Can I go to an AA meeting?

[Veronica]

I do not drink alcohol and gave it up about a year ago. In the Big Book (Chapter 8, To Wives) it talks about 4 different kinds of alcoholics, the first of which are people who may be able to quit on their own, but if they were to keep drinking would most certainly become unable to to do so. I consider myself in this first category. I did not drink until I was 24 years old (when I went to law school). My uncle (dad's brother) was an alcoholic and I was in college when he went to rehab, so I was very aware of my propensity to be an alcoholic (my dad's dad also died an alcoholic). When I started drinking, I noticed that I wanted a drink any time I was stressed or something went wrong...or something went right... so I learned very quickly to closely monitor why I drank and how much I drank. Sometimes I got drunk when I did not intend to do so, but mostly I could control it. After a year or so of marriage, I realized my husband is an alcoholic. I saw how alcohol nearly destroyed him and nearly destroyed our marriage. When he went to rehab, I gave up alcohol all together - in part out of anger over what alcohol had done; in part because I was afraid that if it could happen to my husband, it could happen to me; and in part because I didn't want to lose control.

So now my question - can I go to closed AA meetings? I've gone to DOZENS of alanon meetings and unfortunately it is not for me. I want to work the 12 steps and I started doing this with my counselor...but due to insurance changes, I can no longer afford to keep seeing my counselor. I realize working the steps on my own is worthless. I would like to go to all women's AA meetings (which in my area are only closed meetings), but I am afraid people will think I do not belong there. Thoughts?

[sobatoday]

Hi Veronica
As far as I know, only those who identify as alcoholics should go to closed meetings. Perhaps there are some open meetings you can attend? Also, I know in our area there are open 12 step recovery meetings. Good luck sobatoday

[Dan]

Originally Posted by Veronica

I do not drink alcohol and gave it up about a year ago.

Hi Veronica.
Thank you for your post.

Simply put I guess, do you have a desire to stay stopped?
If the answer is yes, then you surely belong at any AA meeting you attend, be it open or closed.
Best of luck to you both.

[Veronica]

I definitely have a desire to never drink again, but I do not identify myself as an alcoholic. That being said, I know that I were to drink again, there is no doubt that I would become an alcoholic.

[Dan]

The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.

How we get to that desire is usually a different journey for everyone.
And so are the reasons.

Some in the rooms may view your motivations and intentions as alarming.
So be it.

If I may ask a question Veronica, what is it you are looking for specifically in AA that you can't find in Al-Anon?

[Blue2085]

desire to not drink? good enough, in my opinion, if you feel those meetings may benifit you, don't let anyone tell you different.

I also attend AA meetings once a week for maintainence reasons,although I've been sober for 7 years. I attend several NA meetings, I'm only 3 weeks clean. I often fear that I may fall into drinking again due to the stress of giving up all addictions. But I must admit I am finally reaping the rewards of total sobriety.
You know whats best for you
Good Luck

[Veronica]

Good question Dangerous Dan. To be honest, I want direction for working the 12 steps and learning to apply them to all of my affairs. My experience with alanon has not been good. I have had two sponsor. The first had me buy a book and then never returned my calls. The second, offered to be my sponsor when she found out I am an attorney - suffice it to say, she had a bunch of legal problems and wanted free legal advice.... Generally, I just feel out of place at alanon and thought AA might be better - less people complaining and more people trying to improve themselves.

[FriendofBill]

Originally Posted by Blue2085

.

I also attend AA meetings once a week for maintainence reasons,although I've been sober for 7 years. I attend several NA meetings, I'm only 3 weeks clean. Good Luck

These are very interesting statments.

[Music]

Originally Posted by Veronica

So now my question - can I go to closed AA meetings

Veronica,
I'm an alcoholic because I say so. Nobody else has to agree. I've attended many an AA meeting where people have introduced themselves, adding that they have a desire to not drink. It's not a requirement that I say I'm an alcoholic. Some meetings read that closed meetings are for "alcoholics only." Others say, "if you have a desire to not drink." So, the choice is yours. If you find you belong there, you'll stay and maybe decide at a later date that you're alcoholic. If you find you don't fit in, you'll make the right decision, I'm sure. In the AA Big Book, the "Real Alcoholic" is identified as someone who at some point, lost control over alcohol after that first drink. This tells me that where I drank, what I drank, how much I drank, with whom I drank, is all interesting but beside the point. What did the alcohol do to me once I took that first drink? Answer that question and you might get your answer.

[BaBa OReiley]

so that would be a yes, music? LOL

it only says the desire to stop drinking in all the stuff i've read, and no-where does it state we must introduce ourselves as alcoholics, so i would be happy to have you share your story with me at a meeting.

[Cap3]

Hey Veronica,when i first came to recovery rooms,both Al-anon and AA,the only requirement that i had then was for my hubby to stop drinking.I had had enough.Of me,him and life.I wanted change.Figured if i went to AA i could learn,more about alcoholism,and in al-anon learn how to fix him.Those were my goals..lol.I went to closed and open AA meetings.The group,did not mind,and knew that i wasn't alcoholic myself.Or at least i sure didn't think so at the time.Until,at a open AA meeting another told my story and called himself a binge drinker.And called himself alcoholic.Once hearing him,i felt a truth for me.See i always thought it was the "amount" of alcohol one drank that made for an alcoholic.Learned this isn't so.Its how alcohol affects you.Once i got real honest in my own drinking,and took the binoculers,of hub,i then let go,of trying to change hub,and put the focus on me,and my recovery.It was at this point i got to going,for i wanted change.Didn't realize at first that it was me that needed the change.When i first came to AA i had none of the "requirements"
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,take care!!!!!

[CarolD]

go... from your own analysis of your past drinking.. .you qualify.

And...please read the free AA pamphle t 'Questions and Answers On Sponsorship' before you ask for a sponsor.

Blessings..

[jlo34]

Great questions and some great answers.

I've been to a few meetings where people were asked to leave, closed AA with "non-alcoholic family member or friend". Many people don't believe or want to believe that they are alcoholic...took me a long time! On the other hand, there are so many court ordered people at AA, some don't have a problem with alcohol...just bad luck, and they can go to AA meetings, so why not you?! I would probably keep my profession to myself for awhile or share it with just a sponsor who can keep their mouth shut...or you may get a repeat of Al-Anon!!!! Seems to always be a person or two like that. We're not all like that, welcome. Sorry to hear that your Al-Anon experience wasn't better. We have a very strong AA and Al-Anon program in the county I live in...and feel very blessed for that!!!!! Good luck, let us know how it goes for you.

Jen

[KEEGANSDAD]

Here is a link to the Joe and Charlie Big book Study.
This will guide you thru the steps.

http://www.xa-speakers.org./pafiledb...category&id=13

Also Alanon Step workshops.

http://www.xa-speakers.org./pafiledb...=category&id=7

All Free and .mp3

Pass it on !!

Keegansdad

Morgan

[artman]

Hi Veronica-

I also agree that from some of your previous statements you qualify. If you have a desire to stay stopped, that's good enough in my book. One of the closed meetings I go to has a statement at the beginning that says: "For alcoholics or those who think they might have a problem with alcohol." I always puzzled over the difference between the two until I remembered that alcoholism is something we identify in ourselves, and if you feel you qualify to be at an AA meeting there is no good earthly reason I can think of why you shouldn't be welcome there. And if I were in a group that asked someone like you to leave, well I would find another group pretty damn quick!

Best of luck to you and I admire your desire to grow.

ps ditto on the suggestion to read the pamphlet about sponsorship. Take your time and trust your intuition - take the time to calmly notice the people in meetings who exhibit the quality of sobriety/recovery you would like to enjoy in your life.

[Wilky]

Originally Posted by Veronica

.....I know that I were to drink again, there is no doubt that I would become an alcoholic.

Sorry, but that is not how it works.

I did not drink and become an alcoholic...I drank BECAUSE I was an alcoholic. It is in the genes. Once an alcoholic....always an alcoholic.

You should be celebrating that you do not have this hideous, deadly, disease!

Wilky

[BaBa OReiley]

you don't know if veronica has it or not wilky

[Dan]

Originally Posted by Wilky

Sorry, but that is not how it works.

Wow...
I'm really spiritually fit and serene this morning.
Cuz I actually read that as

Originally Posted by What Wilky really meant to say

I see your point, but it was different for me, Veronica.

[Cap3]

Hi again Veronica,if you feel drawn to go to all womens,closed AA meetings,then go.Trust your gut feelings.Trust the reason,why you feel the need to go to AA.Even if you can't put into words why,you feel this need.Just go.
All the best of the very best,on your journey.

[1_day@_a_time]

Don't over think it, smart people tend to complicate life...........go to meetings. You won't be turned away.

Decide later.

[Veronica]

Wow everyone! Thank you so much for your input. I really appreciate the encouragement. I will definitely check out a meeting or two and check out the pamphlet on getting a sponsor - I'm sure it will be very helpful. Thank you all again!!

Wilky - you should go back to the BB and read chapter 8 - perhaps you missed it because it is addressed to wives? Not all A are as you say, but yes, I am grateful that I am not there.

[artman]

"In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's there are few." - Shunryo Suzuki-Roshi

Best of luck to you Veronica....

[Chy]

If you want to go and you feel the need to find a means of support in staying stopped then go. The 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous has not only helped me stay stopped but given me a new direction in life, how to live life and how to be a contributing member in society peaceful, joyous and free, I think if anything you'll come to feel the same. Good luck!

[Blue2085]

dan the man
Thank you for clarifing Wilky's statement. Anyone W/any past history qualifies!

[Don S]

Originally Posted by Wilky

Sorry, but that is not how it works.

I did not drink and become an alcoholic...I drank BECAUSE I was an alcoholic. It is in the genes. Once an alcoholic....always an alcoholic.

You should be celebrating that you do not have this hideous, deadly, disease!

Wilky

((sigh)) Yeah, right.

http://www.peele.net/lib/atlcgene.html

Originally Posted by artman

"In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's there are few." - Shunryo Suzuki-Roshi

Very nice.

Don S