What Should I Do

[wingsfree]

Someone has reached out to me for help...he's drank a longggg longgg time, he's in big trouble.

I mentioned AA to him, so he's agreed to go to a meeting with me tonight, he's not in very good shape....

My worry is, what if he drinks before we walk through those doors? I just thought of that and have a feeling he might to get the courage to do so. I don't want to go in if he's drank, don't think anyone at the meeting would want him there like that either.

This is really messing with my serenity, big time. I'm worried, scared just recently got myself sober...and no I'm not thinking of myself here, worried how this would be for him.....should I stop with the what if's?

Hope someone can help me out here a bit. I did mention to him it wouldn't be a good idea to drink before we went in, but for some strange reason I don't trust him with this.

Please help me.

Thank you for listening.....Denise, typing this sorta shakey.

[Cap3]

I understand what your saying.Let go,let God.What better place is there,for an alcoholic to be,whether drunk and or sober.This isnt about your wants.I say this with love here.Its not about you.Its about him and his recovery.He will be a "remember when "if he is drunk.If some do get offended,then they simply have forgotten where they came from and they need work on their judgments...Tis all good.Ive witness some alcoholics loaded at meetings.Going up to get they desire chip.We have a member who every week is drunk and get this chip.The miracle happens in Gods time not ours.A gal came loaded to da hilts and got her desire,chip,and has been sober now for well over 20 years.So,shrugs shoulders,ya just never know.
Let go,Let God

[BikerBill8]

Hi, If he does come drunk he is always welcome all we ask that the next meeting that he comes sober if he can. I know that plenty of sober AAers came to there first meeting drunk and stayed sober after that.

[wingsfree]

Yep Capt, I know it's not about me, but I fear for him, the reason I say this is....one of the meetings I attended a guy came in drunk, they wouldn't let him in, another man met him at the door and told him to leave, so I was assuming this happens at all meetings.

Thinking if this happens tonight, how will he handle it? not to well I know that for a fact...then what do I do? Like I've mentioned he's not well, not well at all, real sad the truth be told.

Oh phooey I think way to much.

Thanks Capt and Bill, will hang in there till tonight, what will be will be eh?

[Cap3]

The group conscous has decided.Tradition4.Autonomus.AA groups can manage its affairs exactly as it pleases,except when AA as a whole is threatened.
Tradition5,each group has but one purpose to carry its message to the alocholic who still suffers.
We are member when we say so.
I cannot control another.I never really know how things will work out for another.Yes if he comes in drunk,he may well be asked to leave.And this may be the key to his bottom.???If alcoholics wont let him in to an AA meeting,,,,,.All i know for sure,is that its out of your hands.If he is wanting to go.And as you have already done,asked him to be sober,,,there is nothing more that you can do.You know you have done all that you can.You cant make him stop drinking.Its trully out of your hands.My belief,is that all things happen for a reason.The most painful things in my life,were the spur to get me to going on my recovery.This may be his too.
My prayers are with you and him.

[wingsfree]

Thanks again for your help Cap.....I hope it won't be another bottom for him, he's hit his bottom and then some.

Guess there's no point in sitting here worrying....famous for doing that. Gonna think positive about this now.

I hope you've found and keep finding peace in your sobriety today...I certainly have, I know this pain you speak of...sobriety is the best gift any of us can give ourselves.

Thanks for your prayers, back at you. HUGE power in prayer.

[Chy]

There is usually one drunk, drunk a couple times a week at my fellowship as well. Usually they fall asleep. But if he shows up to go with you take him.

[indigo]

No good advice but plenty of love and prayers Denise.

SOBER LOVE INDIGO

[CarolD]

Denise...just do the next right thing.
Stop planning the outcome.

Blessings...

[Dan]

Take him.
If he needs to put some liquid courage down his gullet, so be it.
It's not like he's going to shock anyone there, you know...

[wingsfree]

Thanks everyone...true he won't shock anyone IF he desides to drink before we go. I just hope they don't turn him away, that's my main concern after seeing the gang at another meeting do it to someone.

Funny thing about this, he said before it used to cost him 40 bucks to stagger, now since his strokes he can stagger for free, glad he's keeping a sense of humor in this mess.

Anyway if he drinks he drinks so be it, will deal with it however, glad I came here and posted this, feeling a lot calmer now....darn it all why do I get so flipping wound up all the time...haha. Oh and Dan thanks for that av your using, it's cracking me up, I think my face and hair have done that many a time before.....ain't it cute?

[ripleylynn]

I was on the other side of you. Last June (2004), after having been in and out, for 5 years, I called someone, drunk, and said I needed to go to a meeting. She took me to dinner and then a meeting. I don't remember the meeting. I have a vague memory of dinner. What I do remember is that was the last time I've drank since then. That woman didn't say anything that I probably hadn't heard a million times before, I don't remember the meeting or afterward when she called to make sure I made it home. (she kept me at her house till I sobered up, she said). But what I do remember is her reaching out her hand when I asked for help. I had lots of people take me to meetings, drunk, high and not either. For whatever reason, that was a pivotal point for me. When I asked, someone was there. That meeting that I don't remember, helped save my life. This meeting might be the one to save your friends. If he gets obnoxious, then you might have to leave. But then????? You are extending your hand. Having been on the other side, an outstretched hand is like a hand from God. Do it. Good luck.

[fraankie]

you can have him call intergroup
spmetimes
they will send a contact
or
you can pass it on to an oldtimer
at your group
who has more experience
and
don't get pesonally involved
like
one minute at time it
if he calls
go
if not go to the meeting anyway
or have him meet you there

[Bozo]

I myself drank 4 cans of beer(my last drink) before going to my first AA meeting. It just happened that way. I was not taken to a meeting by anyone, crawled into my first one by myself and my HP.

I truly think the smell of alcohol on peoples breath at an AA meeting can be very upsetting, but it is up to them to handle it.

I did bring an individual that was highly intoxicated to a meeting and that did not turn out too good. He was too far over the edge to have heard anything.

Methinks maybe when bringing a first comer to a meeting, sober or otherwise, perhaps TWO sober people should be involved? Strength in numbers. Just a thought...........Good luck.

[wingsfree]

Thanks again gang for all your ESH.

Last night went well.

A lesson for me also to stop putting the cart before the horse.

Now it's up to him to decide what he wants to do....Frankie it's sorta hard not to get involved.

I'm very grateful today he reached out to me. Grateful I was with him last night, the surprise on his face getting a 24 hour chip, I told him to hang onto it real tight, it's like a good luck charm, I got a chip last night also 4 month one, he asked if we could trade, LOL.

Hugs.......Denise (breathing easier)

[1_day@_a_time]

Denise, As I was reading this today, I was thinking, "Don't play the tape to the end". Which, I tend to do all the time! Slowly, I'm getting better at it. LOL......

Then I came across Carols post. Good you got that advice.

OH, and I drank before my first meeting. Seemed to make sense at the time.

Thankfully, never drank again. Yet.

GLAD it worked out for you! Fun watching you grow! Keep on keeping on Denise!

[wingsfree]

Thanks Tom, looks like we all still have a lot to learn, I'd love to toss that tape once and for all.

Yep Carol pretty much summed it up.

I have to tell you my heart is breaking over all of this, it's really hard seeing what it's done to someone I've known all my life, and love dearly...then I start thinking AGAIN...the why's the what if's, the wishing.....if he only had of, unfortunately not how it works.

I do feel pretty good that he extended his hand out to me, I'm holding it as hard as I can, I really fear for him....pretty proud of him also, the courage he found. He called me again he wants to go to more meetings, WANTS TO, those two words made my day when he said that.

If anything it's a harsh lesson to see, any one of us could end up like that, or worse. I figure if I do end up like that myself it won't be from self infliction, not today anyway.

Going to my home group tonight, it's something big to celebrate...24 years of sobriety for one of the members.

Thanks again.....yeah fun watching me grow, I put new meaning to growing haven't I?

[Chy]

Originally Posted by wingsfree

Thanks again.....yeah fun watching me grow, I put new meaning to growing haven't I?

ohhhhh yeah.. but I'm blessed to have been able to watch it.. *hugs*

[wingsfree]

Originally Posted by Chy

ohhhhh yeah.. but I'm blessed to have been able to watch it.. *hugs*

Was entertaining if anything eh? cheap entertainment to boot.

I really need to laugh about it all now, phew that was exhausting to say the least, sure glad I'm NORMAL today

[chris k]

David A from Dallas used to say" A wet drunk will liven up an AA Group". The old man had a way of being gruff and kind at the same time and I miss him alot.

[51anna]

Denise,

It's been such a fulfilling, inspiring experience to watch you grow. And, to watch you share your experience and knowledge with other SR members has been great. Be very proud of who you are!

Love, Anna

[RRecovery]

How about getting another MALE from the group to join you. What you are doing is called "a twelve step call" and usually a good idea to have another person with you

[wingsfree]

Thanks Chris, sorry about your loss, I like gruff and kind too, shows they have a heart. I like my home group a lot, it mostly consists of males, what a good group lots of tears, but a lot of laughing too. I've seen a couple of gruff and kinds one's there.

Thanks Anna, you know what I wish I felt good about how I've grown, and no I'm not talking about my thighs call me thunder thighs.
All kidding aside, hopefully anyone that's followed me all this time and had been having trouble staying sober, maybe just maybe it's helped them. Proud? nope it's not a word that sits well with me...I am happy about things today.

Thanks RRecovery, last night I asked one of my home group members who's had a good number of sobriety years if he'd help me, he said yep not a problem. You're right I really need help with this, for some strange reason I wanted to take it all on my own shoulders, therefore I panic wanting to do everything right to help him....meanwhile I've just learned how to help myself.

[Little Missy]

....meanwhile I've just learned how to help myself.[/quote]

Big Hugs to you Denise!! I am very happy for you. You are doing a great job!! Just remember, we can only change ourselves. (Like the serenity prayer you posted for me!! Love it!!) You can be a shining example for him, but he really has to want it for himself!!

You just keep on keeping on!! He'll see how wonderful and happy you are and want that for himself!!

Love and Hugs,
Miss