First few months sober - what's it like? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

prodigal · 04-25-2005, 06:23 PM

I am a grateful member of Al-Anon and my husband detoxed 36 days ago. He's working very hard at maintaining sobriety and so far, so good. One of his counselors told me that my AH speaks in group sessions and he smiles from time to time. However, here at home he's almost like a robot. I haven't seen him smile since he got sober, he doesn't laugh, he doesn't cry .... he hardly shows much in the way of emotions, yet I assume he's dealing with a boatload of crap.

What was it like for you? What can I do to help at home - detach with love? show him affection but not smother him? outline some expectations (like sex once a month whether I need it or not)?

behave as if nothing has happened? behave as if something HAS happened but we'll deal with it when we're both further along the road to recovery?

Help!! - suggestions needed!

3legacy · 04-25-2005, 06:55 PM

((((((Prodigal)))))))
Sounds to me like your doing quite a bit for him already. Nice to see you have not lost your sense of humor. He probably has an awful lot on his plate with looking at some issues he has hidden for many years. I can relate. I hope he's tapped into a Sponsor and is going through the Big Book. There are a couple really good chapters in there for you to read as well if your interested. To Wifes & Family Afterwards both gave me a slightly different view of myself through possibly another's eyes. Maybe it could help you out reading it as well. Your being there and being supportive is awesome. Keeping the lines of communication open seems like it would be very beneficial indeed. I was not much for communications with loved ones early on until I had walked through honest appraisal of myself with my sponsor. Staying tapped into Al-Anon as it appears you are, I figure you have already answered your own questions.

(((((((((Prodigal)))))))))))
Kiss Heart of Spirit
In Love & Service,
3 Legacy

lulu70 · 04-25-2005, 07:02 PM

As 3legs already said, keeping the lines of communication open and taking care of yourself seem some of the best things to do. AND keeping your sense of humor.

Have you asked your husband what he thinks you could do to help him? Or if what you are already doing is enough? Too much? I would also highly reccommend couples counseling. Sometimes it really helps to have someone else there to help keep things in perspective.

Best of luck! You are in my thoughts and prayers!

doorknob · 04-25-2005, 07:17 PM

Part of post acute withdrawl syndrome (PAWS) is being overly emotional or being emotionally numb. It can last several months or longer. He probably learned that in treatment. Some things just take time to heal.

Doorknob

prodigal · 04-25-2005, 09:32 PM

No matter what I hear from counselors or read in books, it really helps to hear from those who have experienced the hellish ordeal of alcoholism. I never really understood - or believed - that alcoholism is a disease, but I sure believe it now! Yes, it truly is a disease just like diabetes or Alzheimers, or any other horrible thing that destroys the body and mind.

You who survive this with the help of your H.P. are to be applauded and admired - it's a tough road!

3legacy · 04-25-2005, 10:09 PM

((((((((Prodigal)))))))))
Easier road than the one I was taking alone with my bottles. Credit is HP's, strength to even do the minimal footwork comes from Him as well. Applause for HP having relieved me of the merciless obsession.

Prayers for you and yours.

04-25-2005, 06:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
prodigal Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean Posts: 2,137	First few months sober - what's it like? I am a grateful member of Al-Anon and my husband detoxed 36 days ago. He's working very hard at maintaining sobriety and so far, so good. One of his counselors told me that my AH speaks in group sessions and he smiles from time to time. However, here at home he's almost like a robot. I haven't seen him smile since he got sober, he doesn't laugh, he doesn't cry .... he hardly shows much in the way of emotions, yet I assume he's dealing with a boatload of crap. What was it like for you? What can I do to help at home - detach with love? show him affection but not smother him? outline some expectations (like sex once a month whether I need it or not)? behave as if nothing has happened? behave as if something HAS happened but we'll deal with it when we're both further along the road to recovery? Help!! - suggestions needed!

04-25-2005, 07:02 PM	#3 (permalink)
lulu70 We all need each other. Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The road of happy destiny. Posts: 2,294	As 3legs already said, keeping the lines of communication open and taking care of yourself seem some of the best things to do. AND keeping your sense of humor. Have you asked your husband what he thinks you could do to help him? Or if what you are already doing is enough? Too much? I would also highly reccommend couples counseling. Sometimes it really helps to have someone else there to help keep things in perspective. Best of luck! You are in my thoughts and prayers! __________________ "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.....do the thing you think you cannot do." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

04-25-2005, 07:17 PM	#4 (permalink)
doorknob Knucklehead Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Davenport, WA Posts: 4,015	Part of post acute withdrawl syndrome (PAWS) is being overly emotional or being emotionally numb. It can last several months or longer. He probably learned that in treatment. Some things just take time to heal. Doorknob __________________ Get in where you fit in. - Too $hort

04-25-2005, 09:32 PM	#5 (permalink)
prodigal Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean Posts: 2,137	Thank you very much! No matter what I hear from counselors or read in books, it really helps to hear from those who have experienced the hellish ordeal of alcoholism. I never really understood - or believed - that alcoholism is a disease, but I sure believe it now! Yes, it truly is a disease just like diabetes or Alzheimers, or any other horrible thing that destroys the body and mind. You who survive this with the help of your H.P. are to be applauded and admired - it's a tough road!

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04-25-2005, 06:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
3legacy Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Beaver, WA Posts: 1,346	((((((Prodigal))))))) Sounds to me like your doing quite a bit for him already. Nice to see you have not lost your sense of humor. He probably has an awful lot on his plate with looking at some issues he has hidden for many years. I can relate. I hope he's tapped into a Sponsor and is going through the Big Book. There are a couple really good chapters in there for you to read as well if your interested. To Wifes & Family Afterwards both gave me a slightly different view of myself through possibly another's eyes. Maybe it could help you out reading it as well. Your being there and being supportive is awesome. Keeping the lines of communication open seems like it would be very beneficial indeed. I was not much for communications with loved ones early on until I had walked through honest appraisal of myself with my sponsor. Staying tapped into Al-Anon as it appears you are, I figure you have already answered your own questions. (((((((((Prodigal))))))))))) Kiss Heart of Spirit In Love & Service, 3 Legacy

04-25-2005, 10:09 PM	#6 (permalink)
3legacy Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Beaver, WA Posts: 1,346	((((((((Prodigal))))))))) Easier road than the one I was taking alone with my bottles. Credit is HP's, strength to even do the minimal footwork comes from Him as well. Applause for HP having relieved me of the merciless obsession. Prayers for you and yours.

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