has been other people and what they think of me, second guessing things that I say in case they are not quite right, overly worrying about how I fit in. When I realised that other people are usually more interested in themselves than me or if they are interested in me it is to share or help each other, this fear passed a bit, then some more. Anyone who is going to tear me down in some way has more problems than me and anyone who is going to help me must want to do it.

People are ok, they are just like you, same fears etc. We are all just at different stages. But you can't see all that if you don't get to meetings and stuff, so I reckon you should just make yourself go.

You can do it!

[brigid]

Originally Posted by Rowan

Even here, I don't want to say too much, because I'm so frightened of being judged.

A judgement isn't so hurtful to you Rowan, you won't have a broken leg, you will still be you. Judge yourself on your own terms. Everyone has done things wrong or that they are ashamed of. I think I am getting better at those things I have done so I judge myself better today than yesterday, but someone else might judge me more harshly. But they haven't lived my life and been me, for me I am doing ok. God knows where I am at, and that is a loving being, who forgives and allows me to grow.
Aren't you trying, I judge that pretty highly! You might not always get it right but you are trying, good on you.
Isn't there a step in AA where you have to tell someone everything that you think you have stuffed up, or feel bad about. Maybe you need to be into that step.

Love Brigid

[collinsmi]

Pretty important, if you're like me. Once I get to feeling different, unless I take action, it just feeds on itself, another of those catch 22s the program seems so full of. I just KNEW I was different, long before I took my first drink, almost as far back as I can remember. AA was the first place I really started to relate to others, and it took many years and relapses before that started to work.

We judge each other all the time, whether we go to meetings or not. Does someone's judgement of me harm me, or do I have to give it that power? Emotional problems? Well, I didn't get into AA because I'm emotionally healthy, that's for sure.

[collinsmi]

Well, I THOUGHT I was relating to others when I drank with them, but that only went so far. Backfired and helped me isolate even more then....

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by Rowan

Sometimes I feel that my emotional problems are too much for AA to handle.

For many, AA is one piece of the puzzle. I, too, have an outside therapist. But AA, IMO, is the BIGGEST piece of the puzzle in the sense that without sobriety, I cannot begin to work on the other issues. My mind and body needs to be clean and sober otherwise the drugs mask what is really going on.

Get to a meeting. And then keep going. Go daily if you can. Make it a habit. You'll find that it gets easier and easier to just go. Also, call your sponsor every day, not just when you're in trouble, or worse, after you've used. The tools of AA are there for a reason. By getting into the habit of using them, the are there for when I really need them - before I take a drink or a drug.

Hang in there.

Hugs,

phinny

[jlo34]

Meetings are very important. Going to the SAME meetings are very important.

So, go to your home group and ask them to put you to work. Make coffee, chair, help set up, help clean up...do something! I would also recommend a meeting a day (or more). Closed meetings. Don't forget to listen after YOU bring the topic up.

This too shall pass. It just takes a bit of time. Let go and let God. Just keep in mind the first three steps - I can't, He can, I'll let Him. Get with your sponsor and start talking too.

Hang in there,
Jen

[Chy]

I've always been told when I least want to go is when I need to go most! Our disease may appear to be dormant but you can bet it's always active.*hugs*

[fraankie]

AA is no party
you got to do the work
i go thru the same stuff occasionally
one group i been going to for 10 years
has changed drastically as far as the people i know is concerned
and
basicaly all the groups i go to
have changed with attendance
so
it's not like it used to be
but don't go too far with it
i always keep in mind something a counselor
said over 20 years ago
something like
"4 meetings a week, and you got an 80 % chance,
but 3 meetings a week, it goes to 40 %
2 meetings a week, it 10 %.....etc"
so i basically make meetings on a regular basis
i have heard quite a few times
"i got one day, i stopped making meetings"
the other stuff works out if you stay sober
and make meetings
there is never going to be a group
where everything, everybody
is the way you want it
something else is, i think the 4th tradition
"the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking"
so
as long as i got that
i go to a meeting and i'm "in"
i deserve to have seat

finally, if there is a newcomer there, reach out
give your number, carry the message


best
fraankie