wedding question.....

[Buster]

We have a wedding coming up in 2 weeks time - it is a very good friend of mine....H is in early recovery almost 5 months and we have been advised by our aftercare group NOT to go to the wedding meal - just to go to the church.
I am totally aware of the temptations of being at a table with drinks flying around etc etc.. and it may not have an effect that day but in the days afterwards....but H says he wants to go and has no problem with it...bear in mind he did have a "slip" about 3 weeks ago..
Has anyone had any experience of this...we are told in early recovery to avoid "people, places and things "
Any advice would be welcomed

[collinsmi]

I avoided those situations until I was well into my 4th step (about a year or so), and by that time I didn't have any problems with them. I'd wait though, especially if I was your friend. The change doesn't happen overnight, but I think the more you work on your steps the quicker you change.

[Chy]

I can only suggest you follow their advice, it's to early, most definitly I would avoid the event. Two years later I still avoid to the best of my ability such situations. I had my own anniversary party a few weeks ago, liquor, beer, wine, and I'll never do it again. It was very difficult to watch, made me very uncomfortable, not that I wanted to drink, just discomfort at watching others get trashed, smelling it, cleaning up after everyone. Nope, no reason to ever have to subject myself to that level of discomfort, we unknowing torture ourselves needlessly I think.

[Wilky]

You can not avoid temptation. It won't work.

People are either done drinking....or they are not. If they have any reservations whatever....then...drink! They are not done.

Wilky

[Don S]

People who achieve sobriety plan for drinking situations. You can't avoid alcohol forever-- it's everywhere. So if you go, have a plan, have an ally, arrive late, leave early, leave if you feel uncomfortable. You won't offend anyone. And there are lots of other non-drinkers around --something like 35 - 40% + of the population never drinks.
The fact that you are in the presence of alcohol doesn't mean that it is inevitable that you will drink, then or later. No aspect of your drinking is inevitable.
Take care,
Don S

[findingout]

Buster

Originally Posted by Buster

we have been advised by our aftercare group NOT to go to the wedding meal - just to go to the church. Any advice would be welcomed

I think you have already received the best advice from your aftercare group. Perhaps you are looking for some advice that is not quite as good? Don S gave you the next best thing to avoiding the situation completely: have a plan. Arrive just before the meal is served, leave very soon after you have finished eating, and if H feels uncomfortable in between, leave right then.

The best advice I ever received about early recovery (and middle recovery and late recovery): there is no good reason to "test" myself to prove I can make it through situations where alcohol is present. It's certainly true that we can't avoid situations where alcohol is present forever, but we don't need to put ourselves in situations where people will be enjoying alcohol and making it seem very normal and desirable. Especially in early recovery.

One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless,
Tony

[roadie58]

According to our groups, you may attend drinking functions if you have 'a legitimate business purpose'. I would say this qualifies. Perhaps ask to be seated with non-drinkers if you feel the request would not be stressful to the bride or give away your troubles if you are not ready to go public with non-drinking. Eat dinner, say your thanks to hosts, then leave early. You get in your social function without witnessing too much merrymaking. Hubby should understand if you begin to feel uneasy, you should be able to leave at any time however.

[expenguin]

I would avoid the wedding all together as the temptation is too high.................I was in charge of setting weddings up sometime back and the day of the wedding The Groom and Best Man were drunk moments before the wedding was to start................I felt sorry for the Bride as she didn't know what was going on and I gave heads up to the parents on both sides as they needed to know what the Groom and his buddies were up to................................................ .....Hate to see a bride upset and her wedding a flop.............................................O nly the Recovery Type Weddings are the safe ones.........I had one and it was wonderful as it was Alcohol Free .................We still had as much fun.................................I say wait and Don't Go to this Wedding as you know from all the advise what will happen......................................YOU NEED TO AVOID THE WORSE ...........................Penny