honesty vs truthfulness - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

ripleylynn · 08-09-2005, 09:11 PM

I spoke to my sponsor on Saturday and she asked if I went to a meeting Fri night, I replied, "yes, I went to a meeting". However, what I neglected to tell her was that I left the meeting half way through because I was sick. Saw her Sunday and she asked what happened at Friday nights meeting. Turns out she saw the speaker from that meeting somewhere on Saturday night. He is a friend and was worried something was wrong with me, so he asked her if I was ok.
She didn't have an issue with me leaving the meeting. Said the reason was legit. However, what she had an issue with is that I wasn't "truthful" with her. I didn't lie, she agreed about that, it was that I didn't mention that I had left the meeting. Not a big deal, just a little lesson is different degrees of honesty. But, since then, (she's out of town, so I can't talk to her about this), I've been trying to figure out WHY I didn't tell her the whole truth. I think it is fear. Fear of rejection? fear of abandonment? (she's been my sponsor for over 1 year), fear of disapproval? Not sure what/which it is. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Thanks.

Millwallj · 08-10-2005, 04:55 AM

"the most destructive thing is to live by another mans rules" Bill Wilson.

Being honest all the time is very difficult. Not impossible, but we slip up now and then.

***51anna*** · 08-10-2005, 06:00 AM

I learned to lie as a very small child in order to save myself and I continued doing that for years. I also lied out of fear, fear of everything. Honesty is really hard and I think there are still times when I cop out. But, the closer you can get to being honest the more at peace you will feel.

Love, Anna

Millwallj · 08-10-2005, 06:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 51anna

I learned to lie as a very small child in order to save myself and I continued doing that for years. I also lied out of fear, fear of everything. Honesty is really hard and I think there are still times when I cop out. But, the closer you can get to being honest the more at peace you will feel.

Love, Anna

what a fantastic qoute at the bottom by Angula Anna. So true!

Music · 08-10-2005, 01:22 PM

that maybe you didn't tell your sponsor because you didn't think it was necessary to go into a long story?

Some people think "omission" is a form of lieing or dishonesty. I believe it boils down to my motives. If I'm trying to intentionally keep something from someone by omitting something, the I'm be untruthful or dishonest. Your sponsor asked you if you went to a meeting. Your answer was "yes." You didn't omit anything. You answered her question. If she'd asked you if you stayed for the whole meeting and you answered in the affirmative, you'd have lied to her. She didn't ask that.

Don't try to make mountains out of molehills. If you think you were dishonest, only you know the answer. Hell if you got sick and had to leave, there's no need to be fearful. Are you afraid of not pleasing your sponsor? If so, you need to have a talk with her about that. You shouldn't have to worry about pleasing anyone.

Millwallj · 08-11-2005, 02:23 AM

A wise man speaks. So true music. Makes a lot of sense.

ripleylynn · 08-11-2005, 05:28 AM

Thanks for all the replies. I had a chat with my sponsor a number of months ago regarding going to meetings. In the past I've not always been willing to do "whatever it takes". Part of doing whatever it takes is following directions. My sponsor has told me if I go to a meeting, I should stay for the whole meeting, including the prayer afterward. Therefore, when I say "I went to a meeting", it is assumed that I stayed for the entire meeting.
I guess we're splitting hairs. All I know is that when she asked if I had gone and I answered, "yes, I went to a meeting", something didn't feel right. I'm just trying to get better, and looking at my characters defects. I'm not afraid of my sponsor, of her firing me, or any of that crap. I'm doing this sobriety thing for me, not her. Sorry I posted.

Millwallj · 08-11-2005, 05:45 AM

sorry for what? sounds like your growing ripley. your facing situations head on.

sobriety for ourselves first then others, in my opinion.

keep on keep on.

08-09-2005, 09:11 PM	#1 (permalink)
ripleylynn Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: York, PA Posts: 17	honesty vs truthfulness I spoke to my sponsor on Saturday and she asked if I went to a meeting Fri night, I replied, "yes, I went to a meeting". However, what I neglected to tell her was that I left the meeting half way through because I was sick. Saw her Sunday and she asked what happened at Friday nights meeting. Turns out she saw the speaker from that meeting somewhere on Saturday night. He is a friend and was worried something was wrong with me, so he asked her if I was ok. She didn't have an issue with me leaving the meeting. Said the reason was legit. However, what she had an issue with is that I wasn't "truthful" with her. I didn't lie, she agreed about that, it was that I didn't mention that I had left the meeting. Not a big deal, just a little lesson is different degrees of honesty. But, since then, (she's out of town, so I can't talk to her about this), I've been trying to figure out WHY I didn't tell her the whole truth. I think it is fear. Fear of rejection? fear of abandonment? (she's been my sponsor for over 1 year), fear of disapproval? Not sure what/which it is. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Thanks.

08-10-2005, 06:00 AM	#3 (permalink)
*51anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 14,739	I learned to lie as a very small child in order to save myself and I continued doing that for years. I also lied out of fear, fear of everything. Honesty is really hard and I think there are still times when I cop out. But, the closer you can get to being honest the more at peace you will feel. Love, Anna __________________ Anna And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver

08-10-2005, 01:22 PM	#5 (permalink)
Music Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Zion, Illinois Posts: 1,869	Did you ever stop to think that maybe you didn't tell your sponsor because you didn't think it was necessary to go into a long story? Some people think "omission" is a form of lieing or dishonesty. I believe it boils down to my motives. If I'm trying to intentionally keep something from someone by omitting something, the I'm be untruthful or dishonest. Your sponsor asked you if you went to a meeting. Your answer was "yes." You didn't omit anything. You answered her question. If she'd asked you if you stayed for the whole meeting and you answered in the affirmative, you'd have lied to her. She didn't ask that. Don't try to make mountains out of molehills. If you think you were dishonest, only you know the answer. Hell if you got sick and had to leave, there's no need to be fearful. Are you afraid of not pleasing your sponsor? If so, you need to have a talk with her about that. You shouldn't have to worry about pleasing anyone. __________________

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08-10-2005, 04:55 AM	#2 (permalink)
Millwallj Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: London Posts: 505	"the most destructive thing is to live by another mans rules" Bill Wilson. Being honest all the time is very difficult. Not impossible, but we slip up now and then.

08-11-2005, 02:23 AM	#6 (permalink)
Millwallj Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: London Posts: 505	A wise man speaks. So true music. Makes a lot of sense.

08-11-2005, 05:28 AM	#7 (permalink)
ripleylynn Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: York, PA Posts: 17	Thanks for all the replies. I had a chat with my sponsor a number of months ago regarding going to meetings. In the past I've not always been willing to do "whatever it takes". Part of doing whatever it takes is following directions. My sponsor has told me if I go to a meeting, I should stay for the whole meeting, including the prayer afterward. Therefore, when I say "I went to a meeting", it is assumed that I stayed for the entire meeting. I guess we're splitting hairs. All I know is that when she asked if I had gone and I answered, "yes, I went to a meeting", something didn't feel right. I'm just trying to get better, and looking at my characters defects. I'm not afraid of my sponsor, of her firing me, or any of that crap. I'm doing this sobriety thing for me, not her. Sorry I posted.

08-11-2005, 05:45 AM	#8 (permalink)
Millwallj Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: London Posts: 505	sorry for what? sounds like your growing ripley. your facing situations head on. sobriety for ourselves first then others, in my opinion. keep on keep on.

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