forgiveness

[findinganewme]

forgiveness is only really meaningful when we forgive what is unforgivable

[Wilky]

For me....forgiveness is only meaniful when I realize that I have no more guilt associated with the deed done.

I can forgive all because HE forgives me!

Wilky

[findinganewme]

I can't seem to LET GO of my GUILT!

It's awful!

[Music]

I believe God has forgiven me by giving me the gift of sobriety. Who am I not to forgive myself? I had to realize that I'm just not that good at being that bad that I"m unforgivable. Of course, some folks just plain "get off" on feeling guilty. Gives them something to talk about.

[findinganewme]

Originally Posted by Music

I believe God has forgiven me by giving me the gift of sobriety. Who am I not to forgive myself? I had to realize that I'm just not that good at being that bad that I"m unforgivable. Of course, some folks just plain "get off" on feeling guilty. Gives them something to talk about.

OH WOW! I am trying hard to believe in your first point; but I have to disagree with you on your statement about GUILT!

I am living with guilt but trust me it's NOT something I get off on. I don't even talk about it .... except to myself (yeah, ok, so I talk to myself .... they put people away for that sometimes .... lol). I have fought it and tried to stop my guilt, but I have done so much and caused so much pain to others that many times it's hard to get out of my mind. It's a painful feeling that hurts badly. I'm hoping with time and sobriety I can let go of all the guilt (and it's a great deal).

I appreciate your opinion, but that doesn't apply to everyone.

Thanks for the input. When my *faith* returns and I come to realize that God does, in fact, forgive all sins, then I can work on forgiving myself.

I don't mean this to sound harsh, I just know the TORTURE of carrying GUILT around.

I'm delighted you have found peace and are guilt-free!

Much love,
Maria

[findinganewme]

Originally Posted by Wilky

For me....forgiveness is only meaniful when I realize that I have no more guilt associated with the deed done.

I can forgive all because HE forgives me!

Wilky

Wilky,

Thanks for your input and sharing your knowledge.

I have been on a road of destruction and not only did I lose myself but others who meant everything to me (my girls).

I am trying hard to find the faith that I once had. Maybe then I can forgive myself and discard all the guilt I carry around with me.

Thank you!

Much love,
Maria

[findingout]

Maria,

I think I could only forgive myself after I could trust myself and believe that I really was going to do everything it took to stay sober each day. There are a lot of events and actions in my past that I am not proud of and many that I wish I that I could undo but I cannot change the past. I can only accept that I took those actions and played my part in those events. The fact that I was a drinking alcoholic at the time may provide a partial explanation, but it does not in any way provide an excuse.

The very best that I can do is to make damn sure I do not repeat the past, and to do this I must use every tool that is available including the experience, strength and hope of so many others who have been where I have been and are trying to go where I want to go. I have begun to forgive myself but it took a long time for me to gain a measure of trust in myself. Actuallly, much longer than it took other people to begin trusting me again. Perhaps because only I know the real depths of what a lying, fake, and artificial human I was before I started this recovery adventure.

One Love, One Heart
Tony

[findinganewme]

Originally Posted by findingout

Maria,

I think I could only forgive myself after I could trust myself and believe that I really was going to do everything it took to stay sober each day. There are a lot of events and actions in my past that I am not proud of and many that I wish I that I could undo but I cannot change the past. I can only accept that I took those actions and played my part in those events. The fact that I was a drinking alcoholic at the time may provide a partial explanation, but it does not in any way provide an excuse.

The very best that I can do is to make damn sure I do not repeat the past, and to do this I must use every tool that is available including the experience, strength and hope of so many others who have been where I have been and are trying to go where I want to go. I have begun to forgive myself but it took a long time for me to gain a measure of trust in myself. Actuallly, much longer than it took other people to begin trusting me again. Perhaps because only I know the real depths of what a lying, fake, and artificial human I was before I started this recovery adventure.

One Love, One Heart
Tony

Dear Tony,

Firstly, thank you for sharing your history, your pain, and the goals you made for yourself. I am trying ..... but it's very new to me .... just a month.

Secondly, without sounding like an excuse (and maybe it is), I might find it easier to forgive myself if I hadn't set an awful example for my two girls. I have lost all their love, respect, and belief in me.

Therefore, because I've hurt so so so many people that I love and who once loved me, it's so hard to discard the guilt and forgive myself. I also have the daily reminder of the cold shoulder my girls give me. I used to epitimize the perfect mother (I'm still a stay at home mother ..... so they have someone to come home to), but somehow 3 years ago I lost myself when I fell in love with an alcoholic. Not knowing the dangers and blinded by that good 'ol 4-letter word ..... love, I didn't see or know where that road was going to take me!

I know I cannot change the past ..... but it plagues me terribly! I also know in order to recover I must do something about it besides just STOPPING the addictions. I have yet to attend an AA meeting! LONG STORY! But, again, an excuse!

Tony, thank you for your input ...... I'm truly truly amazed at the kindness I have discovered here. Everyone has just been encouraging and so willing to help!

BTW, I've got a bit of a warped sense of humor ..... what's a drinking alcoholic LMAO ..... is there an alcoholic that doesn't drink? So sorry, couldn't resist! Laughter sometimes is my salvation!

Thanking you once again!

Have yourself a great day!

Much love,
Maria

[findinganewme]

In my search to learn more about FORGIVING MYSELF ..... I found this biblical statement. I suppose that is what I will gain in going to AA meetings! WHAT ON EARTH AM I WAITING FOR! BTW, I have already found mentors right here .... I'm so thankful!

In learning the way of forgiveness, it has helped to have mentors—those people whose demeanor, whose way of living, is singularly marked by a forgiving spirit[I]

[KEEGANSDAD]

I have found that by Working the steps in order
And using the 11'th step Prayer as a reminder to Forgive
others-- That I will be forgiven

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace,


that where there is hatred, I may bring love;


that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;


that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;


that where there is error, I may bring truth;


that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;


that where there is despair, I may bring hope;


that where there are shadows, I may bring light;


that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.


Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;


to understand, than to be understood;


to love, than to be loved.


For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.


It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.


It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

[Music]

Originally Posted by findingme

OH WOW! I am trying hard to believe in your first point; but I have to disagree with you on your statement about GUILT!

I am living with guilt but trust me it's NOT something I get off on. I don't even talk about it .... except to myself (yeah, ok, so I talk to myself .... they put people away for that sometimes .... lol). I have fought it and tried to stop my guilt, but I have done so much and caused so much pain to others that many times it's hard to get out of my mind. It's a painful feeling that hurts badly. I'm hoping with time and sobriety I can let go of all the guilt (and it's a great deal).

I appreciate your opinion, but that doesn't apply to everyone.

Thanks for the input. When my *faith* returns and I come to realize that God does, in fact, forgive all sins, then I can work on forgiving myself.

I don't mean this to sound harsh, I just know the TORTURE of carrying GUILT around.

I'm delighted you have found peace and are guilt-free!

Much love,
Maria

There was a man sitting on the street corner with his dog. The dog was whining and whimpering. I asked the man what was wrong with the dog. He replied, "the dog is sitting on a nail." I asked the man why he didn't move the dog from the nail. He said, "when the pain gets bad enough, the dog will get off the nail all by himself." Maria, how do you like sitting on that nail? You said, "when my faith returns...." How bad do you want to get off that nail? Faith isn't something that just came to me. I had to want faith, and I had to look for reasons to be faithfull. I think it all started with believing. Self-pity is like a baby's crappy diaper. At first it feels warm and comfortable and there's relief. The longer I sit in that dirty diaper, the more it stinks.

[findinganewme]

Originally Posted by Music

Maria, how do you like sitting on that nail? You said, "when my faith returns...." How bad do you want to get off that nail?

Dear Music ....

Even before reading your posts I just spent 20 minutes on the phone w/a friend (crying, of course ..... I'm a big cry baby) ..... who for MONTHS has wanted me to go to her Bible Study Group. At this group this have a counseler who counsels alcoholics.

I CALLED HER ..... at last ..... and said I'M READY!

I will be attending the bible study tomorrow. This is a big step for me and until I find an AA meeting close to home, hopefully this will help me!

I WANT TO GET OFF THAT NAIL VERY VERY BADLY! My life depends on it!

Thank you for your input .... I appreciate any help I receive .... even if it's painfully true!

Many many thanks!

Much love,
Maria

[findinganewme]

Originally Posted by KEEGANSDAD

I have found that by Working the steps in order
And using the 11'th step Prayer as a reminder to Forgive
others-- That I will be forgiven

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace,


that where there is hatred, I may bring love;


that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;


that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;


that where there is error, I may bring truth;


that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;


that where there is despair, I may bring hope;


that where there are shadows, I may bring light;


that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.


Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;


to understand, than to be understood;


to love, than to be loved.


For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.


It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.


It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

Thank you, Music, for quoting and explaining this step! Since I am so new, I don't really know the 12 steps.

Your kindness and willingness to help me is very much appreciated!

Maria

[Music]

Maria, you might have me mixed up with KEEGANSDAD who quoted the prayer of St. Francis, and called it the 11th step prayer. It is indeed a great prayer and surely something to strive for. However, as I've said in other posts, my prayer choice is the Third Step prayer contained in the Big Book. It goes like this:
"God, I offer myself to Thee -- to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"
I pay particular attention to the part about "relieving me of the bondage of self" because I can lock myself up so easily in my own prison by not forgiving myself. Forgivness isn't about saying that what I did was/is ok. It's about not living in the past and being able to move on with my life. I often wonder why I was given the chance to get sober when there are so many others who can't or won't take that same chance. So many people have the opportunity but many just don't have the desire.....yet! I applaud what you're doing with your prayer group. For now, you grab onto anything that will help you to get where you want to be. When you find an AA meeting, I hope you'll give the people there a chance as well.