Grudgingly going to a meeting

[amymarie]

I have some questions. I have some issues..(duh).
I have been attending AA since July of 2004, and though I really respect the principals AA tries to teach to us, I feel as though I am kind of 'not getting it' anymore, as if I am stuck. I hold no ill feelings towards AA, because I have gotten so much from the 12 steps, and some of the people, but I just feel like it isn't 'for me'. I guess I need some advice here on what to do; what other options do I have? I have been to NA, but those are the only recovery programs I know of...12 steps. I took the steps and worked them as thoroughly as I could. I was going to as many meetings as possible and calling people each day. It's almost as if I got burned out and now am unable to relight that fire.
I have seen some posts about other forms of recovery and I guess I would just like some input before I lose my mind. I am tired of fretting over it and too scared to tell the friends I have in AA who seem to think there is no other way.
Thanks.

[Bozo]

Originally Posted by amymarie

I am tired of fretting over it and too scared to tell the friends I have in AA who seem to think there is no other way.
.

Tell them anyways.

A couple of thoughts, alcohol is cunning, baffling, powerful and patient.

I think when the newness of any relationship wears off, things tend to get a little dull and boring.

The beauty of the AA program is you can renew yourself and throw yourself back into the program at any given time.

All we need is the willingness..........

Be very careful of self will, is IMO a killer.

Are you better off today then when you came into the program??

Perhaps you need to speak at a speaker meeting?

Perhaps work with another alcoholic?

You know, I do know right from wrong. But I do not always know WHAT IS BEST FOR ME.

Just be careful and stay as close to the program as possible.

[Millwallj]

firstly, dont loose faith in yourself (although your head, at this moment, might be telling you otherwise)

Secondly realise that thousands of others are doing it without AA and are happy and sober.

And thirdly, use the internet to find out whats best for you.

If you were like me I was terrified of leaving/betraying AA. Well, dont be, it will pass - just try and find something else if you are sure its not working for you.

I am always here if you want to chat. There are few on here who are doing it without 12 steps.


Good luck!

[Millwallj]

be true to your own self, and all that jazz.........

[amymarie]

Thanks u 2. I think I am more worried about what my family will think if I just suddenly announce my friction with AA. Any advice is appreciated.
Mill- I am sending now....

[fraankie]

sometimes that's the beginning of a slip
"well, nothing works
so i'll drink and get it over with"

i go thru that, too
AA is this
AA is that
AA isn't good for me
and
i want to tell my friends it doesn't work for me
or
the rules are to much
or.............
and then i realize they are not going to like me knocking the program
so i keep my mouth shut
and
guess what?
10 years sober
so
a lot of the negative stuff i want to share at meetings
is nopw a this too shall pass
and i'm sober
another day
thanks to AA

[2dayzmuse]

I took the steps and worked them as thoroughly as I could. I was going to as many meetings as possible and calling people each day

Do you have a sponsor? The steps are meant to be walked through by a sponsor.

These links come from one of our members who has alot of information about alternative programs. His name is Don S. I'm sure he would be happy to give you any additional information if needed. He is a pretty good cook as well. He has lots of great recipes.

All of the non-profit ones:

Here's a web site comparing recovery groups: http://www.rrci.net/recovery_spectrum.htm

SMART Recovery: http://smartrecovery.org/
SMART Recovery forum: http://smartrecovery.infopop.cc/6/ubb.x

LifeRing: http://www.unhooked.com/index.htm

SOS: http://www.secularsobriety.org/

Women for Sobriety: http://www.womenforsobriety.org/

Rational Recovery: http://www.rational.org/
(for profit, but the basic program is outlined on the web site)

Good luck. I believe f2f meetings aren't an option for most of these programs, but I hope you can find something useful to add to your recovery.

[amymarie]

Thanks. Yes I had a sponsor who took me through the steps. I was sober for one year and then I relpased. I now only have 14 days sober, and I am going to meetings all the time...going to different meetings too, but there is just something I feel I am missing. Something not being covered.
Thanks 2dayz for the links.

[chris k]

Amymarie, Your 14 days sober. As a person who went in and out for a long time, I know how you feel. I had doubts that it would be any different this time. I did however decide to give it an honest shot one more time. That ment I had to become a member of the group not just go to meetings. How I did that was to get there early and stay late. I gave myself a job at the group. I took out the trash every time I showed up whether it needed it or not. I got a sponsor,and went thru the steps again, and then put them to work in my life on a daily basis. I was real sick when I got back this time and threw myself into this thing with the desperation of a dying man. I went to over 800 meetings my first year. Sounds a little intense, yes, but now Im sober 13 years, still go to meetings 3 or 4 times a week and have a life to boot. I had lost everything by the time I got back. Today Im happily married, live in a nice house, have a business and have my family back in my life. All because I took the action and trusted the process.

[doorknob]

Hi Amy,

My name is Paul. I do not use AA/NA regularly because I object to the religious nature of the program and the meetings. I do go occasionally to interact with other sober people face to face, but usually cannot take it for very long. Secular Organization for Sobriety (SOS) is strong in Texas. I'm posting the Texas meeting list link and a website link for SOS in Dallas. There's an email list you can join for SOS in Texas listed at the bottom of the page. Also, I have a good friend in Houston who has a small email list you can join. If you PM me your email addy, I'll send you an invite.

Texas SOS meetings: http://www.cfiwest.org/sos/asp/resul...=ListCityState

SOS Dallas: http://www.sosdallas.org/

Paul

[livenletlive]

Thanks. Yes I had a sponsor who took me through the steps. I was sober for one year and then I relpased. I now only have 14 days sober, and I am going to meetings all the time...going to different meetings too, but there is just something I feel I am missing. Something not being covered.
Thanks 2dayz for the links.

Like Vic asked, if you have a sponsor. Your statement tells me you no longer have a sponsor. I just got back to AA too and have had thoughts that it isn't the same as the first time. Well, they say the first time is a gift and the second time you will have to work for it. Well, I am working it this time and eventhough I don't like some meetings, I am toughing it out and my days are overall much better than the first time I was in AA.

Suggesstions: Get a sponsor you feel comfortable with and make a commitment.

[doorknob]

2dayzmuse,

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Same to CarolD!

Paul

[Millwallj]

see below. repeated.

[Millwallj]

I will post here amymarie because I am paranoid that people will think I am trying to con you out of AA (because I am not its, well, greatest fan).

All I know that as a method AA is good for a good many of people. And for some its just clearly not. Some of the people its not good for find themselves panic and feel terrified that they will go mad, drink, or become out of control. I have heard stories of people thinking that they are heading for a drink, so just drink anyway (although I doubt this claim somewhat). This is not true - and if it becomes tough for you then there are other therapies, other groups, that can "straighten you out" somewhat. Help is out there in all shapes and sizes. Just because I dont feel I need it does not mean you dont either.

I found that AA is quite a diverse place and its not as one panal as it seems - many people have different battles, often with the programme itself - so maybe chatting to someone can help, someone who is down to earth, or like you in some glaring way. Friends, or people who you trust. Others have tailored programmes that are very independent of the AA message - these too maybe worth a chat to. Try everything basically.

And, as I have said, if you want to stay sober but feel it too much on your own, but you dont want to go to AA, then there are many, many other ways (and some with proven sucess rates) - these maybe worth a look if you really cant get anything else out of the programme.

Research is a powerful thing: try researching all you can about AA and then you may feel that you have a more informed decision when it comes to leaving or not. Much of AA literature is roomy and vast.

I had to be absoloutley sure it was the right thing to leave. And the right thing for me is not necesarily the right thing for you.

Some people, like myself, dont like AA for very personal reasons and very personal experiences - and my experience should not be taken to account of as "truth" or the reality of AA. The reality is within you - you can decide if its the best thing for you or not, others can help, but ultimately it comes down to you.

Take care, and drop me a line anytime.

(o, and dont drink).

[amymarie]

Thanks again Millwallj- I have not researched AA online, I only have the experience of going to meetings for over a year. I see in others some things I may want, but the end result always seems to be the same- unhappy and full of chaos. I don't want that. Sobriety means more to me than just [I]not drinking. It means living life by changing the way I think and making my behaviors old. I just feel that the meetings I attend seem to be packed with sickness feeding on sickness...and Yes I have tried other meetings. I feel as tho I am being judgemental and critical, but I too have lived that way- I just don't want it anymore. Just my experience, so please don't take it that I am bashing AA- it most definatly saved my life, I just think right now I am confused and need to 'not think'. Until I know what I am going to do I will continue to stay close to AA and the fellowship- and you guys too.
thanks again.
amy

[Fire_Wind_Rain]

I will also step forward and say that AA and NA are not for everyone. And I also do not agree with the fact that the Steps have to be done with a sponsor. It does not say that in the Big Book. It does not say that in the Twelve Steps. It says: Admitted to God (as we understood "god" to be), to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. In the very early days, it was friends helping friends. Sponsorship evolved over time. It works for many, many people. For some, it does not.

I'm curious, do you have a good understanding of what your higher power is to you? I find when something is "missing" Spirituality is often the culprit, with or without AA or a program. As you see by the title underneath my avatar, I am constantly at odds with being open with my spirituality, because it is misunderstood and often shunned. It took me a long time to realize why I felt like something was "missing." When I figured it out, I realized it was my Spirituality that was starving.

Now I've learned how to try and incorporate all my beliefs together. There is a wonderful link in the Woman's forum if you'd be interested in reading it.

[Millwallj]

Thats sounds like a very sound approach Amy.

I guess part of growing up is to try thing out and not run off at the first hurdle. I know thats important for me.

Have a good old explore. There are people in recovery in AA who will be a huge benefit for someone like you. There are people on this board who I think are wonderful people, who are down to earth, and could be of use and are in AA. Here is a list of there names, I am sure they wont mind me listing them - maybe you could look through there posts even.

CarolD
Gooch
Dangerous Dan
Music
Doug
Frankie
Quererbulsky (or somethign like that!)
2daysmuze

etc etc etc

these are the ones who stand out for me as people who I would ask for help. Of course there are thousands more.

I do feel resources are vital for us on this journey.

Keep on keeping on mate, good luck.

[Millwallj]

I cannot believe I have spelt "their" - "there" ....TWICE.

my mind is going.

[amymarie]

I feel I have a connection with my HP, but it seems harder to hold on to since my relapse. I know I could listen a little better...self will run a riot.....
I would be greatly interested in the thread in the women's forum.
Millwallj- thanks for the list of names.

[Fire_Wind_Rain]

Pm for you Amy so I don't direct link from The Women's Forum. And I thought I'd correct myself by referring rather not to my title under avatar, but rather under "location." Duh me.

[RRecovery]

I am not the best person to give advice on this topic because I love AA. Actually I spent today down at the AA Archives in Manhattan. If your heart is telling you after this short period of time that it's not for you than follow that. If you have made a wrong decision you'll find out in time--boy will you find out. The conventional wisdom was to do 90 meetings in 90 days

I have several friends who are atheists and in AA and I don't follow any particular creed myself but do believe in God. However that's not the driving force behind my AA. So when people point out the supposed religiosity of AA that goes over my head. I have always loved watching the newcomer blossom and grow over time--that's my spiritual power and I have seen it repeatedly in AA. But I have learned a long time ago not to push AA on anyone.

Good luck to you

[2dayzmuse]

I remember going through a stage where I wanted to leave AA. I was sick of it and the people. In fact, I never really liked it from the beginning. Then I came to my senses and remembered, AA saved my life. I needed it more than it needed me. I put my personal differences aside and continue going forward. I can't afford the risk of losing my sobriety due to complacency. My personal opinion is: Daily prayer and meditation is key to my sobriety, spirtual growth and sanity. Without it, I'm a mess. AA was the only means of recovery I had. Go ahead and explore other programs, just remember the program will still be there for you if you need it.

[CarolD]

I am glad you lived thru a relapse. So many don't.
Congratulations for beginning again.

At my 6 pn meeting I saw a member who was literally falling down drunk in the parking lot.
He has been sober for a few monts here and there for years.
We all know what he looked and smelled like.

I never want to be him again. God and AA keeps me from that fate.

I never say AA is the only way....however one finds sobriety is a niracle.

Perhaps your disenchantment is embarrassment for drinking again. It is difficult to admit and I always felt as tho I was letting others down by not staying sober.

Your only failure is to quit trying. Blessings....

[Chy]

What I would think about is what kept you sober that year! Glad you made it back to!

[findingout]

Originally Posted by CarolD

At my 6 pn meeting I saw a member who was literally falling down drunk in the parking lot.

Oh my. Before my 8 pm meeting tonight, we discovered a man passed out in the bushes at the edge of the church parking lot. Well, we didn't know he was passed out until after we called EMS and they arrived. He looked a little peeved at being rousted awake and stumbled off to find a better place to sleep or more to drink. Either way, it was a pointed reminder that there are plenty of yets waiting for me down the road should I choose to pickup again. That would never happen to me? I don't believe that B.S. for minute.

He might have been dead but no, he was just stone drunk and passed out 100 feet away from help.

One Love, One Heart,
Tony