Procrastinating Sponsee

[Chy]

Have a question for the oldtimer sponsors. I agreed to sponsor a new lady last week who is very much older then me. I asked her to call me at minimum every other day, I've suggested she read the BB. I suggested she read the 12x12 on Step One, I suggested she begin journaling through the emotions she's going through and nada. I'm not a hard core in your face type sponsor but at the meeting today she whined every excuse in the book and said she's just not sure about working the steps and doesn't want to do it now. She's only my 3rd sponsee, one went back out after a week, the other is working real hard at her program. I've not had to deal with resistant sponsees and don't know what to tell her. "Call me when your ready to do some work?"...like I said dunno.. I don't like being disrespectful to a lady 15 years my senior... any suggestions?

[chris k]

I dont want my sponsees to like me, i want them to live.the truth is i can only share what works for me. if they dont want to do it because their lives are such a success up to this point, they need to get a sponsor that will do it their way. oh wait a second their way didnt work so they asked me to be their sponsor..........any questions?

Originally Posted by Chy

Have a question for the oldtimer sponsors. I agreed to sponsor a new lady last week who is very much older then me. I asked her to call me at minimum every other day, I've suggested she read the BB. I suggested she read the 12x12 on Step One, I suggested she begin journaling through the emotions she's going through and nada. I'm not a hard core in your face type sponsor but at the meeting today she whined every excuse in the book and said she's just not sure about working the steps and doesn't want to do it now. She's only my 3rd sponsee, one went back out after a week, the other is working real hard at her program. I've not had to deal with resistant sponsees and don't know what to tell her. "Call me when your ready to do some work?"...like I said dunno.. I don't like being disrespectful to a lady 15 years my senior... any suggestions?

[DesertEyes]

Hey there Chy,

Originally Posted by Chy

... I'm not a hard core in your face type sponsor ...

Every sponsee is different, and every one of us has a different "style" of sponsoring. Your style of sponsoring is perfect for people who need that style, just like mine is perfect for a different group.

Originally Posted by Chy

... She's only my 3rd sponsee ...

Wow! One in three is doing good, that's a fabulous record. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it.

Originally Posted by Chy

... I've not had to deal with resistant sponsees and don't know what to tell her...

You're not supposed to tell her anything. It's a program of attraction, which means all you have to do is be an example of how the program works and then show her how you work your program. The only requirement is "willingness", your sponsee clearly doesn't have the willingness.

Originally Posted by Chy

... I don't like being disrespectful to a lady 15 years my senior...

Perhaps you can pass her along to somebody else who doesn't have that inhibition. You are not a professional therapist, you are not expected to be able to deal with all comers. I have a sponsee who is 30 years older than me and I have no problem riding his derriere every single day. My style works for him, but would not work for others.

Whadya think?

Mike :-)

[Chy]

Thanks you guy's!

[Music]

Hey Chy,
I always say "yes" when someone asks me to be their sponsor. I believe it's my responsibility to say "yes." I, like you, tell them what I'd like for them to do. We trade phone numbers and the rest is up to them. I'm not in charge, God is. I've done my part up to that point. If the relationship grows into something more meaningful and we kick it up a notch or two, then so be it, but it's not up to me. My soul prupose is to make myself available to the person. If they don't call like I ask, I call them once or twice. If they still don't call, I fade out of the picture and wait. I've learned that if I start to feel like I'm investing more into the relationship than the other person, somethings wrong. Maybe I'm trying to control things. Maybe I'm being too demanding. Maybe I'm expecting too much, and we all know that expectations are nothing more than premeditated resentments. Nevertheless, I've sponsored dozens of guys and I have a 100% success rate. I'M STILL SOBER!!!

[Chy]

(((Music)) that's it. I made my self available, offered how I was taught and the rest is up to her and I'll be glad to help her along the way should she ask. She knows where and how to find me. I don't have that much space left to rent. *LOL*

[findingout]

Chy,

No advice as I'm only working with my first sponsee (3 months into it and so far both of us are still sober!) but I did want to thank you for posting the question. It's certainly one that I've wondered about. One of the things I really love about SR is the chance it provides for all of us to learn from each other.

One Love, One Heart,
Tony

[CarolD]

Chy...

Plant the seed...they gotta do the hoeing.

[fraankie]

hi, chy

i did call Tom who celebrated 49 years in June
i explained the post to him
"call every other day,
journaling her emotions
read the big book, steps
he said it's not necessary

i know him since i came in
he's a beach buddy, too
so
i occasionally ask him about the old AA , circa 1950
i gathered they would make meetings, of course
but it was more of a camaraderie thing
they would go together, make meetings, go on committments
there wasn't no 90 and 90
a sponsor was for one on one
meetings were for sharing about alcoholism, that's it

the age difference might have played a part
i did call everyday my sponsor and a dozen other people
make lots of meetings,
service
but you got to want it

best
fraankie

[Wilky]

I never refuse an AA request. Lead a meeting...sure. Make coffee...sure. Help clean up...sure. Sponsor me...SURE!

I have been asked hundreds of times to be a sponsor. I have NEVER refused. I tell them what I want them to read...write...and call me when done. I say I would like to do a step a week. If they do it...GREAT! God is good. If they don't call...don't work a step...HEY, party time! I carry the message, NOT the alcoholic. All are in Gods hands and in His time they will, or will not, work the steps.

If you desire to kick someone in the arse...just tell them they are fired. They will either work the steps or get drunk over the resentment that you gave them! :0

Wilky

[kansas]

Wow! Thanks for postin!

It got me to thinking how I sponsor. Well for me all I do is what the BB says share my experience, strength and hope with the suffering alcoholic. In Step 12 it states that all I have to do is "Try" to carry a message. It is not my responsibility to make them want this program or to make sure they dont take a drink.

I suggest to the gals that I sponsor what has worked for me just might work for them and ask if they be willing to tryit. We read the BB together and discussing it. We read out of the 12x12 and discussing it togetheralso.

What I have found that works for me is by doing this program together with my sponsor & the gals I sponsor, I have a better rate at staying sober.

I want to walk with them if they will allow me "One Day At A Time".

Oh and one more thing, my sponsor would always joke with me saying remember "Keep It Simple, Stupid" and I would laugh because you see Im normally so so serious and needed to lighten up.

Originally Posted by Chy

Have a question for the oldtimer sponsors. I agreed to sponsor a new lady last week who is very much older then me. I asked her to call me at minimum every other day, I've suggested she read the BB. I suggested she read the 12x12 on Step One, I suggested she begin journaling through the emotions she's going through and nada. I'm not a hard core in your face type sponsor but at the meeting today she whined every excuse in the book and said she's just not sure about working the steps and doesn't want to do it now. She's only my 3rd sponsee, one went back out after a week, the other is working real hard at her program. I've not had to deal with resistant sponsees and don't know what to tell her. "Call me when your ready to do some work?"...like I said dunno.. I don't like being disrespectful to a lady 15 years my senior... any suggestions?