Anonymous

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Here lately, I've encountered some individuals that have broken my anonymity.
For the most part, I don't care. It has made me a little upset that people are unaware of what they're doing. I never talk about AA unless, it's to someone in the program.

I don't wish everyone to know, I'm in AA unless I tell them. Most of my family know I go to AA. There are some people that aren't close friends that have been told I was in AA. This last occurance wasfrom a lady I worked with. She's long since retired and was a charter member of AA around here. I was disappointed that she made mention to a family member I was going to AA especially since he was at this salon getting his hair cut.

I live in a rural area, everyone knows everyone.

I'll let this blow by but, it still makes me want to take these people aside and ask them if, they're aware of what the reminder of anonymity means

Has this been a problem for any one else??

[mackcat]

yeah i had it happen a few times but pretty much always a new comer who is pretty much wowed by th whole sober trip [just like i was/am] and in their enthusiasm has forgotten that principle.
i was always comfortable taking them aside and letting them know WHY it is so important that we keep that 12th tradition.
but old timers? only recently have i really felt ok calling them on their stuff too, but i have done so- [huh, was NOT taken very gracefully, i gotta add]
anyway, i pretty much only see two choices when i am in that predicament- either i COMPLETELY let it go or i try to "say what i mean without being mean" and confront them
mackat

[LucyUK]

do you mean that other people in AA are telling non-AA people or that your family and friends (non-AA) are telling other people? sorry if I'm not reading the post right.

I think non-AA people don't understand the anonymity of it, so I do make a point if I tell someone that I'm in AA to only do so when I have a few minutes or more to try to explain what makes it so valuable to me, including the fact that it is anonymous. As for other AAs, well I've only encountered gossip within the program but that may be because I live in a pretty large place and I have only bumped into another AA outside the rooms once in 8 months!

It would certainly bug the crap out of me though and I'd be determined to find the source so I could reiterate the anonymity aspecct.

I'm sorry it's happened to you.

[Gooch]

I dunno .. when I was getting loaded and falling down, nobody had any problems discusing where I was going or the types of dregs I was associating with.

I find it ironic that the majority feels the need to be protective of their sobriety but not their drunkeness.

In terms of anonymity as a spiritual principle, it means to me that we are all on a level playing field no big shots no little shots. That looking up or down at others in or out of the program is my ego playing it's games with me.

It's a lot less serious to me for my anonymity to be broken than it is for me to break anyone elses.

[BaBa OReiley]

i kinda agree with the goochster! i had no quams about being wasted! i wore it like a badge of honor!

i don't offer that i'm in AA, but if asked i don't deny either!

i have to remember that the people beside me in AA are the same people that were out there with me, and only but a few have changed. we can only work this program to the best of our abilities, not perfectly. and i am no where's near perfect!! why should i expect others to be perfect.

as for blatantly giving up peoples anonimity....... if it is someone from the rooms i try to take them aside and discuss what traditon 12 means, if this doesn't work i bring it to a group conscience.

for those outside of AA there is really nothing we can do, *cough*powerlessnesssucks!*cough*

but me, i try my best not to talk outside the rooms, or even about others inside the rooms, and this ticks off lots of AA's who also suffer from the disease of gossipism, LOL. i am very involved in AA today, and i am privledged to lots of good dirt! but i say nothing to no-one about it! when asked if i've heard about so and so, i say no, and when being told i'll say it's none of my business! when asked about personal stuff involving the people i'm close with i try to say politely that you'd have to ask them.

i do this mainly because it's the way i would expect to be treated.

[Chy]

I'm sorry about that Captain, I can see how uncomfortable that would be. I was a closet drinker and now a very active closet AAer. I've always worried about that first time when I finally run into someone outside of the fellowship that has found their way in and what if anything would be the result.

A few weeks ago it happened, one of my old students found their way into the fellowship. It did feel strange and your concern was what I was afraid of. We talked after the meeting, she was so cute "don't worry Miss, I won't tell anyone", and that's when I realized it was okay for me for others to know, as I told her "well we're both here for the same reason", so I am getting more comfotable in my new skin, and if I do get outed, I think though annoyed, I'll be okay. I just figure it's bound to happen someday.

[BikerBill8]

Hey Captain, Everyone knew that I was a drunk and I don't care if everyone knows that I go to AA. So don't let that get you down. Be Cool. BikerBill8

[Cap3]

What you hear ,here,
And who you see here,
Let it stay here.
When i went to my first AA meeting,before going into the church basement,i looked around to see,if i could reconize,anyone that i knew driving by.Because if i did,then,that means, they knew me to and where i was going.For sure these folks,that i knew saw me drunk,doing and saying totally insane things.But i didnt want them to know i was going to AA,until i was ready ..Although today i see this as not making any kind of sence.But it did to me back then.it was important,to me.If another had blown my so called cover,back then,i dont know what i would do.i was still into pride,still with my alcoholic mind.Needed time.time to grow.time to learn.And to let go of my pride/ego.Some newcomers may want to hold onto their anonymity,until they too decide to let it go,if they want to.But its them that lets their anonymity go,not another..Doesnt have to make sence to anyone but them.Anonymity is important..to keep..For those that want it..Ive chated with some,without getting myself tied up,a gental reminder about anonymity,of another.
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,,take care!!!!!!!!!!!

[CAPTAINZING2000]

LOL

I agree I never gave it any thought when, I was fallin down drunk. The problem arises I think, when we have the new commer going to the first meeting. They're a lot more relaxed when, they don't have to worry about some one blabbering that they're at an AA meeting.



Most people that know me, know I go to AA or, that I've quit drinking.

Everyone in here had such a rough way to go to get here, we should be proud of how we turned our lives around

chris

[EdLova]

Anonimity-Does it really mean that everytime I go out in public with my Big Book I have to throw away the paper cover out of fear that someone might see that I am an alcoholic because I have a book that says "ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS"?

man look how fearful and crazy some of us can get when we don't drink.I know I have experience with this..The objective of the steps is to get you connected with God and in order to do that your first step shows you the truth..It's your responsibility to do something with that truth..It stays with you until death..the problem is that a guy like me has so much trouble trying to remember that kind of stuff on his own..So a guy like me needs to stay in touch with that "THING" that's keeping him away from the solution that no longer works..

So in order to do that I have to follow the order that allows me to illuminate the roadblocks (resentments) I put between me and that power..and all those roadblocks are a product of my identity..the ego if you will..I have a responsibility to apply the formula of the steps into my life over and over again as a way living that works for me in order to stay in touch with that Power that is keeping me seperated from alcohol.

I am anonymous because I dont have the identity that keeps me blocked from that which is keeping me sober..therefore an alcoholic anonymous..In
the forward to the first in 1939 they said "it is important that we remain anonymous because we are too few"..back then they didn't have world confrences and meetings on ever city and town..the cool fact of it now is that NOW in the present more has been revealed to us (that includes numerous resources that allow us to get in touch with fellow AA members; inculding this forum)

So what is the fear behind people (nonalcoholics) discovering that I am an alcoholic..BIG DEAL..The opposite of a mystic is a lunatic..And we are DEFINITELY NOT MYSTICS..so why are we trying so desperately to hide what we are from those who do not understand? Is that the way to live that works for you? Then ok..if it works do it..

I can't live under the guise of a cult-member mentality it doesn't work for me..Now does this mean I will go to CNN and tell millions of viewers about my experience, strength, and hope? NO!

The purpose of that is to serve the alcoholic who still suffers..The ONLY thing that seperates the alcoholic from the nonalcoholic is the phenomenon of CRAVING..period..that's it!

We are nothing special or nothing profound..Alcohol is not the only way to God..It's just the one that worked for me..And if someone finds out about that (including my boss) I don't care..At least I know that I will be honest enough to not run and hide from the consequences..As God's people we stand on our feet, we don't crawl before anyone..

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Mostly because it follows with the 12 traditon. Do we get to pick and choose what traditions we want to adhere to? This should be up to each individual to decide who he or, she tells that, they are members of AA.

I'm not going to talk the talk if, I can't walk the walk. I have no problem with telling someone with a problem to try AA that, it worked for me.

What concerns me most is, some prospective employers might holed that against a perrson trying to get hired.

[EdLova]

I've never heard of anyone losing a job because their bosses found out they were in AA..I HAVE HEARD however of people who have lost their job as a direct result of their evergrowing alcoholism (drunk or sober) and the repetition of character defects that STILL harm other people on the job or off the job..

I dunno I guess it may look better when you are honest enough to admit that it's OK to be an alcoholic in recovery..It's not such a bad thing if the world ends up finding out against your will that you are at the very least TRYING to be a more useful member of society by being responsible for a disase beyond your mental, physical, and spiritual control..

I'm in law enforcement and I told my supervisor I am an alcoholic a while back..Is that a BIG DEAL to him? Would he CARE? I like to think most people at work only care about whether or not you follow through with your job description and give them an honest day's work..

why should you be the least concerned with what anyone else thinks about what is working for you?

There is absolutely NOTHING selfish about wanting to be a better and more useful member of society..and that includes MAXIMUM SERVICE not just in meetings and in the home..how about at the work place and when you are in line in the supermarket..Ask God if it has anything to do with whether or not you are going to drink again..

The most selfish thing you can do is to be a victim and claim that everyone else is responsible for YOUR problem

[CAPTAINZING2000]

If you read As Bill Sees It on page 299 You might have a better understanding of why this is so important. When, we can no longer feel that what we say in a meeting stays in a meeting, where's the trust for a newcommer?

I've heard stories of pastors revealing what was said to them in confidence.

while you might like to have your name brought out, this is your right. As long as the reminder of anonymity is said in a meeting and this is in agreement with several of the longtimers in my meeting tonight that, a person has a right to privacy at an AA meeting.

[jlo34]

Anonimity...

According to the traditions...

What you hear here,
Whom you see here,
When you leave here,
Let it stay here.

I need to respect the anonimity of others. I don't blab about who was at such and such meeting, I don't talk to "outside" friends and tell them what drunks had to say, etc etc. Personally, in most circumstances, I don't care if someone breaks my anonimity - I have nothing to hide. However, there are a lot of people who aren't where I am at. Professionally, it could cause a lot of problems for my employers to know I'm in recovery and have chosen not to. Some of the employees (close friends) however, know that I'm in recovery and we talk about what AA's about and why I still go to those "classes". I also have found that I have broken my own anonimity many times when I felt it would benefit someone else...the back of an ambulance can be a great place for an intro to AA!!!

Some take it too far, some not far enough. Personally, I give nearly everyone the ok to break my anonimity, as long as they believe it would help someone. For gossip or lack of something else, I'd prefer they leave me alone; but, I'll offer my name up in the hopes that they don't pick on a newer person instead.

Today I am an open book. I am not ashamed of being a recovering alcoholic - on the other hand, I don't think it's everyone's business to know that either. Chris, I can appreciate what you are saying; I live in a village and everyone knows when you have diarrhea - luckily we have a strong AA program here with lots of AA'ers, despite our size!!

[Music]

I have no control over what other's say and/or do. All I can do is take care of my side of the street. I don't know if anyone's ever gossiped about me or broken my anonymity and don't care. I believe what goes around, comes around. Always did with me. God and AA have a way of dealing with people who do bad things.

[Kahlia]

I know a LOT of people that have broken my anonymity. It is OK-it is on them.....I am comfortable with being ME. I never was until 4 years ago. If people choose to "talk" about what they hear, you have no control...just always remember who you are today as to who you used to be.....PEACE.....Kahlia

[CAPTAINZING2000]

LOL

IF THIS B THE CASE, WHY DOES EVERYONE USE A NAME OTHER THEN THERE OWN ON HERE???

THE ANONYMITY IS NON EXISTENT ON THE NET.

I'm betting everyone that says they don't care will not put their first and last names on here.

Alcoholics Anonymous, not Alcoholics.

Anonymous according to the Webster's Dictonary defines Anonymous as 1. With no name known or acknowledged 2. Given , written
etc. by a person whose name is withheld or unknown.

There is nothing more sacred to me then Anonymity.

The only time this is to be broken is in matters of a 12 step call. I'll do what I can to help a suffering alcoholic but, what I say and do in a meeting is for the group to hear only.

[Music]

Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000

LOL

IF THIS B THE CASE, WHY DOES EVERYONE USE A NAME OTHER THEN THERE OWN ON HERE???

THE ANONYMITY IS NON EXISTENT ON THE NET.

I'm betting everyone that says they don't care will not put their first and last names on here.

Alcoholics Anonymous, not Alcoholics.

Anonymous according to the Webster's Dictonary defines Anonymous as 1. With no name known or acknowledged 2. Given , written
etc. by a person whose name is withheld or unknown.

There is nothing more sacred to me then Anonymity.

The only time this is to be broken is in matters of a 12 step call. I'll do what I can to help a suffering alcoholic but, what I say and do in a meeting is for the group to hear only.

You certainly have the right to anonymity. No argument there. However, the purpose of anonymity was not to protect the individual. It was to protect AA and keep AA out of the media: press, radio, and television....remember? You certainly have the right to get upset when someone mentions your name, but getting upset doesn't do any good. I just watch what I say at meetings. I don't say anything at meetings that I don't want in the public. There are certain things that only my sponsor knows. That's the way I handle it.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

I've got several years in the program. The woman that broke my anonymity has 33 years in the program. I'm guessing her mention to a relative was just something in small talk. Don't know if, the fact that we worked together came up or not.

When, a newcommer comes in the door, they are self conscious. Will they come back if, after attending a meeting they are out at large and someone they know goes up and says "Hey I hear you're going to AA"

I'm having a hard enough time trying to convince newcommers how good a program we have here in my area. Look at how many on here think AA doesn't work. Try Rational Recovery etc is what several people have said on here. How can we convince people otherwise if, their trust is violated?

[Music]

Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000

How can we convince people otherwise if, their trust is violated?

You're preaching to tye choir CAPTAIN. All I can do is suggest AA to the newcomer and remind them the people who come to AA, including myself are working a day at a time to be better people. There are risks involved when human beings are involved and every once in a while, somebody's tongue gets too loose. Stuff happens!!

[EdLova]

here's a cool question:

would you break your own anonimity to save the message of the 12 steps that saved you?

[Dan]

Define save the message.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

I'm just saying, that the anonymity
is to be adhered to as it it implys in the 12 and 12. We have enough pressure on each of us to do well w/o the added burden of losing our anonymity. We have to carry the message this is true. The problem stems if, I or anyone of us fail we represent AA. We're not supposed to but, we do each and every one of us that carry the message. Speaking for my self, I'm doing my best on a daily basis to not drink today. Today is all I can try and live up to. I fail, will the newcommer be thinking what good is AA?

I wasn't asked as it says in the reading of the Reminder of Anonymity if, it was alright to use my name. It wasn't AA related. How long do do you have sober? Can you say you will never drink again? I'm not going to make a statement like that. Oldtimmers can and do fail. We needed do anything to destroy the confidence of the newcommer. With out the newcommer this program would surely die.

I'll avoid meetings if, I can't say what I need to say and it stays in the four walls of the meeting room

[2dayzmuse]

Interesting topic. Many good points made here. I recenty had my anonymity broken by a newcomer. He called my house to speak to me about a personal matter. Nothing pertaining to AA. He had very good intentions and I appreciated his act of kindness. He was calling to assist me with my computer problems I've been having recently. He told my son that he knew me from AA. He is a wonderful man and didn't mean any harm. He just wasn't thinking. I didn't have the heart to confront him about it. I didn't want him to feel bad coming from me. It seemed to confrontational for a simple matter. It would have caused more hurt feelings than necessary. I asked his sponsor to talk to him about it. Yes, I know, passing the buck, but I felt it best dealt with by his sponsor rather than myself.

When my son told me I was upset. I wondered who else may he be telling this to? Yes my son knows I'm in AA, not a secret, but he doesn't want to discuss it with other AA'ers. Touchy subject for everyone involved. If I want to break my anonymity, I'd like to be the one to make that decision. Yes, everyone knew I was a drunk and AA is the lesser of the two sins by far. I don't know who knows that I attend AA meetings or not. I'm sure if anyone did find out that I am, they would be happy to know I'm dealing with my problem and doing well. In that respect, I'm proud to be a member of AA.

Here is my quandary. My fellow coworkers do not know about my problem...yet. There are plenty around my place of work that could fill them in with all the gory details, if they felt so inclined. If they did find out, I'd have to deal with it in the best possible manner. I would hope to think that actions speak louder than words. The past is the past. Unless you are a normie and are leery of alcoholics. Let's face it, people judge. No doubt about it. Some would use being an alcoholic against you. With me being in an unstable position jobwise, that information could make or break you. Sympathetic or judgmental? It's hard to say which direction that may go. It depends on the individual. My boss at the time use to work with a recovering alcoholic. He would say "I'm a recovering alcoholic, I've processed enough for the day" and would go home early. It wasn't appreciated by his co-workers. Darn, I would really like trying to use that sometime. LOL. Bottom line, he was taking advantage of his disease. My opinion. That doesn't reflect well on AA members as a whole.

If someone in my community doesn't know about my problem and heard about it, that may take me out of the running for an upcoming job position. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. No matter how hard I work at the program and staying sober, someone may think I'm just a drunk waiting to fall under stress. Ignorant, yes, but a possibility. No matter how far-fetched, it is a concern I can't help but have.

I go back and forth between thinking I'm an alcoholic so be it and my dirty little secret I want to keep under wraps from others who may judge me. All in all, I'm grateful to be sober and whatever happens, I will have to deal with it. I'm doing the best that I can. I try to have faith that things will work out for the better. Not always an easy thing to do, but it's more comforting than worrying about the what ifs. Live and learn and breathe. That's about all I can do for today. It's been a tough day with many disappointing hurdles. However, I will get through it sober. Another thought I will add: I would find it much more agonizing to have someone know I'm in AA and than fall. Having them know I've failed would be very painful for me. That is a good reminder to keep me away from that first drink.

[Music]

[QUOTE=CAPTAINZING2000I'll avoid meetings if, I can't say what I need to say and it stays in the four walls of the meeting room[/QUOTE]

Do as you like CAPTAIN. Seems like you're cutting off your nose to spite your face though. If someone gossips about me about anything and I find out who it is, I talk to that person directly. After that, the ball's in their court.

Another question. How anonymous do we have to to be before we become of no use to anyone but ourselves? I gone to the hospital to visit a sick friend and didn't know their last name. Bill who??? I say my last name at closed meetings so if someone wants to contact me at least they know who they're contacting. Certain people have my blanket permission to mention my name. I've gained new pigeons who asked for my name. I'm just not that sensitive about anonymity. After all, when I was drinking, I didn't care much who knew it and people saw me at my worst. Now I'm "sober" and I'm supposed to be secretive about it? I don't go around telling everyone I'm in AA but I sure let people know I'm a recovering drunk. Disclosure has come in handy a time or two. Good friends who know, are concerned.