Hate it - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Millwallj · 06-24-2005, 09:29 AM

I hate anxiety - that nameless fear that just descend - makes me angry because it has little in the way of teaching. I just think, wow I am afraid. I look for what defect it is lurking and I cant find it and just think i am a crazy. A crazy.

Seretonin? Faulty wiring? Defect? who knows. All I know is that a fire alarm just went off at work and we all had to stand in the court yard below. I was not concerned if there was a fire (there was'nt) but I felt scared anyway: of people or something. Just fear. having to stand around talking to people. Hate it. Think everyone else is 'normal' and I am crazy.

Millwallj · 06-24-2005, 10:09 AM

thanks stormy. i had OCD bad for many months - nearly killed me. really did nearly kill me.

the anxiety I talk about has been with me for years. it grabs me by the neck and holds. and I always conclude, always, my final conclusion is always: something is wrong with me.

nightmere. but hay ho I dont get smashed out of me head anymore to solve it. and maybe its unsolvable and is a part of me that cannot be changed.

Music · 06-24-2005, 11:14 AM

Hi Mill,
I used to feel the same way. I just knew I was totally different from the other people standing around. I was jealous that they were able to converse with each other with seemingly no fear or anxiety at all but I would stand there in my own little world, just hating the whole situatioin.

Today, after working the steps, I feel as though I'm no better or worse than anyone else. I've cleaned up my insides the best I can so that I have no anxiety about talking to anyone. I'm a likable dude, and I know it today 'cause I've been trying my best to be a likable dude. Sure there'll be some who won't like me but to them I say, "You don't know what you're missing." Today I have an overall feeling that all will be well. I seldom get upset over anything, save an injury to someone in my family or a friend. Even then, I know the other person is in God's hands just as I am. What will be, will be. I know that may sound trite, but I try to keep things just that simple. It's something I've learned in the process of learning my place in the big picture. There are some things I just can't do anything about.

Millwallj · 06-27-2005, 02:33 AM

Thanks Music - wise words for me to listen to.

One of my other fears is what will happen when that fear is not there! Strange but true, what will become of me when all my madness has left the building?

More me I guess. Thanks pal.

06-24-2005, 09:29 AM	#1 (permalink)
Millwallj Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: London Posts: 501	Hate it I hate anxiety - that nameless fear that just descend - makes me angry because it has little in the way of teaching. I just think, wow I am afraid. I look for what defect it is lurking and I cant find it and just think i am a crazy. A crazy. Seretonin? Faulty wiring? Defect? who knows. All I know is that a fire alarm just went off at work and we all had to stand in the court yard below. I was not concerned if there was a fire (there was'nt) but I felt scared anyway: of people or something. Just fear. having to stand around talking to people. Hate it. Think everyone else is 'normal' and I am crazy.

06-24-2005, 11:14 AM	#3 (permalink)
Music Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Zion, Illinois Posts: 2,535	Hi Mill, I used to feel the same way. I just knew I was totally different from the other people standing around. I was jealous that they were able to converse with each other with seemingly no fear or anxiety at all but I would stand there in my own little world, just hating the whole situatioin. Today, after working the steps, I feel as though I'm no better or worse than anyone else. I've cleaned up my insides the best I can so that I have no anxiety about talking to anyone. I'm a likable dude, and I know it today 'cause I've been trying my best to be a likable dude. Sure there'll be some who won't like me but to them I say, "You don't know what you're missing." Today I have an overall feeling that all will be well. I seldom get upset over anything, save an injury to someone in my family or a friend. Even then, I know the other person is in God's hands just as I am. What will be, will be. I know that may sound trite, but I try to keep things just that simple. It's something I've learned in the process of learning my place in the big picture. There are some things I just can't do anything about. __________________

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06-24-2005, 10:09 AM	#2 (permalink)
Millwallj Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: London Posts: 501	thanks stormy. i had OCD bad for many months - nearly killed me. really did nearly kill me. the anxiety I talk about has been with me for years. it grabs me by the neck and holds. and I always conclude, always, my final conclusion is always: something is wrong with me. nightmere. but hay ho I dont get smashed out of me head anymore to solve it. and maybe its unsolvable and is a part of me that cannot be changed.

06-27-2005, 02:33 AM	#4 (permalink)
Millwallj Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: London Posts: 501	Thanks Music - wise words for me to listen to. One of my other fears is what will happen when that fear is not there! Strange but true, what will become of me when all my madness has left the building? More me I guess. Thanks pal.

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